Practical Ways To Prevent and End Child Abuse

If you use social networking sites regularly, especially Facebook, you probably have been seeing posts about organized, highly-funded child crimes prevention campaigns whose well-meant projects are more symbolic than anything in their execution, in my opinion. These events and groups are sponsored by businesses, nonprofit organizations, groups, and many individuals, including high-profile advocates. Yes, there is much support for all these all these massive efforts, time and financial resources and the planning. The involved masses of those passionate about preventing and ending child abuse no doubt believe that this form of awareness involvement is helping to alleviate a deep-seated, pervasive social evil that is attached to many other issues. An evil that originates in the human heart and home. But for all these massive efforts to get people fired up about preventing and ending child abuse through awareness events, comes across to me (at least) as the "Super Bowl" of child abuse awareness and I wonder if it sends a confusing message. That we need to raise funds and join "cool" movements to make a difference. These type of efforts are not unique and apply to many other causes. Our culture sends the message to us that, to be effective, we must organize, form committees, attend large-scale events and projects and raise large amounts of money. All of these are useful but only up to a point. We believe that people need all this before they will attend to the "rubber meets the road" of doing everythings to prevent and end child abuse or any crimes. Maybe we do but we should not.

Whether we need these large-scale campaigns or not, this blog will focus on those "rubber meets the road," everyday things that really prevent and end child abuse and other forms of crime and violence. These are things that any of us, depending on our situations, can do right where we are if we are really serious about making a difference. I'm just giving you a wide variety of examples and I'm sure you can add to my list.

1). Parents, screen anyone whom you allow to babysit your child, especially if you need this person on a regular basis. Interview your candidates and, if you can afford it, run background checks on them. Ask them for references, and call these individuals.

2). If you are standing in line in any situation and you see a parent with young children, allow them to go ahead of you. If you are driving and you see a parent with young children, give them the right of way.

3). Parents, always put your child's name on the inside, not outside of his or her clothing, to protect their privacy and to block predators from seeing their information.

4). If  you have a child (ren) with special needs or autism and who may wander because of this, install a lock on screen doors and especially on the front door; this should prevent wandering and discourage intruders.

5). If you have a child (ren) who uses the Internet for social networking, monitor what they do online. Do not let underage children (under 13) set up accounts with Facebook, You Tube, My Space or other social networking sites. If you can, discourage them from using social networks until they reach age 18! And if they use social networks, set up their computers in an area where you can easily supervise  them. There is too much drama and too many harmful people in cyberspace!

6). Parents, you are justly proud of your child's accomplishments and you want to "show off" your children. But the eyes of predators are looking for easy prey. Therefore, refrain from putting bumper stickers on your cars' windshields that proclaim, "My Child Is an Honor Student," "The Proud Parent of An Eagle Scout," or any other such material that can help identify your child (ren) to predators.

7). Befriend a single mother, especially if she is poor or without a strong support system. Single mothers, with all their stresses, are at-risk for becoming overwhelmed and so are tempted to take their frustrations out on their child (ren), or depend on them heavily for help around the house or emotional companionship.

8). Parents, your beautiful children are the apples of your eye. But if you use social networks, never forget the predators lurk unseen in cyberspace. Therefore, minimize uploading photos or videos of you children online. And I strongly discourage giving their names if you enjoy putting up family photos and never give their full birthdates. Among all the good folks on social networks, online predators lurk and we have few ways to identify them.

9). We all need to overcome our inhibitions and talk to out chil (ren), in an age-appropriate way, about sexuality, sexual abuse, good touches and bad touches. We need to teach them how to protect themselves from it and to assure them that they do not have to keep any "grown-up secrets." No, it is not easy to talk about and I know this! But silence empowers predators and is an acceptance of sexual abuse.

10). Do not discipline a child (ren) in anger. Wait until the emotion passes before acting.

11). If it is for you, volunteer to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) to be a voice for abused children. Visit the national CASA website at: http://casaforchildren.org/.

12). If you are pregnant or are pursuing adoption, make sure that you have a solid support system in place, especially if you are a single parent, a teenager, have a disability (ies) or other special needs. The support will reduce the stresses of parenting and lessen the increased temptation to abuse or neglect your child (ren). Getting help is much better than abusing a child (ren)!

13). Appeal to legislators to put in many more dollars on anger management classes and parenting classes in public schools at the high-school level. As them to reduce the funds spent on higher math like algebra. After all, what skills do students need to fuction in their familes and in life most, interpersonal skills or algebraic skills?  It is a matter of priorities.

