Every Christmas (or Kwanzaa or Hannukah) season, various venues and outlets flood us with the re-telling of the Scriptural original Christmas story about the birth of Christ as God made man on Earth. And we have no doubt heard many accounts from Mary's point of view, but I think they too often leave out the human element, mainly focusing on the spiritual aspects. But just as in any setting and at any time, unplanned and especially, untimely and unwanted pregnancies are very stressful for families, so Mary's pregnancy also was for her, for her fiance, Joseph, for her family and for his family.
In those ancient times, an out-of-wedlock pregnancy, as Mary's had been, was a tremendous disgrace and a great stigma. It was punishable by execution or ostracism, as such a pregnancy signaled the direct result of illicit sex and,as would be presumed in her case, premarital sex. Tradition also tells us that Mary was a young, teenaged girl, no doubt around thirteen or fourteen when she conceived. Before she conceived and became pregnant, we read in Scripture that an angel appeared to her, sharing the news with her. How incredible was that? Because the angel encouraged her not to be afraid, as any of us no doubt would have been if a supernatural being suddenly appeared to us, she no doubt was dismayed, wondering, What is this all about! Then she heard that she was the most blessed by God of all women. Now she really must have been bewildered. Me? The most blessed of all women of all time? Then she learned that it was she, yes, she, who was going to receive the supreme honor of bearing God's Messiah, Christ the Lord.
No wonder Mary, most puzzled, asked the angel about how all this would work! How in the world was she going to pull this one off without a man? Yes, Christ was God's Son and would have no human father but would be supernaturally conceived, by the Third Person of the Triune God, The Holy Spirit. Pregnant by God! Who in the world would ever believe THAT?
Add to all this the fact that Mary and her culture were solidly Jewish and orthodix in every sense of the word, themselves looking forward to the promised Messiah. Every faithful Jew and non-Jew, before Christ, based his or her faith on the promised Messiah Who would one day come to save the world. In that time, the fondest hopes of the faithful rested in the promised Christ Who they believed would save them by coming to reign as an Earthy King and free them from their oppression. They did not realize that what He would come to free us from was the power and penalty of sin. But let's get back to the topic of Mary's pregnancy.
What had to be going through this young teenage girl's mind when she learned that she was about to conceive and bear within her the promised One of all the centuries? Through a pregnancy unlike any other in all of history?
Fear of how her fiance, Joseph, would react at learning that his beloved was to conceive and that the child would not only NOT be his but would be a supernatural child, God the Son Himself? Conceived by the unseen God? An uneartly child? Would he even believe that the Messiah was going to come at last and that she was the chosen instrument to bring Him into the world? Would her fiance think that she had betrayed him or lied? Would he hate her and have her ostracized or executed?
Fear of what her family, especially her family, would think and at how they would react? Would they believe that she was lying? Would they see her as a disgrace and a traiter to them and her community? And her friends? How in the world would she ever explain her angelic visitation to her family or friends? Would they believe that the Messiah was about to come and through one they knew and rubbed shouldres with regularly? Mary had two options: She could could keep her unbelievable secret to herself and live a life of nondisclosure and hence, as a disgraced, shamed, unwed, pregnant girl. Or she could disclose her secret and be perceived as delusional, mentally ill and a freak! For her, this was a no-win situation!
A holy child? The Son of God and the Messiah? She, even she, was carrying this Promised One? Many teach that Mary's conception and pregnancy as well as Mary herself, were sinless and immaculate, untouched by humanity. But this teaching is not supported by Scripture. It's true that Mary was a virgin when she supernatually conceived and remained a virgin, via a command of God to Joseph, for at least six months up till Christ's birth. As for Mary herself, we can glean from Scripture that she was devout, faithful, sensible, gracious, mature and lots of other good things. But perfect she was not, as the Scripture teaches that only Christ has ever lived a sinless life. Therefore, when Mary learned of her peerless honor as the chosen instrument to carry the Messiah, she no doubt was not only grateful for this but felt aware of her own imperfections as any of us would when honors are bestowed upon us. In any case, she was from a poor family with probably little "standing" in their community and even if her sense of self was intact, they were no doubt looked down on by some of the more affluent in their community. And when it sank in with Mary the enormity of her calling and honor, we are told that she accepted her assignment with faith, grace and obedience to her God.
