Friends. It seems that we all have different ideas of what this word means, whether we are referring to people we do things with or people who we attend school, work or worship services with. We may call friends people whom we correspond with via telephone, email, or traditional mail. And then there are those we call confidants, people we can confide in or whom we can call in the middle of the night. And there are friendships where we do things for each other. And then, many of us confuse acquaintances, people who merely say "Hello" when we encounter them in hallways or on the street, with friends. And now that more and more of us are using social networks to do just that, socialize, friendship is taking on a new meaning.
I'm aware that there are people in my network who count some whom they know only online, as real friends who are worthy of their trust and respect. I have seen this most often among people whose personal stories of loss, tragedy or survival are well-known and resonate with many people and which many identify with. Since starting social networking about a year and a half ago, I have sought to show real friendship with people online, as much as can be done in this setting, through words of encouragement, support, feedback or even advice, reposting countless posts, supporting and joining causes, signing petitions, and more. But I'm aware that forming real, enduring friendships online very difficult. As I approach the 5000 friends limit, I can see that it is impossible to be a friend in the strict sense of the word, to many of these people.
I'm aware, also, that many of us, young people and adults alike, turn to social networks because we aren't finding connection or understanding with people offline. This is particularly true in the community of families of missing people, who turn to social networking not only to aid them in the search for their missing loved ones, but to find support, comfort and friendship especially when they want to vent. This is also true in the disability community among many who feel that the only way they can self-advocate, express themselves and connect with people is through social networks. I know that I have social networking to thank for my ability for self-expression and even venting about my concerns and issues concerning stigma, disability and abuse. But as true as all this is, can we count on these people who may support us being there over time; can they count on us being there for them in the same way?
On social networks, especially Facebook, I have seen many expressions of affection, support, empathy and solidarity. I have noticed, however, that much of this happens among people who know each other well, outside of certain social networks, through volunteering or working for the same nonprofits, sharing common goals or agendas, working in the same cause, sharing common life experiences or through having stories or experiences that many people identify with. This is much how it works offline too, right? And just as I have seen mant cliques in real life, among adults as well as among children, cliques abound online, if you are observant and use social networks regularly. The reason is simple: People comprise social networks.
When I relate my own experience with this, I know that I speak for myself only and no one else,
especially in light of what I (and others who know me well) believe to be a undiagnosed form of high-functioning autism. I have always, even until this day, felt unable to successfully connect with people, especially offline and in-person. Online, I feel freer to express myself and talk about my concerns than I do in any offline setting. Often, however,I find myself envying people who post material that attracts many comments, often no matter what they post, while when I post similar or comparable material, I get fewer or even no comments. I tell myself that the difference is the relationships of the people involved and their personal, close connections with each other. On my birthday, when I had learned about an online sex offender taking revenge on me for reporting him by impersonating me and stealing my online identity to "clear" himself, I wrote a note on Facebook about my experience, hoping to get support and maybe guidance about how to handle this. I received neither. I tried not to take this personally but I couldn't shake the feeling that no one really cared, as I received no comments even after I reposted my note and encountered the same nonresponse on a fan page where I posted about my situation under a status about the value of each person. And this happened on my birthday!
In my opinion, Facebook and other social networks tend to discourage real, enduring friendships where we work through differences, through the very way most of them are set up. Take the "unfriend" button that can be found at the top of each Facebook users's profile and in other forms on other social networks as well as the "Block" and "Report" buttons (which I know needs to be used if a user IS an ACTUAL threat) that can be found on each user's profile, on Facebook and most other social network sites. It's too easy to remove a person from our networks simply by wading through our friends' lists, hitting the "x" after their names and presto! they are gone. If, for any reason, you decide that you don't want to deal with a person online, you do not, as you may in-person, have to resolve the conflict or work through the difference. You can get rid of an annoying person by hitting the "x" name (as mentioned earlier) or by pulling up their profiles to get the "Unfriend" button and to hit it. You can even block them so you don't see them (nor they you) online. Where many of us would work things through in-person, in my opinion, it's all too easy, online, to "unfriend" or block people rather than to engage them and to resolve our conflicts. Isn't this one reason for the private message option on social networks? If we would use the private message option more and the "unfriend" option less, we may move closer to forming more real, enduring friendships online.
