Yesterday, I logged in to Facebook and saw a post that prefaced the user's status with the remark that Facebook should really be called "fakebook" because its users so often put up their best photos and use the social network to showcase their accomplishments. Wholly agreeing with this, I posted a comment saying how right this person was. Ironically, however, the user posted a photo that was obviously designed to get the attention of other users and to generate comments, which it did. Like the user, I have to plead guilty to posting things that are at least partially motivated to gain attention, even though, for privacy and safety reasons, I keep off social networks photos of myself and my family or most of my sensitive information. And yes, when my posts fail to generate comments and I feel ignored I feel disenchanted with social networking.
As an example of annoying personal posting, take that of posts abourt babies or children. Now I fully understand how and why parents, especially new ones, are proud of their babies and children and want to show them off to the world. Aside from the privacy and safety issue of wrong, predatory eyes seeing these precious cuties, posts of them are insnsitive to those users who have lost a baby, especially recently. Also, such posts can be hurtful to those who are unable to conceive children or carry to term. I have seen lots of posts on my homepage. Though they can be annoying, I have "liked" a number of these posts. Yet such posts also serve as a reminder that holding and enjoying a baby or small child will never be mine again. Posts where parents, justifiably proud of their children's accomplishments in school or extracurricular activities can be hurtful to those who are raising children who are developmentally disabled and can't do these things. Even in the autism community, there is a sometimes bitter division between those high-functioning adults with autism and parents with high-functioning autistic children, who are justly proud of their accomplishments and like to share them, and families of those with severe, classic autism. However, one day a mom, who has a severely autistic child, vented about this and posted something like this: "What about severe, classic autism? Does anyone find THIS kind of autism inspiring?"
Facebook is a haven for people who like to showcase their accomplishments, major or minor. One day, I logged in and I saw one person post this: "My washing machine was broken but I was able to fix it all by myself. Yes, I am boasting!" I was amused and am still amused. But posts that really annoy me are those where people proudly post about the places where they have just traveled. For example, when one person in my networking was traveling accross the country, those of us in this person's network got updated on each state the person had just traveled to. What do such posts do for users whose life circumstances don't allow them to travel even out of their home state's for one weekend?
In their "About Me" and Info" sections on their profiles or pages, a good number of people showcase their accomplishments as resumes for the world to see. They list so many accomplishements that I feel that, next to them, I have done nothing with my life in comparison. For example, on one person's Facebook page, this person spends many paragraphs walking the person's "fans" through the person's numerous accomplishments. The list was so extensive and long that I still have a tough time believing that this list is totally authentic and not embellished. I admit to feeling terrible jealousy of this person for being fortunate to have these opportunities, the social connections to access them in the first place and the financial rewards that had to have resulted from these achievements.
Some online boasts are more amusing and childlike than anything and to this day, make me smile. Months ago, one person posted this: "Wow! I'm feeling a big windfall coming!" A few weeks or so later, this person apparently couldn't resist sharing: "I must admit that I love the financial rewards that I receive every week!" Of course, such posts do little for those with low-paying jobs or who are on fixed incomes but provoke possible jealousy of this person posting.
People on my page often seem to have social connections and love to share these with their networks. Recently, one person in my network changed her profile photo. I was rather surprised when I saw it. She had put up a photo of herself gracing the covers of Forbes magazine. Mildly annoyed, I wondered if this was for real or a "doctored" photo.
I have been most annoyed by a person who claims "Founder" status for a movement with a noble mission and many loyal, passionate supporters. This person has, however, used the page and the person's profile to put up glamorous photos of this person. And the person's business page has been named after the person and not the mission. While I believed in the genuinessness and worth of the movement and all that it stands for, I had issues with this person's self-presentation. But if this person used self-promotion to generate donations and supporters for a worthy cause, this was hugely successful. However, I felt terrible jealousy of this person and what came off as narcissism. Now I can't see the person's heart but I can observe the person's behavior. When I posted about my concerns about the cost-effectiveness of the events surrounding this movement being used for actual programs, the person in question abruptly severed all ties with me without disclosure. It's so sad that, in our image-conscious, celebrity culture, it takes slick packaging to generate support for the noblest of causes and that there are consequences for anyone who challenges this.
Birthday wishes and how many a user gets, can be a popularity contest. Last year, one user in my network, a popular person, started getting greetings well before her special day. This person would post periodic status updates about feeling happy about getting so many greetings. On this person's birthday, the person apparently checked the person's page for greetings and would keep posting statuses and comments of thanks. There have been a number of other users who would approach their birthdays greetings much this way. I understanding that gettings hundreds of birthday greetings can mae one feel better about one's self, so I can understand some user's childlike excitement about being flooded with birthday greetings on their special day.
