May I Hear From You?

As many of you may already be aware of, depending on your your encounters with me, your default settings on your social networking pages on Facebook and Twitter, and how often you are online, you may know about my current petition campaign. This petition is my appeal to both Houses of the US Congress and to the US President, to provide funds to all 50 states to make programs for present and future adults with autism. Research has shown me that funds do exist that can help all persons on the autism spectrum, of all ages, both children and adults. Funds in $231 million are available through the 2011 Combating Autism Re-Authorization Act of 2011, but they have never been appropriated, so my petition calls for this Act to become fully funded. There are $238 million that were set aside, this past year, for "autism initiatives," but they had expired this past September. My petition calls for thse $$$ to be renewed and then reallocated to cover adults with autism. Thus, my petition is more specific but more inclusive. And the response of others and your support are important to turning this petition campaign into a grassroots movement that results in change for all with autism in the USA, from the cradle to the grave.

But this blog is not about my petition campaign but about my concerns and issues with the pervasive tendency too many people have, to not respond to even transparent attempts to communicate with them, whether this be by telephone, letter or greeting card, by email or by messages on social networks like Facebook, Skype or others SNSs. To me, the simple act of returning such attempts to communicate with one, is a common courtesy and refusing to do so is plain rude! And rudeness is a big turn-off. As I have begun to to reach out to more and more people on behalf of my petition campaign, I have targeted especially those in the autism community, parents, professionals and nonprofits and resources that specialize in this complex neurological condition and work to improve life for those who are touched by autism. As I have spent much of my time sending personal messages, especially by email and Facebook, sharing my story briefly, sending the URL link to my petition and stressing the importance of this and its relevance, I have seen an annoying, upsetting and frustrating trend. It is simply this: So many people seem to see it as a waste of their time to return their messages, unless they are angry at the sender and have an agenda of their own and want something from the sender.

Now I know that, even on social networks, even when people pose as advocates for a given cause (especially if it's a popular one) or as survivors of any given experience, that this does not prove, beyond a doubt, that such persons can be trusted to be what they claim for themselves. There are some people who can put up blogspots, websites, and pages on Facebook, Twitter or Google where they use these as platforms and gain the admiration, support and trust of many. And I know that all of us have been hurt by such people and sadly, many of us will be hurt again by such people. I don't know about you but when I send heartfelt, personal messages to people and never hear anything from them, this hurts their credibility in my eyes and makes me wonder if they are what they claim they are. I know that on many websites that are set up for advocacy or for any other reason, there are "Contact Me" forms where you can send messages to the person who runs the site but in a format where they don't get spammed. I have noticed that, during my petition campaign, when I use these "Contact Me" forms to reach out to people about my petition, that I usually do not get any personal reply. It makes me wonder: What is the purpose of their "Contact Me" forms? A "Contact Me" form is being added to my website (under construction, which I plan to use and respond to, assuming that it works properly.

Don't get me wrong: I know that everyone is busy, leading their own lives and may not check their inbox messages on a daily basis or even pay attention to them. And I know that my petition campaign is as yet in the very early stages. But as I seek to keep my expectations low, I still seek to gain supporters from those who have "bigger voices" and more resources than I do, and who are passionate about improving life for all who are touched by autism and who can take my effrts to a whole different level where not only hundred but thousands of signatures will be collected. My fear is that too many people may not see their inbox messages or recognize other attempts to communicate with them, and so see taking the time to respond to these communication attempts, as one way that they don't want to spend their time. I realize that, in the world of SNSs, messages are often filtered and even good messages can end up in email "Spam" folders or in the new Facebook "Others" messages box that shows up with a Facebook user hits the "Messages" feature on their homepage. And I know that not everyone may check phone messages regularly. My issue is that, even allowing for such factors, that too many people don't seem to even try. In my social networks, there are many people who have, to this very day, rarely ever have ever kept in touch with me though I have tried to reach out to them.

As I have reached out to people, especially in the autism community, by email and Facebook messages, I have noticed that some have, so far, returned my personal messages, and have added their names to my petition. I have wondered about this: would such persons, groups or organizations have responded to me if I had name recognition? I fear that I already know the answer to that question and the implications would make another blog topic about our "celebrity culture." However, to this day, many who have shown support for this petition have those who do not idenify formally with the autism community; ironically, many who identify oficially with this community have never shown any kind of support for this autism petition. People are truly "funny"!

