Does Society Value Some Lives More Than Others?

          We may loudly claim, "All persons are created equal" and "No person is more valuable than another," but as a society our actions often condradict these words. There is no getting around it. Yes, we are indeed created equal by God  but the sad fact is that in this world countless inequalities exist.
          To illustrate my point, this very morning of the day I am writing this, I received a "no" response in the mail to an earlier request to have my vitamin supplementation continue to be covered by my insurance carrier. Currently, I'm almost past my childbearing years. In my prior appeal letter, I pointed out that my long-term use of anti-convulsants for seizure control put me at an increased risk for osteoporosis and liver failure than the average person. I also pointed out that I was diagnosed with Marfan's Syndrome which affects one's heart, eyes and connective joints. Throughout the years, my insurance carrier had covered my request for vitamin supplementation by covering prenatal vitamins. I was, after all, a woman in her childbearing years and was able at any time to bear another life. My insurance carrier had denied my request to be switched to a more age-appropriate vitamin supplement simply because of my age. My point? Because I am "getting older" and "can't get pregnant," my life was not as valuable as it was when I was younger.
          This sad phenomenon for us to value some lives over others is seen in the eugenics movement, which pushes for the prevention of any life deemed as less worthy than others. Those with disabilities are sometimes discouraged, even by their doctors, from getting pregnant because their offspring "may inherit what you have," and this gives the unspoken but very hurtful message that the lives of disabled people are less worthy than the lives of those without disabilities. The push to offer certain prenatal tests to certain pregnant women for the purpose of identifying certain "birth defects," and to encourage abortions in the case of "birth defects," is the most glaring example of this! During my childbearing years, I was discouraged from seeking pregnancy. When I did get pregnant, abortion was "offered"  to me as an "option." And now autism is being added to the mix of "birth defects" that mark a life as less worthy! According to history, women with special needs were often sterilized against their wills or given cerain forms of birth control. Today, this may no longer be done but certain groups of people are still asked or told to not reproduce "their own kind." I realize, first-hand, that having special needs and raising children with special needs, are both difficult and can often be heartbreaking. But that does not mean that these don't come with rewards if we receive these with grace, courage and maturity.
          Poor and low-income people are often discouraged from reproducing "their own kind," and like disabled people, they are much more likely to be "offered" abortion as an "option" to carrying to full-term. When Nadia Suleman, the "Octomom," gave birth to octuplets (8 babies in one pregnancy), there was  outrage over this. Suleman was a low-income young woman and in debt, with outstanding student loan debt and already she had six other children. I understand the outrage over this and the concern that these children will probably know lives of lasting disadvantage. And in many other cases of poor women choosing to have large families, there has been outrage. I would not ever want to minimize the difficulties that children born to poor and disadvantaged parents face and the lifelong disadvantages that such children often face. For I know of this from experience. My point is that all lives are equally valuable, no matter what the circumstances of conception.
          It's clear that if you are young, attractive, healthy, under age 40, talented, white and successful, your life is seen as somehow more valuable. This certainly holds true in searches for missing people. On Facebook, for many weeks I had been sharing a page that is devoted exclusively to bring missing children home. Since people generally value the lives of children and are touched by their vulnerabibility and their cuteness, we tend to take children's disappearances more seriously than the disappearances of adults. Thus, I saw the numbers on this page climb at a good clip as people joined it and shared the page with their own social networks. On the other hand, for monts I have been sharing a Facebook page that is devoted exclusively to missing adults. I saw the numbers on the page climb much more slowly because fewer people joined the page or shared it. And whenever I shared that page, I would include a text header like: "Every missing adult is also someone's missing child and loved one!" As for missing persons, I recall that about a year ago, the case of a certain man tugged at my heart as he was said to be suicidal and to have a seizure disorder. I would post and repostthe link to this missing man's photo and information on Facebook. I saw few signs that my posts on this man were circulated. Then one day, someone commented under one of my posts simply that "He was found deceased" and gave the date. It was like this man's life somehow did not matter because he was an adult, male, and had a stigmatizing medical condition and mental health issues at the time of his disappearance. I've seen this sort of response toward especially missing adults when they they are over 40, have special needs, troubled pasts, or are male or Black. On the other hand, many of us take acute interest in the disappearances/murders of those who are young, attractive, talented, successful, and Caucasian. Isn't this why certain names of certain people (Elizabeth Smart, Jaycee Dugard, Chandra Levy, Polly Klaas, Laci Peterson, Caylee Anthony) are household names? How many people are familar with names like Alexis Patterson, Jameshia Conner, Toni Lee Sharpless, Khoi Vu, Michael Weinkoop, and the names of so many other missing or murdered persons?
