On Life, Love and Truth

Motives for Killing and Bullying

2012-02-29T18:16:00.000-08:00

          A few days ago in the US and in Cleveland, Ohio, a student brought a gun and shot a number of other students. His act injured a couple of students enought to cause them to be hospitalized. And three other students lost their lives, one succumbing to his injuries and being declared "brain dead" when he reached the hospital. The suspect, a thin, sad-looking young man, did not seem to anyone who knew him, to be "the type of person who would do a thing like that." People who knew this young man described him as a "quiet guy," a "loner who kept to himself" and that he "always had a sad look in his eyes." He had been attending an "alternative school" for "at-risk" youth. He had been living with his grandparents. What is the suggested motive for this suspect's murder? It was suggested that he was a bullied outcast who had "snapped" and let his pent-up anger and hurt at his past boil over, spilling over onto innocent students who had nothing to do with his original pain.
          This sound like another, even more far-reaching mass murder that took place in April 1999, at Littleton, Colorado at Columbine High School. Two deeply troubled youth brought guns and pipe bombs into their school, to carry out a crime that they had planned a year in advance. They had intended to kill many students; however, one teacher and 12 students actually lost their lives. Then the two gunmen ended their own lives. What was the motive for this horrific murder-suicide? The two deeply troubled young men had been outcasts who had been bullied by classmates and theit pent-up hurts and anger spilled over and causes them to "snap" and "more than level the playing field" by becoming the bullies who also "checked out." Sadly, this is not the only such story. Months ago, I pulled up a link on Facebook and read a sad article about a boy who was on trial for the crime of raping his younger sister. What was the motive for this crime? Again, the defense was that this boy had been bullied at school and he finally "snapped" by taking out his anger and hurts on his younger sister, raping her. And weeks ago, I viewed a few episodes in a series that was designed to raise awareness about stalking. In the episode in question, the stalker was a young man and his victim was a girl who befriended him because she felt sorry for the way that other students bullied him. Their friendship started as a true friendship but something happenened one day that ended this all abruptly. He had tried to get this girl's attention that day or something; when he could not get that attention, he demanded, "So you think you are too good to speak to me now?" Then he began to stalk her and threaten her; fearing for her life, the girl avoided him. He grew worse until she reported him to authorities where he was arrested, tried and imprisoned. The motive for this young man's crime was clearly rage over an unresolved past of anger and hurt over years of being excluded and bullied by his peers. He was "getting even" by becoming the bully, the stalker. There have been quite a few other crimes that have been committed, especially in schools and in workplaces, that have had as their stated motive unresolved hurt and anger over pasts of being excluded and bullied.
          I'm not condoning these young people's crimes or excusing them for what they did. Being bullied and excluded, even repeatedly and without adult involvement, no more justifies crime any more than any other adversity would. The point? Over and over, we should by now see, by the bullycides and bullying-motivated homicides, that bullying affects young people and affects their emotional development more than we have realized. And yet bullying shows no signs of going away, whether in schools or in the community, among children or among adults. We can be thankful for all the resources and awareness that are being poured into the prevention and ending of bullying. Because of all this advocacy, bullying is no longer seen as a "rite of passage" and victims are seen and treated with empathy rather than blame. And yet bullying is getting worse as well as how young people react to it so often, by bullycide or by bullying-motivated crimes. What explains this? It's the fact that respect for life, from conception to death, has declined dramatically, as the young are often not learning good morals, empathy or self-control. It's harder to pass traditional values of morality, empathy, self-control, compassion, conviction and respect for life to the next generation.
          When I was growing up, I indeed endure much bullying and terrible teasing and the focus was on what I was doing to "bring on the bullying" and I did not see that my bullies experienced consequences or that I was taken seriously. Much of this bullying was done to me because of my differences that I'm certain would have gotten me an autism spectrum diagnosis via today's current DSM-5, had I grown up during these times. It was awful and scarring and the effects of growing up with unexplained differences and then being bullied by peers and widely misunderstood by adults, remains with me to this day. Yet because respect for life, moral values, empathy and self-control had been instilled in me and just a couple of years in a church-based school where God was central in the curriculum, had a big effect on me, ultimately. Faith-based values give hope in bad times; today, our culture does not help us instill such values in the young that would give them what they need to survive and so we keep hearing about more and more crimes being committed by young people, and more youth suicide. We can blame much of that on the fact that God has been driven out of so many of or schools and out of the public square. I have observed in so many of these bullying-motivated crimes and bullycides that the young people in question seemed to have little spiritual foundation. Or if they did, it was not passed on to them, as the values of love, compassion, empathy, self-control, hope and faith in God start first in the home.
          These bullying-motivated crimes seem to be the saddest of all as they could have been prevented in the first place. Was the prior bullying that motivated these young people's crimes taken seriously? I doubt it. I know that educators, especially teachers, have hard jobs and that it is probably easier to ignore bullying or not take it seriously. We parents find it easier to ignore bullying, not only denying that our young are being bullied but that they can be the bullies. As for bad parents who neglect or abuse they young, they are not only hurting their children but they are also hurting society by inflicting on the rest of us young people who will likely bully our children and, if not helped, will "graduate to adult lives of crime. This is just one more reason to prevent and end child abuse.
          Now there is one young person who, because he "snapped" because of a painful past, which also included a bad home life, will probably spend the rest of his life in prison and will be hated and feared by society. The lives of those three families who have to bury beloved children, the students who are injured and their loved ones, will never be the same. And the lives of the suspect's family will never be the same. They are no doubt devastated and shocked and had no idea that their loved one would do such a thing. The boy who raped his younger sister will also probably spend the rest of his life in prison and likewise be hated by society; his family are no doubt in incredible emotional pain. I don't need to go into all the lives that were destroyed as a result of the mass murder-suicide at Columbine High School or other school or workplace shootings. Shouldn't all these cimes, so often motivated by pasts of bullying and exclusion, not to mention all the bullycides of young people, convince us that bullying can kill or scar one for life?
          And where do these young people gain access to guns or other weapons of destruction? This is almost never talked about but it should be, as these weapons are used in the act of murder. Don't adults in the home have a responsibility to deny youth all access to guns or other weapons that can kill? Does anyone but me see the obvious, that these school shootings and other crimes by teens and children, would have been prevented if they had had no access to the weapons that they managed to access? This inceasing availability of guns and other killing weapons may be just an aggravating factor in these crime, but it is an important one.
          We can conduct all the bullying awareness projects and campaigns we want, but unless hearts are changed and values are instilled in the young that will result in empathy, respect for all life, compassion, faith in God, self-control, and conviction, these efforts will have limited impact. I would like to see less focus in schools on the "higher math" and other subjects that students will probably never use; I would like to see these repaced by classes in anger management and classes teaching kindness, social skills and assertiveness. We parents need to both model and teach the next generation the values of respect for all life, integrity, empathy, compassion and faith in God.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/
This is a government-sponsored website to educate the public about how to prevent and end bullying.

http://www.stompoutbullying.org/
This website is for a nonprofit organization that provides comprehensive services to prevent and end bullying, including a hotline for bully victims. Whenever I visit this site, I think: How I could have used such services growing up!

http://peerabuse.net/
This is one website that is devoted to those among us whose bullying was bad enough to leave lifelong scars.

http://bullyinglte.wordpress.com/
This website is a forum for those who want to share their bullying stories to prevent and end bullying and to heal themselves and "let go."

Saving the Autism Diagnosis

2012-02-25T18:36:00.000-08:00

          When I was growing up in the 1960's and 1970's, the autism spectrum concept did not exist. When I was born to my 17-year-old mother, I showed signs of difference almost from birth, symptoms that she could not make sense of and felt unable to cope with. I cried nonstop, behaved "very badly," according to juvenile records, experienced sporadic seizures, showed "distance in human relationships, according to juvenile records and walked differently. So mom took me to professionals, whom I also "stumped" and my case was "over their heads." I was diagnosed with nebulous "emotional problems," or equally vague "behavior problems," with mild cerebral palsy, and epilepsy. But clinicians did not know what to make of this mix of differences without the benefit of autism spectrum disorders and so I was in and out (mostly in) special schools and a couple residental settings during my childhood and teens. Though I was withdrawn, I was grouped with mostly aggressive peers who were angry at the world. Mom had no idea of how to help me and being continually blamed for my problems did nothing for me. I suffered much bullying because of these differences and the focus seemed to be on me as "asking for it" because I did not "act like the other kids." Many adults disliked me and did not hide it. At one point, when I was age 17, a bunch of medical residents in a teaching hospital were gathered together to "check me out" and to see if they could figure out my case. Of course, that was not possible with the diagnostic resources available at that time! And so I grew up with a really bad self-image, a shame-based self-identity, fears, a major distrust of people, seeing that they largely have not or would not, understand me (or even try) or accept me as I was. Growing up, I heard, over and over, "Get over your shyness" and "You need to conform to how other people act." In adulthood, I did not exactly "lose my way" but I did not "find my way" either. And many in my generation and prior to that, also grew up with undiagnosed sub-types of autism and could have told many similar stories of being misunderstool, excluded, of failure, isolation and even of homelessness, lives of crime born of desperation, and incarceration.
          The American Psychiatric Association (APA) wants to once again roll back the diagnostic criteria in their DSM-5 that would, once again, remove these sub-types of autism, like Asperger's Syndrome (ASD) and Pervasive Development Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) that has the potential of hurting many people, children and adults now and also future generations. This could mean going back in time to when I was growing up when we were set up for failure through inappropriate or no services.
          I'm sure that by now, most people in my social networks, who log in on a fairly regular basis and who have not blocked my posts from appearing on their Facebook homepages, have been seeing me frequently circulating a couple petitions, addressed to the APA, urging them to not change or narrow the criteria needed to obtain an autism diagnosis. As a Member of Global and Regional Asperger's Syndrome Partnership (GRASP), Facebook users may often have seen my circulation of the GRASP petitition to the APA, for that purpose. In case anyone is interested in what this is all about, the GRASP petition can be found at this link http://www.change.org/petitions/dsm-5-committee-dont-reduce-the-criteria-for-an-autism-spectrum-condition-in-the-dsm-5.
          If you've been seeing these posts and related posts but your life experiences and agendas for using social networks do not give you the incentive to learn about autism and its issues, you may wonder, "What is the fuss all about anyway?" or "What does this have to do with me?" It is because you may know people on the spectrum who have never been diagnosed or who, because if the stigma of this label, have not "come out of the closet" about this. They manage their challenges so well that "coming out" does not feel like a need. It may not even be in their best interest to "come out of the closet," given the ignorance and prejudice that still exist.
          Autism is a neurological condition, not a mental illness or a disease. It affects the way a person sees and relates to others, himself and to the world. It means a diiferent way of thinking. It is a developmental condition that always shows up somewhere in the first three years of life. And because autism is a neurological diorder, it often doesn't stand alone but often comes with other neurological conditions such as learning disabilities, sensory processing disorders, epilepsy, Down's Syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and others. For the past 12 or so years, the APA have included Asperger's Syndrome and PDD-NOS as part of the autism spectrum and as sub-types considered and treated as high-functioning forms of autism. Obtaining this diagnosis has been especially valuable to all of the children, teens and young (under 25) adults who have been fortunate enough to obtain this diagnosis and to receive services, benefits and legal protections under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). They have been able to get accommodations at school, on the job and in public settings, that they could not get without their diagnosis or with a psychiatric or mental health diagnosis. Also, autism is a MUCH "nicer" word and less of a stigma, than labels like "emotionally disturbed," "behaviorally disordered" and most mental health labels and inspires more empathy. But the APA want to remove ASD and PDD-NOS from its DSM-5 and while autism would still be something of a spectrum, the narrowed and tightened criteria mean that many people may be eliminated from this spectrum, lose their diagnosis and be hurt by these changes. Fully two-thirds of people with ASD and 85 percent of those with PDD-NOS are projected to be eliminated from the spectrum. This means that many parents seeking an autism screening for their children and people wanting screening for themselves, would find it harder to be diagnosed under the new criteria. The APA claim that their revisions would simplify the diagnostic process by uniting all autism sub-types under one unbrella. This is also a major cost-cutter as states would be spared the costs of having to pay for many autism services and benefits. For who wants to spend money on someone without any diagnosis? While, indeed, in these lean times where resources are being spread thin, we need to be cutting costs where we can, should this be done on the backs of individuals and families who need services and benefits?
          Why does the proposed changes bother me and so many others? For the most part, the only way some of us adults can make sense of painful pasts and unexplained differences in thinking and behavior, are referring to the sub-types of autism to explain ourselves to ourselves. It was only after my daughter, before her third birthday, received her PDD-NOS diagnosis and others suggested (not to me but to others ABOUT me) that I may be on the spectrum, that I finally had a name for my unexplained differences. Yes, I can't get an autism screening as that isn't done for adults over 25, so self-diagnosis is the only tool available to me. Because of her early diagnosis, my daughter has been able to get early childhood intervention and numerous support services, benefits and legal protections that have been based on her diagnosis. Without her diagnosis and all that has come with it, I doubt that she would be as well-adjusted, happy and successful as she is today. I'm sure that many, many other families with officially diagnosed children or loved ones would say that same thing. But if my daughter and so many others would lose their diagnoses, they would also lose the services, benefits and legal protections that have come their way because of their diagnoses. This would, once again, set up many for failure.
          When people are set up to fail, society often pays the price just as it has been paying the price for undiagnosed people for many years. So many of these undiagnosed people have had to endure special education and residential school placements as children and have been fast-tracked into lives of dependency of government assistance, residential placements, poverty, homelessness, crime, and incarceration. All of this costs tax dollars to the public. This is why we should concerned about undiagnosed people. Without services, benefits and legal protections but with challenges that they can't handle on their own, many people will again have no options and they will become desperate. And we know that desperate people do desperate things.
          I know that many families with children or loved ones with severe, classic autism may not be concerned about the proposed APA changes, thinking this won't affect their children. Such families may understandably resent higher-functioning autistic children and adults and see them as taking away resources from their children or loved ones. I know that there is "bad blood" between many adults with Asperger's Syndrome and families with severely autistic children. But what these families may not realize is that the proposed APA changes may also affect their children's or loved one's diagnoses and they may lose their diagnosis of "classic" autism.
          I know that there are those in the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" camp who don't believe in the autism spectrum and who would welcome these proposed changes, whether they know about ASD and PDD-NOS or not. I know about the school of thought that holds that parents who seek screening for their children, are looking for "smoke and mirrors" excuses for poor parenting, and that adults seeking screening for themselves, want a word to hide behind to escape responsibility for their actions. Well, the truth is that what we seek are answers and closure as well as understanding and to be empowered to relate to people with confidence and explain our differences. However, I know that many people show no interest in wanting to learn about autism, ASD and PDD-NOS and are probably the ones who need to read this blog more than anyone. But I know that unless I'm wrong, such people will not read this. Sad.
          Whatever happens with the prosposed APA changes that are supposed to become final at the end of this year, autism is not going to go away. This holds true even if many with it will be called something else.
           And if you want to help and show your support, I will provide the petition link once again and you need to read the petition text, sign the petition and take down the URL link to it so you can forward it so others can sign it. Your support is much appreciated; and everyone in the autism community, families, individuald and those who work in the autism field (whose livelihoods could be affected), all have a vested interest in getting involved.

http://www.autism-society.org/
This website is for a nonprofit that works for families and individuals with autism through advocacy and awareness. If you need to learn about autism and want to educate yourself, this is a great site to visit and at the "About Autism" tab is where you can learn the basics about autism.

http://www.grasp.org/
This website is for a nonprofit that works to improve life teens and adults with autism through advocacy and awareness. They are the ones with the petition that I'm about to share.

http://www.change.org/petitions/dsm-5-committee-dont-reduce-the-criteria-for-an-autism-spectrum-condition-in-the-dsm-5.
This is the GRASP petition that is addressed to the American Psychiatric Association, urging them to not narrow or tighten their criteria to obtain an autism diagnosis. Please visit this site, read the petition text, sign it and use the URL link to forward it.

