Depression and Suicide

     Suicide. It seems to be seen as an answer by more and more people as the solution to life's problems. Suicide has always been with us but it seems that more and more people, of all ages, think of or actually turn to suicide as the answer to their problems. Now don't get me wrong. I'm the first to concede that life is often difficult, sad, confusing, disappointing and plain no fun. It doesn't always seem to be worth it. When we feel like that, it is easy to lose the will to live and become depressed. And by depression I don't mean just having a bad day and having "the blues." We all feel that way sometimes. And, when sad things happen, like the loss of loved ones, jobs or other losses, it is normal to feel grief and sadness. The depression I'm talking about here is when people lose interest in living and in the things they normally enjoy and their daily functioning is hindered; it is related to other mental health or mood disorders (and some personality disorders).
     Today, a post directed me to a link; I visited the news story, which covers a young girl who was found to have hung herself. According to the report, there were no outward events in this girl's life that would have motivated her to end her life. She never reported ever having been bullied, to her parents or to her teachers. According to the report, she was a loner and, though asked to share what was bothering her, she never did. This makes me want to cry out, Why? Why? Why? Will her family ever find answers? I can only hope and pray that a thorough investigation will be done that will uncover what would drive another young girl to end her life in this fashion. Though her parents blame bullying, there is no evidence. But whatever actually gave her the motive to end it all, it was something that was real to her.
     Depression, if left untreated or unaddressed, can lead to suicide. I know that many people think that they know how to handle depressed people and that if they can motivate such individuals to "behave their way" out of it, then their depression will "lift." They will "snap out of" it. What are some of the things often said to even deeply depressed people?
     "Get over it."
     "Think positive thoughts."
     "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Others have problems."
     "What do YOU have to be depressed about?"
     "Be thankful for what you have."
     "Shame on you for being depressed. If you keep complaining, God will give you something to really cry about."
     "Mind over matter. Tell yourself you're not depressed and good feelings will soon follow."
     "Count your blessings."
     "Think about others' problems. There are others who are less fortunate than you."
     "Think about the starving children in Africa and your depression will vanish."
     "Help others and you will forget about yourself."
     "Chin up: Others don't want to hear about your problems. They have their own."
     "Life sucks. Forget about it and move on."
     "Oh, it isn't so bad; stop being so negative or thin-skinned."
     "Stop talking like that! You know you don't mean it; I don't want to hear it."
     "You think about yourself too much; get busy and you won't have time to get depressed."
     "Oh, things CAN'T be THAT bad!"
     "Have faith and pray. Christians in God's will do not yield to depression."
     And then medication is often seen as addressing depression. In many cases, it may indeed do that. Psychiatric drugs are typically used to treat not only depression, but other mood disorders. Too often, though, I have seen that they have not helped and may even make things WORSE. As I (and my family) have learned through VERY nasty experience, drugs and drug interactions can INCREASE depression and other mental health issues! I fully sympathize with people who fully oppose ANY use of psychiatric drugs to treat depression or other mood disorders but I think they are being extreme. In many cases, good drug treatment intervention can mean the difference between being in a residential home and being fully independent, between homelessness and being employed and living a full life.
      Why is it, though, that suicide is so often being seen as the solution to suffering? Many people will blame it on social networks or on the economy, that life is just harder for people today than it was ten years ago or twenty years ago. It's true that because evildoers have more tools to work with, that their power to hurt and harm people is geater. It's true that a sagging economy does drive people to do desperate things. But, with all our awareness and talk about tolerance and openness, suicdes and other tragedies are not getting better and show no signs of going away. I saw a post the other day that, since this school year has begun, four children have already taken their lives because of school bullying. It seems that awareness, as great as it is, does not seem to be ending suicides among people of all ages.