No doubt because of all this, Mary felt the urge to get away from it all and to seek support and guidance from someone who would understand. Therefore she left to visit her older cousin, who, though past menopause, was pregnant with a child who, later, would prepare people to receive the Messiah. Here Mary could unburden herself to Elizabeth, her cousin and figure out how to deal with all this as well as deal with her fiance, family and friends. For here was someone dealing with an untimely pregnancy.
As for Joseph, this must have been the most stressful, confusing time of his entire life! Tradition has it that he was a young, responsible carpenter and he loved Mary very much and wanted nothing more than to make a home for her and her future family. Scipture reveals that when he found out about his beloved's conception, he was laying plans to sever ties with her but to do so discreetly. What must have been going though his mind? Shock and disbelief, feeling that Mary had lied to him? Anger at what, on the face of it, was a crass betrayal of him as well as her family and their God? Fear at how he would deal with this in the only way he felt he had to deal with it? So imagine his relief when the angel who visted his beloved visited him, revealing to him the truth of her impending conception and pregnancy. And no doubt he felt some fear and much challenged at learning that he was to marry Mary, but abstain from sexual relations until her holy child was born, and then to raise this child as his own! However, Joseph apparently accepted his assignment with total faith and grace and willingly complied with his marching orders the same way Mary did, in obedience to God. He is the very model for any male who is faced with an unwanted pregnancy, just as Mary is a role model for pregnant women in crisis.
We see here that the Christmas story is about a crisis pregnancy and about how a couple dealt with it in such a way that has brought redemption to the world and the promise of ultimate peace and hope. Yes, back in Mary's and Joseph's day, abortion was illegal and unthinkable. Children were seen as God's blessing and a sign of His favor, and infertility was a curse and a terrible stigma. So how would Jesus have fared if He were conceived in our culture of abortion-on-demand? We don't know and don't need to know. All we need to know is that her story, this story of the first Christmas, underscores that, in God's eyes, we are babies and children from conception on. I'm not going to argue in this blog article about the controversies of right-to-life vs. abortion-on-demand (or a woman's right to choose, as many call it). I will provide you with verses in Scripture for your ease in reference in reading about the events as they unfolded to show you what I'm talking about here.
What about Mary's family or Joseph's family? The Scripture says little about them so we don't know how they ultimately came to feel toward all this. But are there not lessons here for any parents or guardians of those who face crisis preganancies? Sure there are. But we can guess that what Mary and Joseph needed from their familes during this time was what anyone in their situation would need: understanding, support, time, patience and love.
This Christmas story, ultimately, is about the pricelessness of every human life, no matter what the circumstances of conception have been as well as about God Who identifies with all of us.
Scriptures in the Gospels that contain teachings about Mary, Joseph and the birth of the Messiah:
Matthew 1:16-23
Luke 1: 26-56
Luke 2: 1-52
John 19: 25-27
Acts 1:14
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Jesus and Santa Claus
It is, once again, that time of the year. Many of us celebrate Christmas but many others of us may celebrate Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan or may not observe any of these during this time of the year or around it. But if you live in the free world, you probably are affected by the onslaught of TV programming, media coverage, commercials, music, Christmas trees, Christmas lights, Christmas decorations and designs on the packaging on numerous products and much more, which cry out to all of us that this season has begun. Much of this is designed to lure us into stores to do Christmas shopping as all these things supposedly get in in the frame of mind for this. This is assuming, of course, that we have the finances for such shopping.