While I know that Facebook gives its users full control over who can post or comment on their pages or profiles, it seems that many users take it too far and are heavy-handed in their approach. I understand that business owners and nonprofits must keep their pages clear and focused and are not using social networks to socialize; I appreciate it when such parties just lock up their pages so no one can write on them. But nothing annoys me like people who give lip service to social interaction, set their pages so you can post but remove posts without disclosure. My annoyance gets aroused when I post positive and helpful links or comments or share my blog or page, only to return to these pages and see that my posts are removed. I quickly "unlike" such pages where I'm not permitted to interact or share my blogspot or my page. A few months ago, I emailed a person, sending the person a link for a petition that I thought was important to the person and her fans. I waited for a response for weeks. As the person's page is locked so no one can post there, I posted the link to that petition there, twice, in comment threads. A day later, the person posted a nice but firm status update, saying no more links on "off-topic" items and that the person didn't "have time" to respond personally to emails, and so forth. Put off by the person's non-response to my concern, I instantly hit the "unlike" option on both my accounts. And another thing that I don't like is when people call me a spammer and tell me not to post anything on their pages. This has been happening more and more. I want to retort: "Why in the world did you add me if you are going to restrict my ability to socialize with you?"
Social networking can so easily become a popularity contest with the emphasis being on image and numbers. It is like a return to middle school and can bring out insecurities from the past; I know this from experience. In my first year on Facebook, I paid too much attention to my friend list count. Now that I have a blogspot and a page, I'm tempted to pay too much attetion to my "follower" and "fan" count. But I have found out, the hard way, that such parties can abandon you without disclosure
or explanation. A high friend, follower or fan count does not mean having many real friends. In fact, it seems the higher the count the fewer real friends one may have.
A sad fact about social networks is that is that authenticity, openness, honesty and moral courage are not rewarded. When exhibited, it seems that other users are quick to hit the "Unfriend," "Block" or even "Report" options. Social networks reward those with name recognition, who know how to package themselves, and who showcase their accomplishments and put "their best feet forward" and who have money to put up sponsored ads. These parties are the ones who get the most "likes" and comments on their statuses and who get the most "fans" for their pages and "followers" for their blogspots. Just today, when I opened my email inbox, Facebook sent me an email with the title, "Your Page Needs More Fans!" It was a sales pitch to me to pay them to promote my page.
In stark contrast to the narcissism of, slickness, self-seeking and phony values so often seen not only online but offline, stand the values of the Person Whose last days many people of faith focus on during Holy Week. The Son of God's values and life on Earth, according to the four Gospels in the Bible, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, consist of these: He was always devoted to and obedient to God His Father, showed compassion for all in need, hung out with outcasts and people that others rejected and looked down on, refused to show off His greatness and power and showed fearlessness and moral courage and standing up to evil and injustice. Eventually, His moral courage and unconventional ways earned Him death on a cross, but God His Father rewarded Him by bringing Him back to life in a historical resurrection and then calling Him Lord and King. I don't know if, had He come today to live on Earth, Jesus would use social networks or how He would do it, but I know that since His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways, that while many others are put off by honesty, truth, free speech and reality, He is not.
Thank You, Jesus.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Our Throwaway Culture
For the longest time, the divorce rate, at least in the US, had stood at 50 percent; that is, if you "tied the knot," you would have a 50/50 chance to "untie that knot." Now, that divorce rate has risen to 60 percent. Statistically, this means that if you get married, you are rather more likely than not, at some point, to call it quits.
Employers devise more screening tools to manage all the applications that cross their desks. One of these tools is the personality test; this effectively prunes applicants from the list which the employers has to deal with. You probably know very well what this means: You can work your rear-end off to make your application stand out to an employer so you will get thay interview, knowing that yours is only one of many applications to cross that employer's desk.
CEO's see their profit margins drop and they see a need to do some pruning so their corporations don't go bankrupt. So what do they tend to do, short of filing for a bankruptcy? They look at all the employees who are costing them money and thet start pruning jobs and eliminating employees. The trouble with this is that behind every job is a person who needs that job just to survive and usually to support a family. Not only this, but but jobs often provide health insurance, a chance to meet people and self-esteem as one makes a contribution to society. All this is lost with a lost job.
Many of us use social networks to connect with people. But according to my research, "unfriending" people is getting more and more common on Facebook. When we are offended or annoyed by an online friend's posts, is is easy to hit that "Unfriend" button or even use the "Block" option. In not even two years of social networking, hundreds of people in my network have hit the "Unfriend" button to get rid of me and some have hit the "Block" button. Among those who have dropped me include advocates, fellow church members, including a pastor's wife and youth workers, other local acquaintances and even some family members. I have been unfriended and blocked just this past weekend! On social networks, you can get rid of undesirable people with a few clicks of a mouse!