     As I have already said, suicide has always been with us. And maybe it just SEEMS to be getting worse precisely because we are more aware of it and are hearing more and more about it when people take their lives. It has been surmised that many people, especially the young, feel that they have no where to turn, that this is even worse now because of the lack of family support. I'm sure there is a lot of truth in that. But may I suggest another factor? In past years, we had more of a fear of God and the deep-down knowledge that death is not the end, that following death we will have to stand before our Maker and give an account of evey area of our lives. Many of us had it drummed into us that suicide may, indeed, be the "unpardonable sin" because there is no chance to "repent" of it following death. No, I do NOT think suicide is the "unpardonable sin" that Bible mentions, which is willfully rejecting God's forgiveness. But this fear of committing the unpardonable sin as a motivation in not ending our lives, mistaken as it was, had the fortunate effect of saving many lives! And it is forever true, that people thinking of suicide need to know: Death is not a state of nothingness and it is not the end. If we believe the Bible, upon death each of us will have to stand before our Creator and give an account of our lives. This should scare us. This is what "the fear of God" means. It is meant to drive out other fears. I don't want to sound preachy, though I know some will see it this way. It is just something to think about if we imagine that death is the end.
     This past week, I have seen more suicidal posts in my Facebook Newsfeed, more talk about ending it all. It is often not easy to know how to respond to people who talk about wanting to die, especially if repeated attempts to help them seem to not to improve their outlook on life or get them to change their minds and see that life may be worth living, after all. I have seen a few posts by one such person the other day and, gathering sufficient information on this Facebook user, I brought this to the attention of the Facebook Team. However, when I logged into Facebook the following morning, I saw a couple more of such posts by this same person and followed the same steps to bring the posts to the attention of the Facebook Team. I know that others have also been reaching out to this same person and my hope is that the person will get badly needed help.
     I remember, once, hearing that the people group who are least likely to experience depression are the Amish. The Amish people, as most of us know, shun much of modern life as a metter of their religious faith. They, generally speaking, subscribe to old-fasioned values of following God and putting Him first in their lives, are peace-loving and "rough it," rejecting many modern conveniences. Now, I don't advocate that we adopt the Amish way of life to deal with our depression and prevent suicide. But we can learn from the Amish people, in many ways. It's true that they aren't perfect, as is indicated by a memoir by a former Amish person who has written about things done "behind closed doors" by some Amish people. In spite of their imprefections, we can learn from them, to simply life and to put first things first, God and family and to not make an idol out of technology.
     Do social networks make us more depressed or do they just bring out what is already there? I have always maintained that they are neutral and that because social networks are the people that are behind them, that they bring things out in us. There is indeed such a thing as "Facebook depression" and the main reason we experience it is not the social network itself, but the people who are behind it. I know that there is a popular banner that says: "If you have a problem, face it. Don't Facebook it." Another banner says: "Upset? Use your tissues, not your status update." What's the message? People on social networks are generally online to have fun and not to deal with others' problems. And then there is a sarcastic post, rather lengthy, with the message: "Breaking news: Get over it. Deal with it. Everyone has problems. Stop whining. Get over yourself." Yes, there is truth in sayings like these, but when people are truly depressed, that is not the time to say things like this. To tell people, who are hurting from the past or present traumas, to "Get over it," is simply callous and shows ignorance of the human heart. Truth be told, we don't really "get over" the past. It makes us what we are today, depending on how we work through it.
     So what should you do whether, in-person or online, a person indicates that he or she wants to end it all? I have often been confronted with such persons, both in-person and online and I know that this week will not be my last time. In my church, on the front table, are little cards bearing the classic banner and number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It is always upsetting and scary to be confronted with someone who talks about ending it all. It make us responsible and the person's life is, in a sense, in our hands. In times like this, the ordinary rules of privacy give way to doing what is needed to get the person out of harm's way, even if it meams calling local authorities at 9-1-1 or contacting a suicide hotline. And what if you yourself are the one having suicidal thoughts? As one who is encountering and hearing about suicidal people, more and more, I have to provide resources for you, for this means that you are possibly dealing with more of it also.
     Suicide, like other human problems, is everyone's business.
    