Making A Difference With Your Clicks

2012-02-22T18:08:00.000-08:00

          You may have heard about them in your online time. You may not think they don't really help. You may not think that they are legitimate. You may have never heard of them. I'm talking about click-to-give sites where you click to engage in online activities and a specified amount of funds are released on your behalf and are donated to those in need. Yes, I'm sure that they are sites that are poor in quality or do not do what they claim. I'm sharing with you click-to-give sites where I click daily or regularly, am well-acquainted with and am convinced are legitimate, really seeking to help the needy. Normally, unless my computer is acting up, visiting these sites and clicking in the designated areas takes just minutes out of my day.
          Want a site where your clicks help feed starving or hungry children in the US as well as children in other parts of the world? There is a site for you. It's called World Legacy. At this site, you click two designated buttons, one to fight hunger worldwide and the other to fight hunger in the US. There is a sponsor who pays for your clicks to fight global hunger and another sponsor who pays for your clicks to fight US hunger. Though you can click both buttons all you want, only one click per person is counted and actually releases funds. Yes, it's true that on this site one click per day adds up to just pennies (1/4 cup of food per click to fight global hunger is a paltry amount). But if many people click daily, these clicks can add up fast. On this site, you can find a chart where there is a breakdown of how, collectively, many people's clicks help combat hunger both in the US and globally. All sponsor money is said to go directly to fight hunger. So if you ever feel that you don't have "two nickels to rub together" and have nothing to give, you can make a difference at World Legacy. Sharing this site with others so they can do likewise, increases your impact. You can visit World Legacy right here at:
http://www.worldlegacy.org/index.htm.
          Want a site where you can help save children's lives? There is a site for that. It's called the Tarahumara Children's Hospital Fund. The clicks done at this site are calculated monthly. Your clicks at this site actually help fund a children's hospital and keeps it open so health care providers can keep serving destitute children. This site provides much detail in their stories and photos of all that is being done to meet the various needs of the children served and how their lives are not only being saved but are being changed. Daily, you click on a designated button and you will see a count of clicks as they add up in real-time each month. After you click, you are given a link where you can visit a page where you can view a chart that gives a breakdown of how everyone's collective clicks help keep the Tarahumara Children"s Hospital open and the the hours of hospital care that everyone's clicks have funded that month. Yes, the clicks you make at this site supplement the work done for the children served through actual public donations. Moved to give of your financial resources to increase your impact? Your actual donations are warmly welcome where there is a donation button. But to click daily, no donated is required. To visit this site, go to http://www.tchforegon.org/.
          Want a site where your clicks help different charities that are trusted and help causes that most of us care about? There's a a site for that. It's simply called Click-To-Give, Give To Charity For Free! At this site you click once to help 6 different charities, adding up to 6 clicks per day. These clicks benefit abused animals, abused children, poor children, the homeless, children with cancer, and sponsors individual needy children. Your daily clicks to each charity may add up to pennies per day, but if many people click for each charity daily, the clicks add up and much good can be done. At the "Follow Our Progress" tab on the left of the site, you can see that many thousands of clicks for charity were done the previous month. There are six designated click buttons for each charity. Again, though you can click each button over and over, only one click at each of the 6 buttons per day actually releases funds for the designated nonprofits. And though I have never taken advantage of it, you can "earn points" and be able to "claim rewards" of free items purchased from the charities involved; there is a "rewards store" for this. As you click each button for each charity, you are assured that 100 percent of sponsor money goes directly to the designated charities. To track your individual progress on this site and to "earn points" and be able to "claim prizes," you need to set up an account with this site. But it is worth it in that you are encouraged as you can see how, over time, your clicks are actually helping multiple causes and trusted nonprofits. I encourage you to visit this site; do it at: http://www.clicktogive.com?ref=42267.
          Want to check out a site for a cause that uses multiple social networks to empower you to get involved and which is expanding in scope? Join My Village (JMV) is for you. JMV is an iniative partnership between General Mills, Merck and the CARE organization. General Mills and Merck have committed to donating money to CARE but this is done only through your clicks and through money donations which they match with their money. All these $$$ go to CARE so the nonprofit can better serve girls and women in Malawi, one of the poorest areas in the world and in Africa. JMV helps girls and women through giving them educational opportunities, empowering them to break the cycle of deep poverty. And this year, JMV has expanded to serve girls and women in India, also through the means of educational opportunties. JMV focuses on girls and women because it's females who, by far, are denied educational opportunties and because when they do receive such opportunites, the payoff is much greater because educated women bear fewer children, are better wives and mothers and are able to take better care of their families. And they increase their earning power and are in a far better position, when educated, to support their families and serve society. JMV runs a Facebook page where every interaction with it releases funds to CARE for girls and women; this page is linked to their site whose link I will soon be sharing. They run a Facebook cause which is linked to the page. And they run a website which is also interactive and where funds are released every time you click to perform online activities there or share these activities with those in your network. Your clicks are worth $1-$3 a click. When you enter this site, you can see that, over time, well over $1 million have been donated to JMV. On the Facebook page, the cause site and on the JMV website, you can view different photoes, videos, slideshows and stories. JMV shows how everyone's daily clicks and matched donations actually help these girls and women, where the $$$ are going and how these girls and women's lives are being changed for the better. Not content to just click but also feel moved to share your financial resources" On their site, JMV provide a donation button where your donations are warmly welcome but not required to click and click over and over. You can visit this updated, revamped website at: http://www.joinmyvillage.com/.
          Want to make a difference for 8 different, popular causes each day? There is a network of 8 linked, click-to-give sites that are for you. These click-to-give sites are called the Greater Good Network sites. There are 8 different sites where you can help feed hungry children, help feed rescued animals, help provide free mammograms for needy women, help feed homeless veterans, help provide therapy for autistic children, help fund health care for needy children, help provide books for needy children, and help preserve rainforests. The 8 sites are all linked so that you can click the 8 designated buttons in less than two minutes per day, assuming your computer is running at full capacity. No matter which site you visit, you will see 8 tabs at the top of each site where you can see the sites as linked and which make clicking daily both easy and efficient. As you click the designated tabs 8 times, each time you are assured that 100 percent of sponsor money goes to each cause. You can click over and over on each tab, but only one click on each designated click button per day will actually release funds for each of the 8 causes. On each site, you can read stories and see photos about how needy people are being helped in so many ways and how your clicks make a difference. Want to do more than to just click? There is an online, comprehensive store, accessible no matter what site you are visiting. All funds from purchases made through online shopping made on this site go to the designated causes, so you can shop online here and make a difference! Also, at each site you will find many online petitions that are relevant to each cause. So even if you have no money, you can give your time at these sites and make a difference in many different ways! Here is where you can visit these sites: http://www.thehungersite.com, http://www.thebreastcancersite.com, http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com, http://www.theveteranssite.com, http://www.theautismsite.com,
http://www.thechildhealthsite.com, http://www.theliteracysite.com, http://www.therainforestsite.com.
          I don't want to give the wrong message here, that online, free (to you) clicking at certain websites replaces the offline serving, caring and sharing with those in need or the giving of one's material resources. I just want to show that you can do great good with your clicks and that if you are in an life situation where you feel that your ability to serve and give to others is limited, there are still options. And I know that there are some who will never trust click-to-give sites and are paranoid about what they click. This is understandable in light of the scams and viruses that are rampant online. If you wonder why clicks are limited, for the most part, to one daily click or in other ways limited? This is to prevent computer crashes and abuse and also because sponsors have limited funds for clicks. I know a number of you already click on some of these sites and good for you! I hope that because of this blog more people will be steered to what I feel are legitimate, quality click-to-give sites.

GLBT Rights vs. Religious Liberty

2012-02-18T19:13:00.000-08:00

          Without a doubt this will be the most controversial topic I have ever blogged about to date but this ought to be talked about because it is one of the topics that many of our politicians are debating about it. It strikes at the core of the values of the two opposing sides of the debate, the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender (GLBT) community and their advocates/allies, and the Religious Liberty community, which includes people of all faith and worldviews who do not endorse GLBT marriage. The GLBT side values equality, tolerance, privacy and the acceptance of all people. The Religious Liberty community values principle, truth, morality, and the traditional family. But both sides value one thing: free speech.
          Now I know full well that at any time, anyone reading this can be an advocate/ally of GLBT marriage or may even be GLBT yourself. And so I must say: On behalf of those on the Religious Liberty side who have or do not understand the grace (underserved favor) and forgiveness of God, you deserve apologies and restitution for the horrific and inexcusable things and "hate crimes" which have been done to many of you throughout the ages, but especially in these days when you have "come out of the closet" or may not be GLBT but just not fit the male or female stereotype. All of the "hate cimes," the "anti-gay" protests and counter-protests at "gay pride" rallies and even at military funerals, and the GLBT bullying, are all anti-God, anti-Bible and anti-Christ. These things go against God's image of perfect love and Jesus' compassion that was modelled in the Gospels. The anti-gay sites on the Internet and on social networks are plain wrong. It's shocking, sickening and heartbreaking how GLBT bullying has become such an epidemic and how so many victims have been driven to bullycide through it. My guess is that one big reason that this targeted GLBT bullying has grown so bad today is that even in schools, students are "coming out of the closet" and living as openly GLBT. In my growing up years and before that, there was a definite code of silence about GLBT issues, just as there was about so many other things that we talk about today. So such bullying was not known and if it happened, there was no awareness about it.
          We have definitely come a long way from the time when society frowned on homosexuality and on homosexuals. Today, they and anyone with sexual orientation differences are a protected minority group. I will boldly say that today it is less of a stigma to "come out of the closet" about being GLBT than it is to "come out of the closet" about invisible disabilities like many mental illnesses, autism, epilepsy and about other misunderstood medical or neurological conditions. I'm sure that this is because GLBT groups and individuals have tirelessly lobbied those in power, gaining influence; many celebrities have also added their voices to the effort. Today, it is "homophobia" that society frowns on but I fear that this word as well as the trem "hate speech" are used to crush any civil and rational debate on this topic.
          We can blame many of our problems encouraging gay marriage as an alternative, to the failure of so many heterosexual marriages and families, along with a high divorce rate, domestic violence, child abuse and rebellious children. But heterosexual unions aren't to bame for these social evils; growing up without learning empathy and self-control are.The Religious Liberty side views all of this with grief and dismay and finds it easy to overreact and to view GLBT marriage as the threat to religious freedom. And GLBT people likewise see the other side as a threat to their cause. This means war!
          The media have a lot of power in shaping our opinions. And so much of the media tell os half-truths or give us the news as based on their biases. So we hear much about what the GLBT community suffer at the hands of those who are identified with the Religious Liberty community. And let me make one things clear: There are many, many people who do not identify themselves either with GLBT people are with Religious Liberty people, so the majority of people are largely silent on this matter; it is not their priority either way. And there are many denominations which do openly support or tolerate GLBT lifestyles. This is my observation.
          Today it's politically correct to cry foul whenever anyone dares to challenge alternate acts or lifestyles, whether they are GLBT, co-habitation (living together without being married), premarital sex, abortions or anything else that has become accepted in society but which goes against the core values of those in the Religious Liberty community. It's usually the unstable, emotionally immature but also stable, mature but opinionated people, who let discussions on controversial topics deteriorate into name-calling, shouting matches, bullying, personal attacks and even worse. Such individuals, who often make the headlines, give many in the religious Liberty community, who truly care about people, a bad name. Worse, they hurt God's Cause on earth. Sad.
          The Religious Liberty community hold the Bible to be God's inspired Word to us. In it God says that He made us male and female so He instituted marriage so we can reflect His image. This is at the core of the Religious Libery's side of this debate. Yes, it's true that lots of evils have come out of male/female marriage but this isn't the fault of such marriages but of the people's failure to learn empathy or self-control. Yes, I know that this may not be a good enough reason for those who value other matters but this is God's reason.
          It is not that God and the Religious Liberty people who understand God's love and grace, don't value tolerance, acceptance, privacy or equality. It's just that this community values truth and morality as most loving and in the best interests of all. And in all the talk about acceptance and tolerance, there is often no tolerance for or acceptance of Religious Liberty people who "come out of the closet" in both a loving and truthful way, about their beliefs. They are vilified as "homophobes" and "hatemongers" and worse. Tolerance and acceptance should be extended to both sides. And what is "homophobia"? It is the fear of anything GLBT. Talking about GLBT issues or challenging them as a lifestyle are not homphobia if this is done in a caring and loving way.
          In both the Old and New Testament, God is silent on sexual orientation itself and on homosexual thoughts or feelings. He only grows vocal about acting on these just as He condemns hating or not accepting any peple, which includes GLBT people. God's words against GLBT lifestyles doesn't mean that God is homophobic or encourages homophobia. It's only through male/female unions that we can naturally procreate future generations and keep the human race going. This has been God's plan from the beginning and this has not changed. In gay marriage, unnatual forms of reproduction must be done to procreate.
          Be assured that God, in the Bible, does NOT single out homosexuality as the only misuse of sexuality. He comes out against many other misuses of sexuality, including prostitution, incest, rape, premarital sex, adultery, bestiality, and more. And He comes out against divorce in male/female marriages over and over and as often about adultery. But what would be His position on legalized gay marriage? I think that He realizes that GLBT issues are an established fact in this culture that while it is NOT His ideal, that He has other priorities, such as our coming to know and love Him and to love others. It seems to me that He would tolerate legalized gay marriage more than He would much of the other social ills of this day. What about homosexuals adopting children? I think it is much better to grow up in a loving, stable home of a GLBT couple than with cold, unloving, abusive heterosexual parents. But God's ideal is for children to grow up in a loving, stable male/female union.
          Are GLBT relations the business of society? I agree that it is NOT our business what our neighbors do in the privacy of their bedrooms and that as long as the people involved are not hurting or bothering us, we should leave them alone. But God also made GLBT people (and all of us) and what they (and we) do is His business. So no one can tell Him, "What I do in the privacy of my bedroom or anywhere else is any of Your business."
          What about those who are sick and tired of the GLBT lifestyle, are trying to escape it and what about those who are trying to help and assist them in this most difficult process? Again, if we want to see tolerance and acceptance toward those in the GLBT community, we should have tolerance and acceptance toward this community, also a minority. What we need is tolerance and acceptance toward all people. When we controversial topics spawn hate and intolerance toward opposing sides we do not have this.

Scriptural verses that are uses in the GLBT/Religious Liberty debate:

Genesis 1:27--The purpose of marriage-Image of God in us as male and female as shown in marriage.
Genesis 2: 18-25-- " "

Genesis 1: 28 God's plan for natual procreation in marriage

Leviticus 18:22 God's words about homosexuality as a lifestyle (NOT a sexual orentation)

Matthew 19: 4 Jesus' words about God's plan for us as reflecting HIs image as male and famale in marriage
Mark 10: 16 " "

Romans 1: 26-27 God's words about homosexuality as a lifestyle (NOT a sexual orentation)
1 Corinthians 6: 9-11 " "

http://christiansnswers.net/
This is a website that is run by a pastor who lived a formerly homosexual lifestyle and found his way out of it. This site contains stories by men and women who lived formerly GLBT lifestyles and have found their way out. This pastor answers questions with faithfulness to Scripture and truth but also with sensitivity and compassion, as one who has been there.

http://courageerc.net/
This is a social networking site of members who are or have lived GLBT lifestyles and who want to escape. The site is run by Catholics who provide articles and posts which are marked by compassion and love as well as being true to Scriptural principles.

About Valentine's Day and Love

2012-02-14T18:47:00.000-08:00

          The color red. Chocolate candy. Flowers. Hearts. Greeting cards. High expectations. Lots of big-time profits for many businesses selling these products. Dentists anticipating tooth damage from the effects of consumption of Valentine's Day sweets. I know that many people celebrate this day with gusto. Others do not. "This is the day for lovers." Today, I have been seeing one post after another of red images and sayings. And how do we so often show our love on this particular day? Buying sweets! We are in a mode where our traditions for one day mean additional business for dentists everywhere as well as florists and retail outlets.
          But do we know the historical person who is behind this holiday? Do we know what this person was really all about? You may have heard about the historical missionary, St. Valentine, who served under severe religious persecution and was killed for his Christian faith. He served people in need. Indeed, he loved and showed it by the things he did. But what kind of love do we typically focus on during Valentine's Day?
          The love that we focus on during this particular day is romantic love or "eros." Love between two people who are sexually attracted to each other and especially if they are married. Many of us celebrate our friends on this day. Friendship love is called "Phileos." In many households, parents see this day as being "for the children" and buy our candy and tokens for our children. But the love that St. Valentine lived as he served as a missionary is not any of these kinds of love. It is an unselfish, sacrificial, unconditional love known as "agape" love. This is the kind of love that moved God to send His Son to Earth to give His life for us humans, to reconcile us to Him. It is the love that moved Jesus to enter Earth, become the perfect God-Man, live a sinless life and die a horrific death in our place, and to rise again. God, therefore, is the Source of this love and also the Source of all other loves. Therefore, Valentine's Day is ultimately about God. St. Valentine, who was the historical figure behind this day, was only able to live and give this kind of unselfish, sacrificial love because he had a relationship with God through Christ and he drew his strength from God to love this way. Now I'm very sure that St. Valentine knew the other loves, for without these other loves we cannot advance to being able to trust God and love in this Godly way.
          There is nothing wrong with these other, human loves. Parent/child love or "storge" love, is essential to any child's development and well-being and preferably if the love comes from both mom and dad. Sudies show that abuse and neglect, if bad enough and sustained enough, affect and alter the actual structure of a person's brain. And without the comfort, support and love of friends, real friends, loneliness often has devastating effects. I can tell you that from experience! So many suicides are motivated by loneliness, the awful feeling that one is really alone and not among friends, real friends. Romantic love? This is one love that is not essential to life for all people, but without it, we would not be motivated to mate, marry and bear children! We would have been extinct long ago! And this was, after all, God's idea and His way to reproduce and keep the human race going.
          But there is a difference between these love and agape love, God's love. These other loves can fail or end. And they often do. This is the root of so many of our social ills. the failure to love well. Friendships, even real, deep friendships, can and do fail, sour or for some reason don't last. Years ago, I saw on a TV court case a lawsuit between two "ex-friends" who had been very close friends for decades, until one of the friends borrowed money and did not pay it back. Money and gossip often ruin even the best of friendships and other close or family relationships. I have seen this firsthand and it is sad. Monetary inheritances and squabbles over them often ruin family relationships. As we all know, romantic love fails over and over, even ending in betrayal and outright emnity, even murder. I don't think I need to go into the many high-profile marriages that have ended in murder. So many of our popular songs lament the sad fact that romantic love so often fails. An estimated 50 percent of all marriages are said to end in divorce. Parent/child love may be the most enduring love and oftten lasts through great odds. But it, too, often fails when lacks the resources or the maturity for the role or breaks down when the parent or the child does things that are detestable or even criminal.
          But God's love is the love that never ends and never fails. It is first a commitment to do good for another person whatever the person's merit, response, or one's feelings. This love is a choice. It is not often sung about in popular music, which focuses, mostly, on romantic love. If you listen to so many of the words, you get the message that lovemaking is the ultimate form of love and that we can't live without it. There is nothing wrong with romantic love and the Bible even has a small Book in the Old Testament that is devoted to it, the Song of Solomon. This book celebrates the love between a bride and a groom. In the rest of the Bible, however, the the love the Bible talks about is agape love, God's love for us and the love that He wants us to practice.
          There is another historical fact about St. Valentine. Experts on his life tell us that he was the "patron saint" of epilepsy, among other things. He is said to have served the sick and those with medical conditions. During ancient times, the diagnosis of epilepsy didn't exist and there was no concept of neurological conditions but there was much awareness and fear about demon possession. Therefore, it was easy to confuse seizures with the demonic activity. (And yes, I do believe in a personal Devil and in demons). It is unclear why St. Valentine took such an interest in epilepsy and it has been speculated on that he had epilepsy himself. Yes, other missionaries also served people with epilepsy but St. Valentine seemed to have outdone them in that area. Today, we have far more scientific knowledge and resources to deal with epilepsy and a host of other medical conditions and diseases. Therefore, like St. Valentine, we need to all do our part to add our voices to the effort to increase awareness about misunderstood and stigmatized medical conditions like epilepsy.
          When I was growing up, I remember that Valentine's Day was a day when my popular peers got many Valentine's Day cards and other tokens and others of us didn't get nearly as many. I recall one instance where, in a middle school setting, some popular girls got many Valentine Day cars and tokens and made no secret of this. I glanced at it all and sighed, "I wonder how many Valentines I will get." A girl said, "Lisa! You ARE greedy!" Should Valentine's Day, or any other time which celebrates relationships, be about competition and who gets the most of things? I'm glad that, at least in the case of my daughter's school setting more recently, celebrating Valentine's Day has been handled differently in her elementary school setting. Things have been set up so that each child receives about the same amount of Valentine's Day cars and tokens; no one is left out or excluded. And isn't this what love is all about, including everyone?
          There is nothing wrong with celebrating Valentine's Day (or any other holiday or special day) in the traditional, expected way for that particular day. There is also nothing wrong with choosing not to celebrate this day (or other special days) in the conventional and traditional way. And I wish each and every one of you a Happy Valentine's Day. But do not forget that the real Source of love is God, not Cupid.

http://www.stvalentines.net
This is a fun website with basic information about St. Valentine and fun acts about how this day is celebrated in many other countries. After you access this site, you need to click "St. Valentines. Net" to get into this website.