14). Try to never let any child, 17 and under, walk alone anywhere for any purpose. Far too often, we have heard (maybe seen!) the terrible things that have (and continue to) happen to children who are left unattended! Yes, it is hard to make that work sometimes, especially when they are older, but we need to try.

15). If you are a new parent, especially a young one, who is petrified of the thought of parenting, you have options other than ending your baby's life. You can leave your baby with any responsible adult, take your baby to a local police station, a hospital or a church. Many childless couples or single adults would love to take your baby and give him or her a home.

16). Child identity theft is on the rise; a child won't realize what's been done to him or her until the time comes to apply for a job, rent an apartment, get a loan, or seek other goods and services. Do not give out your child's Social Security Number or full birthdate for any reason unless they NEED to know. And if you are tempted to use your child's Social Security Number for any reason, don't! This is child abuse!

17). If it is for you, run for political office, making children's rights your political platform.

18). If you carry emotional scars from a troubled past, whether you are a parent or not, try to work the issues through with a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, pastor, or another caring and dedicated person. In this way you will be breaking the cycle of your past and are empowered to meet your child's needs without needing him or her to meet yours.

19). If you get overwhelmed as a parent, please get help. So many cases of abuse, epecially child abuse deaths have happened because frustrated people resort to abuse or neglect and the abuse gets out of control, ending in death for the unfortunate victim. Wal away. Pray. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1 and so find alternatives to abuse!

20). If you struggle with a substance abuse addiction, especially drugs or alcohol, please get professional help! Substance abuse sets you up to abuse and neglect your family, including your children. You still love them as much as ever, but your addiction "has" you and you "have to feed" it. And you can't help but stoop to anything to sustain your habit, even if it means abuse. You are powerless to control your life and the first step is to admit this!

21). Raise your children to manage their anger, to develop empathy and to resolve their conflicts with words, not fists.

22). Men, take responsiblity for the children whom you have fathered, even if you are not going to marry their mom! It is so wrong and unfair, to both the mom and your babies, to desert her and to leave her to raise your child (ren) alone! This has given countless moms and children, including my mom and myself, lives of lasting disadvantage. Such moms are at-risk for abusing and neglecting their children. And, if you are married, don't leave all parenting to your wife. Parenting is a team effort and you are half of that team.

23). If you know or suspect that a child is being abused, don't be silent. Please call the 24/7 hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1.

24). So many cases of child abuse and child abuse deaths happen because of wrongful court decisions in child custody cases and because of a broken system. There is no easy answer to this but we need to appeal to those in power to protect children who who are forced to rely on the system through funding and better laws.

25). Spousal or partner abuse often mushrooms into child abuse. When we talk about parenting and stopping child abuse, we need to talk about ending all other forms of abuse of any people group. This includes bullying, which is nothing but peer abuse and, if severe enough, causes the same emotional damage that any other form of abuse does. I know this from experience!

26). If you are in the position to do so, consider adopting a child or becoming a foster parent. You may be rescuing a child from an abuse or abandonment.

27). Strongly discourage your older child (ren) to not date or get romantically involved with anyone with known violent tendencies and check them out as much as you can; if you can afford it, have a background check run on them.

28). Children with autism or other special needs are more often abused than other children because they require more patience and endurance. I can tell you this from experience and research. If you are the parent or caregiver of such a child, please seek resources in your area where you can get guidance and help; verbal, emotional and even physical abuse do lasting harm!

This is no complete list but you get the idea. These are all simple but NOT easy ways to prevent and end abuse, including especially child abuse. And yes, in addition to doing these everyday things to protect children and especially those who are near us, you can feel free to connect with others who also yearn to to protect children and to put this issue ever in front of the public lest we forget. Child abuse awareness events, unfortunately, will remain a need until people simply do the everyday things that are vital to protect children. Aren't you sick and tired of hearing about one child abuse or abduction, and about those that end in murder of precious children? How many more memorial websites and other materials for missing or murdered children have to be put up? How many more laws and true crime books bearing the names of murdered children will be put up?  Let us get more excited about preventing these things from happening to one more child!

The website for Childhelp, a nonprofit organization, provides many ways you can get involved, including their 24/7 hotline, much material where you can educate yourself about child abuse, volunteer opportunties, a public school initiative to prevent child sexual abuse, and a survivors forum to share a story you may have about overcoming abuse, and more. And if you feel moved to, you can donate money to their work. visit: http://www.childhelp.org/.

Yes, we need to mind our own business. Child abuse is everyone's business.

Survivors

Survivors. A title so many of us use to give meaning and validation to our lives.

Survivor. A person who has experienced adversity, loss, and/or obstacles and is overcoming them.

Survivor. A person who has suffered and has eternal scars, things that we can see and observe.