    
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
This is the comprehensive website for a nonprofit that is dedicated to the awareness of and prevention of suicide among people of all ages and from all walks of life. Upon visiting the site, a suicidal person will find a live chat feature that has daytime hours. There are helpful links to other resources, all over the USA and other parts of the world, where people can turn to for suicide prevention and crisis counseling. There are links to resources where suicidal content seen on populat social networking sites can be brought to the attention of authorities, or those in charge of these social networking sites. They have a hotline that is available 24/7, with trained crisis counselors:
1-800-273-TALK (8255).

http://facebook.com/help/?faq=103883219702654
This is Facebook's comprehensive list of resources, inside and outside the USA, that deal with suicide awareness and prevention and provide practical help for persons in crisis in their local areas.

http://www.facebook.com/facebook.com/help/contact/?id=305410456169423&refid=22
This is the form where we bring to the Facebook Team information about suicidal content that we see posted on Facebook.

Preventing and Ending Child Abuse

In most areas, school has started and this brings to mind child safety and child protection, among other things. While, statistically it is noted that 80 percent of all child abusers are parents, many crimes against children are done by others. And if we include bullying, which is peer abuse, under this umbrella, this means the need to combat abuse and crimes against children, even when peer-to-peer, is that much greater. Actually, we know that this is a year-round issue. So many of us are raised to "mind your own business," which means to refrain from getting involved in problems that are not our own. Now, it may seem like "meddling" to make phone calls to law enforcement (LE) or to a child abuse or human trafficking hotline. But to a helpless and victimized child, our involvement would change the world for him or her and may be the only way out of their nightmares. So, child abuse IS everyone's business.

Child abuse and crimes against children trouble, sadden and anger any decent person. And yet, there is no sign that these crimes or abuse of children are decreasing, but may be getting worse. That is in spite of all the time, money and resources that are constantly being poured into awareness efforts to prevent and end child abuse. There are countless businesses, nonprofits and individuals, whether high-profile or everyday people, who have dedicated their lives to raising awareness among the public, to prevent and end all forms of abuse and crime, especially against children. Yet, unless I'm missing something, I don't see that all this reducing child abuse. Three children a day are said to die from abuse; this doesn't count child or teen suicides that stem from dpression because of abuse. And if we include peer abuse in child abuse, we know the need is even greater. Already, according to one Facebook post, four children have already ended their lives, since school has begun this year, over peer abuse. We need to re-define what minding our own business means. Lives depend on it!

The list of ways to prevent and end child abuse and crimes against children is not complete. I'm sure that anyone can read this list and be able to add to or amplify each item, depending on your experience or education as survivors or advocates.

1). Screen anyone whom you allow to babysit your children, especially if you need them to do this on a regular basis or they will be doing this from your home. Sadly, people are so often not what they seem to be or claim to be. Interview your candidates. If you can afford it, run background checks on these candidates. Ask them for references and call each one, paying attention to what they say and how they say it.

2). Little things can mean a lot. If you are standing in line in anywhere and you see a mom or dad with young children behind you, allow them to go ahead of you. If you see a family with young children driving behind you, grant them the right-of-way.

3) Try to always put your child's name on the inside, not outside, of all clothing and possessions, to protect their privacy and to guard them from nosy predators. It's sad that this must be done but since those nosy predators can be hard to identify, we can never be too careful.

4). If you have very young children or children with special needs who may wander, install locks on screen doors, front and back. Yes, this may sound confining but isn't it better to be safe than sorry?

5). If you have children who use the Internet, especially if they use social networking sites (SNS), monitor what they do online. Yes, they probably will resent it but, in time, they will come to appreciate it. Do not let underage children (under age 13) set up SNS accounts on Facebook, You Tube, My Space or other SNS. If you can, encourage them to hold off using SNS until they reach age 18! And if they use SNS, set up their computers in an area where they can be easily supervised. There is too much drama and too many harmful people in cyberspace.