Does Society Value Some Lives More Than Others?

2012-02-11T20:06:00.000-08:00

          We may loudly claim, "All persons are created equal" and "No person is more valuable than another," but as a society our actions often condradict these words. There is no getting around it. Yes, we are indeed created equal by God but the sad fact is that in this world countless inequalities exist.
          To illustrate my point, this very morning of the day I am writing this, I received a "no" response in the mail to an earlier request to have my vitamin supplementation continue to be covered by my insurance carrier. Currently, I'm almost past my childbearing years. In my prior appeal letter, I pointed out that my long-term use of anti-convulsants for seizure control put me at an increased risk for osteoporosis and liver failure than the average person. I also pointed out that I was diagnosed with Marfan's Syndrome which affects one's heart, eyes and connective joints. Throughout the years, my insurance carrier had covered my request for vitamin supplementation by covering prenatal vitamins. I was, after all, a woman in her childbearing years and was able at any time to bear another life. My insurance carrier had denied my request to be switched to a more age-appropriate vitamin supplement simply because of my age. My point? Because I am "getting older" and "can't get pregnant," my life was not as valuable as it was when I was younger.
          This sad phenomenon for us to value some lives over others is seen in the eugenics movement, which pushes for the prevention of any life deemed as less worthy than others. Those with disabilities are sometimes discouraged, even by their doctors, from getting pregnant because their offspring "may inherit what you have," and this gives the unspoken but very hurtful message that the lives of disabled people are less worthy than the lives of those without disabilities. The push to offer certain prenatal tests to certain pregnant women for the purpose of identifying certain "birth defects," and to encourage abortions in the case of "birth defects," is the most glaring example of this! During my childbearing years, I was discouraged from seeking pregnancy. When I did get pregnant, abortion was "offered" to me as an "option." And now autism is being added to the mix of "birth defects" that mark a life as less worthy! According to history, women with special needs were often sterilized against their wills or given cerain forms of birth control. Today, this may no longer be done but certain groups of people are still asked or told to not reproduce "their own kind." I realize, first-hand, that having special needs and raising children with special needs, are both difficult and can often be heartbreaking. But that does not mean that these don't come with rewards if we receive these with grace, courage and maturity.
          Poor and low-income people are often discouraged from reproducing "their own kind," and like disabled people, they are much more likely to be "offered" abortion as an "option" to carrying to full-term. When Nadia Suleman, the "Octomom," gave birth to octuplets (8 babies in one pregnancy), there was outrage over this. Suleman was a low-income young woman and in debt, with outstanding student loan debt and already she had six other children. I understand the outrage over this and the concern that these children will probably know lives of lasting disadvantage. And in many other cases of poor women choosing to have large families, there has been outrage. I would not ever want to minimize the difficulties that children born to poor and disadvantaged parents face and the lifelong disadvantages that such children often face. For I know of this from experience. My point is that all lives are equally valuable, no matter what the circumstances of conception.
          It's clear that if you are young, attractive, healthy, under age 40, talented, white and successful, your life is seen as somehow more valuable. This certainly holds true in searches for missing people. On Facebook, for many weeks I had been sharing a page that is devoted exclusively to bring missing children home. Since people generally value the lives of children and are touched by their vulnerabibility and their cuteness, we tend to take children's disappearances more seriously than the disappearances of adults. Thus, I saw the numbers on this page climb at a good clip as people joined it and shared the page with their own social networks. On the other hand, for monts I have been sharing a Facebook page that is devoted exclusively to missing adults. I saw the numbers on the page climb much more slowly because fewer people joined the page or shared it. And whenever I shared that page, I would include a text header like: "Every missing adult is also someone's missing child and loved one!" As for missing persons, I recall that about a year ago, the case of a certain man tugged at my heart as he was said to be suicidal and to have a seizure disorder. I would post and repostthe link to this missing man's photo and information on Facebook. I saw few signs that my posts on this man were circulated. Then one day, someone commented under one of my posts simply that "He was found deceased" and gave the date. It was like this man's life somehow did not matter because he was an adult, male, and had a stigmatizing medical condition and mental health issues at the time of his disappearance. I've seen this sort of response toward especially missing adults when they they are over 40, have special needs, troubled pasts, or are male or Black. On the other hand, many of us take acute interest in the disappearances/murders of those who are young, attractive, talented, successful, and Caucasian. Isn't this why certain names of certain people (Elizabeth Smart, Jaycee Dugard, Chandra Levy, Polly Klaas, Laci Peterson, Caylee Anthony) are household names? How many people are familar with names like Alexis Patterson, Jameshia Conner, Toni Lee Sharpless, Khoi Vu, Michael Weinkoop, and the names of so many other missing or murdered persons?
          This phenomenon of valuing some lives above others is true in health care. Top-notch health care, like that found at the Mayo Clinic or at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, benefit what kind of patients? Those with the money or with good insurance who can pay for this excellent care! Who generally gets the finest health care, especially preventive care? Those who can afford to pay for it or who have good insurance! In other words, the wealthy can afford to assign top value to their own lives by their unlimited health care options. The health care that US polticians get is said to be the best. In stark contrast, what sort of health care do so many poor and marginalized people get? Often they get none at all because they can't afford insurance or because so many doctors and health care settings will not participate in their state's Medicaid program. This is understandable because of low government re-imbursement and government "red tape." But this is so unfortunate for so many poor people, as so many of them are more likely than more affluent people, to die of preventable diseases because of their lack of access to affordable health care. In plain terms, you can die from the lack of health care!
          This sad tendency to prefer some some lives over others is seen in the dollar amounts in settlements. In one case, years ago, one woman stepped in front of a train, waiting for the train to run over her. However, she survived. Claiming postpartum depression as her defense, she won a huge settlement of $13 million! On the other hand, I have seen cases of wrongful death suits where the plaintiffs won far smaller settlements of $100,000 or less! Why? The deceased persons involved were older and had underlying medical or mental health issues. Message? Our lives are seen as more valuable when we are young and healthy.
          This sad phenomenon is seen in the ever-present tendency of life insurance companies to deny coverage to applicants who have underlying health issues or unhealthy lifestyles. I can understand denying coverage to those who choose basically unhealthy lifestyles. But medical conditions are not the choice of the applicants or the choice of those whom they are taking out life insurance policies for. The sad fact is that medical conditions are seen as financial liabilities for life insurance companies and so their lives seen as less valuable. And this is also seen in the tendency of many health insurance companies to to deny coverage to any person with a "pre-existing condition." President Obama's health care plan is set up to address this, as when "Obamacare" takes effect, as expected, in 2014, health insurance companies are expected to accept new members with pre-exising conditions and not make them go through a waiting period.
          This phenomenon is seen in our criminal justice sytem. Who are able to hire to best attorneys to represent them and to compel judges and juries to rule in their favor? To net them the biggest cash settlements? To defend them in criminal cases? To spare them the death penalty, long prison sentences or even any prison? The wealthy and celebrities! O. J. Simpson is the prime example of an accused murderer who was able to avoid a murder conviction because he could afford to hire a "dream team." Yes, he is now in prison because he was convicted of an armed robbery. On the other hand, many poor people, especially those who are minorities, with invisible disabilities, find themselves convicted much more often than their counterparts. Also, they are much less able to afford good attorneys and othen have to use public defenders in criminal cases. Sadly, it is they who are much more likely to be wrongfully convicted and imprisoned. Currently, a young man with autism and friom a poor family of color, Reginald "Neli" Latson, is serving prison time, being convicted of assault on a police officer. This is even though Neli steadfastly maintains that he did not have a gun in his possession and was acting in self-defense. He is just one such example.
          Death shows us that we are all equal, as every one of us, no matter who we are, will die. As I write this, the singer, Whitney Houston, has been dead for hours and at the age of 48. This is today's ultimate illustration that we are all equal, not only when we are conceived but when we die. It is too bad that it takes tragedy to make us see things more clearly and most of all, to see people as they really are. And even more, it is sad that it takes tragedy to get us to see our need for God Who has created us as equal.
          The death of Whitney Houston is tragic, not because she was a very talented celebrity with a gorgeous voice but first of all, because she was a human being. Just as would be and is the case with each of us.

Everyday Ways to Prevent and End Child Abuse

2012-02-08T16:54:00.000-08:00

          If you use social networking sites regularly, I'm sure that you are hearing and reading about organized, elaborate, once-a-year projects and events for the purpose of child abuse awareness. These events and projects are sponsored by corporations, nonprofit organizations, groups and many, many individuals, including high-profile child advocates. To me, all the time and money being poured into these massive efforts are well-meant and no doubt involve much planning and massive support from the masses who believe that by their spport that they are making a dent in a deep-seated, profound social evil. An evil that originates in human hearts and in the home. But for all these massive efforts to get people all fired up about large-scale child abuse awareness events, all this comes off as the "Super Bowl" of child abuse awareness and sends a confusing message. This message is that, to really make a "significant" difference, we have to organize, form committees, arrange large-scale events or projects and raise and spend massive amounts of money. We believe that all this is needed before people will get down to the nitty-gritty of doing many everyday things to prevent and end child abuse, which we can do. Is it true that we need all this?
           Whether we need these large-scale efforts or not, this blog will give you practical things that all of us can do on a daily basis to prevent and end child abuse. I'm giving you a number of everyday tips for to prevent and end child abuse but I'm sure that you can add to my list.
          Screen anyone whom you allow to babysit your children, especially if they will be doing so regularly; Interview your candidates and if you can afford it, run a background check on them. Ask them for references, and call these references!
          If you are standing in line in any store and you see a mom with young children, allow them to go before you.
          Always put your child's name on the inside, not the outside, of his or her clothing or possessions to protect their privacy and to keep any predator from being able to find out who your child is.
          If you have very young children or children with special needs and who may wander, install a lock on screen doors, especially the front door, to prevent wandering.
          If you have children who use the Internet for social networking, monitor what they do online. Do not let underage children (under age 13) set up accounts with Facebook, You-Tube, My Space or any other social networking account. If you can, encourage them to hold off using social networks until they reach age 18! There is too much drama there are too many bad guys in cyberspace.
          You are justly proud of your child's achievements and you want to "show off" your child. But the eyes of predators are also on the lookout for easy prey. Therefore, refrain from putting bumper stickers on your windshields that proclain, "My Child Is an Honor Student" or "The Proud Parent of an Eagle Scout" or anything else that calls attention to your child.
          Befriend a single mother. Single mothers, with all their stresses, are at-risk for becoming overwhelmed and so abusing or neglecting their children.
          If you are expecting or are pursuing adoption, ensure that you have a solid support system in place, especially if you are a single parent, have a disability, or other challenges. This support will reduce the stress of parenting and your temptation to neglect or abuse your children.
          Your beautiful children are the apples of your eye. But if you use social networks, be aware that predators lurk in cyberspace. Therefore, minimize uploading photos or videos of your children online. And I strongly discourage giving out their full names. Among all the good folks on social networks, online predators lurk and we never know where they hide.
          We need to overcome our inhibitions and talk to our children about sexuality and sexual abuse and how to protect themselves from it.
          Do not discipline a child in anger.
          If it is for you, volunteer to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) to be a voice for abuse and neglected children. Visit the national CASA website at: http://casaforchildren.org/.
          Appeal to legislators to put many more tax dollars on anger management classes and parenting classes in public schools, at the high school level. Ask them to reduce the algebra and higher math requirement. After all, what skills do high school students need for life?
          Try not to ever let your child walk home alone, even to or from school or a friend's house. We have heard too many time the terrible things that happen to children left unattended!
          If you are a new and especially young mom who is petrified of your new parenting responsibility, you do not have to resort to killing! You have the option of leaving your baby with a responsible adult, or take your baby to a local police station or a local church. Many infertile couples would love to adopt such a baby!
          Child identity theft is on the rise; a child won't know about this form of abuse until he or she applies for a job, a loan, an apartment to rent or for other goods or services. Do not give out your child's Social Security Number unless needed to obtain a good or a service for him or her. And don't share your child's full birthdate with anyone you don't know well. And if you are tempted to use your child's Social Security Number for any reason, don't! Identity theft ruins lives!
           If you have emotional baggage from a troubled past, whether you are a parent or not, try to work through your issues with a psychologist or a psychiatrist, a counselor or a pastor or some other professional. In this way you will be empowering yourself to meet your child's emotional needs with-out expecting him or her to meet yours. And by all means do this if you are a child abuse survivor and be empowered to break the cycle of abuse.
          If it is for you, run for political office, making children's rights your political platform.
          If you grow overwhelmed as a parent, get help. So many cases of abuse, including child abuse deaths, happen because frustrated parents resort to abuse or neglect and abuse goes bad, ending in the child's death! Walk away, pray, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1 or find
other alternatives to abuse.
          Child sexual abuse is a big part of child abuse but we don't want to talk about it. But we have no option but to talk about it or it will continue. Silence helps and empowers child molestors!
          If you struggle with a substance abuse addiction, especially drugs or alcohol, you must get professional help! Substance abuse sets you up to abuse and neglect your children. You still love them very much but your "need" to feed and sustain your addiction is even stronger. And you will stoop to anything to keep your habit going, even if it means becoming an abuser. It is so ugly to see this happen!
          Raise your children to learn to manage their anger and to resolve their conflicts without resorting to violence.
          Men, take responsibility for the children you father, even if you are not married to the mother! It is so unfair to get girls pregnant and then leave them alone to raise your children. Such mothers, because of their stresses, are at-risk of abusing and neglecting their children. And if you are married, do not leave the job of parenting to your spouse. Parenting is a team effort.
          If you know or suspect that a child is being abused, do not be silent. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1.
          So many cases of child abuse and child abuse deaths happen because of wrongful court decisions in child custody cases and because of a broken system. There is no easy answer to this but we need to talk about this. We need to contact those in power to spend more money to protect children who are in the system.
          Spousal or partner abuse can and often mushrooms into child abuse. When we talk about preventing and ending child abuse, we also need to talk about ending these other forms of abuse and work to prevent and end all forms of abuse against anyone of any age.
          If you are able to do so, adopt a child. You may be rescuing such a child from an abusive or neglectful home.
          Strongly discourage your older or adult children to not date or get romantically involved with anyone with violent tendencies or who are registered sex offenders. So many children are abused and even die because of a parent's wrong choice of a partner!
          This is not a complete list but you get the concept. There are simple (not easy) actions that we all can take if we are serious about preventing and ending child abuse. And yes, in addition to implementing these things into our lives to protect children, you can feel free to become part of organized events to focus awareness on child abuse and preventing and ending it. One such massive campain is called the Army of Angels, which is a co-alition of corporations, organizations, groups and many individuals, to focus awareness on child abuse for the month of April. This campaign has the endorsement of well-known child advocates and its information is exploding all over social networks. To find out more, you can visit the website http://armyofangels.biz/
           Child abuse is the everyone's business and everyone's problem.

