Social Networking: Does It Breed Narcissism?

     One day, I was scrolling through my Facebook homepage where a user posted something like this: "Really, Facebook should be called Fakebook as all you're going to see of its users are their best photos. All we see of people on here is what they are at their best. It's an illusion." I posted in the "Comments" section about how much I agreed with this person on this matter.
     I have observed that users on social networks are focused on doing everything they can to place themselves in the best light. We talk about wearing our "Sunday best" when we attend worship services and while I'm NOT comparing using social networking with attending worship services, it seems that we have a "social networking best" as well. And so many users seem to be bent on impressing other users wth their accomplishements, credentials and just who they are. Now I understand that when people are trying to grow their for-profit or nonprofit organizations or are trying to market their causes, that much of this is essential to get business or supporters. After, as is said so often, we have "only one chance to make a good first impression."
     I see so many users who post photos and posts about their babies and I understand the urge to "show off" one's darling offspring to the world. But so many people, including those who do not have children or who cannot produce offspring, might be hurt or at least annoyed by such posts, depending on their own situations. If you are a user who is struggling with infertility and are unable to conceive, the last thing you probably want to see is others posting photos of their cute babies. It screams out: "Look at what I have!" It's like you are expected to be an infertile person celebrating other's children; this is the message these posts can send to such people or to others unable to become parents for other reasons. Users who have lost babies may also be hurt or retraumatized by seeing these photos, especially if their loss is recent.  And aside from that, for parents who post these baby photos, there is the safety and privacy issue to consider, as online predators lurk, unseen and unknown, behind their computer screens and who can guarantee that they cannot see the cute photos? Such posts have sometimes annoyed me as well as have saddened me, as often, when I see them, I'm reminded that babies and young children will not be in my future.
     Many months ago, a user posted about her machanical talents. In a transparent effort to show off her prowess in this area, this user posted about her washing machine, how it broke down and how she was able to fix it on her own. Gleefully and most childlike, this user posted: "I have fixed my broken washing machine by myself and now it is fixed! Yes, I am boasting!" Amused by this status update, , I saw it as no big deal except that users who lack such talent and have to hire machanics to do repairs for them, may be annoyed by such a post and especially if their budgets are tight.
     Many users, in their "About Me" or "Info" sections of profiles or pages, list such a list of accomplishments or places they travel, that I feel that my own life is lackluster as compared to theirs and that I have done nothing with it. Some users post such extensive lists of accomplishments and places they travel, and their life experiences, that frankly, I find it hard to believe these claims that many make about themselves. Maybe this is just me but I think so much of it is the way social networks make it so easy for people to present themselves any way they please online. And when I see these claims and believe them, I admit to experience feelings of jealousy toward these users for being able to "soar as advocates," with social connections, financial resources and opportunities that I can only dream of, and which would certainly help in my current petition campaign!
     One Facebook user posted a thinly-veiled reference to her financially rewarding career. No doubt this user was happy at this time and wanted to share this happiness with all. "I must admit," this person boasted, " that I enjoy the financial rewards that I get every week!" Another time, this user declared, "Wow! I'm seeing a big windfall coming!" I felt both amused and a wee bit jealous.
     At one time, a user in my Facebook network changed her profile photo. When I saw this photo, I was rather startled and wondered if what I saw was genuine or "doctored." This user had put up a photo where she graced the covers of Forbes magazine. What kind of statement was this user trying to make? And how was she able to make the cover of this magazine, if in fact that really happened?
     Earlier this year, I was most annoyed by one Facebook user and this person's transparent show of narcissism as shown on this user's profile and Facebook page. This user ostensibly was spearheading a movement whose stated mission was noble. However, this person's profile and page, even if casually checked, told a different story of what this user seemed to be about. For both this person's profile and her page showed many "glamor shots" of her and I could not understand what this had to do with this user's stated mission. If this user made it her practice to put up all these "glamor shots" in order to generate support and donations, she most certainly succeeded! This person's page added many thousands of "fans" within days! And on her profile, this user got countless posts of support and affection from adoring supporters. I experienced feelings of jeaousy o this person even as I could see these transparent gestures of self-promotion on her part. I believed in this user's cause and while I certainly am not judging her heart or her motives, behavior such as she has shown says a lot! This user reflects this shallow culture and our often phony values. While I know that packaging is part of marketing one's cause and mission, when it is taken too far as I believe happened in this user's case, credibility is lost.