6). You are justly proud of your child's accomplishments and you want to "show off" your child. But bear in mind that you never know where the eyes of predators are lurking, looking for easy prey to exploit and victimize. So refrain from putting up bumper stickers that proclaim, "My Child Is An Honor Student" or "The Proud Parent of An Eagle Scout" or anything else that can identify your child to predators.

7). Befriend a single mother, especially if she is poor or without a strong support system. Single mothers, with all their stresses, are at-risk and becoming overwhelmed and so are most easily tempted to take out their frustrations out on their children or neglect them; this includes relying on them for companionship or expecting too much from them.

8). It's normal for your beautiful children to be the apples of your eye. But if you use social networks, never forget that predators lurk unseen in cyberspace. Therefore, minimize uploading photos and videos of your children on the Internet, including SNS. And I strongly discourage using their names if you enjoy putting up family photos and never their full birthdates. Among all the good folks on SNS, online pradators lurk and we have few ways to identify them.

9). We need to overcome our inhibitions and talk to our children about sexuality and sexual abuse. They need to know how to protect themselves from being victimized as we cannot always be around to protect them. We need to let them know that they are to ignore any orders to "keep secrets." Silence empowers predators which is the LAST thing anyone wants.

10). Do not discipline a child in anger. Cool down before taking action. So much abuse, including that which results in death to children, comes from tempers out of control.

11). If it is for you, volunteer to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) to serve as a voice in the system for abused and neglected children. If interested, visit the national CASA website at: http://casaforchildren.org.

12).If you are expecting or pursuing adoption, ensure that you have a solid support system in place. My heart goes out to those of you who have no extended family nearby; in that case try to find giving, helpful people who will support you. This holds true especially if you are a single parent, have a disability or other life challenges. The support will reduce the stress of parenting and lesson the temptation to abuse or neglect your children (ren).

13). Appeal to legislators to release more funds to to anger management classes and parenting classes in public schoold at the high school level, in place of all the higher match that is required of students. After all, what skills will students need to succeed at parenting and relationships, algebraic skills or people skills?

14). Try to never allow any child 17 or under, walk alone anywhere for any reason, even when it may be more convenient. We have far too often heard of the terrible things that happen to children who are left unattended!

15). If you are new and especially a young parent who is petrified of your new parenting responsibility, you do have options other than doing something desperate that you'll never forgive yourself for. You can leave your family with a responsible adult or take your baby to a church, a hospital or to any local police station. They may track you and hold you accountable, but there are many childless couples who will be overjoyed to take your baby!

16). Child identity theft is on the rise; a child so victimized won't realize what's been done to him or her until it's time to apply for a job, an apartment, a loan, or for a host of other goods and services that most take for granted. Don't give out your child's Social Security Number or full birthdate to anyone unless they NEED to know to help your child. And if you are tempted to use your child's Social Security Number for any reason, don't! This is child abuse.

17). If it is for you, run for political office, making children's rights your political platform.

18). Children with autism or other behavioral issues are the most abused children of all, according to research and my experience. Ths is because frustrated and overwhelmed (and maybe uninformed) parents and other caregivers lash out in frustration by verbal, emotional and even physical or sexual abuse. Children with special needs are even more vulnerable than typical children. If you are the parent or caregiver of a child with special needs, seek resources in your area where you can get referrals to those who can grant you respite care and guidance.

19). If you have emotional baggage from a troubled past, whether you are a parent or not, try to find a trusted person (s) to work though your issues with, whether a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, pastor or other person. In this way, you will be breaking a cycle that can pass from one generation to another. We do not have to remain products of our upbringings. In this way, by empowering yourself, you will be free to meet your child (ren's) needs.