In my own experience, I rarely "unfriend" or block people in my network unless I'm positive that I must do so, to protect myself from cyberstalking or worse). Never do I remove people for differing with me on political or religious issues, for promoting causes that I don't share their passion for, or because I don't "like" them. These are reasons that I have lost many Facebook friendships. Sometimes word would get back to me that people didn't like to see me fill their homepages with causes or charities; this has been true especially among those among my local friends or acquaintances. A few family members have "unfriended" and even blocked me without notice, but for what I suspect are legal reasons. Petty differences, misunderstandings and jealousy issues have caused a few people in the world of missing people to remove me from their networks, even to block me. It all makes me wonder what has happened to working together for a cause we all care about and transcending our differences and embracing one another? As I read my Bible, both in the Old and New Testaments, one of the things our God hates most is disunity among His people. The night before He died for us, Jesus prayed fervently for the unity of God's people throughout future generations. Do we want to be a part of what upsets our God?
In my current social networking experience, I have come to realize, the hard way, that even people who appear to be legitimate and are considered so by others to be so and are even highly praised, may not be what they seem. People are not what they appear to be, in countless cases. I have, because of this and many life experiences, come to feel that I can trust very, very few people. And despite my efforts to be real and honest, it seems that the feeling is mutual. This atmosphere of distrust and suspicion, based on our wide-spread, dishonesty, is another reason friendships are so difficult to form. But the scams and online bullying, online harassment, predators online (not to mention offline) make it worse online.
I have come to see that maybe, even for the sake of raising awareness about my causes, that adding too many people, especially those unknown even to those in my network, may not be a good idea. I have since learned that this can detract from connecting with real, dedicated friends and supporters as I am finding it harder and harder to keep up with all of these people. Daily, I make it a point to leave birthday greetings on the Facebook Walls of each of my friends celebrating birthdays that day or the day before, or in private messages. There are people, mostly males, who want to chat with me just to chat and "get to know me better." I'll chat for awhile or I'll just ignore the Chat feature. I realize the soundness of the idea of "cleaning out" one's friends lists of people who don't correspond with you, whom you suspect may be fake profiles, or to who you can't be the kind of friend they want or even demand (asking for money or romance, for example). In short, it's fine to find many people who will support your cause and help you get the word about it, but awareness should not come at the cost of real friends.
Maybe a smaller friends list consisting of real, devoted friends and supporters is much better than a large list of many "friends" who are more than numbers in your network.
Here are some fine social networking sites where, depending on how active you become there, you can make good connections and form real friendships.
http://www.talkaboutitfoundation.org This is a social networking site for people with epilepsy, their families and for people who simply want to show support.
http://www.grasp.org/ This is a social networking site for young people and adults with autism, for their families and for those who simply want to show support.
http://peace4missing.ning.com/ This is a social networking site for families and friends of the missing, for victims/survivors of crime or abuse or who simply want to show support.
http://www.porchpatrol.com/ This is a social networking site for all those who hold value family and children and who want a safer society for all.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Let's Strive to Unite Politics
Fewer and fewer of us approve of the performance of our politicians. According to polls, in the US, the approval ratings for Congress is not much more than 30 percent. I know of so many people who question the very motives and integrity of all polticians. "They're all crooks," one person has commented. Isn't there a saying, "Politicians are crooks"?