More and more, without labor unions to protect employees, employers can terminate employees that they don't like or want to deal with for reasons know best to themselves. I've heard of too many people being terminated without disclosure or given vague reasons. This has happened to me and to some of my loved ones. Worst of all, if discrimination is suspected, it sometimes can't be proved. Sadly, employers find it easy to get rid of employees for disability-related reasons. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) is meant to give a level playing field to qualified people with disabilities and it is having success. But the "undue hardship" clause in this legislation, meant to protect employers, can be overused as an excuse to fire people because of prejudice.
In families, relationships often become ugly because of disputes over inheritances. When money becomes a factor in even the closest of relationships, it often changes the dynamics of the relationship. And when unprincipled, unethical relatives cheat loved ones out of their inheritances, this parts the closest of family members and turns them into bitter enemies. Always sad and heartbreaking, family members have been known to disown each other, to never speak again, and even to take each other to court! I know this from experience!
Homelessness is heartbreaking and a good number of the homeless are war veterans. How many of these homeless are people are living in the streets not because they lack money but for more complex reasons? How many people are living in the steets because family members have ordered them to leave because they could not deal with them for one more minute, whether because of substance abuse, an unwanted pregnancy or some despised lifestyle? When I was attending a former congregation, some among us would reach out to one such woman who was seen to wander the streets because of being "thrown out" of her home. Of course, there are no easy answers to this.
The ultimate method of getting rid of people is murder. Since 1973, girls and women, when faced with unwanted pregnancies, have had the option of "terminating their pregnances" available to them by law. The trouble with this option is that the thing being eliminated is not a thing at all but a live, conceived baby with all its DNA and a little being being "knit together" in the mother by its Creator. This "abortion mentality" has opended the door to people turning to murder, more and more, to get rid of "problems." When we become inconvenient, annoying, difficult or undesirable, we are, more and more, at risk. So many murders have, at the motive, the simple desire to eliminate a person for the killer's own reasons. Such murders are often staged "eraser killings" where the killer makes the murder look like a suicide, a mysterious disappearance or something other than what it is. Can this be why we have so many unsolved crimes and missing people? Chilling.
Get the point? Ours is a throwaway society. Our method of dealing with problems and conflict is often just to "walk out" of the bothersome relationships and to end them. We often hear about and may even talk about, the virtues of real friendship and sticking together through think and thin, despite differences, disagreements, or adversity. But in reality, when relationships get inconvenient, annoying, burdensome, or merely boring, they become vulnerable to being discarded like trash. Instead of dealing with what's wrong in relationships, it's far too easy to end friendships, to change churches, to quit jobs, even to dissolve marriages. Our culture encourages us to leave relationships we no longer want to be in. The idea of "marriage for keeps," though it is Biblical and strongly encouraged in the Bible, tends to be dismissed as old-fashioned, outdated and unrealistic. Abortion is seen as socially acceptable by many people and is seen by some as a way to reduce poverty and other social ills by "thinning out our ranks" and reducing our numbers. When someone in our church home hurts our feelings, when we can't stand our boss or our co-workers, when a friend won't pay a debt, when an employee's work slows down, when an online friend posts controversial material, many voices will encourage us, "Get out! End the relationship! Eliminate your problem! It's your perfect right."
In my own experience with this, people have, over the years and often, terminated their bonds with me, either because of misunderstandings, their unkind reactions to my differences, or my trusting them too readily and mistaking friendliness with ulterior motives with real friendship. Growing up, I went through seeing my parents divorce and I know many others who have divorced. I've already mentioned, in earlier blogs, about being terminated as a volunteer in several intances. I've already mentioned all the online friendships I've lost. Most recently, my membership for a certain movement and campaign was abruptly terminated by its Founder when this person found out about about one of my online posts which raised questions about the cost-effectiveness about the use of its funds. On the flip side of this, I have left certain social settings where I felt misunderstood or excluded.
I know that there are times when we need to, or must, let certain relationships go and I'm not talking about these. But how can we be united unless we stand together and stick together through all the things that could divide us? This is especially important in our throwaway culture.
On the reverse side of this, I find few things more inspiring than that of seeing people who have been married for many decades, sticking together through all manner of hardships, losses, challanges, conflicts and uncertainties.
Employers devise more screening tools to manage all the applications that cross their desks. One of these tools is the personality test; this effectively prunes applicants from the list which the employers has to deal with. You probably know very well what this means: You can work your rear-end off to make your application stand out to an employer so you will get thay interview, knowing that yours is only one of many applications to cross that employer's desk.
CEO's see their profit margins drop and they see a need to do some pruning so their corporations don't go bankrupt. So what do they tend to do, short of filing for a bankruptcy? They look at all the employees who are costing them money and thet start pruning jobs and eliminating employees. The trouble with this is that behind every job is a person who needs that job just to survive and usually to support a family. Not only this, but but jobs often provide health insurance, a chance to meet people and self-esteem as one makes a contribution to society. All this is lost with a lost job.
