Scams

     Scams. I'm sure almost all of us have been victims of them. Individuals, groups or organizations take an interest in you, win your trust and when they are satsified that your trust has been won, they move in with their dirty work. Your trust in them won, they take from you what they want (whether your sensitive information or your money, and so forth) and vanish without a trace, not delivering on their promises and leaving you adrift, disillusioned and wondering who to trust.
     Online, one of my first such experiences with this was with a nonprofit organization. Before I had started using Facebook, I had never known that this organization existed. Then how did I find out about it? I learned about it through posts from those in my networks, especially those who had close ties to the nonprofit in question. I observed that many people in my network showed support for this nonprofit. I had done community volunteer work offline but never anything online, but over time, I toyed with the idea of joining this nonprofit's "family" of volunteers.
     Why had I wanted to get involved with this particular organization in the first place? Aside from the stated mission of this particular nonprofit and my desire to enter a supposedly controlled and supportive situation, to make a difference in the lives of those served by this nonprofit, I craved a sense of belonging and community that were missing from my life. This nonprofit promised to provide that for their volunteers. "Become part of our team and you will find a family!" this nonprofit promised. And I did not feel that I fit in with the kind of people who attended the mainstream suburban congregations that my family and I have visited or placed our memberships in. These kind of people who comprised most of our local, suburban parishes, have been, for the most part, nice, decent, and seemingly upstanding citizens and often devout in their faith. Yet I have seen too little diversity in race, disabilities or walks of life. Most seemed to be more or less affluent and many were in the professional class. From my observations and research, this seems to be the case in so many denominational, local congregations in our suburbs. In such settings, it is hard for so many people among the poor, those with disabilities (visible or invisible), members of racial or ethnic minority groups and others, to feel part of their local faith communities.
      Therefore, when several online people with close ties to the nonprofit in question, took an interest in me and showed affection and support, I was thrilled and I felt hopeful that things were coming together. Therefore, I wanted to become one of them and become part of their mission and activities. I liked what they said about their nonprofit and I believed in their cause. Unsure of whether I really could volunteer and whether I would even be accepted as such, I nevertheless decided to take the chance. And so, in the Fall, a year-and-a-half ago, I contacted this nonprofit and I expressed my interest in volunteering for them.
     The volunteer co-ordinator, who had been in my social networks almost from the beginning, contacted me through email and sent me the volunteer application to fill out online and send back electronically. On this form, I was asked for my Social Security Number ("very important for a criminal background check") and there also was a question asking about disabilities. I wondered why some of these questions were needed for online work. And was the Social Security Number really needed for a criminal background check? Within hours after I filled out this application and returned it through email, the volunteer co-ordinator called me on the phone for an "intake interview." A day later, I was thrilled when this person called me and, in the course of the conversation, assured me that I had been accepted!
     That very night, I set about creating a second, official page for this nonprofit. One by one, each of those who had ties to this nonprofit, added me as a friend to this profile as well as to my original profile. And I busied myself with adding more and more people from my first profile, to this second profile. Soon I was dismayed to discover that that racy, spammy material in the form of a video, was being sent in message form or posted on the pages of those in this new network and in my name! I could see that the people with this nonprofit were, judging from their posted comments, were defending me and doing "damage control" for me. They were insisting that these racy, spammy links and material were the work of hackers and that I was not sending these to anyone. I felt comforted and convinced myself that we could work this out.