Why We Need To Talk About Epilepsy

2012-02-04T20:23:00.000-08:00

          Yes I am seeing that too often we are concerned with only those issues that we see as directly or immediately impacting our lives or the lives of our loved ones. I'm thinking now of my being part of the Cause on Facebook that is called "Turn Facebook Purple For Epilepsy Awareness." Of course, turning a site a certain color is not going to provide any practical help for the problem of any social ill or need, epilepsy included. This issue here is awareness that is meant to spur people into action toward a cure for the forms of epilepsy that are severe and to get us to talk about a medical condition that, for anyone with this diagnosis, this medical condition carries an ongoing social stigma. This stigma is reality also for those whose seizures are totally controlled with medication. And no one wants to talk about it. Epilepsy is one of those things, like autism, mental illness, child sexual abuse, rape and other issues with codes of silence, that we "just don't speak about" or speak about only in hushed tones. This day, I have sent out 350 invitations to people in my network, hoping that many of them will join this epilepsy awareness cause and show their support. I have posted on my page about this cause over and over; I have also shared the Causes bulletin which is a brief note about why we need Facebook to be turned purple. So far, as I write this post, only two or three people have joined this cause out of literally hundreds of people, many whom I know have been online. The Causes note has not had one view, despite my shares of it. This is sad but it only illustrates the social stigma of epilepsy and that those of us who are concerned about it still have work to do.
          Epilepsy affects about 3 million people in the US alone, which experts tells us is about the same incidence as breast cancer. And epilepsy can be as life-threatening, especially if it is undiagnosed and untreated. Breast cancer awareness, however, is far greater and with far more funding and resources, than epilepsy awareness. Breast cancer causes are always popular, breast cancer gets good media coverage, is the subject of high-profile fund-raising events and it seems that it is "cool" to support breast cancer. No one is self-conscious or ashamed to talk about it, either. This kind of awareness and resources are solid for many other diseases and conditions and few of them carry epilepsy's social stigma. But of the 3 million in the US who are diagnosed with epilepsy, according to health experts, many of these are children and teenagers. Epilepsy affects more people than many other medical conditions combined, health experts say. Epilepsy is often caused by head trauma, which is caused by accidents, concussions and therefore any one of us can find ourselves in a situation where we will end up diagnosed with this condition. What do I hope to see more of? I would like to see more advocates and good-hearted people, people who affirm that they care about issues that affect all of us, realize that epilepsy is also one of these important and relatable issues. If you hear much more from survivors of breast cancer, multiple sclerosis, lupus, and even heart disease, among other condition, guess what? It is because these other conditions do not have a code of silence that hush up their victims/survivors. It is NOT because they affect more people than epilepsy.
          Just as stereotypes of many conditions abound that have some truth but not much, so the same holds true about epilepsy. I fear the stereotype of the typical epilepsy survivor that is floating around is that of a person who suffers seizures on a regular basis and that these seizure are the grand mal, full-bodied type. Not so. Epilepsy, like everything else, happens along a spectrum, from those whose seizures are fully controlled with medication and/or other therapy, to those whose seizures remain uncontrolled despite medication and/or other therapy. And seizures also happen along a spectrum, from "black outs" which mean lapses of consciousness that lasts for seconds, to grand mal, full-bodied seizures. Epilepsy and experiencing seizures only take up small parts of most people's lives, unless the person has severe, uncontrolled epilepsy. But there are enough of these cases that much more research needs to be done for better ways to contol such forms of epilepsy.
          I have already shared my own epilepsy story in my first post about epilepsy last year but I will review it for those who have missed it. I know that many in the epilepsy may not embrace me as "one of their own" because, through I was diagnosed with epilepsy as a child, I have been seizure-free for the past 16 or so years. This is because of my long-term use of anti-convulsants; like many with epilepsy, seizure control comes at the price of often nasty side effects, everything from hair loss, swollen gums, cognitive losses to increased risks of osteoporosis and even liver failure. Side-effects of anti-convulsants often seem almost worse than seizures themselves! Yes, I'm aware of the ever-present possibility of a breakthrough seizure, which is possible for any one with epilepsy. When I was growing up and did experience seizues, they were the grand mal, full-bodied type without auras. When I experienced my last seizures, they were public. I experienced one of them on the school campus where I was attending college as an adults, have returned to school. On that particular day, I experienced another seizure when I was with my family and dining out at a local restaurant. The third seizure occurred when I was in my neurologist's office. Because the stigma of epilepsy was even worse in those days, no one talked about it. Therefore, I thought I was the only one with this medical condition. And because I was also diagnosed with Marfan's Syndrome, a condition that affects the connective tissues, eyes and heart, I have had, to this day, restrict my daily physical activities. This is not unique for those with potentially life-threatening medical conditions.
          The social stigma of epilepsy may not be quite as bad as it was when I was growing up and certainly before that, but it remains. To illustrate this stigma, when I did return to the class where I had one of my last seizures, I was encouraged to drop the class. I found that I was ignored and not treated the same. I know why, that people no longer felt comfortable with me and what used to be an invisible condition had become very visible. As signs of this same stigma, each time I have volunteered to disclose my epilepsy to nonprofits, including in applications when asked about disabilities, my self-disclosure has backfired. Each time, I have been denied the opportunity to serve as a volunteer. Apparently, though I have accompanied my epilepsy self-disclosure with the assurance that my seizures were fully controlled, the nonprofits seemed to fear the condition and me and would have nothing to do with me again. These nonprofits would always provide other, nebulous reasons as to why my applications were refused, but these reasons came across to me as excuses for the real reason: prejudice of diability and difference, especially invisible ones. In my past, when a young man with uncontrolled seizures was talking with a friend, this friend, wanting to know how things were going with this young man, leaned forward and said, in a hushed tone, "your condition, your------------------,"
as though epilepsy were unspeakable and deeply shameful. And also, I recall a segment about a woman years ago, which was aired on the "Mystery Diagnosis" series. This woman experienced seizures that were uncontrolled but accompanied with auras so she could plan somewhat. She discussed the lengths she would go to to hide her seizures, including heading to bathroon stalls to cover them up, so her friends and associates would not know. Even today, people with epilepsy are generally discouraged from disclosing their epilepsy, especially on application unless directly asked about diabilities. And the very facts that I fear filling out another application where honsty will dictate an epilepsy self-disclosure and are finding it challenging to get strong, solid support for this "Turn Facebook Purple For Epilepsy Awareness" cause illustrate the continuing stigma of this medical condition. Yet in the Bible, when God visited the Earth in the Person of His Son Jesus, people with epilepsy would come to Him and be cured of their medical condition; he did not shrink from them.
          Yes, there is no way to get past it or around it. I have epilepsy. I am also a daughter, a mother, a sister, a niece, a friend and a Christian, meaning that I have a relationship with God through Christ. Epilepsy is not my identity. It is just a tiny part of my life of which I am reminded each time I take my anti-convulsant and experience its side effects. Anyone else with epilepsy can say the same about themselves and their lives. They are first people and then they have epilepsy.
          Why add your voice to this effort to spread epilepsy awareness or in other ways show your support? It is because you may know someone, even someone among your friends or associates or others in your life, who may have epilepsy but who may "stay in the closet" because of their fear of social stigma.

http://epilepsyfoundation.org/
This is the website for the trusted nonprofit that advocates for people with epilepsy in a variety of ways; you can educate yourself more there and see about how you can help.

http://www.talkaboutit.org/
This is a website for a nonprofit that is dedicated to eliminating the social stigma of epilepsy through awareness in many different forms and which has been founded by an actor.

http://talkaboutitorg.ning.com/
This is a social networking site for people with epilepsy and for anyone who wants to support them.

http://www.patientslikeme.com/
This is a social networking site and forum for people with medical conditions, including epilepsy.

An Alarming Trend

2012-02-01T19:08:00.000-08:00

          Candidate Obama is called a "socialist," a "Communist," that he "consorts with terrorists," and that he wants to "usher in a government take-over."
          A certain radio talk show host calls Obama a "Hitler" and compares the President's policies and decisions with those of that former German Dictator.
           A certain faith-based quarterly newspaper calls Obama a socialist who "has an agenda to destroy our Christian youth with his liberal agenda."
          A pastor is preaching a sermon and is denouncing abortion and then he prays. The prayer? For Obama to die!
          On certain Facebook user profile pictures I see photoes of Obama with the inscription, "I lie."
          A certain politician calls President the "Food Stamp President."
          On social networks I see independent applications like one called "Nobama."
          Regularly, when I log into Facebook, I see numerous anti-Obama posts, articles and propaganda, doctored photos of the President.
           Facebook pages and Causes with the mission to "impeach Obama!" sprout up all over social networks.
           "Imposter." "Un-American." "Unpatriotic." "Damn Liar." "Dictator." And more!
           On and around patriotic holidays like Memorial Day, Veterans Day or The Fourth of July, I will see Facebook posts that look like this: A picture of a veteran will appear with the inscription "Some gave their all." Next to this picture, another, doctored picture of Obama will appear with the inscription "Some gave nothing."
            A certain politician orders the President to "Get the ---- out of the United States!"
            Politicians order that Obama produce a "long copy" of his birth certificate, which he does. They continue to call him a liar and to question his US citizenship.
            A certain Governor shakes her fist in the President's face.
            A certain politician likens Obama to a certain sea captain who has been convicted of manslaughter and declares that Obama has "abandoned the ship."
            Recently, a Candidate, in response to the President's singing a few notes of "Let's Stay Together" at an Al Green event, calls Obama the "Entertainer-In-Chief." He says of the President, "He is bad for singing."
            Recently, a certain state Senator led a "prayer" for Obama's death!
            These examples and more, all illustrate an alarming trend that has taken on a life of its own; it has become ingrained in every area of our society. This trend is dishonoring the US President. I don't know exactly why this is. Certainly it cannot be because Obama is worse in his performance of his Presidential duties than any other US President. We have perceived other US Presidents to have been mediocre or even bad Presidents, but I don't recall dishonoring of them on a scale anything like now. Politicians, including Presidents, have, since I can remember, been the objects of tasteless jokes on late-night television and featured in political cartoons. Yes, we have called former President Jimmy Cater "The Peanut Man," and we have called former President Bill Clinton "Slick Willie." Even throughout the many months of Clinton's scandal with Monica Lewinski, his impeachment trial, his impeachment and afterwards, he was not subjected to the level of name-calling, mud-slinging and smear campaigns that the current US President has been subjected to and every step of the way.
            Why has this dishonoring of the US President become so prevalent and so "cool"? I think a part of this is because so many people have, because of the unethical, petty, mean-spirited, even criminal conduct of so many politicians which has been made very public, have lost virtually all respect and trust for anyone in public office. Therefore, the Presidency has also been tarred with the same broad brush. By often dishonorable conduct which is most unworthy of their honorable, high offices, so many in power have greatly harmed the credibility of all politicians in general and this includes the President. Therefore, many in public office have to take responsibility for the sad fact that the highest office in the Free World no longer commands the respect and honor that it did in prior decades. We have become used to scandal after scandal surrounding our public servants breaking out in the news. In relation to this and because of their role in holding the powerful responsible for their bad conduct, the media have, by default, contributed to this culture of disrespect toward the President.
            A culture of general disrespect also plays a big role in dishonoring the President. In general, the scandals, unethical and even criminal conducted among so many persons in position of prestige, authority and power, contribute toward the declining credibility of people in these positions, in
general.What has been going on in politics and in media scandals concerning politicians, has likewise been going on in scandals involving people as diverse as teachers, doctors, attorneys, nurses, executives, sports coaches, pasors, priests, and others in positions of trust or power. And this includes parents, too! Thanks to the media, so many of these people have and continue to be, exposed as crooks, frauds, and criminals. All of this leads to disrespecting anyone in power or authority over us and such disrespect makes it easier to disrespect everyone, no matter what walk of life he or she is in. Also, in the past, before the era of scandals involving so many in positions of authority over us, we were taught respect and honor for our elders. "Respect your elders!" it was drilled into us. "No lip talk!" Verbal or attitudinal disrespect was grounds for discipline. "Sassing" and "talking" back were grave offenses and even grounds for physical punishment. We would never tell an adult, "Wait," when asked to do something. "Delayed obedience is disobedience!" held true in the past. But today is a far cry from 50 years ago, or 40 years ago. Now disrespect, thanks in lage part to media exposure of countless scandals surrounding those in power, authority or prestige, and thanks to declining morals and manners, is more easily directed even at the person who fills one of the highest offices in the Free World, the US President. In the past, we were able to separate the offices of authority or power from the persons who held them, whether it was in the government, education, the Church, or the home. Therefore, we were able to respect and honor those in authority over us, even when we did not like them or did not agree with them.
           We have lost that today, the ability to respect or honor those whom we don't like or agree with, no matter what their walks of life. I wonder if some of this dishonor of President Obama is unconscious racism as well as jealousy, as Obama is both Black and highly successful. A couple of writers have, in their books, opined that many of us are much more racist than we would ever care to know, but I won't go into this very extensively discussed topic here. Whatever the case is, Obama has been probably the most dishonored US President in US history.
            Maybe social networking has something to do with it, as Obama has used it in his campaign and now, as US President. And social networking emboldens us to say things to people that we would never say to them in person. I'm not talking about dishonoring only President Obama. We need to honor any President who happens to fill that office at any time. For when we dishonor the US President or anyone in authority, because we dislike them or disagree with their decisions and policies, it becomes easier to disrepect anyone and everyone and contributes to a culture of contempt.
            Yes, it is forever true that to recover respect for those in power or authority, there has to be trust and that can happen only if the powerful and those in authority conduct themselves in trustworthy and honorable ways. Therefore, the powerful and those in authority positions in every walk of life, need to take their responsibibilities to and for the governed much more seriously.
             We all have our work to do here.

The Media and Public Opinion

2012-01-29T11:27:00.000-08:00

          Casey Anthony. Caylee Anthony. George Anthony. Cindy Anthony. For many months after this sad story began and during the months of the Casey Anthony murder trial and afterwards, most of us could not avoid hearing about this Florida case. We saw numerous party photos of Casey, supposedly taken at or around her daughter's tragic death, as well as that well-known videotaped expression of her anger and frustration at her own situation. We were flooded with pictures of little Caylee, including one which was taken close to the time of her disappearance, where she was babbling to her grandfather, "Are you tired?" It seemed almost sadistic of the media to keep showing pics of a child whom they believed was murdered. "Why not more pics of still-missing children?" I'd wonder.
We saw all the photos of this beautiful little toddler with her large dark, shining eyes, her dark curly hair and her big smile. For months and months during this case, jounalists and talk show hosts, especially on CNN and its affiliate, HLN, would go on and on over Casey's "dark heart," her "sociopathic character" and her "evil ways." We were reminded continually, as if we needed such reminding, that little Caylee was a beautiful, precious, innocent child and that "someone needs to be punished for what has happened to her." Even when many other children, teens and adults when missing or were found deceased during these many months, we continually heard about the Anthony's. George and Cindy, instead of being treated with empathy and sensitivity in light of their nightmare of the death of their granddaughter and the possible loss of their daughter to life in prison or to the death penalty, were also attacked. They were castigated and discredited as accomplices and enablers in the death of their granddaughter, in the efforts to protect their daughter. I would get frustrated over hearing about this one case, to the exclusion of so many other that were just as important and as compelling.
          Throughout Casey's murder trial and after her acquittal of all charges of murder and child abuse, I saw and read what I saw as self-righteous anger, even rage, at Casey, as well as at the jurors in her case and at her lawyers. I found it rather hypocritical that so many who insisted that Casey was a child murderer (even though the jury in her case had said there was no evidence of that) were screaming for a federal investigation of of Casey and even of the jurors and petitions were being circulated. When she was stll serving time in jail for lying to police, Casey would receive death threats in jail. What? Do we fight crime with crimes of our own? It is the same principal at work when "anti-abortionists" issue death threats to abortionists and their workplaces, or bomb them.
          I think that so much of the anger, judgment and rage at the Anthony's can be traced to the media, which had been relentless in judging and discrediting the Anthony's, trashing Casey and going on and on about this one case, declaring that Casey was guilty. This was one case where the "presumption of innocence before being proved guilty" seemed to not apply, for Casey was treated as a convicted child killer well before her trial and after her acquittal, so many cried, "Justice Denied!" and "She has gotten by with murder!" A Florida lady, who was said to look like Casey, was physically assaulted. And among those within my own family, there have been declarations that ,"She killed her kid! She killed her kid!" I wonder if the media realize the tremendous power that they have in determining the shape that public opinion takes on not only what they do cover, but on lack of awareness about what they don't cover. The media have the eyes and ears of millions of people sitting in front of TV sets, listening to radio, reading their literature and networking with them through social media. In this one Anthony's case, they have used their infuence to ruin the reputations of the Anthony's, so that after her acquittal, Casey's mom and dad expressed a fear of their daughter re-locating to her Florida home after her re-lease from jail. Though Casey is out of jail now, she has to disguise her appearance and live underground, as an unidentified person in fear of her own safety.
          Yes, I know that Casey's conduct during the entire case after her arrest, has been dishonest and and evasive. And I know that many of her party pics have been unsavory, especially a certain pic taken of her during a public urination. But do we know for sure that all these pics were taken at or around the time of her daughter's death? And as for the "smell of a dead body in the damn car," do we really know the story behind that, or if Caylee's body was being transported following a tragic accident? All of the other things that were so often interpreted by the public as "evidence," could also be disproved. Casey may have been many things but it does not follow that she is also a cold-blooded child killer. Yes, like most people, I can't get around the fact that it took over 30 days for Caylee to be reported as "missing" and by her grandparents. I have little doubt that Casey is responsible for her child's death if only by neglect, but that is not, in the eyes of the law, the same thing as murder. The point is, our strong feelings about this case have been stirred up and inflamed by the media, as very few of us have met either Casey or Caylee. Our feelings about this case, like so many other sensationalized cases, are generated by what the media feed us. But then, when we say that, the media will argue, "We are only giving you what you want." For isn't it true that we crave to be entertained with problems and real-life soap operas that "take our minds off our own troubles"?
          Caylee was not, by any means, the only child whose life was cut short in 2008 or afterwards. I have followed the cases of other children whose murders were proved because of evidence or killer's confessions, but there has been much less outrage over them because of lack of awareness. Why? Because they have had little or no media coverage. A few years ago, there was the sad case of the Gary, Indiana case of 2-year-old Jada Justice, who was said to have been burned to death. I never hear about her. There is the case of 4-year-old Marc Anthony Bookal, who supposedly "wandered off" one day, but whose poor little body was found in a duffle bag months later and later indentified as his. Again, there is little public outrage over this and that is because of the lack of awareness. Those missing people/victims who do get covered are usually covered briefly and sporadically. Media coverage isn't everything, and there are many things that do not belong in the public domain. But there are some things that are everyone's business. Media coverage shapes public opinion and does much to get us to either care or not care about issues or cases.
          We can be thankful to the media when they do select missing/murdered persons cases and other important social issues of the day, for coverage, even when they tend to pick stories that they can sensationalize. But the media, in all venues, have the potential of doing so much more that would actually serve and not just entertain, the public. What about a 24-hour regular TV Channel devoted to solving crimes ans bringing missing people home? What about a 24-hour regular TV Channel devoted To Health issues? These channels would save lives. Yes, these would take planning, working together and money. But we can do this.
          After all, as it is often said, no person is more valuable than another and God loves each person the same.