Many of us use social networks to connect with people. But according to my research, "unfriending" people is getting more and more common on Facebook. When we are offended or annoyed by an online friend's posts, is is easy to hit that "Unfriend" button or even use the "Block" option. In not even two years of social networking, hundreds of people in my network have hit the "Unfriend" button to get rid of me and some have hit the "Block" button. Among those who have dropped me include advocates, fellow church members, including a pastor's wife and youth workers, other local acquaintances and even some family members. I have been unfriended and blocked just this past weekend! On social networks, you can get rid of undesirable people with a few clicks of a mouse!
More and more, without labor unions to protect employees, employers can terminate employees that they don't like or want to deal with for reasons know best to themselves. I've heard of too many people being terminated without disclosure or given vague reasons. This has happened to me and to some of my loved ones. Worst of all, if discrimination is suspected, it sometimes can't be proved. Sadly, employers find it easy to get rid of employees for disability-related reasons. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) is meant to give a level playing field to qualified people with disabilities and it is having success. But the "undue hardship" clause in this legislation, meant to protect employers, can be overused as an excuse to fire people because of prejudice.
In families, relationships often become ugly because of disputes over inheritances. When money becomes a factor in even the closest of relationships, it often changes the dynamics of the relationship. And when unprincipled, unethical relatives cheat loved ones out of their inheritances, this parts the closest of family members and turns them into bitter enemies. Always sad and heartbreaking, family members have been known to disown each other, to never speak again, and even to take each other to court! I know this from experience!
Homelessness is heartbreaking and a good number of the homeless are war veterans. How many of these homeless are people are living in the streets not because they lack money but for more complex reasons? How many people are living in the steets because family members have ordered them to leave because they could not deal with them for one more minute, whether because of substance abuse, an unwanted pregnancy or some despised lifestyle? When I was attending a former congregation, some among us would reach out to one such woman who was seen to wander the streets because of being "thrown out" of her home. Of course, there are no easy answers to this.
The ultimate method of getting rid of people is murder. Since 1973, girls and women, when faced with unwanted pregnancies, have had the option of "terminating their pregnances" available to them by law. The trouble with this option is that the thing being eliminated is not a thing at all but a live, conceived baby with all its DNA and a little being being "knit together" in the mother by its Creator. This "abortion mentality" has opended the door to people turning to murder, more and more, to get rid of "problems." When we become inconvenient, annoying, difficult or undesirable, we are, more and more, at risk. So many murders have, at the motive, the simple desire to eliminate a person for the killer's own reasons. Such murders are often staged "eraser killings" where the killer makes the murder look like a suicide, a mysterious disappearance or something other than what it is. Can this be why we have so many unsolved crimes and missing people? Chilling.
Get the point? Ours is a throwaway society. Our method of dealing with problems and conflict is often just to "walk out" of the bothersome relationships and to end them. We often hear about and may even talk about, the virtues of real friendship and sticking together through think and thin, despite differences, disagreements, or adversity. But in reality, when relationships get inconvenient, annoying, burdensome, or merely boring, they become vulnerable to being discarded like trash. Instead of dealing with what's wrong in relationships, it's far too easy to end friendships, to change churches, to quit jobs, even to dissolve marriages. Our culture encourages us to leave relationships we no longer want to be in. The idea of "marriage for keeps," though it is Biblical and strongly encouraged in the Bible, tends to be dismissed as old-fashioned, outdated and unrealistic. Abortion is seen as socially acceptable by many people and is seen by some as a way to reduce poverty and other social ills by "thinning out our ranks" and reducing our numbers. When someone in our church home hurts our feelings, when we can't stand our boss or our co-workers, when a friend won't pay a debt, when an employee's work slows down, when an online friend posts controversial material, many voices will encourage us, "Get out! End the relationship! Eliminate your problem! It's your perfect right."
In my own experience with this, people have, over the years and often, terminated their bonds with me, either because of misunderstandings, their unkind reactions to my differences, or my trusting them too readily and mistaking friendliness with ulterior motives with real friendship. Growing up, I went through seeing my parents divorce and I know many others who have divorced. I've already mentioned, in earlier blogs, about being terminated as a volunteer in several intances. I've already mentioned all the online friendships I've lost. Most recently, my membership for a certain movement and campaign was abruptly terminated by its Founder when this person found out about about one of my online posts which raised questions about the cost-effectiveness about the use of its funds. On the flip side of this, I have left certain social settings where I felt misunderstood or excluded.
I know that there are times when we need to, or must, let certain relationships go and I'm not talking about these. But how can we be united unless we stand together and stick together through all the things that could divide us? This is especially important in our throwaway culture.
On the reverse side of this, I find few things more inspiring than that of seeing people who have been married for many decades, sticking together through all manner of hardships, losses, challanges, conflicts and uncertainties.
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