Is corruption unavoidable when one fills a position of power? Yes, there is a saying that "power corrupts and that absolute power corrupts absolutely." Our God and Creator fills the position of absolute power and authority but He is not only infinitely holy and sovereign but He is also forever loving and merciful. Many of His people who fill positions of power and authority have modeled His image to humanity, like Mother Teresa, the Rev. Billy Graham, the lesser-known, local Rev. Larry Rice, among many otherswho have led by example and have identified with those whom they serve. Yet it seems that far more often, positions of any kind of power and authority have become closely tied to corruption, greed and even criminal behavior. But this is especially true of politics. It seems that, on a regular basis, the greed, questionable ethics, corruption or crimes of the powerful continue to surface through all media outlets. We observe how they change their positions on issues and fear taking unpopular stands. It can be easy to conclude, "They are all paid off by Big Business."
We may even hear sound bytes of certain politicians getting testy with constituents or with each other; far more frequently, we feel that they simply don't listen to us.
It doesn't help when they debate on high-stakes issues like a national budget and engage in partisan bickering about how to cut the budget; we see how they consider making cuts to services and programs vital to out well-being, like education, law enforcement and funding for hospitals, among others. It does nothing for our confidence in them when they consider making cuts to programs that the most vulnerable use to survive, as is happening in the US and, I understand, in the UK. Seniors, those with disabilities and the poor are petrified about losing their benefits. Unemployment in the US remains high and people continue to lose their homes; if we have escaped unemployment and foreclosure, then many of us are concerned about being next. In the face of all this, it should not be any problem for our politicians to insist that millionaires and billionaires pay their fair share in the form of higher taxes (I have nothing against great weath but only against the wealthy being exempt from paying their fair share in an ailing economy). But many of them rail against the very idea!
So much of the behavior of those in power stems from the fact that they are, in essence, bought and sold. Their poltical campaigns are largely funded by special interest groups and super-rich individuals who are able to fund their campaigns. These wealthy are able to "wine and dine" our politicians for lobbying purposes. So many of us get disgusted with it all and just stay home on election day; in thee US, we are even less motivated to vote in mid-term elections, the primaries, and local elections. I plead guilty to this.
But we must not let our discouragement with the political process and our frustration and even disgust with those in power, cause us to give up! Too much is at stake. Whether we are aware of it or not, politicians wield power over our lives, all the way from conception (abortion vs. right-to-life) all the way to death (death taxes, wills and estates). Their decisions and their policies impact all of our lives, in our schools, our workplaces, our neighborhoods and even our homes. Deep down, we all know this and this is why we so often blame them when things go wrong in our societies and in our lives. Yet, realistically, since our politicians, like us, are human beings with differing worldviews and philosophies which guide their politics, do we tend to expect too much from them? What should we expect when our votes are based on candidates' looks, their charisma (or lack of it), and on often misleading, defamatory political ads and the rants of those who specialize in ramming their own political views down our throats?
Yes, I know that it's easier and takes much less effort to go by appearances and by ads rather than to take the time and effort to do the needed checks on candidates and to research politicians voting records and evidence for their character and integrity. Therefore, our votes should be based on candidates' positions on issues we value, their character and integrity and above all, their willingness to stand for what they believe in and to advocate for us. And I'm the first to admit that it takes hard woork and is time-consuming to research our politicians and who they really are. For years, it took me the longest time to work out my own views on issues and to not blindly follow the views of others, or let my family, my church or others dictate what I should believe and how I should vote. For the longest time, I felt alienated from many in my life because my views tended to clash with theirs. Even today, when I share nonpartisan posts about causes or pages online for the purposes of finding common ground in politics, I tend to receive nasty or hateful comments vilifying my perceived partisanship. It's unfortunate how, so often, we can't discuss politics without losing perspective or letting our emotions get tied up in it all. When we clash on political isues and on the politicians we support, we behave as though the other person is our enemy. I have heard things like: "Democrats have no morals," "Republicans don't care about the poor," "Democrats are weak on defense," "Republicans oppose anything that helps people," "Democrats aren't religious," "Republicans are the party of big business and the wealthy." And I can go on and on. I know I have echoed some of these feelings about the major US political parties; I know I often think these things. But these stereotypes won't help us make informed decisions about electing good candidates; only unbiased research and prayer about our voting will.