     However, these spammy links and racy material continued to be sent to my friends on this profile. As the days wore on, it seemed all I was doing was trying to repair the damage coming from my hackers and trying to convince my friends on Facebook that I was NOT sending them ANY of this trash that they were getting in my name. I became more upset and frustrated by this turn of events. What had I ever gotten myself into, signing up for this nonprofit? My family did not support my volunteer efforts for this nonprofit and let me know it. They guessed that I had a computer virus infection and that when another family member had gotten on my computer and clicked suspicious links there, that this may have been paved the way for my hackers to do their dirty work. Maybe. But my phone chats with the volunteer co-ordinator began to break down and I could see that the nonprofit was losing interest in me. One night, I was aghast when this person told me something like, "We have concluded that you are not a fit person for our nonprofit, that you will not help us in our work and that we do not want to deal with someone who is as high-maintenance as you have shown yourself to have been." From this point, the person's phone manner became distant and even cold, and this conversation became a disaster.
     The following day, this nonprofit sent me an email, telling me that I was dismissed as a volunteer. I was devastated! When the CEO of this nonprofit contacted me by phone to, in essence, defending this person's nonprofit and convince me of why I was not a fit volunteer, my family got involved, with results that did me no good. When the conversation ended, I sent this CEO an email, making the mistake of attempting to make the case as to why I was a good person for this nonprofit, I got a quick response, accusing me of harassment and ending with a cold, angry, "Don't ever contact us again." One by one, most of those with close ties to this nonprofit removed me from their friends lists and this happened on my original profile as well as my new one. And the one persson, with close ties to this nonprofit and who I believed was becoming a real friend, told me that the entire team had been told to remove me from their official profiles. "But you're on my personal page and I am keeping you there," this person assured me.
     However, I was utterly dismayed when I discovered that this very person as well as another who I was feeling bonded with, later the following day, had blocked me completely AND from their personal pages! I knew I was blocked when when I visited my messages inbox on Facebook and both person's names were in black and their profiles were no longer hyperlinked so I could access them. Also, I could no longer reply to their messages. And as for my second, hacked page, Facebook had removed it as it had been reported as a hacked page.
     This all happened during December and at the holiday season, which made all of this even more depressing. I entered a depression, feeling helpless, hopeless and adrift, betrayed, disillusioned and wondering who I could trust. Why in the world would everyone with a nonprofit be told to sever all ties with me as though I were a criminal? I had spent hours trying to support this nonprofit and their cause. I would wistfully check my email inbox for messages from this nonprofit, against better knowledge. I sent emails to some of the people who had "unfriended" me, making the case as to why they were being told things about me that were not true, if this was happening. Needless to say, I never received any replies to these emails. One evening, I called the volunteer co-ordinator to appeal to this person. When this person heard my voice, I heard the abrupt click of the phone.
     Seeing that my relationships with those with this nonprofit had deteriorated into nothingness, I would pour my heart out to God in my prayer journal, venting to Him all my angry, sad, fearful and betrayed feelings. This experience with this nonprofit brought back all so many of my memories of being misunderstood and bullied by both adults and peers thoughout my youth. My family could take only so much of my venting; I didn't blame them. How did I let myself get talked into a situation like this? Could I ever trust anyone again?
     We know that online scams are harder to detect than offline scams. This is because users can hide behind their computer screens do what they want to do. They can escape detection through setting up fake profiles, making claims about themselves not are untrue or grandiose or can hide their identities.
And we are vulnerable to scams when we crave a sense of belonging and community, we are lonely or want an easy, cheap or free way to obtain goods or services. We are vulnerable when we are in need and are looking for someone to "rescue" us or give us answers. And we are vulnerable when the scammers win our trust and make promises to us that they can give us what we want.
     I have experienced other scams since my experience with this nonprofit in question. The users who had blocked me, had "refriended" me but things have not ever been the same. These experiences have made me more wary but still, I know that it is easy to fall prey to scammers because there are are always people who will take advantage of the trusting. Currently, in my petition dive on behalf of the autism community and in my quest for support and resources to "beef up" my campaign, I know that I will have to guard against scammers who would make false promises that they would make my petition "go viral" without the needed work to increase the odds that this could happen. And in my offlne life, I have to guard against people who would make promises to grant me answers to my lifetime of my unexplained differences when they are in no way qualified to give me any quality evaluation for my situation.
     As it has so often been said, if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is!
    