          This phenomenon of valuing some lives above others is true in health care. Top-notch health care, like that found at the Mayo Clinic or at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, benefit what kind of patients? Those with the money or with good insurance who can pay for this excellent care! Who generally gets the finest health care, especially preventive care? Those who can afford to pay for it or who have good insurance! In other words, the wealthy can afford to assign top value to their own lives by their unlimited health care options. The health care that US polticians get is said to be the best. In stark contrast, what sort of health care do so many poor and marginalized people get? Often they get none at all because they can't afford insurance or because so many doctors and health care settings will not participate in their state's Medicaid program. This is understandable because of low government re-imbursement and government "red tape." But this is so unfortunate for so many poor people, as so many of them are more likely than more affluent people, to die of preventable diseases because of their lack of access to affordable health care. In plain terms, you can die from the lack of health care!
          This sad tendency to prefer some some lives over others is seen in the dollar amounts in settlements. In one case, years ago, one woman stepped in front of a train, waiting for the train to run over her. However, she survived. Claiming postpartum depression as her defense, she won a huge settlement of $13 million! On the other hand, I have seen cases of wrongful death suits where the plaintiffs won far smaller settlements of $100,000 or less! Why? The deceased persons involved were older and had underlying medical or mental health issues. Message? Our lives are seen as more valuable when we are young and healthy.
          This sad phenomenon is seen in the ever-present tendency of life insurance companies to deny coverage to applicants who have underlying health issues or unhealthy lifestyles. I can understand denying coverage to those who choose basically unhealthy lifestyles. But medical conditions are not the choice of the applicants or the choice of those whom they are taking out life insurance policies for. The sad fact is that medical conditions are seen as financial liabilities for life insurance companies and so their lives seen as less valuable. And this is also seen in the tendency of many health insurance companies to to deny coverage to any person with a "pre-existing condition." President Obama's health care plan is set up to address this, as when "Obamacare" takes effect, as expected, in 2014, health insurance companies are expected to accept new members with pre-exising conditions and not make them go through a waiting period.
          This phenomenon is seen in our criminal justice sytem. Who are able to hire to best attorneys to represent them and to compel judges and juries to rule in their favor? To net them the biggest cash settlements? To defend them in criminal cases? To spare them the death penalty, long prison sentences or even any prison? The wealthy and celebrities! O. J. Simpson is the prime example of an accused murderer who was able to avoid a murder conviction because he could afford to hire a "dream team." Yes, he is now in prison because he was convicted of an armed robbery. On the other hand, many poor people, especially those who are minorities, with invisible disabilities, find themselves convicted much more often than their counterparts. Also, they are much less able to afford good attorneys and othen have to use public defenders in criminal cases. Sadly, it is they who are much more likely to be wrongfully convicted and imprisoned. Currently, a young man with autism and friom a poor family of color, Reginald "Neli" Latson, is serving prison time, being convicted of assault on a police officer. This is even though Neli steadfastly maintains that he did not have a gun in his possession and was acting in self-defense. He is just one such example.
          Death shows us that we are all equal, as every one of us, no matter who we are, will die. As I write this, the singer, Whitney Houston, has been dead for hours and at the age of 48. This is today's ultimate illustration that we are all equal, not only when we are conceived but when we die. It is too bad that it takes tragedy to make us see things more clearly and most of all, to see people as they really are. And even more, it is sad that it takes tragedy to get us to see our need for God Who has created us as equal.