Autism: What Is In A Word

2012-01-26T18:26:00.000-08:00

          Many years ago, children and adults who would have been diagnosed with "emotional disturbances," "mental illnesses," "mental retardation," "personality disorders," or some other unsavory label, or who were just written off as plain weird, are now being diagnosed with "Asperger's Syndrome," (ASD),  "Pervasive Development Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified" (PDD-NOS), or "High-Functioning Autism" (HFA). This chance in diagnosis (dx) has meant the difference between success and failure for so many children, teens and young adults, who, like my own daughter, have been able, because of such an autism dx, able to succeed with supports that were unavailable to those of my own (and earlier generations) who often experienced failure and all the baggage that comes with it. A whole new generation have come to see their differences as a result of different wiring and that while they have very real challenges, that they also have very real potential. Where the earlier model of special education was one of focusing on deficits and defining students by their disabilities, the current model is one of teaching based on students' stengths and helping them to overcome their weaknesses without defining students by these weaknesses.
          But currently, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) want to change that; for years they have been working on a new DSM-V that would revise the criteria for obtaining an autism dx. Only recently has the APA made their proposed changes public. Therefore, those in the autism community are now up in arms because many of us are very much concerned about the possible fallout of this revised DSM-V. Why does this matter so much to so many of us? many of you may wonder. What is the fuss all about? Let me tell you what is behind our deep concern.
          The official autism spectrum dx of a high-functioning sub-type of autism matters because many children, teens and young adults who are dxed with a high-functioning autism sub-type, would likely lose funded services and supports as well as legal protections, especially those under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). Many of those in the generation since after 1990, when the autism spectrum began to be used as an official dx, have experienced access to support services, opportunities, legal protections under the ADA and success. My daughter is among those in this generation, being on her school honor roll this past semester. And in addition, many children, teens and young adults whose supports, benefits and legal protects are based on their dx, would suffer substantial loss. Talk about sliding backwards in time! Future generations would, again, have to grow up as I did and as so many others have had to grow up, being misunderstood, bullied, shamed and belittled into believing their challenges are due to stupidity, badness, or being damaged and broken, rather than because of different wiring. Finally, the proposed revisions in the criteria for the autism dx would be a slap in the face of many of us adults who were "born too early" to grow up with an official dx or to even have a concept of it; because of the loss of the dx we would lose our explanation and answers about our often puzzling, painful pasts.
          Now I'm aware that many people do not even believe in the concept of the autism spectrum, ASD, HFA or PDD-NOS. Some believe that that the autism epidemic is actually a dx epidemic or the latest fad in "pop psychology" that will die out and be forgotten. I know that many people, whose thinking runs along the lines of "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps" or who are part of the "cowboy culture" may welcome the tightening in the eligibility to get an autism dx. "You are looking for an autism dx to hide behind to find excuses for the way you are," many adults who are fortunate enough to have access to an autism dx screening, may be told. "You are looking for an autism dx for your child so you can excuse your bad parenting," many parents who fight for an autism dx for their child, may often be told. And indeed, there are those successful adults on the spectrum who enjoy success and fulfillment in their personal lives and careers and for them, seeking a dx of autism may not be in their best interests because of the social stigma of the dx. But for my purposes for this blog, let me share my own story to show you that,m whether diagnosed or not, the challenges of ASD/HFA are real and can be painful or intense.
          I grew up in the 1960's and the 1970's, well before the autism spectrum was conceived. From the beginning, it was clear that I was different. I behaved differently, moved differently and learned differently. I had tantrums, cried nonstop, fixated on certain objects, and didn't relate to people. And I began to have seizures; as a child, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. According to my records, I had "behaved so badly" that my mom, stressed-out, took me to a professional, who pinned on me the dx of "obsessive-compulsive neurosis" and "emotional disturbances" and I carried those labels, among others, for many years. None of such labels provided me any legal protections or support services beyond inappropriate psychiatric services and equally inappropriate special education placements. My childhood is a blur of memories of adults spanking me, slapping me, yelling at me, even at times putting soap in my mouth or locking me in closets to "teach" me to "stop being bad and spoiled." As a younger child, I was placed with "the real disabled children" and was told that I was among them only because I did not "act like other kids" and "we don't know what to do with you." Also, an official dx would have much reduced stress for my parents, especially my mom, who really loved me but who did not know how to help me become successful, happy or confident. In later childhood and especially in my teens, I suffered vicious bullying for being "different." My peers called me "crippled," "klutz," "retard," "ugly," "stupid," and things that are not fit to be printed. Also, I often suffered physicial bullying. Though adults were clueless about the nature of my challenges, my peers did not need an official dx to identify me as different and to respond to this knowledge by theire bullying. I found myself in and out of special education; after a year of vicious bullying, I found myself in special education for the remainder of my school career. Today, I carry the scars from these years and though my challenges are modified and controlled, they are still there; they affect how I relate to people and how they see me. None of this is a figment of my imagination. It is real. I owe my current self-understanding and hope for the future to my daughter and to her official autism dx, as it applies to my own life.
          The American Psychiatric Association wants to revise the DSM-5 criteria for the autism diagnosis, admittedly, to cut costs. Fot to provide services, benefits and legal protects costs money; but no school district or government is going to want to spend anything on a child or adult without any official dx. Folks, even if you are not in the autism community because you aren't aware of people that you know who are autistic, think again. Most of you will likely know people, personally and/or professionally who are on the spectrum, whether dxed or not, but who will not disclose their dx to you. Why? Because of the social stigma of autism, they fear misunderstanding, rejection or discrimination. And this proposed revision in the DSM-5 would only make things worse. And then there are those of you who may wonder if your loved one is on the spectrum or want to obtain autism screening for him or her; a few of you may want such an autism screening for yourself because of your own pasts; do you want things to be made harder because of tightened criteria for autism? The dx of autism is stigmatizing, but not as stigmatizing as many other labels that were used in the past. This autism dx empowers many parents to effectively help their ASD/HFA children grow up to become effective, confident, responsible, successful people with many support services, legal protections and guidance. The autism dx empowers adults fortunate enough to obtain it, to to understand themselves and to deal with their challenges and to gain the motivation and incentive to better their lives and to reach out to other people who share the same dx. The APA's concern to cut costs is understandable; they have expressed regret for "unfortunate consequences" of their decisions and that much of our concerns are unfounded. But should $$$ come before the lives, happiness and well-being of people and their futures?
          I will provide for you links to a few petitions where you can read the petition letters to the APA to educate yourselves about this if you need to and then to sign the petitions and to share them; I'll also provide links to autism resources.
          No, autism is not just a word and in this case, talk is not cheap.

http://www.change.org/petitions/dsm-5-committee-dont-reduce-the-criteria-for-an-autism-spectrum-condition-in-the-dsm-5
This petition has been put together by GRASP, an official nonprofit for teens and adults on the autism spectrum; please read the petition letter to the APA. Then sign this petition; you can increase your impact by adding your thoughts and feelings about autism and any experiences you have had with it. Then sign it and share it!

http://www.change.org/petitions/stop-the-change-in-definition-of-autism-for-those-on-the-spectrum
This is another petition that aims to collect 1,000,000 signatures. Please read the petition letter, sign the petition and feel free to increase your impact by sharing your own thoughts and feelings and, if applicable, your experience with autism.

http://www.grasp.org/ This is the official nonprofit for teens and adults on the spectrum of autism.

http://autismabout.com/od/whatisautism/tp/topten.htm
This is a comprehensive resource containing links that educate the public about all matters in the field of autism. It contains tabs leading to other pages.

Bullying, Bullycide and Bully Survivors

2012-01-23T16:58:00.000-08:00

          It is heartening that bullying is getting so much awareness and that so many resources are being poured into preventing bullying from being done to more victims, helping and supporting current victims and especially, motivating school children to, themselves, do much more to end bullying. Maybe I'm missing something, but it seems that we keep hearing about as many bullycides as ever. And it seems that even in these tragic cases, the victims were heard to say that they felt that their bullying was not taken seriously by the adults in their life. And so they felt that they had no option but to end it all. It seems that it takes bullycides such as these to revive and awaken our passion to prevent and end bullying. If bullying does not "drive" a victim to suicide, it simply is not taken seriously. This frustrates me.
          Before I continue, I cannot image the inconceivable grief (and maybe anger and guilt) of the families who have lost children to bullycides. I'm very sure that such families, especially the parents and other adults in these victims' lives, are in incredible pain. This is one more reason to do all we can to prevent and end bullying, because when it ends in bullycides, the loved ones who are left behind will experience a pain that will never end. If any family members or other have lost loved ones or friends to bullycide, my heart goes out to you. To lose a child is tragic enough but to lose a child in this way is especially heartbreaking.
          Laster year, I had written a couple of blog posts during the five-day "Bullying Awareness Week" that was held then. Since then, I have heard about a number of bullycide stories, on the average two or three a month, maybe more. Always and without fail, it seems to take such tragedies of live lost needlessly, to revive our concern and awareness about bullying. I never fail to grow sad, frustated and even angry, to see that such bullycides are needed to see bullying for the serious thing it it and that it is not a "rite of passage." I will keep harping on this whenever I discuss bullying. These bullycide victims, without exception, took their lives because they felt that their bullying was not being taken seriously! I know that this sickens most of us but still this bullying does not seem to be going away. How could these children feel so totally hopeless and despondent and alone, that they saw suicide as their only option? Was there no one that they could turn to? Or felt they could turn to? Is it because they are getting some unspoken messages from home, school and society that that life is meaningless and that if it becomes too difficult, that it is not worth it to "hang in there'? That they themselves are not worth it? Because we have become a society that no longer looks to God as our Hope and Help, and instead turn to numerous substitutes, we should not be surprised that children often get giving up is an option for them. Also, children's brains and self-concepts are still being formed and so if it is being pounded into them that they are worthless, damaged, inferior, defective, ugly, different, bad or stupid, it may take a lifetime for them to overcome these messages. I know this from experience! But children don't realize that, even if they may have to carry the scars of childhood experiences, that it can and is very often done; they can transition from victims to survivors as so many have done! No one wants to be a victim, but when one is able to "hang in there" and make the transition from victim to survivor, it is a matter of pride.
          I remain haunted by the recent case of a young boy who ended his life, allegedly because of bullying, even though his school denied that such bullying happened. After an investigation, Law Enforcement saw "no evidence" that bullying has taken place. But I wonder. Would a boy take his life for nothing? Does his tragic case indicate that even now, bullying is not being taken seriously enough, at least by some schools, adults and parents? Whatever the actual story of this boy is, the one redeeming value of bullycide victims is that they compel us all to take bullying serious enough to act to prevent and end it. But this is a source of frustration to us who also have endured bullying, vicious bullying, that has left lifelong scars but it was seen as a "rite of passage" and as a "kids will be kids" thing or as a minor inconvenience. But are the tragic stories of bullycide victims more compelling and more important than those of us who lived through vicious bullying experiences and often stemming from differences that were stressful enough in themselves? Recently, I read a nasty Facebook comment on an anti-bullying Facebook page, that was directed by one person to another who was writing about his/her bullying experiences growing up; this person was accused of "whining about the past." I have been told, "Don't share your bullying story because then people will see you as a loser." But if children do not hear such survival stoories from others who have lived through it and have emerged as survivors, how will they see that it is possible to live through their own experiences and not only survive, but go on to become a blessing to others?
          Yes, much of the bullying being done today is done to all sorts of children, not only to those who are seen as "different," "inferior," or "damaged." When I was growing up, I did not see bullying being done to my peers who were popular, talented, athletic or who "fit in" and were "cool." I experienced such bullying, however, because I was indeed seen as different. This bullying seemed even worse because the concept of the autism spectrum did not exist and so I had no explanation for why I was being singled out as "different." Adults saw me merely as a "broken" normal young person who was a "problem child," and has a "nervous" or "emotional" problem. And so I spent my school years in and out, but mostly in, special classes and special schools and a couple of residential settings. However, my peers did not need an official diagnosis to single me out for bullying because they identified me as "different." When I went to middle school, the bullying that was done to me was bad enough to get me placed in special education for the rest of my school years; since no resources existed then for bully victims, no one knew how to handle my bullying and so I had to go to special education, which back then, was more stigmatizing and disempowering than anything.
          Today, much bullying is done not just becaue of intolerance but because children are jealous of each other. Therefore, children who would not have been bullied during my growing-up years, are vulnerable to bullying today, including those who are talented, popular, athletic or attractive. Yes, children are still bullied for being different, as is proved by the media coverage of those who are bullied because of homosexuality. Whatever our view of homesexuality, we should condemn bullying or abuse done to people because of sexual orientation, as we should do when bullying or abuse is done for any other difference. People who show or endorse hatred for homosexuals, are dragging God's Name and the reputation of His true followers, through the mud. They are totally missing or misunderstanding God's love and His grace as His message that ALL of us are sinners--heterosexual or homosexual. Bullying or abuse to anyone, online or in-person, is also a sin!
          And we should not see bullying as just a "kid thing" or a "school problem," either. For bullying is also done in the home and in the workplace, and cyberbullying is experienced not just by children but by adults, too. In the case of adults, it is just called by a different name--harassment. But it is the same thing. The only difference between bullying and abuse is that abuse is done by those in power but bullying is done by peers; therefore, bullying is often not taken seriously. But in the case of abuse and bullying, it seems that it takes death, whether by murder or suicide, for either to be taken seriously. It seems that it takes tragedy to compel us to take any issue seriously. Rape was never taken seriously until rapists were exposed as murdering their victims and were not content with "just raping" them and letting them live! Domestic violence was also not taken seriously until we heard about parents, spouses and partners killing their victims. Maybe ours is just an age of awareness and resources are compared to when I was growing up. As much as we deplore how bullying and other crimes have entered the digital age, it is because of these same computers and other technology that we have so many more resources and so much more awareness. It is a mixed blessing.
          One good thing about all of this is this: We talk about it and talk should lead to action. Below I will provide links to resources that empower us to help prevent and end bullying as well as sites for those who carry scars from bullying from the past.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/
This is the official government-sponsored website that provides a wealth of information and guidance about how to prevent and end bullying.

http://www.stompoutbullying.org/
This website is for a nonprofit that provides comprehensive services, including a hotline, for bully victims. The website is interactive and seeks to involve young people in the fight against bullying, as they are the ones who ultimately hold the key to preventing and ending bullying. As I survey this site and read about its services, I always think, I could have used this as I was growing up!

http://peerabuse.net
This is one website that provides support and a forum for those who, as adults, carry the scars from past bullying. It is for anyone who has lived through bullying. I encourage you to check it out and share it.

http://bullyinglte.wordpress.com/
This website is a forum for anyone who wants to share their bullying stories; there are many stories on this site.

Can Existing Technology Be Used To Better Serve and Protect Us?

2012-01-19T16:33:00.000-08:00

          Traditionally, the practice of sending people to the moon has been widely embraced as one of the crowning achievements of US culture. I do applaud how the "space camp" model has been sometimes used in education, to challenge and educate many children. One of my nephews has benefitted from such an educational project. Yes, I know that this mission of sending people to the moon has been a source of pride and fulfillment to the involved astronauts, their families and their communities. This mission has been a mark of intellectual giftedness, courage and enterprise. Some were even contemplating sending astronauts to Mars! For many years, I had complained about the money that had been spent to send astronauts to the moon, when we faced massive need on Earth which the government would claim that we could not afford to address adequately. I never would have raised a fuss about spending money on this space mission if I did not see that the money could be better used to meet more pressing needs than to present enriched opportunties to the more fortunate. Yes, later last year, the US government has suspended the space shuttle mission to deal with the US impending budget disaster.
           Yet can budget resources be allocated to apply existing technology to better protect and serve us as a society? When I discovered social media and got involved in spreading awareness about missing people and surrounding or related issues, I discovered an interesting concept: The technology that NASA has used in their space shuttle missions and as it stands today, can be put to use to empower law enforcement officers (LEO's) to more efficiently find missing people, to more effectively investigate crimes of all kinds, and to prevent much crime and people vanishing in the first place. This would ensure a safer society for all of us. To make this all work, we would have to understand and embrace this idea and urge the government to adapt the existing technology toward these ends and allocate the national budget accordingly.
          A number of us have been circulating a petition, targeted to President Obama and to US Congressmen and US Senators, to take existing technology and to figure out how to use it to enable our LEO's to better serve us as they investigate all different types of crime and to aid them in missing persons searches. Still, in spite of the time and dedication of the few advocates of this idea and awareness of its critical importance to a safer society, I have noted a substantial resistance to this idea on the part of many missing persons and crime victim advocates. So many of these advocates spend endless hours in researching, awareness and updating the public about individual missing/unidentified persons cases, and providing updates. I praise the dedication and compassion of so many of thse advocates in their hard work. Yet it seems that so many of thse advocates seem much more comfortable getting out the word about individual cases and lamenting the issues surrounding crime and missing people. Yet so many of these same advocates either totally ignore or resist taking the time to educate themselves about the why and the how of updating so many crime victim investigations, missing persons searches and the resources and training of LEO's. A couple of people have said bluntly, "This idea will never work."
          No, I do not doubt for a minute the implicit need to continue to educate the public about crime, missing people, the surrounding issues and to research individual cases, get the word out about them and to provide updates. But if many more advocates would take time out from that to educate themselves about an idea that can be implemented that may make the work of LEO's and their own work, easier and more effective, think what a difference we could make for present and future families of missing/unidentified people and for their loved ones.
          And it has been disturbing that the media have done almost nothing to learn about, much less educate the public about, the dire need to upgrade and update criminal investigations, missing persons searches and the training and resources of LEO's. It has been suggested that media coverage of this idea would not be considered "cool" and would not help with ratings. But wouldn't the media be much more likely to listen to us if they could hear more than just a few of us plead with them to talk about this idea and to educate the public about it?
          We need to keep doing what we are doing in advocacy plus take time to educate ourselves about this idea that, admittedly, is untested and untried. But we should not write it off as impractical and unworkable until we give it an honest look. Too many lives are at stake and many future lives can possibly be saved by this idea being adapted and implemented. Since cost would be an issue, maybe we can cut costs on other things that aren't as essential, increase taxes on millionaires and billionaires, and balance the budget in other ways.
          What is the potential of this idea? It could make missing person searches more efficient and effective. Upgrading existing technology and the training and resources of LEO's could enable them to track down runaways more easily and faster, re-uniting them with their families faster. This could enable LEO's to track down abductors, murderers and other criminals who are responsible for people's disappearances. This would increase the odds that these individuals could be found more quickly, and found safe or at least alive. If missing persons are still found deceased, the nightmares of their families could be ended more quickly as their loved ones can be identified more quickly and they can find answers faster. This idea could help prevent and reduce John and Jane Does. Aren't we all, especially families, utterly weary of the maddening slowness of so many missing persons and criminal investigations and how the nightmares of so many go on for years, even decades? So should we at least keep open mind to an idea that can help alleviate much of this? Yes, it is not perfect but aren't we ripe for a change in how things are currently done in these matters? So if we are really serious about those who we advocate for and yearn to help, we need to give this idea a fair shot, and consider it as we educate ourselves and appeal to those in power about it.
          This proposed idea could also aid LEO's to prevent and end many nonviolent crimes that also endanger us, if not physically. With our fear of identity thieves, many forms of fraud and corruption and countless online criminals, we should at least consider the use of existing technology to aid LEO's to prevent and end many of thse crimes. For it may help LEO's track down many of such criminals, many who are slick and able to escape detection, especially so many of them who are able to hide behind computer screens and do untold damage. We advocates all need to work together not only in crime victim and missing persons advocacy, but to, in much larger numbers, not only educate ourselves and others about the need to upgrade and update LEO's jobs in protecting and serving us. Those in power need to listen to us and do everything they can to implement the technology that we now have. Together we can make this happen.
          Yes, there are concerns about privacy and cost as well as concerns about the "nuts and bolts" of using this technology efficiently, with government "red tape." True, I am talking about a mere idea, but it has the potential to become much more. Lives are on the line. So before you write this off as nonsense and those of us advocate for it as not knowing what we are talking about, I challenge you to please click the links I will provide below and take time to educate yourself. And if you are convinced that this may have merit, I urge you to sign the petition at the link I will provide below. If you continue to have concerns or objections to this idea, I welcome your comments.

http://findthemissing.vze.com/
This website provides much information about the whys and the hows of putting existing technology to use to update and upgrade missing person and criminal investigations and that would provide more resources and better training for LEO's.

http://www.change.org/petitions/petitionthe-media-needs-to-educate-the-public-to-help-find-missing-children-women-men-quickly-reduce-other-crime-using-existing-military-technology
This is the petition about this, targeted to President Obama and to US Congressmen and US Senators, that some of us have been circulating. I encourage everyone to sign it.