   
    
     

God, the Church, Autism, and Other People With Disabilities

     Yesterday, I read two articles that bothered me and I know that they also bothered many other people; I also commented on both of them. Both articles discuss autism and faith in God, or the lack of it, and spirituality. One article is titled, "Autism May Diminish Belief in God" and the other is titled, "Are Atheists More Autistic Than Believers?" The very titles suggest that people with autism are inherently less spiritual than others and have less capacity for God, than other people in the population. What is are the authors' explanations for their findings? The writers cite the well-known finding that "theory of mind," the ability to comprehend the feelings and thoughts of other people, is deficient in autism and at the root of so many autistic social difficulties. The writers tell us that the parts of the brain that are involved in appreciating and contemplating God as a Person with thoughts and feelings, are "theory of mind" traits. This "theory of mind" and the involved parts that enable us to see ourselves in relationship with God, are damaged by autism, reason the authors. The conclusion of all this? Autism means a reduced capacity for God and faith.
     The first article, "Autism Diminishes Belief in God," focuses on the supposed reduced capacity for God that autistic people have. Their conclusions are based on asking people with autism and those with traits of autism who are not diagnosed, questions about God, spirituality and faith. The writer bases his findings on what his subjects said in the surveys and the more autistic trait, the more the answers leaned toward diminished belief in God. The second article, "Are Atheists More Autistic Than Believers?" focuses on the supposed autistic traits of many atheists, asking whether many of them many have a form of high-functioning autism. These would include Asperger's Syndrome and Pervasive Development Syndrome--Not Otherwise Specified (PDD--NOS). Many who count themselves as atheists are no doubt offended at the suggestion that they may be considered to have traits of autism, but what is far more of a concern, even offense, to me, is the notion that atheism and autism are being compared in this fasion and the suggestion that autistic people are more likely to be atheists. What should be taken away from articles such as this?
     Let me answer this question with another question. If autism hinders faith in God and spirituality, who bears much of the responsibility for this? I suggest that much of this is because congregations and people of faith, have not known how or have not tried to learn how to welcome people with autism and many other disabilities, especially invisible ones) into their congregational life. What does feeling and being welcomed into the Church (the community of the people of God) have to do with faith in God? I suggest that it has to do everything with it! It is a serious matter when people feel chronically unwelcomed by the Church! It can harm them spiritually.When individuals, autistic or not, or families don't feel welcomed into the Church or a congregation, they rarely stay. And when individuals, autistic or not, or families feel shunned or not accepted by the people of God, they are going to find it easier to feel shunned or not accepted by God Himself. Let's face it, God is invisible and His people are all we can see. Being human, though we know that God is perfect and His people are imperfect, it is all too easy to confuse God with His people. And when autistic people (who are often  challenged in "theory of mind" and higher-order thinking skills) feel unwelcome in the Church, they will be even more likely to question and to doubt God. Why? It is so much easier to believe the message being sent out by the perceived (or actual) rejection of God's people, than it is to believe in the unseen God, His love and His assurance that His favor toward us is not based on what other people think or feel about us.
     Let me cite my own experience with this issue in my adulthood. When my our family became members in the Church and in a local congregation, I soon became uncomfortable there. The members themselves were nice, pleasant, respectable people, many being young professionals and these were typical "church people" with traditional, family values. But this came as rather of a "culture shock" to me, as I had spent much of my youth and early adults years with diverse people, and people with various learning, behavioral and physical disabilities. And I was used to them. But in congregations we visited or became members of, I saw much less diversity. Very few people had disabilities with the exception of more severe ones where the need was obvious and where they were much more likely to be welcomed. Yes, I'm sure that there were more than a few members (as in son many congregations) who had invisible disabilities and feared "coming out of the closet" with them because of possible stigma.
      I'm not blaming the members (or even the leadership) of any such congregation, as I'm sure so many may not have been exposed to the disability community and may often not know about any disabilities, especially the more complex, easily misunderstood and invisible ones. In this setting of people who were not much like so many I had known and grown up with, I became acutely aware of my differences and my background, which I knew were not "normal." I did my best to "stay in the closet" and when anyone asked me anything personal where I might have to share those "unsafe" subjects, I would clam up. And yet, judging from the reactions of others and even from what I heard from my spouse, people still sensed that "something was up" with me. I felt like a misfit and not accepted. And it wasn't that I didn't become involved so I could make a contribution. I did. Still, this did little to ease my feelings of not being welcomed. And, even today, though I know better, my natural tendency is to confuse God, Whom I cannot see, with His people, whom I could see. I tend to wrestle with doubts about my relationship with God; after all, if I have so often "struck out" with His people, what does this say about my relationship with Him? What does it say about my own faith and "spirituality" if I don't feel welcomed by His people?
     And I'm not speaking only for myself here. I know that many other people, autistic or not, disabled or not, have not felt welcome in congregations. I'm positive that this happens with people with disabilities much more often and who have often not felt welcomed in the Church. In the case of those with physical disabilities, welcoming them requires that the Church make their premises accessible: ramps for those unable to walk without difficulty, sign language interpreters for deaf people who use sign language, the allowance of service dogs for those who use them for various disabilities, and I can add more and I'm sure some of you can. And congregations can create a supportive environment where people with invisible disabilities will feel less afraid to "come out of the closet" with their unseen differences and will find that they will not be judged but will be accepted. But I know that many congregations, especially large ones, feel that it is a churchgoer's or member's responsibility to reach out, get involved and make a contribution and that, as a by-product, they will be included and accepted. There is truth to this, that all of us, disabled or autistic or without disabilities, should reach out and seek to contribute to out congregations. However, in the case of people with disabilities, obvious or invisible, more support and often accommodations are needed for most to feel and be welcomed into the Church.
     I know that providing physical accommodations needed by so many with visible disabilities, often costs money or may be seen as inconveniencing others, such as allowing service dogs or other service animals. And in the case of invisible disabilities, especially the complex, more easily misunderstood ones, congregations will need to take time and effort to educate themselves about these. Yes, I recognize that, unfair as it may be, those of us in the disability community and with these conditions, will probably have to lead the way in this, advocating for ourselves and for so many others.
     Getting back to the topic of autism and faith in God, I can't help but but believe that much of this perceived "reduced capacity for God" and even comparisons with atheists, says something also about how autistic people have often not felt welcomed in the Church. I recognize that the Church often does not feel equipped to deal with a complex neurological condition like autism and so often don't know how to welcome autistic people. And since autism means a different way of thinking and different wiring, the Church needs to find out how to make God real to autistic people according to their different wiring. There are no easy answers to this, obviously. But I think that when the Church will try to reach out to autistic people, we may see more come to our local churches and want to know our God. The writers of these two articles seem to be boxing God in, suggesting that He is not able to reveal Himself and make Himself real to those with different wiring or thinking. These articles insult God as much as they do autistic people. Is God limited by the way someone is wired? Didn't He make the brain in the first place? Who is the Creator of those with disabilities, including autism? And doesn't His call to "go into all the world" with His message include those with autism and other disabilities?
     Is the Church listening?