     Last year, one the eve of this user's birthday, she kept checking her birthday greeting as I kept getting Facebook notifications that this user has posted a "Thank you!" on one birthday greeting after another, as received. And the following day, this continued. This user kept checking in and responding to her greetings with "thank you's" and affectionate symbols. Sounding much like school days when we compted to see who would get the most Valentine Day's greetings? This user was only one example of many who made it a point to check it around and on their birthdays as their birthday greetings poured in from users in their social networks. Yes, I understand that seeing hundreds of posts wishing a user happy birthday would be, at the very least, a temporary boost to one's self-esteem. I can't blame any user for this childlike behavior. Social networks are a place where many users seek support, friendship and affirmation that they may not find in their offline lives.
     While I know that Facebook always gives page owners full control over who can post on their pages, I have been put off by how controlling some page owners can be and how little interaction they permit their "fans." Yes, I know that page owners that trun pages for business or nonprofits need to keep their pages focus on their products or missions. But I have seen some page ownners who I think take this too far and who are running personal or "community" pages. Social interaction on such pages are limited only to sharing their content or expressions of support for them or their material. I was not only annoyed but angry when I tried to email one such page owner via her contact information on her page. I emailed her twice, requesting that she post a petition that bore a good measure of relevance to the purpose of her page as it involved the people she is advocating for. I didn't get any response. So, after about a month, I posted a link to this petition, twice, in the "Comments" area on this person's posts (as I could not post on her page). The following day, I was aghast to see that she posted a status update, politely but firmly saying that external links were not allowed on her page and that she would consider such links by email and post them IF they fit in with her mission. Apparently, the petition did not fit her criteria. Angered by what I saw as self-promotion, I deleted myself from her page, on both my accounts. More recently, I sought this user's support with my own petition, which also is to benefit those she advocates for. To make a long story short, my attempts failed completely and the person not only refused to support my petition campaign, but has banned me from her page on my first account and has told me, "I don't ever want to hear from you again!"  Right or wrong in my attempts to garner this user's support, her response shows that many users use social networks solely for very specific agendas with little room for those with other agendas.
     Most recently, some users have been uploading and posting photos of their certificates and honors which they have won, or their children have won,  and which I'm sure they have worked hard for and deserve. I know that many users have made it a point to proudly display their awards or honors or accolades won by their children. And I know that this is the time of graduations from different levels of education. And I'm sure these users who display their honors or those of their children, assume that everyone will share in their happiness. While I certainly understand wanting to share one's happiness with the world, not everyone is able to do those things signified by these honors. Many people will never be able to graduate from college because of lack of funds or learning differences or for other reasons. Struggling advocates and small nonprofits lack the funds and resources that can empower their missions to soar and put them in the position to do the things that awards like these signify. "Oh, people who begrudge those who win awards or honors like these are just jealous, resentful or childish!" some may object. "Get a life!" There may be some truth to this, but why incite others to such things? And as many awards and honors come with generous financial stipends, sharing about these, in my opinion, is especially insensitive to small nonprofits and advocates with limited resources and who are struggling to "make their voices bigger."
     Showing support for each other's causes on Facebook, in personal networks, should go both ways. In my current petition campaign, I have set up a "My Birthday Wish" online "event" on the "event" page of Facebook in order to promote my petition. I created the page in the hope of reaching as many people in my networks as possible. Even after all my efforts to stress that this "event" was merely an online effort to promote my petition, that it was NOT a fundraiser, and that people had control over the privacy of their signatures, I saw many more "Declines" to my "event" than those who marked "Joined." Granted, some who marked "Declined" DID sign my petition and not all who marked "Joined" actually signed the petition. Yes, I could understand why those outside the US have not been supporting my petition, even though I stressed that even they could still help by sharing the petition by finding it on my Facebook page (giving them the link). But others in the US? "I don't do petitions," one user said. Well, there was nothing I could do about a user like that; months ago, another user had told me, "You causes are lovely, but I can't support them." And yet, a good number of these "nonsupporters" have been enlisting my support for their own causes, petitions and are sending me invitations to games and other applications. It makes me wonder: Does the give-and-take of relations not apply, at least to some extent, to online relationships?