          The death of Whitney Houston is tragic, not because she was a very talented celebrity with a gorgeous voice but first of all, because she was a human being. Just as would be and is the case with each of us.
      

Everyday Ways to Prevent and End Child Abuse

          If you use social networking sites regularly, I'm sure that you are hearing and reading about organized, elaborate, once-a-year projects and events for the purpose of child abuse awareness. These events and projects are sponsored by corporations, nonprofit organizations, groups and many, many individuals, including high-profile child advocates. To me, all the time and money being poured into these massive efforts are well-meant and no doubt involve much planning and massive support from the masses who believe that by their spport that they are making a dent in a deep-seated, profound social evil. An evil that originates in human hearts and in the home. But for all these massive efforts to get people all fired up about large-scale child abuse awareness events, all this comes off as the "Super Bowl" of child abuse awareness and sends a confusing message. This message is that, to really make a "significant" difference, we have to organize, form committees, arrange large-scale events or projects and raise and spend massive amounts of money. We believe that all this is needed before people will get down to the nitty-gritty of doing many everyday things to prevent and end child abuse, which we can do. Is it true that we need all this?
           Whether we need these large-scale efforts or not, this blog will give you practical things that all of us can do on a daily basis to prevent and end child abuse. I'm giving you a number of everyday tips for to prevent and end child abuse but I'm sure that you can add to my list.
          Screen anyone whom you allow to babysit your children, especially if they will be doing so regularly; Interview your candidates and if you can afford it, run a background check on them. Ask them for references, and call these references!
          If you are standing in line in any store and you see a mom with young children, allow them to go before you.
          Always put your child's name on the inside, not the outside, of his or her clothing or possessions to protect their privacy and to keep any predator from being able to find out who your child is.
          If you have very young children or children with special needs and who may wander, install a lock on screen doors, especially the front door, to prevent wandering.
          If you have children who use the Internet for social networking, monitor what they do online. Do not let underage children (under age 13) set up accounts with Facebook, You-Tube, My Space or any other social networking account. If you can, encourage them to hold off using social networks until they reach age 18! There is too much drama there are too many bad guys in cyberspace.
          You are justly proud of your child's achievements and you want to "show off" your child. But the eyes of predators are also on the lookout for easy prey. Therefore, refrain from putting bumper stickers on your windshields that proclain, "My Child Is an Honor Student" or "The Proud Parent of an Eagle Scout" or anything else that calls attention to your child.
          Befriend a single mother. Single mothers, with all their stresses, are at-risk for becoming overwhelmed and so abusing or neglecting their children.
          If you are expecting or are pursuing adoption, ensure that you have a solid support system in place, especially if you are a single parent, have a disability, or other challenges. This support will reduce the stress of parenting and your temptation to neglect or abuse your children.
          Your beautiful children are the apples of your eye. But if you use social networks, be aware that predators lurk in cyberspace. Therefore, minimize uploading photos or videos of your children online. And I strongly discourage giving out their full names. Among all the good folks on social networks, online predators lurk and we never know where they hide.
          We need to overcome our inhibitions and talk to our children about sexuality and sexual abuse and how to protect themselves from it.
          Do not discipline a child in anger.
          If it is for you, volunteer to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) to be a voice for abuse and neglected children. Visit the national CASA website at: http://casaforchildren.org/.
          Appeal to legislators to put many more tax dollars on anger management classes and parenting classes in public schools, at the high school level. Ask them to reduce the algebra and higher math requirement. After all, what skills do high school students need for life?
          Try not to ever let your child walk home alone, even to or from school or a friend's house. We have heard too many time the terrible things that happen to children left unattended!
          If you are a new and especially young mom who is petrified of your new parenting responsibility, you do not have to resort to killing! You have the option of leaving your baby with a responsible adult, or take your baby to a local police station or a local church. Many infertile couples would love to adopt such a baby!