Unequal Interests

2012-01-16T17:55:00.000-08:00

          You are fascinated with a member of the opposite sex. You do what you can to get near the object of your fascination. You even gather the courage to make small talk and promise yourself that you will call her and ask for a date. This person's actions show that she does not care that you exist.
          You enjoy a budding friendship with a person who has been showing interest in you and asking you about yourself. You feel that you can trust him and you confide personal information that you share with few people. Soon, this person seems to cool toward you until he is ignoring you. You email him, you write him and you call him but you get no response.
          You are an enthusiastic Facebook user and are trying to add people because you have heard about them and they have added your other friends. Your friend requests remain ignored.
          You correspond with a person on Facebook and befriend the person, believing that a real friendshiop is forming. You share personal information with her. One day you see her posts but her name is in black letters and no longer links to her profile; she has blocked you!
          You deeply believe in your cause and want others to share your passion. You can't stop talking about your cause or shouting out about it. However, both in person and online, many of your contacts are showing little or interest.
          You are working hard to get your new nonprofit "off the ground" and badly need donations to make this happen. So you use all the networks available to you to ask for donations, appealing for help. You are getting some response, but not nearly enough.
          You set your sights on volunteering with a certain nonprofit and apply, trying your bet to make a good impression while being honest. The nonprofit lets you know that they are not interested
          A facebook friend has let you know, in no uncertain terms, that she does not want your posts on her page.
          You are volunteering to "telemarket for your faith" and while a few people show interest, a number have made their lack of interest explicit and a couple have hung up on you.
          You are going door-to-door to sell your product and a number of people refuse to open their doors to you; several have slammed their doors in your face.
          What do all these scenarios and so many others like them that we all face, have in common? They all share the fact that one party in the scenario has much more interest in engaging the relationship than the other. This happens to us all the time: we find ourselves far more interested in engaging in a relationsip, whether love or business, personal or professional or offline or online, than the other party is. And I must point out, there are also those times when this principle operates in reverse, that the other party is far more interested than we are in engaging in a relationship. This has been called The Principle of the Least Interest.
           In a perfect world, this principle would not even be an issue. But this is very frequently an issue for all of us, in some form or other. In an ideal world, we al would have the judgment to perceive and become interested in engaging only with those parties that we know would share our interest. No one would know the pain and heartache of another's nonresponse or rejection. Sadly, we do not live in that kind of world. We are often unable to judge who will return our interest in engaging in a relationship with us, whether in love or business. When the interest is not returned, we are forced to do things on the terms of the party who is least interested. We must take no for an answer. When people refuse to accept the other party's nonresponse to their interest, this can evolve into stalking or worse. Refusal to respect this Principle of Least Interest is at the root of much violence and crime where rejection is the motive.
          We know that behind most stalking, harmless and more sinister, is the refusal to take no for an answer. Here is where I need to offer a disclaimer concerning the harmless variety. In the field of autism and related cognitive differences which affect social perception and social skills, much behavior that can be called harmless stalking has been observed, while some have had to face consequences for this stalking behavior. The nature of autism and related cognitive differences makes it tough to understand the Principle of Least Interest and the need to take no for an answer. These forms of harmless stalking are very rarely done with any harmful intent and the offenders need help and counseling, rather than retribution. It is the harmful, potentially violent stalking that we need to stand against; it is these stalkers who often get covered in the media and who increase and deepen the stigma of autism and related cognitive differences.
          Aside from this, it indeed hurts, even much so, when another party refuses or cannot return our interest. Yet attempting to force that party's interest and allowing ourselves to become stalkers not only annoys the other but is not in our best interests either. The other party will be annoyed but we will be making ourselves sick and wasting our time. Why do we want the interest of someone who has little or no interest in us, whether our business or our love or whatever else we want to offer? Why is it so hard to take no for an answer and to accept the fact that we have been rejected or that another is just not interested in us or what we want to give? These words are meant as much for myself as much as they are for anyone else.
          We may be aware of the high-profile case of the biological father of Jaycee Dugard's birth father, who after many years, reportedly wanted to enter into a relationship with her, but Jaycee was not interested. He appeared on a well-known talk show to discuss this. I'm sure most of us would see how unwise it would be to force one's self on a traumatized person who did not need to complicate her life one whit more, which Jaycee would have been doing if she had allowed her birth father in her life. In cases like this respecting the Principle of Least Interest needs to be done for the other party. I have heard of cases where birth parents yearned to re-unite with their birth children, after many years of placing them in adoption, but those birth children were not interested. This is another case where the best interests of the other party need to come first. This principle needs to be observed in numerous custody cases where older children express the desire to live with the other parent. There are many other examples.
          In my own life, there was, many years ago, the intance of a certain young man in a singles group whom I was fascinated with. I liked his personality, his rugged good looks, his affection with women. I would try to get near him as well as show my feeling for him. But one evening, it apparently dawned on him that I was interested in him. Nippting this interest in the bud, he rebuffed my advances when I started to stroke his back. This hurt! And he never spoke to me again and refused to acknowledge my existence. In another intance, I was a member of a certain church for years. I entered into a ministry where I was matched one-on-one with certain fellow parishioners. One of them wanted no part of it and I was notified that she had ended our match. That hurt; I felt slapped in the face. In the same parish, I was interested in certain members and would get near them and sometimes communicate with them. All to no avail. They never returned my interest or responded to my overtures. As all of us can, I can testify to lots of unreturned emails, letters (if we write), messages, and phone calls. Most recently, I applied to volunteer with a nonprofit, wanting to "step up" my involvement with them as "just a supporter." I applied, even volunteering personal information that I thought could explain material in my background check as well as impress them with my candor and openness. I tried very hard to make a good impression. However, the nonprofit contacted me and let me know, in explicit terms, that they were not interested in my volunteer services. This devastated me. And the parties involved have not spoken to me since. And I'm sure most of you can tell similar stories.
          On a spiritual level, God is the ultimate Example of Someone Who respects the Principle of Least Interest. He respects human freedom; He does not force Himself on us. He has never barged in anyone's life who did not want Him and He never will. As God in the flesh, Jesus never went where He was not wanted. Once, He visited a village but the village wanted no part of Him. Two of His disciples wanted Him to call down fire on the unwanting village. Jesus rebuked these disciples and refused to listen to them. We need to follow His model.
          Letting go and taking no for an answer usually hurt to some degree but for our interests and for others, it needs to be done.

Invisible Disabilities, Law Enforcement and the Criminal Justice System

2012-01-12T16:12:00.000-08:00

          Before I begin discussion of this matter, let me get one thing straight from the start. Generally speaking, I applaud law enforcement officers (LEO's) and all that they do to keep all of us safe, risking their lives to do so and often giving their lives in the process. They need and deserve our support and respect. Yes, there are "bad apples" among LEO's and other first responders, those who use their professions to commit crimes. This holds true in every profession. In this post, I am addressing the need for LEO's to receive more training in dealing with invisible disabilities (as other first responders should also get). These invisible disabilities include hearing impairments, Tourettes Syndrome, autism, certain mental illness and cognitive impairments which cause behaviors that can be interprted as off-putting, even suspicious and not consistent with safe people. LEO's and other first reponders are trained to be on the lookout for anyone whose body language and behavior make them suspicious-looking. Aside from their training, LEO's and other first responders are part of our society and so tend to hold the same prejudices, misconceptions and stereotypes that are a part of our culture. Extra training can help prevent injustice and misunderstanding, even tragedy. It can even save lives and make society safer for all of us.
          Throughout history, people with disabilities, especially invisible ones, have faced injustice at the hands of LEO's and the criminal justice system. This is sad but makes sense, as there was less awareness about many disabilities and such persons, because of their frequent lack of financial resources to hire good lawyers, ignorance of their rights and knowledge of the system and how to deal with it, have often been easy targets for injustice. We know that the bulk of bad arrests, and wrongful convictions and imprisonments occur among those who are poor, who are members of minority groups or who have invisible mental or cognitive differences or impairments. As a teen in a special class, I remember that a special education teacher was talking to another teacher about her first year teaching in special education. According to her, "In this, my first class, all these young men have ended up in jail."
          In my own life, I remember, in my teens, going to a convenience store, one afternoon, to purchase some snacks and soda. As I was walking out the door with my purchases, a LEO stopped me and said, "Let me search your bag of purchases." So I submitted the items for searching. At another time, I was under the influence of inappropriately prescribed medications, which altered my faculties and much worsened my behavior; I was "not all there." I had wandered into a stranger's car and sat there. When the owner approached his car, seeing me there, he was understandablly livid and had ordered me, "Get out now or I will call the police!" In early adulthood when I returned to school and took a sociology class, once I was doing an assignment where I had to profile a nonprofit. To get material for this assignment, I visited the crisis pregnancy center which I chose for profiling. In the course of my interview, when I approached their maternity room, which was full of free maternity items for their clients, a person stood by this room protectively. She looked at me every moment as she guarded this room, until I left. I didn't need to be told what this was for.
          My understanding of this matter is that often, when we become objects of distrust and suspicion, it is because people check out our body language and physical movements; when these don't mirror those of typical people, we are seen as suspicious. Conditions like autism often result in behaviors like lack of eye contact, odd speech and even odd gaits that give out signals that such individuals are not to be trusted. Such persons easily become persons of interest in missing persons and criminal investigation cases. When Shawn Hornbeck was missing, at one point one person who lived not far from his community, who was seen as strange, became a person of interest. Soon it was found that he had nothing to do with Shawn's dissappearance and so he was cleared. In the case of missing little, 5-year-old Nevaeh Buchanan (who was sadly found deceased), the LEO investigation had revealed that a developmentally disabled man, prior to Nevaeh's disappearance, had approached the little girl, who became afraid of him. He had simply liked the little girl and was showing his affection in approaching her. LEO's later had questioned him and he was soon cleared. He had nothing to do with what had happened to this poor child. In research I have done, I have read about a number of other cases much like these, especially in the case of autism.
          Yes, it is true that there are exceptions: A few people with disabilities have indeed been guilty of serious crimes. There was the sad case, many years ago, where one one intellectually challenged boy had confessed to raping and killing a younger girl. More recently, I read an article, via a Facebook post, about a heartbreaking case of a young man, who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, who had confessed to brutally killing a younger girl. These are, however, exceptions.
          A current case of autism and police and criminal system injustice is the case of Reginald "Neli" Latson, a young man with autism. One day, many months ago, according to his mother's account, Latson was sitting on the lawn in front of his local library, waiting for it to open. At one point, a LEO drove by, took note of him and saw Latson as suspicious and accused Latson of carry a gun, which Latson denied. This LEO moved to arrest Latson, and Latson resisted, protesting that he had done nothing wrong. However, he was charged and convicted with "assault on a police officer" and sentencced to at least ten years in prison, after a speedy trial. This young man soon went into a deep depression and his mental state deteriorated, according to his mother. On the website that his mother has set up for him, he is featured in videos where he pleads to be released. Many of us have been circulating an online petition for him, directed to President Obama, pleading for Neli's release. His mother, after many months os seeking media exposure for her son, has only recently succeeded. Now, I realize that a number of people will argue that none of us "were there" when this all happened and that this is a "he said, he said" account and so nothing can be proved. But because of my own history of bullying and misunderstanding and painful awareness that people with disabilities tend to be viewed with suspicion by the prejudiced, I tend to believe the mother's account of her son. And at the end of this post, I will provide a link to Neli's website as well as the link to his petition, which I encourage you to sign and share.
          We can be thankful to The Innocence Project and to DNA for the reversal of many past wrongful convictions, but still they exist. Justice for crime victims, especially murder victims, cannot be achieved on the back of the wrongful convictions of innocent people, especially when the wrongful convictions are based on prejudice and ignorance of invisible disabilites.


http://avoiceforneli.com/ A Voice for Neli
This is an informative website for Neli Latson, where you can educate yourself about him and his needs. There are videos and articles and many resources where you can find a number of options to show your support and help. I encourage everyone to check out this website, see how you can help, and share it with others so they can do the same. We can make a difference for Neli and his devastated mother!

http://www.change.org/petitions/pardon-wrongfully-convicted-autistic-youth-neli-latson/
This is the petition for Neli's release, directed to President Obama. I encourage everyone to sign it and share it.

http://www.autismsafetyproject.org/ Autism Safety Project
This site is all about autism and public, with a wealth of information and resources for first responders, including LEO's. There are also many links to other resources.

http://www.asdatoz.com/clear/Home.html/
Community Law Enforcement Aware Response (C.L.E.A.R.)
This is a website for a California-based nonprofit, which is dedicated to providing awareness, resources and support for persons with disabilities, their families and law enforcement. All services are intended to foster public safety, training, support and resources for law enforcement and to foster safer and better interactions between LEO's and people with disabilities. If you are an LEO reading this, or know a LEO, you are encouraged to check out and share this site.

Who Are We? Help Us get Back Our Names, We Are Unidentified!

2012-01-09T18:17:00.000-08:00

          John Doe. Jane Doe. There looms a silent but real epidemic, not only in the US but throughout the world. We may have no idea it is going on, much less what we can do about it. If you have been following my blogs, you know that my last blog focused on missing people. In this blog, I'm focusing on those on the reverse side of being missing: These individuals have been found but they have not been identified. Experts in forensics tell us that, in the US alone, there are about 40,000 to 60,000 of such individuals who have lost their names for a variety of reasons. The majority of these people are deceased; they are, in forensic terms, "unidentified human remains." How sad! Yet among these total number of unidentified people are living unidentified people who, for various reasons, live without their actual names. Forensic experts tell us that much potential exists for many of these unidentified people to be matched with missing people, which can provide answers, freedom to grieve and the ability to rebuild their lives, to many families whose loved ones are deceased. Such matches can also re-unite living unidentified people with their families of origin, as well as bring home abducted people , re-uniting them with theit long-suffereing families. Sadly, there are no doubt too many of these unidentified people who are nameless because they were never reported as missing in the first place and though they were found, only the person(s) responsible their their disappearances hold the key to their their getting their names back. And such people, who can be and should be held accountable for their acts, have a motive to "not talk."
          Why do people, at any point in their lives, end up losing their names? One big reason for way too many long-term unidentified (especially over 15 years), is because in the inability to use DNA in missing persons or criminal investigations (this very same factor is the reason for so many past wrongful convictions and inability to catch actual criminals). Many of these long-term unidentified may likely never be unidentified, unless "people begin to talk." This inability to use DNA in the past is the same reason for so many long-term missing people. What does this add up to? For so many families of the missing, this amounts to a whole lot of anguish, anxiety, lack of answers and devastation! It isn't because advocates, volunteers, law enforcement and families aren't trying hard enough to solve these missing or unidentified cases. Most are working overtime for this resolution! The sad fact is that many of these cases are extremely difficult to solve, unless or until we can reach those who hold the key (s) to solving the puzzle.
          People end up unidentified because they fail to carry any identification with them ( such as ID's, cell phones, travel passports, credit cards, medical alert information, or the like) when they travel, even out of their states or their countries. Then, if something happens to them and they end up dead, whether by accident, injury, murder or otherwise, no one is able to identify them. What does this means for us? Everything! Any of us can end up as John or Jane Does, if we leave our counties, our states or even our countries, and something happens to us, which costs us our lives, yet no one can identify us. Does anyone reading this want to put their families through the pain and devastation of never finding us or knowing what has happened to us, because something has happened that cost us our lives but we can't be identified? Of course not, unless you are holding ill will against your family for some reason. To prevent more John and Jane Does, we need to remember, when traveling any distance, especially long distance, to take with us items that can identify us (Ex.: I do NOT include the Social Security # in this because of the danger of identity theft).
          Many murder victims become unidentified because their murderers seek to destroy any evidence, to evade prosecution and prison, or even to "finish up" their crimes, ensuring that their victims not be identified. These killers do this by removing anything that can identify their victims, even though their victims may be found. Take the sad case of 4-year-old little Marc Anthony Bookal, whose poor little body was found but who remained unidentified for weeks, no doubt because his killer had gotten rid of anything that could easily identify this poor child. There is the heartbreaking case of the young lady, Mitrice Richardson, whose body was reportedly found weeks before it was identified as hers. Her death has never been solved, but isn't very possible that she was murdered and her killer(s) had gotten rid of anything that could identify her (True, Mitrice had not had anything with her when she had vanished). More recently, there is the sad case if little 8-year-old Camden Hughes, whose poor little body was found but not easy to identify, likely because his killer had gotten rid of any identifying markers.
          And then there are the living unidentified, the small but significant monority among this population. Who are these living unidentified? These people end up without their names for various reasons: family dysfunctions where, to "cover their behinds," families will "hide" children who are conceived in disreputable circumstances, such as rape, love affairs, or teen pregnancies). Recently, the case of the "love child" of the former California Governor, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, illustrates this. That little boy had to live 10 years without revealing his identity, so his his biological dad's misdeeds could be covered up. But, at least in the media, I have never heard the scandal ever discussed from this child's perspective and what it means to him.
          Living people end up unidentified when they are abducted and their abductors, to cover up the crime, forces them to adopt aliases to conceal who they really are and so they can evade prosecution and prison. For most of the 18 years of her abduction, Jaycee Dugard had to go by the name "Alyssa" so her abductors could evade consequences for their acts. For 4 years, Shawn Hornbeck had to go by the name "Shawn Devlin" which is his abductor's last name. Steven Staynor, who was abducted during the 1960's, for 7 years, was made to go by so many different aliases, that he almost forgot his name! In other cases, abducted children are raised by their abductor or are trafficked in "black market" adoptions, where they are given new name & identities so they will not be "discovered" or learn who they really are. I'm sure that this goes on more than we realize and some of us may, without knowing it, know suuch unidentified individuals! Recently, I read a sad book called BEAUTIFUL CHILD, about a woman who was abducted very early in life. Her abductor gave her an alias to conceal her true identity as Sharon and this woman had spent her entire life, from the point of her abduction on, until her tragic death, living as an unidentified person.
          One reason people become unidentified is because of some forms of amnesia where they lose all sense of who they are. One high-profile example of this is a man who calls himself "Benjaman Kyle" and who is known as the "BK Doe" because he was found, beaten unconscious, by a Burger King. This man, though he has received media exposure, even on the Dr. Phil talk show, remains a living unidentified person. This is devastating, as he can't get a Social Security # and without that, he can't do anything where he can function on his own. To this day, he lives without his name. As he does not know who he is, he does not know who his family is and so he has not re-united with them. I'm sure there a more than a few other people like this.
          Finally, there are those who live as unidentified people by choice. I recall, years ago, watching the case of Michelle M., who was accused of embezzlent from the church where she had been employed, got fired when her crime was discovered, and when a warrant went out for her arrest, Michelle vanished. For a few years, her case was treated as a missing persons case, until a law enforcement officer investigating her case received a tip that Michelle has "started a new life" in a certain area; he went there and caught her in the act of fleeing. Therefore, soon after, her missing persons case was closed and she was treated as a "wanted fugitive." It wasn't until over a year later, that Michelle was caught. And there are many other "wanted" fugitives, and people who vanish to flee their home lives, who change their names because they do not want to be identified. Finally, there are those who change their identities, to protect themselves. This happens in instances of domestic violence, or other high-risk situations, where people must live as unidentified people for their own safety.
          If you are thinking, as I did a couple of years ago when I knew little about unidentified people, that you can do nothing about this, think again. We can prevent more John and Jane Does by reminding ourselves and others to always take identification with us when we travel any distance, as a precaution so that should something happen to us that would cost us our lives, we can be easily identified. Below this post I will provide links to websites where you can further educate yourselves about the unidentified and see how you can help give these people their names back.