I will not use this blog to deplore the commercialism of these holidays or to tell anyone how it should be observed. Voices abound that are doing one or both and I don't need to add to them. Even if we don't make a conscious effort to listen to them, voices and the actions of those around us declare the wonders, the fun, the attractiveness and the uniqueness of the features of these holidays: its rich foods that it's assumed virtually all of us will eat at this time of the year, the trimmings and decorations we will use or should use, how we'll spend much of our time or should spend it in preparing for it, and how we will our should be, with great expectation, anticipating this one day of the year and "making great preparations fot it," because, after all, it's "the most wonderful time of the year." Often we may hear or may ourselves say, "Christmas is for the children." We hear these things from the voices which hold that Santa Claus is the reason for this season.
However, we are also flooded with images, music and special events and worship services which remind us to "Keep Christ in Christmas" and that "Jesus is the reason for the season." Many of these commendable efforts mainly focus on Christ in the form of the baby Jesus in the manger and on His mother Mary, his stepfather, Joseph, the Wise Men (there is no evidence that there were only three of them), the Shepherds and the others players of this stupendous all -time event in our human history. Christmas is actually the story of God becoming man and living, at an actual time in human history, among us in our world, living our life (but without ANY trace of sin in thought, word or deed), and willingly becoming the ultimate crime and murder victim of all time, dying our death in our place. To confirm the total all-sufficiency of His Son's life and death, God raised Him to life. Christmas is meant to focus on what we call His Incarnation, becoming human to rescue us humans from sin, making peace between us and Himself and to being peace in the world through our being at peace with each other. Thus the word peace is often used to refer to this season.
The original historical person, who inspired the character of Santa Claus, was NOT a legend. It was an openly Christian missionary, St. Nicholas, who is behind the concept of Santa Claus. St. Nicholas, a dedicated Christian who openly shared his faith in Christ in the face of persecution, cared much about the poor and the desitute, especially children. So he reached out to those in need, especially children, giving gifts. But as Christmas became more and more commercialized, the concept of Santa Claus evolved, taken from the life of St. Nicholas according to tradition. At the end of this post, I will include an entire website devoted to the person of St. Nicholas and including many resources and much gudance and iformation to make the most of the holidays, keeping Christ in them while having fun with the festivities. The site is Catholic-owned and operated but don't let that keep the many non-Catholics among us from exploring it.
My own experience is that when my siblings and I were growing up, we absorbed the concept of Santa Claus and that he was the reason for the season. This being so, the day after Christmas was a huge letdown. On Christmas Eve, I remember that, as children, we were required to attend the late-night Christmas Eve service, having to get all dressed up for the occasion. This, like much of my childhood, is now a blur. I do remember that, each Christmas morning, we woke up to Christmas presents under the tree, which our parents funded through their heavy use of credit cards. For our parents, like so many others, believed that Santa Claus is the reason for these holidays (this was pre-recession times). Even then, we saw the emptiness and lack of sense of buying presents which, a year from that particular day, we would pay no attention to. It was not until after my 10th birthday that my late grandmother broke the news to me that Santa Claus did not exist and that, "Chistmas is the time of giving, not receiving." Yes, I was disappointed at this news but this was by no means among the most scarring or devastating disappointments of my life!
As for the way so many of us typically celebrate Christmas or our other forms of this holiday season, I know that there are many who do not even necessarily enjoy or may even dread this time of the year! For example, many with sensory-processing disorders or who have autism or Asperger's Syndrome, grow overwhelmed by being surrounded by lots of people, the rich food that many of us cannot tolerate, and the bright lights and trimmings. At my age, I can no longer tolerate the rich textures and tastes of most holiday foods or the lights and sounds, one reason, in all honesty, I no longer look forward to Christmas Day and have not done so for much of my adult life. But it seems to get worse every passing year. Also, many among us, including I, deal with seasonal depression and struggle with depression spells that gget much worse during the winter months. And then there are the many individuals and families, who have suffered losses of many different kinds, which may make the idea of focusing on Santa Claus and many of the festivities ring hollow and shallow.
It is for many reasons like the ones above, which are why it was not I who have told our daughter about Santa Claus but have let her dad and her grandparents (my parents) do that. As parents, My husband and I have been hit much harder by the current recession than my parents were when I was growing up, so it was relatively easy for us to avoid any instilling of the idea that Santa is the reason for these holidays. An advantage to not putting all our expectations on one day of the year is that we do not have the "Christmas letdown" or the "post-holiday blues"!