Survivor. A person who has internal scars that we cannot see or observe but which are very real.

Survivor. What have you been a survivor of?

You have/are suffering the fear, anxiety and trauma of a missing loved one, not knowing where that loved one is, what has happened to that loved one, or even if your loved one is alive or dead.

You have experienced being diagnosed with cancer and are dealing with the fear of what will happen and an uncertain future and with pain and even financial worries of health care.

You have suffered the devastation and loss of a loved one at the hands of a murderer and you have a new mission in life, finding justice for that loved one and keeping your loved one's memory alive.

Whatever we are survivors of, we have known pain, loss, grief, maybe shame, devastation, even helplessness and the loss of the will to hope or live.

But we are not victims. We are survivors. By God's grace we can heal, persevere, forgive and become better, stronger people, using our experiences for the help of others.

I may wish that my life experiences had been different, that I had done things differently or that God had not made me as He has; I may still feel regret, shame, guilt, fear, anger, and loss.

But I am a survivor, and God is using my life experiences to make me what I am becoming today; He has a purpose for my life beyond what I may see and above and beyond what I can imagine.

I am a survivor and I'm free to become what God wants me to be, whole, strong, caring, loving  and forgiving.

You have known the indignity and cruelty of being sold for someone else's greed into a trade where you have have had to do things that no one should ever be asked or made to do; we call it human trafficking.

You have, as a child, been violated and told to keep it a secret and not ruin reputations; even today, you may never have told anyone because you fear not being believed or when you did tell, you have not been helped; you are one of the estimate 65 million US survivors of child sexual abuse.

You became pregnant as a teen and since no one wanted you in that condition, you were forced to abort your baby and were not even allowed to grieve; even today you are haunted with shame and guilt which you dare not share because you know you will be condemned by most people who don't understand God's grace.

Whatever we were survivors of, we have known pain, loss, grief, maybe shame, devastation, even helplessness and the loss of the will to hope or live.

But we are not victims. We are survivors. By God's grace we can heal, persevere, forgive and  become better, stronger people, using our experiences for the help of others.

I may wish that my life experiences had been different, that I had done things differently or that God had not made made me as He has; I may still feel regret, shame, guilt, fear, anger, and loss.

But I am a survivor and God is using my life experiences to make me what I am today; He has a purpose for my life beyond what I may see and above and beyond what I can see or imagine.

I am a survivor and I'm free to become what God wants me to be, whole, strong, caring, loving  and forgiving.

You have suffered the terrifying experience of being abducted, heing held against your will, wondering when you will see those you know and love, being violated, being brainwashed and maybe even resigning yourself to your fate, believing you will never be rescued.

You married a person with anger issues who had learned to resolve conflicts with fists; your partner or spouse uses you as a whipping post, controlling your money, isolating you, even hitting you and threatening your life.

You have suffered the unspeakable grief of losing a loved one to suicide; everyone, including you, are suffering not only agonizing grief but also guilt at wondering if somehow you could have prevented it.

Whatever we are survivors of, we have known pain, loss, grief, maybe shame, devastation, even helplessness and the loss of the will to hope or live.

But we are not victims. We are survivors. By God's grace we can heal, persevere, forgive and become better, stronger people, using our experiences for the help of others.

I may wish that my life experiences had been different, that I had done things differently or that God had not made me as He has.

But I am a survivor and God is using my life experiences to make me what I am today; He has a purpose for my life beyond what I may see and above and beyond what I can see or imagine.

I am a survivor and I'm free to become what God wants me to be, whole, strong, caring, loving and forgiving.

You grew up in a very dark place with illnesses of the mind where you thought and acted in ways that were a total mystery to yourself and those around you; you lived and still may remain your closet, in fear, guilt and shame and in terror that you will be found out and be stigmatized by all.

You grew up experiencing a condition called epilepsy and seizures; you have spent your life covering up your condition, even calling it and your seizures by other names and going to great lengths to hide it, including your medications and covering up the side effects.

You grew up being called stupid, spoiled, lazy, clumsy, and were placed in schools that stigmatized you for life; you grew up with shame and feelings of guilt and worthlessness, hopelessness and wondering if there would ever be a place for you; all this was because your autism spectrum disorder (ASD) was never properly diagnosed.

Whatever we are survivors of, we have known pain, loss, grief, maybe shame, devastation and even helplessness and the will to hope or live.

But we are not victims. We are survivors. By God's grace we can heal, persevere, forgive, and become better, stronger people, using our experiences for the help of others.

I may wish that my life experiences had been different, that I had done things differently or that God had made me different from what He has; I may still feel regret, shame, guilt, fear, anger and loss.