Of course, my petition campaign has not been my only experience with unreturned messages or attempts to communicate with people. Over the years, I have found that too many people, both in "real life" and online, simply have not been disposed to returning phone messages, letters, emails, or SNS inbox messages. Yes, I know that in this information age, all of us are flooded with messages, including automated messages, mass messages and plain spam. But when I lament about unreturned messages, I'm talking about unreturned PERSONAL messages, not the refusal to pay attention to the others. May many people are just so sick and tired of getting spammed by the other kind of messages that they tune out personal messages also. I can fully understand ignoring these other kind of messages, as I ignore such, except those which I have subscribed to, and I get so many of those that I have come to ignore such automated messages. I have found another, general pattern in sending and returning messages. From experience, I have this: As a rule, I know that if people have not returned online communications in about a week's time, I can conclude that I will never hear from them. In this past year, I have gotten so frustrated and disheartened by the volume of my unreturned messages in my email and Facebook inboxes, and at the same time have gotten unwanted mass messages (sent out to 100 people or more) that I have posted about it. Several separate times, I have posted: "These things I do not like: Unreturned Messages and Mass Messages."

Yes, I know that the reason that some people do not return their messages is their feelings about the sender: If they do not like the sender or are trying to avoid the sender for some reason, they are probably going to put such messages in their "Spam" or "Trash" inbox folders, tear up the letter, delete the phone message and avoid the sender. And, to this day, I have wondered if this is the reason so many people, in my "real life" or online, do not return my messages at all. I have noticed that when I have had differences or fallings-out with people, in "real life" and especially online, that further efforts to reach out to them and reconnect, have usually been to no avail. And epecially online, those who seem to have stopped keeping in touch with me at all, have been those who have had close ties with groups or organizations that I have had bad experiences with. This is sad, as I believe many of these people seem to be good and sincere people. But I know that when people continue to fail to respond to my efforts to communicate with them, there is probably something wrong or that there are personal differences.

In the area of Chat, I do not start Chat conversations with anyone but I'm often the recipient of such efforts to communicate with me; many are those of the opposite sex who just want someone to chat with, and some seem to have agendas or want me to do something for them. I try to repond in some shape or fashion to most who start the Chat feature, even if I don't get in a conversation. Yes, there are times when, having a sense of what the person probably has wanted or not really being "in the mood" to chat because I'm busy doing something, I have not responded to the person in Chat. Myself, I try to return as many of my phone messages, letters (from pen pals), emails and SNS messages as I can. I know that many of you do the same.

And yes, I am thankful for those who do show the common courtesy to return their messages, whatever their relationship with me. And as I go into this petition campaign, I will continue to reach out to more people, especially my "local" contacts and to those in the autism community. I'm disappointed that Causes has gotten rid of the feature where we can send personal thank-yous to supporters but I thank everyone who has and who will, add their names to this petition. I know that our national Thanksgiving holiday is coming up this November as I write this revised, updated blog. Among my many things that I am thankful for, I am thankful to God for each and everyone one of you who have shown support for my petition, and especially those of you who go beyond signing it to circulating it. I'm thankful to those who do return their emails, Facebook messages, phone calls, and who do give my Facebook pages their "likes" via each page's "like" button.

As for the rest of you, I hope to hear from you!

https://www.facebook.com/OnLifeLoveAndTruth
https://www.facebook.com/CaringEnoughToMakeADifference
https://www.facebook.com/AutismAffectsUsAllPleaseSignKeepSharingThePetition
https://www.facebook.com/AwarenessForMissingUnidentifiedCrimeVictims
https://www.facebook.com/APrayerPage

https://Twitter.com/LisaDeSherlia
https://Twitter.com/ldesherl
https://Twitter.com/caringenough