Yes, I know that in the US, we are a system of two major political parties, with a number of "minor" parties. At their root, Republicans and Democrats hold opposing philosophies about what the role of government should be in our daily lives. As a Christian, I'm offended at how those of my faith are stereotyped as "the religious right" and are expected to vote Republican; I have even heard Christans say, "God is a Republican"! I'm saddened at how Democrats are seen as less moral, less patriotic, less religious, and less family-centered, than Republicans. And I'm most frustrated when we pit "conservative" moral issues like abortion, euthanasia, and religious freedom abuses, with "liberal" issues like poverty, all forms of injustice, and human rights abuses. As I read my Bible, both the Old and New Testaments, I can see that all these issues are important to our God and He cares about all of them. Republicans, Jesus spent much of His earthy, public ministry reaching out to the poor, the sick, the dying and the down-and-out; His words about Judgement Day make it chear that we will be judged according to how we have treated the vulnerable and the needy. Democrats, God has clear standards for our behavior, which is why He sent His perfect Son to live, die and rise again to atone for the wrongs of imperfect, sinful humanity.
Remember, the powerful are us; we vote for them and they come from among us. With some soul-searching and effort, we need to work toward finding common ground and finding unity in diversity.
Common Cause--Holding Power Accountable; this is a nonpartisan organization that advocates for citizens in many different ways.
http://www.commoncause.org/site/pp.asp?c=dkLNK1MQ
The Center for Public Integrity--This is a nonpartisan association of investigative journalists who hold those in power accountable.
http://www.publicintegrity.org/20 years/
Project Vote Smart--This is a nonpartisan, unbiased, informative resource website, which empowers citizens in making informed choices about political candidates.
http://www.projectvotesmart.org/
.
Is corruption unavoidable when one fills a position of power? Yes, there is a saying that "power corrupts and that absolute power corrupts absolutely." Our God and Creator fills the position of absolute power and authority but He is not only infinitely holy and sovereign but He is also forever loving and merciful. Many of His people who fill positions of power and authority have modeled His image to humanity, like Mother Teresa, the Rev. Billy Graham, the lesser-known, local Rev. Larry Rice, among many otherswho have led by example and have identified with those whom they serve. Yet it seems that far more often, positions of any kind of power and authority have become closely tied to corruption, greed and even criminal behavior. But this is especially true of politics. It seems that, on a regular basis, the greed, questionable ethics, corruption or crimes of the powerful continue to surface through all media outlets. We observe how they change their positions on issues and fear taking unpopular stands. It can be easy to conclude, "They are all paid off by Big Business."
We may even hear sound bytes of certain politicians getting testy with constituents or with each other; far more frequently, we feel that they simply don't listen to us.
It doesn't help when they debate on high-stakes issues like a national budget and engage in partisan bickering about how to cut the budget; we see how they consider making cuts to services and programs vital to out well-being, like education, law enforcement and funding for hospitals, among others. It does nothing for our confidence in them when they consider making cuts to programs that the most vulnerable use to survive, as is happening in the US and, I understand, in the UK. Seniors, those with disabilities and the poor are petrified about losing their benefits. Unemployment in the US remains high and people continue to lose their homes; if we have escaped unemployment and foreclosure, then many of us are concerned about being next. In the face of all this, it should not be any problem for our politicians to insist that millionaires and billionaires pay their fair share in the form of higher taxes (I have nothing against great weath but only against the wealthy being exempt from paying their fair share in an ailing economy). But many of them rail against the very idea!
So much of the behavior of those in power stems from the fact that they are, in essence, bought and sold. Their poltical campaigns are largely funded by special interest groups and super-rich individuals who are able to fund their campaigns. These wealthy are able to "wine and dine" our politicians for lobbying purposes. So many of us get disgusted with it all and just stay home on election day; in thee US, we are even less motivated to vote in mid-term elections, the primaries, and local elections. I plead guilty to this.