But I am a survivor and God is using my life experiences to make me what I am today; He has a purpose for my life beyond what I may see and above and beyond what I can imagine.

I am a survivor and I'm free to become what God wants me to be, whole, strong, caring, loving and forgiving.

You grew up in a home where you were neglected, too much was expected of you, or you may even have been hit, beaten, threatened, and where you felt the helplessness and hopelessness of an abused child; even today you may still be haunted by your trauma and wonder if you can trust anyone.

You grew up with a parent (s) who loved you but whose substance abuse addiction overpowered their love; you were neglected and may have even seen or been abused; you felt anger, fear, shame, loss, and hatred for your parents.

You grew up in a home with a parent who used you for his or her sexual pleasure; you feel shame at what has happened to you, helplessness at preventing further abuse, and anger at your other parent for not coming to your rescue; even today, you stay in your closet because you fear that you would be judged or not be believed.

Whatever we are survivors of, we have known pain, loss, grief, maybe shame, devastation and even helplessness and the loss of the will to hope or live.

But we are not victims. We are survivors. By God's grace we can heal, persevere, forgive and become better, stronger people, using our experiences for the help of others.

I may wish that my life experiences had been different, that I had done things differently and that God had made me different from what He has; I may still feel regret, shame, guilt, fear, anger and loss.

But I am a survivor and God is using my life experiences to make me what I am today; He has a purpose for my life beyond what I may see and above and beyond what I can imagine.

I am a survivor and I'm free to become what God has made me to be, whole, strong, caring, loving and forgiving.

You were in a terrible car crash and were left with permanent disabilities where your loss is as real and as painful to you as the loss of a loved one would be; you have lost a carrer you loved, so-called friends, a way of life, even your old identity.

You lived through a terrible disaster, man-made or narural and you suffered the shock, devastation and loss of a way of life, a loved one, even permanent physical injury; whatever you have lost, you can never forget.

You are a veteran, serving your country and you have done and seen things that no one but your fellow vererans can understand; you may be home but the war still may be going on here for you as you can never be the same person, emotionally or physically, that you were before you left.

Whatever we are survivors of, we have known pain, loss, grief, even shame, devastation and even helplessness and the loss of the will to hope or live.

But we are not victims. We are survivors. By God's grace we can heal, presevere, forgive and become better, stronger people, using our experiences for the help of others.

I may wish that my life experiences had been different, that I had done things differently and that God had made me differently from what He has; I may still feel regret, shame, guilt, fear, anger and loss.

But I am a survivor and God is using my life experiences to make me what I am today; He has a purpose for my life beyond what I may see and above and beyond what I can imagine.

I am a survivor and I'm free to become what God wants me to be, whole, strong, caring, loving and forgiving.

You grew up in poverty and want, with a good but uneducated mom who had to use government assistance and you and your family were among the "less fortunate" and seen as charity; often your only source of nutrition was the free lunch school program at your public school; you had to struggle to get an education and then a job but you did it.

You grew up with disabilities, visible or invisible, where what is easy and taken for granted by everyone else has always been a struggle for you; you may wonder why you have been put on this Earth, why God has made you as He has; you want nothing more than to be accepted for who you are and to be allowed to be independent, productive and valued.

You grew up as the target of peers who plugged into your vulnerabilities and who bullied you extensively; the adults in your life did not handle your situation well and you felt that you were not heard, that you did not have a voice and that you did not count; even today, you may have a tough time trusting people and their motives.

Whatever we are survivors of, we have known pain, loss, grief, maybe shame, devastation and even helplessness and the loss of the will to hope or live.

But we are not victims. We are survivors. By God's grace we can heal, persevere, forgive and become better, stronger people, using our experiences for the help of others.

I may wish that my life experiences had been different, that I had done things differently or that God had made me differently from what He has; I may still feel regret, shame, guilt, fear, anger and loss.

But I am a survivor and God is using my life experiences to make me what I am today; He has a purpose for my life beyond what I may see and beyond what I can imagine.

Survivor. What if our lives had been easy, pleasant and fun and only good, wonderful, exciting things happened to us with nothing to survive?

Survivor. If I had unscarred by life, I would never be able to develop the virtues of compassion, wisdom, patience, courage, forgiveness and perseverence.

Survivor. I may have been led to believe that I am doomed to lasting failure, and to repeat the mistakes of the past.

But I am not a victim. I am a survivor and I'm free to break the cycle of abuse, addiction, failure and other realities that may have been my life.

I am a survivor; God's grace has brought me through, caused me to over come and to continue to overcome until healing is complete.