http://doenetwork.org/start.html   The Doe Network
This website is for a nonprofit which seeks to identify unidentified people not only in the US, but in Australia and throughout Europe. The Doe Network also works missing persons cases, especially cold cases. This site has a comprehensive database with many, many unidentified people as well as many missing people, who are entered into it from its many service areas.

http://namus.gov/ National Missing and Unidentified Persons System
This is a US database which receives cases of both missing persons cases and unidentified persons cases which are entered into it.

http://missing-and-unidentified.org/ Porchlight Missing and Unidentified
This is a website for a nonprofit that searches for missing people as well as seeks to identify the unidentified person cases that are entered into its database. This site is a comprehensive, attractive and excellent site.

http://canyouidentifyme.blogspot.com/ Can You Identify Me?
This is a blogspot with almost all unidentified persons, with cases featured in a narrative form with forensic drawings for every narrative and case; it was here that I first became aware of unidentified people and educated myself about them.

Please Help Us Come Home, We Are Missing!

2012-01-06T18:13:00.000-08:00

          Missing. Vanished. Disappeared. Lost. Gone. These are scary, ugly words that describe people who, for various reasons, find themselves unfortunate enough to become unaccounted for and are not able to be found without help. It seems that, if we follow the news, especially online, that we see one case after another, of men, women, and children who vanish. Those of us who operate in the "world of the missing," whether as family members, professionals, volunteers or advocates, see literally one person after another, be reported as missing. And this does not take into consideration all of those who are not even reported as missing! People of all ages, and from all walks of life, of all races and ethnicities, go missing. Boys are as likely to vanish as girls; men are as likely to disappear as women. Having a missing loved one can happen to anyone at any time.
          I have "friended" many profiles on Facebook, that have been set up for missing people and they make up roughly half of my social network; these profiles are set up by family members and advocates, so missing persons posts show up on my homepage with alarming and heartbreaking frequency. It is the case of Lindsey Baum, who is pretty close in age to my own daughter, who got me fired up about this issue. Lindsey, who vanished on June 26, 2009, was almost 11 at the time and is still missing! Missing people are likely to never go away, nor the need for awareness. And for the sake of those who are not familiar with missing people, let me explain the issues surrounding them and how they apply to all of us and why this concerns us all.
          The first, and most simple reason people go missing is miscommunication about whereabouts. When, in any situation, one of us fails to let others know where we are going and where we can be reached, whether we are going for a few blocks, a few milies, out of our country, or even our state or country, it is possible for others to "lose us." For example, about three years ago, the media covered a heartbreaking story of couple in an affluent neighborhood who "lost" their baby because each parent assumed their child was with the other parent (and so was safe). Tragically, the child had vanished and his poor little body was found. This was all because of a misunderstanding, and don't we all have those? I know I do! But this couple was unfortunate enough to pay for theirs by the loss of a child. And this sort of missing person scenario is probably more common that we will ever know; isn't this one more incentive for communicating, especially concerning whereabouts, ours or others' in our care?
          A second reason people, both children and even adults, go missing is because they run away, that is they vanish by choice. Most missing people, especially minors, we are told, are runaways. Though most are found safe, many other runaways encounter foul play as they go on the run; they may end up raped or even murdered; most who run into foul play become victims of human trafficking, especially in the teen years. Thrownaways, those who are not reported as missing, also are just as much at-risk as runaways, of running into foul play. Human trafficking is a big issue surrounding missing people, as many of them are believed to be in the sex slavery trade (not the only form of human trafficking, which includes adoption trafficking or domestic servitude). Since many of us are parents of children ages 10-25 (considered to be most at-risk of becoming victims of human trafficking), we ought to be very concerned about this matter. This is a depraved, sick industry and it is a powerful incentive to drill into children that running away is NOT the solution to problems at home; it is also a big incentive to create a home balanced with the right mix of love and discipline so they the young will not even want to run away! For runaways cannot be assumed to be safe, though most missing children who are found safe, are runaways. And running away is not confined to children. Adults have also been known to vanish willingly. A few years ago, I read a book called EXIT THE RAINMAKER, written by a woman whose husband ran away, and began a "new life" in Europe, moving from country to country. There is the high-profile case of a boyfriend of the singer Olivia Newton-John, who vanished for many years and was found safe, though it was revealed that he ran off, starting his "new life" abroad also. Tiffany Tehan is the most recent cases; an active parishioner and a mother, she ran off and was found with a man. We adults also need to lead by example, showing the young that running away from problems is not the way to solve anything. By facing our adult responsibilities, including caring for these children, jobs, homemaking, bills, or whatever we are called to do, we show them that running away is "uncool." And we spare loved ones and our communities unneeded anxiety, anguish as well as expenses of looking for us. We may even be saving our own lives!
          Many children vanish because of family abductions where the non-custodial parent (who does not have child custody) kidnaps them and harbors them unlawfully, often out of vindictiveness toward the other parent and as a way to "get back at" them. This kidnapped child is normally found safe but cannot be assumed to be so, especially when the non-custodial parent is known to be abusive, as in the high-profile, recent, sad case of little 8-year-old Aja (pronounced Asia) Johnson, who was taken by her stepfather and was found dead (He had killed his ex-wife, Aja's mother beforehand). Years ago, I saw the tear-jerker, "When Andrew Came Home," about a 6-year-old boy who was kidnapped by his non-custodial father, and was found 5 years later. However, as often haapens in the case of parental abductions, his father had turned Andrew against his mother, so he came home with deep fear and hate toward her. Fortunately, that story has a happy ending. Sadly, not only do such children come home, brainwashed, but sometimes the custodial parent never sees them again. We parents need to realize that, even if our partner hurts us, using a child to "even the score" solves nothing!
          And then people, especially children, teens and young adults, vanish because they are abducted by acquaintances or by strangers. In this case, the missing person is more likely to be found dead and what happens to them normally happens within the first three hours. Abductors may take their victims to hold them captive, whether for a few minutes, a few hours, a few days, for months or even years, and this is when they are likely to be found alive. Long-term kidnapping survivors, like Elizabeth Smart, found alive after 9 months, or Jaycee Dugard, who was found alive after 18 years, are notable exceptions. People who vanish because of abductions are in the minority of the total number of missing people. We have many resources today to protect our children from such abductions, though there are never any 100 percent guarantees. We can be thankful for the AMBER ALERT program, limited as it is, as it covers only children whose abductions are witnessed, who are officially believed by law enforcement to be in bodily danger, and who are 17 or under (in my home state, age 16 is the cut-off age).
          Domestic violence is another big reason for missing people. A common scenario, which we hear about too often in the news, is when a parent, partner, or spouse abuses a family member to death and then makes the murder look like something else, like suicide or a mysterious disappearance. The only way we can deal with this one is to manage our anger (often easier said than done) and to find ways to prevent and end all forms of abuse in our communities. So much has been said about child abuse and spousal abuse that I need not go into it here.
          A final reason that people of all ages vanish is because they have special needs, especially cognitive differences, like amnesia, strokes, dementias, mental illness, autism, suicidal urges,or other such issues, that causes them to "wander off" or to "elope" where they are at-risk of bodily harm or foul play. Disabilities are often a big issue that surround missing people, but I fear that it is seen as a separate issue, for some reason. The only answer I see for this is to seek to protect such people in such a way that takes into consideration their special situations while giving them some measure of independence. Yes, this is easier said than done!
          The point? We should ALL be concerned about missing people. Those of us who are blessed not to have missing loved ones MUST realize that this can happen to anyone at any time; any person with a missing loved one will likely tell you that they, at one time, didn't think it would happen to them, either.
         Below I provide links to helpful resources and I hope you will check them out. And if you have a missing loved one, please know that you are not alone and that there are many resources for you and people who care. If you are simply seeking to educate yourself about this, these resources will educate you to toward prevention and reducing your risks of having a loved one vanish. Anf if you want to help, there are options for that, too.
         We all can help bring missing people home!

http://www.lostnmissing.com/ Lostnmissing, Inc.
This is the website for a nonprofit which provides comprehensive services for familes with missing loved ones and also educates about prevention of seeing a loved one going missing.

http://www.missingkids.com/ National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
This is the website for a nonprofit which provides comprehensive services for families with missing children with a database for all children in the US who are reported as missing, and provides lots of information, including how to prevent children from going missing.

http://namus.gov/ NAMUS database
This is the US database for ALL missing and unidentified people whose cases have been entered into it. It can be used by law enforcement or by the public; it is considered to be much-underused because people don't know how to use it or don't know about it in the first place.

http://www.lbth.org/ncma/index.php/ Let's Bring Them Home
This is the website for a nonprofit which serves families with missing adult loved ones. It provides a comprehensive database for all adults in the US who are reported as missing.

http://peace4missing.ning.com/ PEACE4 THEMISSING
This is a social networking site which serves people all over the world, and focus their services on families with missing loved ones; it is full of resources, guidance and support if you have a missing loved one. Many victims or survivors of crime or abuse use this site as a platform to seek justice or to connect with others. And then those of us who simply want to help can use the site as a way to make a difference and to care for people without leaving our homes!

http://www,childhelp.org/ Childhelp
This is a website for a nonprofit which provides comprehensive services to prevent and end child abuse in our communities; this site also includes a hotline to reporte child abuse.

http://peasintheirpods.com/ Peasintheirpods Children
This is a website for a nonprofit which serves families of missing minority children, children when usually are underserved.

There are other resources which I'm sure you can add!

When Things Hit Home For Us

2012-01-03T18:07:00.000-08:00

          I have noticed a very natural, univeral phenomenon and you may have noticed it, too. It is how we tend not to care about even the most pressing social issues until they hit home for us, or become real to us through being touched by it in our families, in our lives, or in or through our professions or jobs. Usually, people work with the most passion, tirelessness and vigor for those causes that have touched them in some way. In the area of cancer, cancer survivors, and those who have lost loved ones to cancer, most fervently labor to prevent/end cancer; specifically, they focus on the cancer that has affected them, whether that is breast cancer, ovarian cancer, lung cancer, liver cancer, prostrate cancer, pancreatic cancer, or any other cancer. Singer Sheryl Crow, a breast cancer survivor, advocates strongly for this cancer, and the Susan B. Koman Race For the Cure was born because of a woman whose life was claimed by breast cancer. Montel Williams, the TV talk show host, who has multiple sclerosis (MS), works hard to raise awareness about this condition through his show and in other ways. In the area of crimes against children, John Walsh, Erin Runnion, Donna Norris, Mark Lunsford, Dena Thompson, and others, are strong advocates for children, child safety, and tougher sentences for criminals against children; each one of these people and their families, have tragically lost children to senseless murders. In the area of abortion, it is those who have experienced the trauma and, yes, the guilt feeling of their abortions, as well as those who, abortion survivors like Gianna Jesson and Rebecca Kiessling, conceived of rape, who work tirelessly to end abortion, whether through awareness, education or practical help to families facing crisis pregnancies. Persons like these have seen and dealt with the evils of abortion and want to see its demise, whether from the viewpoint of those who have been traumatized by their own abortions, or who have been conceived in circumstances where our society calls for abortion as a "solution" and they see it most strongly from the unborn's perspective. In the area of disabilities, it is families with loved ones with disabilities, and those with disabilities themselves, who most passionately work hardest for acceptance, opportunties and awareness of the needs of the disabled. Get the point? I'm sure you do. We typically do not get fired up about an issue, even an important one, until it gets real to us and touches our own lives.
          As a person who often uses social networking to promote my causes as well as support other people's causes, I have noticed this trend over and over. For I have in my network a wide variety of people who use social networks (SN's) for a variety of different causes. First of all, those on my page who are officially tied to organizations, especially Executive Directors, use SN's solely to promote their particular organizations and pretty much ignore any other causes, important as these may be. It is these kind of people who I, generally speaking, have found to be the least supportive of my own causes. These causes/charities range from missing/unidentified charities or causes, domestic violence or child abuse causes, sexual crimes causes or charities, parental alienation causes (patental aleniation is when children are wrongfully taken from their families, usually as a result of a court order, allegedly). Many in my network advocate on behalf of cures, therapies, acceptance, and support for those touched by specific illnesses, disease, medical conditions or disabilities. There seems to be no end to the number of causes and charities.
          Whatever we are passionate about and as important as it is, we need to remember that it is, unfortunately, only one of many issues in need of advocacy, awareness, and resources. I see way too many people, caught up seemingly exclusively in the agendas of their causes or their charities, who seem to forget this. We have the right to ask other people to show support for our causes and to encourage us in them, but I don't think we have the right to expect them to be as passionate as we are about things that have touched our lives but which may not have touched theirs. For example, I know that I'm fired up about missing people because of the cases I have followed in the news and the books I have read and the simple fact that I know that having a missing loved one can happen to anyone. But I know that many people are unaware of missing people, have never been touched by this issue and don't think it can happen to them. So they, frankly, don't care. A person in my life has been heard to say, bluntly, "I don't like to see images of missing people. I don't want to know about it." Sadly, I feel that this person is just saying what many people are thinking. Indeed, when I discovered social networking, I did it mainly, at the time, to get the word out about missing people through networking with others; my intense interest in the case of Lindsey Baum, who had been missing for one year at the time (and who is still missing!), is what ushered me into the world of missing people. I started to add as Facebook friends, more and more people of my acquaintance. I would find, to my dismay, that many of these "local friends" would, one by one, remove me as friends and give me no warning. I suspect, and have had others tell me, that these people had removed me because of my missing persons posts that showed up on their home pages. As upsetting as it has been to see so many people come and go as "Facebook friends," I know that much of it is because many of these people, because of life experiences and because they have not been touched by these issues (or were in denial if they were), chose to remove me from their friends list.
           On the other hand, I have often wondered, does it require tragedy to make us care and get us fired up? Sadly, it seems to be this way. In my personal life, I know of individuals who have lost children to horrific murders and it was this that got them all fired up about justice, the law, and the safety of children. Before this, I doubt it if these people were as deeply concerned about these issues. The people I know who are most fired up about education and its issues are teachers and those with special needs or with loved ones whom the system has failed; this is because they are directly affected by the system; but we should all be concerned about how children, "our future," are taught and about education. Most uncomfortably, how many of us are fired up about global issues like world poverty or hunger or about the severe global religious persecution of people of faith, or the AIDs pandemic especially on the continent of Africa? These people, real as they are are and suffering (and in many cases, dying!) as they are, seem distant and unreal to us because we are closed off to them and we cannot relate to their experiences. And most of us cannot afford to travel abroad to see, firsthand, the conditions for ourselves, or go on "short-term missions," which many churches, including my own, promote. And, getting closer to home, how many people are fired up about texting and driving, or drinking and driving, until we lose a loved one to one of these? How many of us want to listen to the self-disclosures of people who share about their struggles and the shame and stigmas of things like sexual abuse, mental illnesses, hidden disabilities like autism, epilepsy and others, unless we have been touched by such things or have loved ones who have been touched by them? Do we really need to go through adversity to understand others who go though it? According to the Bible and experience, I think this is usually the case.
          In my own life, I have found that yes, it is my experiences that determine what causes I'm most passionate about and which I post about the most on social networks, including this blogspot. I'm fired up about neurological conditions like autism and epilepsy because they have affcted my life. I have grown up with offially diagnosed epilepsy (conpletely controlled for the past 16 years) and undiagnosed autism (high-functioning). And I have a daughter, high-functioning, who is officially diagnosed with autism. Growing up, I have often done to school with or been in other settings with those with a variety of emotional, learning, behavioral and other disabilities, and mental illnesses. Because of all this, disabilities causes are closest to my heart. Growing up, I was officially diagnosed with Marfan's Syndrome, a condition that affects the eyes, the connective joints and the heart's aorta (the heart's largest artery); this and my family history of heart disease, gets me fired up about heart disease and especially about women's heart disease. Also, our family has felt, to some degree, the effects of an economy gone sour, unemployment, and having to use government programs to survive; therefore I'm passionate about poverty, social and economic justice as well as the corporate greed and political corruption as represented by the Occupy movement. Having experienced so much bullying, and often vicious bullying, I'm fired up about bullying and about its causes. And I know that every person has his or her own story which has caused each of you to gravitate toward your causes.
          And we cannot assume that just because people are dedicated to a certain cause and are experts at that, that it follows that he or she can automatically relate to and empathize with our situations. For example, I have applied to volunteer at a nonprofit for those facing crisis pregnancies, and I have applied at a nonprofit for abused children and at another for unidentified victims. In each of these cases, I have self-disclosed about my disabilities and hoped that, because these nonprofits presented themselves as caring for people and declared their belief in the priceless value of every human life; I hoped that this would translate to an empathy to the things I disclosed to them. Judging from their reactions to me afterwards, this was not the case! A passion for helping those in crisis pregnancies, abused children, and identifying John or Jane Does does not automatically translate to an understanding of people who differences or empathy for them. It's just like these nonprofits cannot expect people like me to automatically understand them; I have come to do so only through taking the time to educate mysef about them, coupled with knowing that any time ones of thse things could happen within my family or anyone else's.
          On a national level, how many of us, in the US or in other parts of the free world, were concerned about terrorism until that fatal, awful day on September 11, 2000? How many of us, on a national level, become stirred up about child sexual abuse until we started to hear one tragic case ofter another, about girls being found not only molested, but dead? It took high-profile cases of children who killed themselves because of their bullying, that got us to care about bullying and to take it seriously. It has taken one child after another, who has lost their lives to child abuse at the hands of parents or other caregivers, that has spawned national concern about this epidemic and has gotten us to talk about it. And so on and on.
          Yes, sadly, it seems to often take tragedy, sorrow and trauma to get us to take important issues seriously and to give them the attention that they deserve. If this is the case, then this is a sound argument behind the "Why?" concerning suffering. Think about it.