But we must not let our discouragement with the political process and our frustration and even disgust with those in power, cause us to give up! Too much is at stake. Whether we are aware of it or not, politicians wield power over our lives, all the way from conception (abortion vs. right-to-life) all the way to death (death taxes, wills and estates). Their decisions and their policies impact all of our lives, in our schools, our workplaces, our neighborhoods and even our homes. Deep down, we all know this and this is why we so often blame them when things go wrong in our societies and in our lives. Yet, realistically, since our politicians, like us, are human beings with differing worldviews and philosophies which guide their politics, do we tend to expect too much from them? What should we expect when our votes are based on candidates' looks, their charisma (or lack of it), and on often misleading, defamatory political ads and the rants of those who specialize in ramming their own political views down our throats?
Yes, I know that it's easier and takes much less effort to go by appearances and by ads rather than to take the time and effort to do the needed checks on candidates and to research politicians voting records and evidence for their character and integrity. Therefore, our votes should be based on candidates' positions on issues we value, their character and integrity and above all, their willingness to stand for what they believe in and to advocate for us. And I'm the first to admit that it takes hard woork and is time-consuming to research our politicians and who they really are. For years, it took me the longest time to work out my own views on issues and to not blindly follow the views of others, or let my family, my church or others dictate what I should believe and how I should vote. For the longest time, I felt alienated from many in my life because my views tended to clash with theirs. Even today, when I share nonpartisan posts about causes or pages online for the purposes of finding common ground in politics, I tend to receive nasty or hateful comments vilifying my perceived partisanship. It's unfortunate how, so often, we can't discuss politics without losing perspective or letting our emotions get tied up in it all. When we clash on political isues and on the politicians we support, we behave as though the other person is our enemy. I have heard things like: "Democrats have no morals," "Republicans don't care about the poor," "Democrats are weak on defense," "Republicans oppose anything that helps people," "Democrats aren't religious," "Republicans are the party of big business and the wealthy." And I can go on and on. I know I have echoed some of these feelings about the major US political parties; I know I often think these things. But these stereotypes won't help us make informed decisions about electing good candidates; only unbiased research and prayer about our voting will.
Yes, I know that in the US, we are a system of two major political parties, with a number of "minor" parties. At their root, Republicans and Democrats hold opposing philosophies about what the role of government should be in our daily lives. As a Christian, I'm offended at how those of my faith are stereotyped as "the religious right" and are expected to vote Republican; I have even heard Christans say, "God is a Republican"! I'm saddened at how Democrats are seen as less moral, less patriotic, less religious, and less family-centered, than Republicans. And I'm most frustrated when we pit "conservative" moral issues like abortion, euthanasia, and religious freedom abuses, with "liberal" issues like poverty, all forms of injustice, and human rights abuses. As I read my Bible, both the Old and New Testaments, I can see that all these issues are important to our God and He cares about all of them. Republicans, Jesus spent much of His earthy, public ministry reaching out to the poor, the sick, the dying and the down-and-out; His words about Judgement Day make it chear that we will be judged according to how we have treated the vulnerable and the needy. Democrats, God has clear standards for our behavior, which is why He sent His perfect Son to live, die and rise again to atone for the wrongs of imperfect, sinful humanity.
Remember, the powerful are us; we vote for them and they come from among us. With some soul-searching and effort, we need to work toward finding common ground and finding unity in diversity.
Common Cause--Holding Power Accountable; this is a nonpartisan organization that advocates for citizens in many different ways.
http://www.commoncause.org/site/pp.asp?c=dkLNK1MQ
The Center for Public Integrity--This is a nonpartisan association of investigative journalists who hold those in power accountable.
http://www.publicintegrity.org/20 years/
Project Vote Smart--This is a nonpartisan, unbiased, informative resource website, which empowers citizens in making informed choices about political candidates.
http://www.projectvotesmart.org/
.
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