     And in my petition campaign, I guard against coming across as a self-promoter and like those who call for support for their own causes but who won't reciprocate when others seek support from them. For I have always gone out of my way to show support for others' causes and petitions, though I know that a few users have deleted me because they felt "snubbed" by me. Actually, in these cases I have not seen or noticed these user's causes.
     Actually, social networks are neither good or bad; the users behind these networks are what make them what they are. For social networks are people.

The Most Dishonored Man in the US

     Someone does a drawing of President Obama, inscribing this drawing with "He has come from monkeys." (I understand the the maker of this photo has apologized).
     A "friend" on Facebook appears on Chat with me; when I request that this user sign and share a petition, the response I get is an angry: "He hates (the beneficiaries of said petition)! He is our enemy! He is a sociopath!"
     Recently, I scrolled through my homepage and saw another post about the US President. In the comments section, a user posted "It is time to hand him his pink slip and say it's time to retire."
     As I was scrolling though my Facebook homepage one day, I saw a photo collage of many politicians with the inscription like "Terrorists," among the many photos is one of President Obama, at the far right.
     A "pastor," preaching his "pro-life" sermon one day, denounces President Obama and leads his congregation in a "prayer" for the President to die.
     It is not uncommon for us to see "funnies" in various media outlets, where President Obama is depicted with Devil's horns or pictured in strange poses or with "evil" expressions.
     In one user's Facebook profile pic, President Obama appears standing and over his head is the inscription "I lie."
     Republicans and politics shows supporting Republicans, compare President Obama to Hitler or even call him by that name.
     One prominent, popular politician declares that President Obama "consorts with terrorists and wants to usher in a socialist government."
     A high-profile politician calls President Obama "the biggest Food Stamp President in history."
     Regularly, when I log into Facebook and check my homepage for updates, I come upon posts with the transparent aim: to trash the current US President.
     "Impeach Obama" and "Defeat Obama" causes, petitions and pages continually spring up throughout the social networks.
     "Liar," "Imposter," "Unpatriotic," "Traitor," "Socialist," and other derogatory nouns are constantly tossed around, on all media outlets, and are meant to trash the President.
     One national cable TV network, over these past several years, has functioned with one purpose, as judging by their actions: to destroy the President and those who agree with him.
     On and around patriotic holidays, like Memorial day and Veteran's Day especially, on my Facebook homepage, I see posts with photos of veterans with the inscrpition "Some Gave All," and photos of President Obama with the inscription, "Some Gave Nothing."
     One prominent Republican likens President Obama to a criminal convicted of manslaughter who "has abandoned the ship."
     When President Obama sings a portion of a popular song on TV, another politician calls him the "Entertainer-In-Chief" and states that he is "bad for singing."
     A certain Governor, right on TV, angrily shakes her fist in the face of the US President.
     A certain Congressman orders President Obama: "Get the ---- out of the US!"
     On Facebook, there is an application called "Nobama."
     A certain State Senator "prays" for the death of the US President.
     These numerous, disturbing examples point to a now ingrained habit in our culture that has taken on a life of its own. This trend is dishonoring the President.
     I don't know if this is because of who the current President happens to be but I have a suspicion that this has something to do with all the hate leveled at him. I don't know if this because of unconscious racism toward the first Black President in US history and jealousy of his success. I don't recall that former Presidents, including former President George W. Bush, have been the butt of such hate, contempt and crass disrespect. Yes, many of us have referred to former President Jimmy Carter as "the peanut man," and to former President Bill Clinton as "slick Willie." However, even during the months of the exposure of former President Bill Clinton's scandalous relationship with then White House intern Monica Lewinski and his actions following, and throughout his impeachment trial, I don't recall that he was ever subjected to the level of smearing that President Obama has been.