20). If you grown overwhelmed as a parent, get help. So many cases of abuse, especially child abuse, deaths have happened because frustrated parents or caregivers have resorted to abuse spinning out of control and killing children. Hard as it is, tell yourself to walk away, take deep breaths or pray. And DO call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-44530 or 9-1-1, and find alternatives to abuse.

21). If you struggle with a substance abuse addiction, especially drugs or alcohol, please get professional help! Sunstance abuse sets you up to neglect or abuse your children. Of course, you still love them as much as ever, but your body "needs" to "feed" your addiction even more. You will stoop to anything to sustain your addiction and are powerless to conquer it on your own. To save your family, get help!

22). Men, take responsibility for the children whom you father, even if you are not married to their mother! It is so unfair to get females pregnant and then desert them, leaving them alone to raise your children. Such moms are at-risk because of their stresses, of abusing and neglecting your children. Anf if you are married, don't leave all parenting to your wife. Parenting is a team effort.

23). If you know or suspect that a child is being abused, do not be silent. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1.

24). Parents, raise your children to manage their anger, teach and model empathy and resolve their conficts with words, not fists. Set the example, hard as this may be to do at times.

25). So many cases of child abuse and child abuse deaths happen because of wrongful court decisions in child custody cases and because of a broken system. There is no easy answer to this but appeals to the government may be the first step, so that the system will attract competent, dedicated people who are adequately paid for their work and where corrupt judges will be removed from office.This will enable the appointments of competent judges of compassion and integrity.

26).Spousal or partner abuse often mushrooms into child abuse. When we talk about preventing or ending child abuse we need to address other forms of abuse. In situations where spouses are being abused, will child removal fix the problem? According to many courts, it is!

27). Human trafficking isn't something that is "out there." Like it or not, it is happening, from coast to coast, even in the US and to children in stable, loving homes as it happens to those from bad homes. What happens is that children, around the age of 12, may run away from home or get caught up in other situations where someone approaches them and tels them that they will find a "better life" if they go to "work" for a "new family." Lured and then sold, they find themselves trapped and are made to do unimaginable things; there are many who never survive or escape. You can educate yourself at the website for Not for Sale, a nonprofit that fights human trafficking. Visit:
http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/
And if you even suspect that you see a person who may be a human trafficking victim, you can contact Truckers Against Trafficking at: 1-888-373-7888.

28). If you are in the position to do so, adopt a child. You may be rescuing a child (ren) from an abusive home, even saving their live (s).

29). Strongly discourage your older child (ren) to not date or get romantically involved with anyone with known violent tendencies; do as much "due diligence" as you can on them. You will be sorry to pour so much into raising a child (ren), only to see them ruin themselves in bad marriages!

30). Bullying should always be discussed when we talk about reventing and ending child abuse. Just because the abuse is done peer-to-peer does not make this form of abuse any less and the scars of those who survive this abuse are much the same as the scars of those who survive any other form of abuse. No matter what form abuse takes or who it is done by, abuse hurts. Parents, teach and model empathy, kindness and compassion. The rest of us should practice thse qualities and not tolerate any peer abuse that we witness, whether in person or online.

This is no complete list but you get the concept. Abuse can be prevented. It is up to us to prevent it. We don't have to organize, spend money, raise money, form committees and create huge events to make a difference. We can make a difference right where we are. These things that I have mentioned are simple (not easy) everyday things that all of us can do that make the world a better place. There is an established anti-child abuse nonprofit that is an outlet for ways to make a difference, Childhelp.
Their website for this nonprofit is comprehensive and offers many ways to get involved. They offer the 24/7 hotline that I have mentioned twice in this post, material where you can educate yourself about child abuse, volunteer opportunities, a public school initiative to prevent child sexual abuse and even a forum for survivor stories. And if you feel so inclined, you can donate. You can visit Childhelp's website: http://www.childhelp.org.

The epidemic of child abuse is so horrific that our awareness efforts can never be enough to address it. This is 365 days a year, 24/7.

Child abuse is the business of each us of. We need to mind our own business.