Actually, if we believe that the first Christmas Day was the day of Jesus" birth on Earth as a human, the God-Man, December 25 is probably not even the actual day that He was born. As I have read in a few places, His birth actually took place ealier in the year, like probably in the Fall but not in the winter. It is people who have set Christmas to December 25. But I don't think the actual date matters. What matters is why we observe the holiday season and our focus, whether we make Santa Claus a major part of the holidays or not. If we see exchanging gifts as in keeping with the spirit of focusing on the spirit of giving and to remind us about the meaning of this holiday, then it seems that this is a good thing. If we have financial resources, we have numerous opportunities for giving: Witness the numerous charities and places of worship which ask for donations to keep their missions afoot. But we can give in countless different ways without darkening the door of any store, buying gifts or wrapping them. Even the simple act of sending geeting cards that share the Good News of Christ and God's love enable us to give to people the gift of our shared faith. Then, we can always give the gift of ourselves in countless ways, including making gifts for loved ones by hand.
Santa Claus is for children. Christ is for people of all ages.
Santa Claus tells us not to show emotion. Christ is close to the brokenhearted.
Santa Claus comes just once a year. Christ comes to us every day.
Santa Claus tells us to be good or else he won't give us anything. Christs' love for us is based on Who He is, not on who we are.
Santa Claus is a fantasy. Christ is reality.
Here is the comprehensive website about St. Nicholas; it informs us about him, how he exemplifies the spirit of Christmas, the many different ways it is celebrated in different parts of the world, and includes a section for children and many other resources and ideas for observing the holidays. It is for all of us, though it is Catholic-owned and Catholic-operated. It can be found right here:
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/who-is-st-nicholas/.
I will not use this blog to deplore the commercialism of these holidays or to tell anyone how it should be observed. Voices abound that are doing one or both and I don't need to add to them. Even if we don't make a conscious effort to listen to them, voices and the actions of those around us declare the wonders, the fun, the attractiveness and the uniqueness of the features of these holidays: its rich foods that it's assumed virtually all of us will eat at this time of the year, the trimmings and decorations we will use or should use, how we'll spend much of our time or should spend it in preparing for it, and how we will our should be, with great expectation, anticipating this one day of the year and "making great preparations fot it," because, after all, it's "the most wonderful time of the year." Often we may hear or may ourselves say, "Christmas is for the children." We hear these things from the voices which hold that Santa Claus is the reason for this season.
However, we are also flooded with images, music and special events and worship services which remind us to "Keep Christ in Christmas" and that "Jesus is the reason for the season." Many of these commendable efforts mainly focus on Christ in the form of the baby Jesus in the manger and on His mother Mary, his stepfather, Joseph, the Wise Men (there is no evidence that there were only three of them), the Shepherds and the others players of this stupendous all -time event in our human history. Christmas is actually the story of God becoming man and living, at an actual time in human history, among us in our world, living our life (but without ANY trace of sin in thought, word or deed), and willingly becoming the ultimate crime and murder victim of all time, dying our death in our place. To confirm the total all-sufficiency of His Son's life and death, God raised Him to life. Christmas is meant to focus on what we call His Incarnation, becoming human to rescue us humans from sin, making peace between us and Himself and to being peace in the world through our being at peace with each other. Thus the word peace is often used to refer to this season.
The original historical person, who inspired the character of Santa Claus, was NOT a legend. It was an openly Christian missionary, St. Nicholas, who is behind the concept of Santa Claus. St. Nicholas, a dedicated Christian who openly shared his faith in Christ in the face of persecution, cared much about the poor and the desitute, especially children. So he reached out to those in need, especially children, giving gifts. But as Christmas became more and more commercialized, the concept of Santa Claus evolved, taken from the life of St. Nicholas according to tradition. At the end of this post, I will include an entire website devoted to the person of St. Nicholas and including many resources and much gudance and iformation to make the most of the holidays, keeping Christ in them while having fun with the festivities. The site is Catholic-owned and operated but don't let that keep the many non-Catholics among us from exploring it.