          Child identity theft is on the rise; a child won't know about this form of abuse until he or she applies for a job, a loan, an apartment to rent or for other goods or services. Do not give out your child's Social Security Number unless needed to obtain a good or a service for him or her. And don't share your child's full birthdate with anyone you don't know well. And if you are tempted to use your child's Social Security Number for any reason, don't! Identity theft ruins lives!
           If you have emotional baggage from a troubled past, whether you are a parent or not, try to work through your issues with a psychologist or a psychiatrist, a counselor or a pastor or some other professional. In this way you will be empowering yourself to meet your child's emotional needs with-out expecting him or her to meet yours. And by all means do this if you are a child abuse survivor and be empowered to break the cycle of abuse.
          If it is for you, run for political office, making children's rights your political platform.
          If you grow overwhelmed as a parent, get help. So many cases of abuse, including child abuse deaths, happen because frustrated parents resort to abuse or neglect and abuse goes bad, ending in the child's death! Walk away, pray, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1 or find
other alternatives to abuse.
          Child sexual abuse is a big part of child abuse but we don't want to talk about it. But we have no option but to talk about it or it will continue. Silence helps and empowers child molestors!
          If you struggle with a substance abuse addiction, especially drugs or alcohol, you must get professional help! Substance abuse sets you up to abuse and neglect your children. You still love them very much but your "need" to feed and sustain your addiction is even stronger. And you will stoop to anything to keep your habit going, even if it means becoming an abuser. It is so ugly to see this happen!
          Raise your children to learn to manage their anger and to resolve their conflicts without resorting to violence.
          Men, take responsibility for the children you father, even if you are not married to the mother! It is so unfair to get girls pregnant and then leave them alone to raise your children. Such mothers, because of their stresses, are at-risk of abusing and neglecting their children. And if you are married, do not leave the job of parenting to your spouse. Parenting is a team effort.
          If you know or suspect that a child is being abused, do not be silent. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1.
          So many cases of child abuse and child abuse deaths happen because of wrongful court decisions in child custody cases and because of a broken system. There is no easy answer to this but we need to talk about this. We need to contact those in power to spend more money to protect children who are in the system.
          Spousal or partner abuse can and often mushrooms into child abuse. When we talk about preventing and ending child abuse, we also need to talk about ending these other forms of abuse and work to prevent and end all forms of abuse against anyone of any age.
          If you are able to do so, adopt a child. You may be rescuing such a child from an abusive or neglectful home.
          Strongly discourage your older or adult children to not date or get romantically involved with anyone with violent tendencies or who are registered sex offenders. So many children are abused and even die because of a parent's wrong choice of a partner!
          Sign a petition to toughen child abuse laws in each of the 50 US states: http://www.change.org/petitions/we-demand-changes-to-child-abuse-laws-and-sentencing.
          This is not a complete list but you get the concept. There are simple (not easy) actions that we all can take if we are serious about preventing and ending child abuse. And yes, in addition to implementing these things into our lives to protect children, you can feel free to become part of organized events to focus awareness on child abuse and preventing and ending it. One such massive campain is called the Army of Angels, which is a co-alition of corporations, organizations, groups and many individuals, to focus awareness on child abuse for the month of April. This campaign has the endorsement of  well-known child advocates and its information is exploding all over social networks. To find out more, you can visit the website http://armyofangels.biz/
           The website for the Childhelp organization provides many ways you can get involved, including their 24/7 hotline, material where you can educate yourself about child abuse, look into volunteer opportunities,, and even a participate in a forum where you can share your survivor stories of overcoming abuse. Such stories empower survivors and help people break the chains of abuse in their own lives. And, of course, if you have financial resources, you can donate and help them in their mission. Check out their website: http://www.childhelp.org.
           The epidemic of child abuse is so horrific that our awareness efforts can never be enough to address it. Now April is over and we are well through the month of May. Child abuse awareness events are just a start in addressing this epidemic and we need to use them to motivate us to do practical things to prevent and end child abuse daily.
           Child abuse is everyone's business!