My petition: http://tiny.cc/mrsahw
http://caringenoughtomakeadifference.com

The Tragedy Of Needing Tragedy For Unity

What a very dramatic week it has been, whether you are talking about nationally or personally. Nationally, all of US in the USA are feeling the effects of the monster storm that is called Hurricane Sandy, which is anticipated to be the worst and most damaging storm in US history. It was this past Sunday afternoon that I first learned about it on the news when returning home from Sunday worship services. As I write this, 44 people are confirmed dead and this means that 44 families are mourning the unexpected deaths of loved ones on top of everything else they are dealing with. And, this death toll is expected to rise. This all has happened at a politically inopportune time and very close to the US elections. But are politics on the minds of people, or on the minds of the millions of those in the affected areas, including those now 80.2 million people who are now without power? I do not think so! And, guess what? Our poiticians, who have been shown so much mean-spiritedness and petty vindictiveness, have, for the time being, set all of that aside. When asked "Are you worried about the impact of Hurricane Sandy on your Presidential campaign?" President Obama answered, "I'm not worried about the impact of Hurricane Sandy on my campaign. I'm worried about the impact of this hurricane on the countless people whose lives, homes, business and families have been affected" and that he knew that it would take a long time to recover from this hurricane's effects and pledged to help. The New Jersey Governor, who had, before this, made no secret of his disdain for supporters of the US President, has praised the President for his Presidential response to this entire situation and especially, on behalf of those in the affected states (his state among those most affected). In the wake of this terrible storm, this show of nonpartisanship is inspiring and heartening, though we know full well that it, sadly, will not last.

Last year, I recall that a very similar dynamic was at play. At that time, we in the US were undergoing a major economic crisis. In Washington, DC, both Houses of the US Congress were engading in bitter and ugly battles over how to balance the US budget. If you had been following the news, whether online or offline, you were aware of all the feuding over making hurtful cuts to Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid to balance the budget (advanced by the more conservative) vs. requiring millionaires and billionaires to pay more through increased tax revenues (as advanced by those with more liberal leanings). Both sides were strongly opposed to what the other side was proposing and no one was willing to give in. It was clear that compromise was needed, and such a solution would have something to please everyone, but not enough to satisfy anyone. But no one was open to this in Washington, except for the President, who was calling for compromise. Then, when the US House was casting their votes on this very matter, Congresswoman Gabrielle "Gabby" Giffords was brought in to cast her vote. If you recall the shooting, Gabby Giffords was one of those who was shot, and she was seriously hurt, having been shot in the head. She had a very long rehabilitation and fight to overcome the many serious effects of her traumatic brain injury. As she entered the room, the entire mood changed and everyone there was suddenly forced to see that they needed to unite to overcome their differences to do what was best for their country. Gabby had come to cast her vote because she so passionately wanted to do what was best for her country and for her own constituents; her perspective in the face of all that she had overcome had inspired everyone to vote their consciences. Had she not experienced her personal tragedy and overcome its effects to come and cast her vote, would our politicians have united to make a decision to balance the US budget that was the best for the country, all things considered?

We all recall the worst terrorist attack in US history that happened on September 11 over ten years ago. These attacks took about 3000 lives and the lives of countless people were turned upside down forever. As countless affected people grieved on a personal level and as the US grieved on a national level for the thousands of lives lost, we all came to see some things with sudden clarity. We realized the priceless value of every human life and that we were all in this together and we would all get through this together. The popular song, "United We Stand," was heard often on TV during commercials. We began to talk very frequently about unity. We witnessed our politicians from both opposing parties uniting to help survivors of September 11. It was good to see the new nonpartisanship, but why did we need a huge national tragedy to make it happen? I recall reading articles about people all over the US who pondered what the terrorist attacks meant for their families and lives. They would write about seeing the priceless value of their families and friends and how all this was brought into sharp focus because of the terrorist attacks. As for New York City, the most affected by the terrorist attacks as that is where the two twin towers were, this ciry suddenly presented to the rest of the world a strong united front. Before this, there had been a stereotype that people in New York stuck to themselves, no doubt because of the sheer density of their population and because of so many of them being close together. But, this common tragedy forced them to see how all of them were "in it together" as they felt free to reach out to each other. Yes, unity happened. But at what cost? It took a major tragedy and the loss of many lives for this unity to happen and for differences to be set aside.


Much closer to where I am, a woman who had been a close personal friend (at the time) of my mom's and was "going steady" with one of my uncles, experienced every mother's nightmare, along with another woman whom she had barely known or spoken to. I will always recall how I had returned home and, as soon as I walked into the house, I was shocked and horrified to hear, "Stacy was found murdered." Mom, as I recall, told me that Stacy, then age 15, was babysitting little Tyler, 3 years old. It was then that both thse children were found murdered in the bathtub of the apartement they were in! Mary, Tyler's mom, and Jude, Stacy's mom, were acquaintances before this terrible murder and had not spoken much. But, with this common loss and tragedy, they were forced into an exremely close bond unshared by anyone else in their lives. But at what a terrible cost! The story of the double murder of Stacy and Tyler has, many years ago, been told in the book, EVERY MOTHER'S NIGHTMARE, by Charles Bosworth, Jr.fit for justice for Tyler and Stacy was long and the investigation was slow, but justice was finally won. It all has been told in the book, which is no longer in print. The point for this discussion is that two moms who, before the horrific murder of their children, had little in common and a weak bond, now were closer than any other two moms. Their common tragedy transcended all their differences because of their shared pain, loss and sorrow. Over and over, in the past years of my online advocacy, I have seen this same dynamic among families of the missing or murdered. As I have, over the days, months and years, seen post after post, and comment after comment on PEACE4THEMISSING and on Facebook. I have seen the intense bond that thse families share. Their bond and common and intense caring for each other, transcends all their differences in religion, politics, and everything else. They often call themselves "the elite club of the families of the missing or murdered." The bullying and petty differences that I have witnessed on so many social networks, is absent among thse families and those who advocate for them. They treat each other as we all ought to treat one another, but why is tragedy needed for us to set aside our differences, especially in religion and politics, and care for each other and recognize our common humanity?