My own experience is that when my siblings and I were growing up, we absorbed the concept of Santa Claus and that he was the reason for the season. This being so, the day after Christmas was a huge letdown. On Christmas Eve, I remember that, as children, we were required to attend the late-night Christmas Eve service, having to get all dressed up for the occasion. This, like much of my childhood, is now a blur. I do remember that, each Christmas morning, we woke up to Christmas presents under the tree, which our parents funded through their heavy use of credit cards. For our parents, like so many others, believed that Santa Claus is the reason for these holidays (this was pre-recession times). Even then, we saw the emptiness and lack of sense of buying presents which, a year from that particular day, we would pay no attention to. It was not until after my 10th birthday that my late grandmother broke the news to me that Santa Claus did not exist and that, "Chistmas is the time of giving, not receiving." Yes, I was disappointed at this news but this was by no means among the most scarring or devastating disappointments of my life!
As for the way so many of us typically celebrate Christmas or our other forms of this holiday season, I know that there are many who do not even necessarily enjoy or may even dread this time of the year! For example, many with sensory-processing disorders or who have autism or Asperger's Syndrome, grow overwhelmed by being surrounded by lots of people, the rich food that many of us cannot tolerate, and the bright lights and trimmings. At my age, I can no longer tolerate the rich textures and tastes of most holiday foods or the lights and sounds, one reason, in all honesty, I no longer look forward to Christmas Day and have not done so for much of my adult life. But it seems to get worse every passing year. Also, many among us, including I, deal with seasonal depression and struggle with depression spells that gget much worse during the winter months. And then there are the many individuals and families, who have suffered losses of many different kinds, which may make the idea of focusing on Santa Claus and many of the festivities ring hollow and shallow.
It is for many reasons like the ones above, which are why it was not I who have told our daughter about Santa Claus but have let her dad and her grandparents (my parents) do that. As parents, My husband and I have been hit much harder by the current recession than my parents were when I was growing up, so it was relatively easy for us to avoid any instilling of the idea that Santa is the reason for these holidays. An advantage to not putting all our expectations on one day of the year is that we do not have the "Christmas letdown" or the "post-holiday blues"!
Actually, if we believe that the first Christmas Day was the day of Jesus" birth on Earth as a human, the God-Man, December 25 is probably not even the actual day that He was born. As I have read in a few places, His birth actually took place ealier in the year, like probably in the Fall but not in the winter. It is people who have set Christmas to December 25. But I don't think the actual date matters. What matters is why we observe the holiday season and our focus, whether we make Santa Claus a major part of the holidays or not. If we see exchanging gifts as in keeping with the spirit of focusing on the spirit of giving and to remind us about the meaning of this holiday, then it seems that this is a good thing. If we have financial resources, we have numerous opportunities for giving: Witness the numerous charities and places of worship which ask for donations to keep their missions afoot. But we can give in countless different ways without darkening the door of any store, buying gifts or wrapping them. Even the simple act of sending geeting cards that share the Good News of Christ and God's love enable us to give to people the gift of our shared faith. Then, we can always give the gift of ourselves in countless ways, including making gifts for loved ones by hand.
Santa Claus is for children. Christ is for people of all ages.
Santa Claus tells us not to show emotion. Christ is close to the brokenhearted.
Santa Claus comes just once a year. Christ comes to us every day.
Santa Claus tells us to be good or else he won't give us anything. Christs' love for us is based on Who He is, not on who we are.
Santa Claus is a fantasy. Christ is reality.
Here is the comprehensive website about St. Nicholas; it informs us about him, how he exemplifies the spirit of Christmas, the many different ways it is celebrated in different parts of the world, and includes a section for children and many other resources and ideas for observing the holidays. It is for all of us, though it is Catholic-owned and Catholic-operated. It can be found right here:
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/who-is-st-nicholas/.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Disappointment--Who Cares?