     Why is this dishonoring of the President so widespread and so socially accepted, even among people of faith? I think that it is because many people have grown up not knowing any better, having had it ingrained in them that dishonoring the Government and trashing those in power is "cool." And then there is the influence of the "Tea Party" movement and a prominent cable news network plus Republican enemies of the President who use all kinds of media outlets and spending $$$ to trash him. I think much of it is because ours has become a culture of general disrespect and younger people are not likely to remember a time when manners and respect were the norm. For it is true: Manners, politeness and respect in general, have been declining for many years. When I was growing up, it was drilled into the younger generation, "Respect your elders" and when we did or said anything to challenge authority, it was not accepted. "Talking back" was a grave offense (granted there are major drawbacks to this which I point out in my blogs about autism and social stigma about "taboo" issues).
We would never have gotten by with telling an authority figure, "Wait," when told to do something. Delayed obedience equalled disobedience. But today is very different and disprespect has become so ingrained that diishonoring the person who holds the highest office in the free world, is socially acceptable and even commended! We have lost the ability to separate a person from his or her office and to honor the holder of such offices despite dislike of them or disagreement with them and their policies.
     It is safe to say that President Obama will go down as the most dishonored and vilified President in US history. Currently, we have entered into the campaign season where he is seeking a second term and as we all know, this campaign will only get nastier until it is all over. Public sentiment against him continues. There are numerous individuals, groups, causes and petitions that are committed to President Obama's defeat. On Facebook, I continue to see posts that are hostile to President Obama and propaganda photos and articles and supposed quotes where the President's words are taken out of context or incorrectly quoted. Yesterday, scrolling through my Facebook homepage, I saw one such post that showed a photo of former President George Washington and underneath his photo was the inscription was "I cannot tell a lie." Next to his photo was a photo of President Obama; under his photo was the inscription, "I cannot tell the truth." More and more users are posting material declaring, "I will vote President Obama out of a job in November 2012!" Even after the President had produced his birth certificate and explained the circumstances surrounding his birth, many still doubt the validity of his US citizenship and declare his "ineligibilty" to even run for the office of the US President.
     I am aware that, among many "real life" people of my aquaintance and among many in my own social networks, many oppose the President. In my social networks and among those who have expressed their political vies, few have shown support for President Obama. And by support I don't mean liking him or agreeing with his political views or his policy decisions. By support, I mean honoring him because he holds the highest (and arguably most difficult) office in the free world, expressing this honor and giving him the benefit of the doubt even when we may not like what he does. I have wanted to post, "What would YOU do if you were in his place?" Myself, I don't agree with all of President Obama's decisions or views, just as I did not agree with all of former President Bush's decisions or his views.
     As a person of faith, I'm fully aware that many question the genuineness of President Obama's Christian faith, though he has stated that he has a relationship with God through Jesus His Son and that his faith guides what he does in his personal and professional life. I will not discuss the reasons people give for why they doubt his faith; these would fill whole books. But I believe that judging the quality of his faith (or anyone's) is nor right and is just as wrong as the reasons their profession of faith is being questioned. This lapse is worst among those who call themselves "conservative Christiona" or "the religious right." Whatever we think of President Obama's views on the "hot-button" issues of gay/lesbian marriage equality or abortion, only God knows the President's heart, just as He knows the hearts of each of us. Each of us arrives at our own views of these two core issues (in the minds of so many) based on deeply held beliefs and often, life experiences. Yes, Scriptural principles come down on the side of life beginning at conception and on the side of marriage being God's design to be between a husnband and his wife (who would illustrate the relationship between God and His people). But we live in a very broken world where so many feel driven to choose abortion or where life circumstances make the sexual orientations of many do awry. The fact that we are so angrily debating these issues shows that we have serious issues that the President, if anything, realizes needs to be addressed. We may not like or agree with how he is addressing gay/lesbiam marriage equality or abortion but the Scripture tells us to honor and pray for those in power.
    As we get closer and closer to the Presidential debates and the election, whoever those of us in the US vote for, let us remember that votes that are cast based on hate for a Candidate and the desire to defeat him at any cost, are poorly cast.
    And if we can disrespect the person who hold the highest office in the free world, we will find it easy to disrespect anyone.