In the world of the missing and crime victims, many people are grieving the loss of a crime victim advocate named Susan Murphy-Milano. I have never known Susan personally or spoken with her, but what I have heard about her makes me wish I had known her. Many who support Susan share an intense bond of mutual caring and sharing. Susan, for those of you who may not be familar with her, had grown up in an abusive home. I do not know the details of her past, as she descibes in her memoir HOLDING MY HAND THROUGH HELL. Susan witnessed her father, in law enforcement, hellishly abuse her mother, and he abused Susan, too. Eventually, Susan's father killed her mother and then killed himself. As a result of this horrific murder-suicide of her parents, Susan became passionate about helping others experience domestic violence escape with their lives, as she did and transition from victims to survivors, as she had. Many people in my social networks had known Susan personally, as she had assisted many of them and mentored many. I understand that she has also written three other books. She also hosted her own radio broadcast, "The Susan Murphy-Milano Show." Also, she had also appeared on national TV shows. Earlier this year, she had been diagnosed with Stage IV Cancer, and soon a Facebook prayer page was set up for Susan. Every time I visited this group page, I could see the bond and caring between all of those who Susan had helped, and who knew her and were supporting her. Their common bond was having been helped by Susan, their gratitude to her and their intense desire to support her and see her conquer her cancer. On pages such as this page that was set up for Susan, bullying and petty differences were absent and people treated each other as they should. It took the tragedy of one woman's cancer to bind many people, who loved her with passion because of what she had been to so many during her years of advocacy. Sadly, Susan lost her battle with cancer two days ago, but the community around her has not lost their bond of love, sharing and caring for one another.

This sad fact of needing tragedy for unity gets me to thinking about my own petition campaign. This weekend, I had read an article that surmised that all their most successful petitions have one thing in common: They are all surrounded by "human drama." In other words, it took tragedies to fuel people to sign these petitions and to be stirred up enough to pass them on to others, recruiting them to also sign these petitions. My Change.org petition, as many of you may know, is for autism and to appropriate, renew, and reallocate funds to cover all people with autism in the US through support services of various kinds. Over and over, I have wondered, with frustration, disappointment and sadness, why so many in and out of the autism community have not, to my knowledge, show widespread support for this petition's purpose in calling for coverage for people with autism of all ages; this petition calls for expanded coverage for children and coverage of now non-existent services for adults. I ask myself, will it take a tragedy to fuel people, in and out of the autism community, to convert my petition campaign into a grassroots movement? For, currently, I have been gathering, on the average, about 22 signatures a week and I know that this petition can and do much better. My fear is that this sad fact of a tragedy, especially in the autism community, will be needed to "light a fire" under this petition's mission and make it "go viral." And this sad fact should get us to see EXACTLY why God permits evil in our world, pain, sorrow, suffering and all forms of hardship and need. God, in His wisdom, knows full well that it takes a crisis in our lives to stop us in our tracks and force us to see what is really important. And, sadly, even that tragedies that so many people experience still fail to teach them what is really important is a reality. Suffering, even a life of suffering, is no guarantee that a person will become a better person, but only what he or she does with it. But, as we have seen over and over, it takes tragedy to bind us together. But, I may add, it does not take mere tragedy to draw us together. Often such tragedy had to be made high-profile and affect others also. This may explain my difficulty in gathering petition signatures: No tragedy that affects others, in connection with the autism community, has recently made the news.

None of us, of course, wills tragedy for ourselves or for anyone else. But the lessons of compassion, courage, perseverence, strength, patience and grace that often come from it, are priceless things that we would not want to be without and they only come through tragedy!