For months, you have looked forward to the yearly fall festival, which comes at the same time each year. The morning of the first day of the festival, you wake up barely able to get out of bed. On top of it, you can almost feel the sensation of the pouring rain pounding on the roof. For thse two reasons, you say home but are sick and not just with the flu.
You have spent hours preparing for your audition, careful to choose an appropriate song in your key. You practice and update your dancing as well as do background research for the musical in question. You audition with confidence, but never get a call back.
You loyally support a nonprofit, spending endless hours getting the word out about its worthwhile work and mission. You enjoy a good rapport with its Director and she shows her appreciation, often, for your support. Then you apply for a volunteer position with the nonprofit, doing all you can to prove your character and integrity and competence. But you learn that your application is declined! You feel betrayed.
You are excited to get together with a friend whom you have not seen in awhile. You get yourself ready, dressing up just for that friend. You go to the designated meeting spot, but this friend never shows up, even after 30 minutes. Crestfallen, you return home and later call this friend who never returns your call. You feel slapped in the face.
It's very cold outside, but you are in no mood to fix breakfast this morning. You take down everyone's order for the local McDonald's, get your cash together and get in your car to prepare. However, despite multiple efforts to get your car started, your car won't start. Period. Disgusted, you get out and head back indoors.
Your loved one has been missing for about six months and you are desperate for answers! One day, you hear from Law Enforcement that a promising tip has been received and it appears to be a strong lead but they say no more. Cautiously optimistic, you wait for the big phone call; you get it, for sure, but are told that it is another dead end! You are crushed.
You are excited and living in bliss when you go to your doctor and learn that you are pregnant after about eight years of trying, and dashed hopes and negative pregnancy tests. You tell everyone this glad news and start shopping for baby clothes and other baby things as well as maternity clothes. One day, you experience a bleed that looks like a menstrual period. You are devastated beyond words to learn that you have had a miscarriage!
You apply for a coveted job, preparing your resume, providing references, work samples, and do everything you can to convince the employer that you are trustworthy, competent and the best person for the job. You give what you believe to be a good interview. You wait and when you hear nothing back, you nervously dial the number of the company. You hear that the job has been filled by someone else! Crestfallen and depressed, your first urge is to order a chocolate milkshake, your comfort food of choice, from your local fast food outlet, and then vent to your best friend.
You cast your vote for your favorite Presidential candidate, so sure that this person would win, based on the media coverage of poll results. However, the following morning, you hear that the candidate is about to give a concession speech, meaning your candidate didn't win. Disgusted, you wonder why you even bothered to go out and vote.
As a child, you were told about a character called Santa Claus, who you were told got all the good boys and girls presents. You believed that this character actually came down chimneys of all families to bring all the boys and girls their presents. You leave out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. But before you reach your teens, your parent or guardian tells you, "You know, now that you are getting older, you need to know that there is no Santa Claus and that it is us your parents who give you gifts. Christmas is a time for giving, not receiving, so you need to start giving gifts, too." Crestfallen that your childhood fantasy is over, you wonder why you were told about this character in the first place. You may also wonder what else you may have been lied to about.
What do all these scenarios, which are only examples of so many countless others, have in common? One thing: they all involve disappointment. Disappointments are cherished expectations that are not met, that are dashed or don't come to pass.On its face, most disappointments may inspire little empathy or concern. You are likely to hear something like, "Life is disappointing, deal with it and get over it!" We all endure countless disappoinments in life, many minor and some major. Most disappointments are considered a part of life. Would many typical disappointments even pass the "Who cares?" test? And why am I covering THIS subject in a blogspot?
Actually, a book was written about disappointment many years ago, which I owned at one time but have since donated for space reasons. The point is, the author saw this topic as worthy of a book. At the writing of this blog post, it is Christmas season and a time of very high expectations, especially for many typical children and young people who expect to wake up to gifts under the tree. True, because of an ailing economy, they may not get as many gifts as in better times, but they expect to see gifts there nevertheless. Even adults may have expectations that because this is the time when we focus on giving, that people will be somehow nicer, more compassionate and more giving at this time of the year. This is why so many places of worship and nonprofits increase their requests for donations. But then, why is depression more pronounced at this time of the year and why do families tend to fight even more during times like this? Could it have something to do with all our expectations of holidays, especially Christmas (Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan or how you celebrate this time of year and what you call it).
The truth is that we expect much out of holidays, especially Christmas or whatever we call this winter holiday. We spend weeks, maybe months preparing. We prepare special food. We travel and go to great lengths to get together with those whom we see little of during the rest of the year. We take time off from our work or from our regular business. We proclain the virtues and values of this time and have slogans for it. We hold special traditions, which are noted even in special music set aside for this time of year. We hold a host of special events, including worship services. All this is because we hold high expectations for Christmas. And when this special season is over, many of us feel let down.We hear the term "the Christmas letdown" or "the post-holiday blues" to try to explain this. It seems that, no matter what our experience of the holidays, many among us experience a letdown after they are over.
I experienced a very recent, personally painful disappointment where I practically re-lived my past in my self-disclosure about it to those involved, in the effort to gain their understanding and to convince them of my honesty and character. All to no avail. For privacy reasons, I can't reveal any more about the nature of the experience. But it was awful. As it has occurred around this Christmas season, it feels even worse, showing that I'm a product of my free culture of high expectations for this Christmas season. Some people will declare, "The way to avoid disappointment is to expect nothing, to anticipate nothing." But who wants to live that way, to give up all ambition and aspiration to avoid having these dashed? What an empty, bleak existence this would be!
You may have heard disappointments be referred to as "God's appointments." That is, is is possible to see God's hand in any disappointment and to know that even though one doors has be slammed shut in your face, another door, around the corner, may open up for you. But when we are enduring major disappointments when we had our hearts set in one direction and our dreams are crushed, it hurts. There are many petty disappointments and there are not-so-minor disappointments. But all of them illustrate the most uncomfortable but necessary truth that God very often says "Wait!" or even "No!" to us in life, instead of "Yes!"
While it hurts to be disappointed, I think many would agree that it hurts even more to give up hope and pressing forward toward your dreams.
You have spent hours preparing for your audition, careful to choose an appropriate song in your key. You practice and update your dancing as well as do background research for the musical in question. You audition with confidence, but never get a call back.
You loyally support a nonprofit, spending endless hours getting the word out about its worthwhile work and mission. You enjoy a good rapport with its Director and she shows her appreciation, often, for your support. Then you apply for a volunteer position with the nonprofit, doing all you can to prove your character and integrity and competence. But you learn that your application is declined! You feel betrayed.
You are excited to get together with a friend whom you have not seen in awhile. You get yourself ready, dressing up just for that friend. You go to the designated meeting spot, but this friend never shows up, even after 30 minutes. Crestfallen, you return home and later call this friend who never returns your call. You feel slapped in the face.
It's very cold outside, but you are in no mood to fix breakfast this morning. You take down everyone's order for the local McDonald's, get your cash together and get in your car to prepare. However, despite multiple efforts to get your car started, your car won't start. Period. Disgusted, you get out and head back indoors.
Your loved one has been missing for about six months and you are desperate for answers! One day, you hear from Law Enforcement that a promising tip has been received and it appears to be a strong lead but they say no more. Cautiously optimistic, you wait for the big phone call; you get it, for sure, but are told that it is another dead end! You are crushed.
You are excited and living in bliss when you go to your doctor and learn that you are pregnant after about eight years of trying, and dashed hopes and negative pregnancy tests. You tell everyone this glad news and start shopping for baby clothes and other baby things as well as maternity clothes. One day, you experience a bleed that looks like a menstrual period. You are devastated beyond words to learn that you have had a miscarriage!
You apply for a coveted job, preparing your resume, providing references, work samples, and do everything you can to convince the employer that you are trustworthy, competent and the best person for the job. You give what you believe to be a good interview. You wait and when you hear nothing back, you nervously dial the number of the company. You hear that the job has been filled by someone else! Crestfallen and depressed, your first urge is to order a chocolate milkshake, your comfort food of choice, from your local fast food outlet, and then vent to your best friend.
You cast your vote for your favorite Presidential candidate, so sure that this person would win, based on the media coverage of poll results. However, the following morning, you hear that the candidate is about to give a concession speech, meaning your candidate didn't win. Disgusted, you wonder why you even bothered to go out and vote.
As a child, you were told about a character called Santa Claus, who you were told got all the good boys and girls presents. You believed that this character actually came down chimneys of all families to bring all the boys and girls their presents. You leave out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. But before you reach your teens, your parent or guardian tells you, "You know, now that you are getting older, you need to know that there is no Santa Claus and that it is us your parents who give you gifts. Christmas is a time for giving, not receiving, so you need to start giving gifts, too." Crestfallen that your childhood fantasy is over, you wonder why you were told about this character in the first place. You may also wonder what else you may have been lied to about.
What do all these scenarios, which are only examples of so many countless others, have in common? One thing: they all involve disappointment. Disappointments are cherished expectations that are not met, that are dashed or don't come to pass.On its face, most disappointments may inspire little empathy or concern. You are likely to hear something like, "Life is disappointing, deal with it and get over it!" We all endure countless disappoinments in life, many minor and some major. Most disappointments are considered a part of life. Would many typical disappointments even pass the "Who cares?" test? And why am I covering THIS subject in a blogspot?
Actually, a book was written about disappointment many years ago, which I owned at one time but have since donated for space reasons. The point is, the author saw this topic as worthy of a book. At the writing of this blog post, it is Christmas season and a time of very high expectations, especially for many typical children and young people who expect to wake up to gifts under the tree. True, because of an ailing economy, they may not get as many gifts as in better times, but they expect to see gifts there nevertheless. Even adults may have expectations that because this is the time when we focus on giving, that people will be somehow nicer, more compassionate and more giving at this time of the year. This is why so many places of worship and nonprofits increase their requests for donations. But then, why is depression more pronounced at this time of the year and why do families tend to fight even more during times like this? Could it have something to do with all our expectations of holidays, especially Christmas (Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan or how you celebrate this time of year and what you call it).
The truth is that we expect much out of holidays, especially Christmas or whatever we call this winter holiday. We spend weeks, maybe months preparing. We prepare special food. We travel and go to great lengths to get together with those whom we see little of during the rest of the year. We take time off from our work or from our regular business. We proclain the virtues and values of this time and have slogans for it. We hold special traditions, which are noted even in special music set aside for this time of year. We hold a host of special events, including worship services. All this is because we hold high expectations for Christmas. And when this special season is over, many of us feel let down.We hear the term "the Christmas letdown" or "the post-holiday blues" to try to explain this. It seems that, no matter what our experience of the holidays, many among us experience a letdown after they are over.
I experienced a very recent, personally painful disappointment where I practically re-lived my past in my self-disclosure about it to those involved, in the effort to gain their understanding and to convince them of my honesty and character. All to no avail. For privacy reasons, I can't reveal any more about the nature of the experience. But it was awful. As it has occurred around this Christmas season, it feels even worse, showing that I'm a product of my free culture of high expectations for this Christmas season. Some people will declare, "The way to avoid disappointment is to expect nothing, to anticipate nothing." But who wants to live that way, to give up all ambition and aspiration to avoid having these dashed? What an empty, bleak existence this would be!
You may have heard disappointments be referred to as "God's appointments." That is, is is possible to see God's hand in any disappointment and to know that even though one doors has be slammed shut in your face, another door, around the corner, may open up for you. But when we are enduring major disappointments when we had our hearts set in one direction and our dreams are crushed, it hurts. There are many petty disappointments and there are not-so-minor disappointments. But all of them illustrate the most uncomfortable but necessary truth that God very often says "Wait!" or even "No!" to us in life, instead of "Yes!"
While it hurts to be disappointed, I think many would agree that it hurts even more to give up hope and pressing forward toward your dreams.
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