What is the #1 Killer of Women? Not What You Might Think!

2011-12-30T17:38:00.000-08:00

           Breast cancer. This word inspires much fear in most of us and so there is more awareness of this cancer than just about any other cancer, and breast cancer causes, events, literature, and resources are very popular and high-profile. Indeed, over the years, a tremendous amount of time and money have been poured breast cancer awareness; many women (and a handful of men, as men can get breast cancer too) have come forward with survival stories and have deservedly heralded for theiir courage and strength. I know that lots of time and money are also poured into other cancers but I don't see that happening to near the degree that I see it with breast cancer. When any cause is personal to us, we are natually more passionate about it than any other cause because we can relate to it. And so when people survive a known killer or lose others to it, it naturally moves them to advocacy and action. I have seen more causes and posts, especially on Facebook, on breast cancer than on any other cancer. I have recently gone to a Wal Mart and I have even seen a Breast Cancer Awareness Bible in the Inspirational Books section! And that is the first Bible of this kind that I have ever seen. There is even a click-to-give site devoted to breast cancer alone. many businesses will sponsor fund-raising campaigns, not to mention numerous nonprofits. And we all know about the famous "Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure" and the Susan G. Koman Foundation. Even Christian bookstores have become aware of this form of cancer, as shown by a few books, such as one titled, "When God and Breast Cancer Meet."
          Believe me, if breast cancer were the only killer of women, I would not begrudge it all the resources, time and tireless advocacy efforts that have and continue to be poured into it. But sadly, breast cancer is, by far, not the biggest killer of women! When I write this, I know that, when you experience a trauma or an illness, no matter what it is and how much awareness it ends up getting, it is never enough.
          What is this #1 killer of all women, especially of women past menopause? It is heart disease! Yes, it's true and at the end of this blog I will provide sources where you can verify this grim and unsettling fact for yourself. Now, we are all well aware of heart disease in men because, traditionally, doctors and other health experts have always taken heart disease in men seriously. Men have been taught to fear heart disease and cancer. I have heard it suggested that a reason that women have been led to fear breast cancer much more than heart disease is not only because it is life-threatening, but because of the cultural idea that the breast is the symbol of female physical beauty and so when that is threatened or gone, many women are devastated. And the fear is not only loss of physical beauty but also the fear of losing attactiveness to spouses or partners as represented by the loss of the perceived symbol of this beauty. A threat of the loss of physical beauty is seen as somehow, in my opinion, as more immediate and more real than the loss of life itself. Also, we typically fear the treatments for breast cancer or other cancers, such as chemotherapy or radiation. Heart disease in women does not seem as threatening because no threat to female beauty is seen as associated with it. Heart disease just seems more mundane, no doubt because, in the free world, it is so commonplace as a cause of death. I have seen far fewer resources and much less awareness about heart disease in women than I have seen about breast cancer. By far! There are very few fundraising efforts about it, few businesses sponsoring any such and few causes devoted just to women's heart health. This is so unfortunate, for no doubt it is undiagnosed heart disease that kills more women than any of us know of. I'm not aware of how much training docors receive in medical school or during their residencies, concerning how to prevent, diagnose and treat heart disease in women (Remember, the female body is not the same as the male body and doesn't this also apply to the female heart?). And so doctors tend not to take symptoms of heart disease in women as seriously or dismiss any female concerns as being "stress," "nerves, or even "PMS"! I think part of all this is because womenhood, itself (pregnancy, menstruation, premenstrual syndrome, menopause) as almost become a disease itself and has been medicalized.
          Health experts tell us that when women get heart attacks, symptoms might show themselves differently from those seen in men. And they also tell us that women are more likely to die of heart attacks than men are. So it seems to me that all women and those who care about them, need to be every bit as concerned, maybe more so, about heart disease than about cancer. However, a few years ago, I did see an Oprah Winfey talk show about women's heart health and so I give her credit for awareness, as one of the few high-profile people who have addressed this issue. Many more resources and much more advocacy and awareness need to go into women's heart health, diagnosis, treatment, and especially prevention. The government have done precious little in this area, including legislation or funding concerning women's heart health awareness, no doubt because because of the lack of of advocacy and awareness of citizens, including women. And health experts tell us that older women, at menopause, are every bit as vulnerable to getting heart disease as are men. During the childbearing years, we women have estrogen, a female hormone, to give us some protection against heart disease. At menopause, we lose this estrogen, a source of heart disease protection and so the heart disease risk climbs.
           I think that we all know that prevention is the key, as it is in most things, in fighting heart disease in both genders. And the methods of prevention for women as pretty much the same as for men: Eat a well-balanced, sensible diet that is low in fat, especially saturated and trans fats, exercise regularly, avoid smoking, control weight, cholesterol levels and blood pressure, try to keep stress at manageable levels, and more. So I won't go into any more prevention talk here, because so much has been said already. But far more needs to be done about the diagnosis and treatment of heart disease in women. If we women would fear undiagnosed heart disease and its likely consequence, death or serious disability, as much as we would breast cancer or other cancers, we may be more motivated to action to beat this #1 killer of women as well as men.
          In my family, heart disease, much more than cancer, has been the biggest killer. The women in my family, like no doubt so many other women, have never been diagnosed with heart diease though such a diagnosis and proper treatment may have saved many lives. I wonder how many more of us, like me, have a family history of heart disease rather than a family history of cancer. And a family history of heart disease should concern women every bit as much as men and we women should work as hard, as men, to reduce the risk factors for heart disease and heart attacks, that we do have control over. Through the media and literature, I have heard much earlier and much more frequently about breast cancer and the need for its prevention through doing breast self-exams and getting mammograms, than I have heard about heart disease in women and its prevention. This needs to change so undiagnosed heart disease will stop killing women.
          Because of this insufficient awareness and lack of resources, I have found only one website devoted exclusively to women's heart health, the rest of the resources being more a part of general sites. I hope that this one website will get many more views.

Women and Heart Disease Website
http://womenheart.org/

Comprehensive fact sheet page that answers many women's heart health questions
http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/heart-disease.cfm

Face sheet page with many links to resources
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/heartdiseaseinwomen.html

Will You Accept Me?

2011-12-26T17:35:00.000-08:00

          Acceptance. This is a gift where one person extends to another unconditional favor of the other who he or she is, not for what he or she is. It means valuing another, first and foremost, because he is a human being and not because of what he can do for you. It means that another person can safely disclose his or her personal or private thoughts and emotions and will not be judged or rejected. Acceptance is not to be confused with condoning the inappropriate, wrong or even criminal things another has done in the past or may be doing now, but does mean that even if you have to show "tough love" to another, that you will not reject him. This sounds like it is simple enough, so why have a blog about this? Well, if we accepted each other as people created equal, why is there racism, prejudice, discrimination, and stigma? Why are there so many suicides, divorces, job-hopping, church-hopping, friend-hopping, and why is self-disclosure of many devalued personal qualities still so risky? So maybe this blog on acceptance remains relevant.
          We all assume every child's right to be accepted by both his or her parents. This is why society has set up so many projects, organizations, resources for the purpose of preventing and ending child abuse. When children grow up without being accepted by one or both parents, it will affect him for life. Unless he or she is fortunate enough to possess unusual gifts or talents and opportunities to develop them, along with finding caring adults who take an interest in them, he or she will grow up with lots of baggage, including major trust issues, fears and anxiety and/or anger, self-hatred, even rage and bitterness. When children are not accepted by the adults in their life, we all pay for it later, when we find ourselves at risk because of bullies (of all ages), predators, pedophiles and other kind of criminals.
           It is rejection that motivates a number of shootings in schools, workplaces, the home and other settings. Don't get me wrong: I'm certainly not condoning the experience of rejections as any excuse to use killing self or others to "solve" one's problems. Rejection only provides an explanation for many crimes, violent and nonviolent. It explains lots of bullying that is done, especially in schools, workplaces and the home. It is commonly said that when people feel accepted and valued ffor who they are, they do not need to bully. The point here is that feeling rejected is a potent and demoralizing experience that fuels depression, anger, even bitterness and rage, anxiety, fear, trust issues, and more.
Feelings like these can and do motivate desperate acts that one otherwise would not do, unless one is able to find the resources and support to work through rejection and his baggage.
          I'll always recall that, when I was much younger, I saw a program about the heinous criminal, Charles Manson, that at the end of this program, his reaction to receiving his life sentence was "This is my home." Manson grew up rejected by his parents and was known as "No Name Maddox."
          Acceptance is growing toward the growing number of immigrants in our free societies, thanks in part to churches and nonprofits and other projects which have, and continue to, work hard and dedicate their efforts to re-settle these immigrants and help them assimilate into our culture. These immigrants often are able to use their educational backgrounds to set up their own businesses and achieve success. In face, the very fact of their not only acceptance but often even greater success than any "natives" causes a frequent undercurrent of resentment toward "foreigners" who are often seen as taking resources away from "our own" who are need similar help. I have seen instances where churches have funded placement for the children of immigrants into their church-based schools, a thing that they don't normally do for other children.With the economy being as it is, immigrant reform is a subject of debate. But it is possible to accept and value immigrants and anyone who is foreign-born while supporting measures that crack down on immigration for economic reasons.
After all, our God has created each and every one of us. But we need to continue to help resettle immigrants and help them fit into society.
          What often is overlooked, even in churches who claim to represent a God Who welcomes ALL people in Christ, is that there are many people "among our own" who often struggle with feelings of being strangers in a strange land because they face prejudice, stigmas, ignorance, and lack of accommodations because they have qualities not valued by society. Traditionally, people of racial minority groups, even "our own," have faced much prejudice and discrimination, but thanks to lots of political activism, legislation, courageous advocacy, and awareness, much of this has decreased. Racism is so commonly discussed that I do not feel the need to address it here, only to assure you that it remains alive and well, with an undercurrent of it apparent in how many of us treat the current US President. For he has been the object of many facial slurs, many not fit to be printed. Why have people been so quick to proceed with witch-hunts even about his birth certificate, among other things? Could part of all this be an unconscious racism and jealousy that a man of color hold the highest office in the free world? In fact, it is so bad that on Facebook there is a cause devoted to end the dishonor shown to the President.
          People with various forms of mental illnesses find that acceptance is not a thing to be taken for granted and so it is acceptance that they long for, before anything. There has been a long-time stigma surrounding mental illnesses, though the stigma of certain mental illnesses, like depression (the clinical variety and bipolar disorder) is lessening because of much advocacy and awareness about them. But because of the true crime cases where the suspects and/or the victimizers are often people with suspected or officially diagnosed mental illnesses, the stigma continues and is aggravated every time such a case makes the media headlines. There is a widepread misconception that mental illnesses make a person a threat to society, but most often, the person is a danger to himself because of suicide rather than to others. A diagnosis of most mental illnesses or a history of mental health issues, including receiving psychiatric services or pychiattric residential care, remain risky things to disclose, especially when applying for goods or services like insurance or employment or in romantic relationships. So people will go to great lengths to "remain in the closet" about their mental health issues.
          People with epilepsy and a number of other neurological or medical conditions that remain stigmas, can't take accetance for granted. Many will go to great lengths to cover up their conditions, knowing that self-disclosure of them is risky and exposes them to rejection, prejudice and discrimination. For those with epilepsy, self-disclosure is as risky as disclosing most mental illnesses and often it slams the door shut on many opportunities, including driving, employment and insurance.
When accetance is found, it is so rare that it is treasured. There is a nonprofit, The Talk About It! Foundation, that exists just to undo the stigma of this medical condition.
          People with autism spectrum disorders (ASD's) and other learning or behavioral disorders remain so stigmatized that many go to great lengths to "pass as normal" and over up their differences and challengers, since self-disclosure is risky. Yes, there are a few fortunate peope with ASD's and other, related, differences, who have achieved success, even celebrity status. But for every intance of this, there remain many, many more of these, especially with ASD's, who are unemployed or work in jobs that don't use their abilities or languish in jail or prison, because ignorance of their disabilities has led to injustice. Yes, there are now many more resources and organizations that through advocacy, bring awareness to autism and to other, related learning and behavioral issues. But much more needs to be done. So, for many of these people accetance remains a treasured gift never to be taken for granted.
          Acceptance is essential not only for emotional health but even physical survival, as without it one will have a much harder time finding employment, getting a Driver's License, housing, among other things. If the stigmatized person is fortunate enough to be able to depend on family or friends, his or her quality of life will still be much diminished. The surefire way of working toward acceptance for all is to reduce stigma and this can only be done through breaking codes of silence, as has and is being done concerning sexual crimes, addictions and other things that used to be among the "unmentionable." We need to "talk about it"!
          As for my own experience with this, I have found self-disclosure, especially recently, to be unsuccessful. Growing up with with a history of learning and behavioral issues, epilepsy, and a history of placement in stigmatizing special school and a few residential settings, I have found that disclosing these as well as my present challenges is risky and has slammed the door on opportunities to give and receive support. The words autism, epilepsy, emotional problems, and brain injury, are words that scare people and fuel their prejudices or stereotypes. But non-disclosure and "staying in the closet" will only ensure that these things will remain stigmas for future generations.
          The Bible is clear, that God is the One Who has created each and every one of us and this alone is reason enought to accept each other.

Wishes

2011-12-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

          What do you want for Christmas or Hannukah (or whatever you observe the holidays as)? you may ask of others. Many of us parents may, for greater ease of reference when holiday shopping, request that our children make out their "wish lists." True, especially if we have limited financial respources to work with or are on budgets, we have no intention on getting everything, even most of the items, we see on such wish lists. A couple of years ago, when my nephew who is close to our daughter, was asked to create his wish list, he wowed us with his list. For it was so long and contained so many items that he took a number of sheets of paper and taped them together! Of course, we could grant only a few wishes on his list and he understood that. A well-known nonprofit organization has been built on and named after granting wishes, year-round, for terminally ill children. We often hear people, normally adults, frame their holiday wishes to underscore their year-round passions or things we should all be wishing for. And what is so special about one time of the year that we should want something that we would not want at any other time of the year?
          There are many people whose life circumstances are such that their desires have become singular and focused, even though they want many things. But they have a focused desire; they want "one thing." It is the thing that they care most about, whether because of tragedy or because it is something that they have invested much of themselves in.
          What do people with all kinds of severe, chronic, or terminal illnesses, want? Physical health, healing and life. Their suffering, pain and the uncertainty of their very existence has reduced them to this passionate, all-consuming desire.
          What do military troops and their families, who are often physically separated by being in different countries or even continents and who may wonder if they will even see each other again, want? They want to be re-united. The loneliness and agony of separation has focused their desire on this one thing that can end all this.
          What do people living with addictions want? Though it may seem to them and to us that they want to satisfy their addictions, whether to drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, food, or other addictions, what they really want is to be free of their addictions and to be free to deal with and to be healed of the underlying issues that fuel their addictions.
          What do families of victims (especially murder victims) and victims and survivors of a host of crimes want to see? They yearn for justice, answers and vindication. The sheer agony and pain of what has happened to them and which never should have happened in the first place, has made their hearts cry out for this as their single heart's desire.
          What do people of faith, worldwide, who face severe persecution because of their faith, desire? They want to be empowered to serve their God. Even more than religious freedom, they want the support and resources that the free world can provide, including Bibles and other Christian or equivalent literature or resources. The very reason for their persecution being their passion and devotion to serving their God, this has reduced such heroic individuals to desiring to be empowered and supported above all else.
          What do people hungry people, especially those living with severe and even life-threatening hunger, want? Food! Of course. But the sad and tragic fact is, especially in areas like Africa, millions die of starvation without this all-consuming desire being met!
          What do thirsty people, especially those living with severe and even life-threatening thirst or who have no access to safe drinking water, yearn for? Water! Of course. But here too, the sad and tragic fact is that, epecially in Africa, millions likewise die of dehydration or from the effects of unsafe drinking water and this all-consuming desire is not met!
          What does an unborn child, especially one conceived to an abortion-minded or abortion-vulnerable family, yearn for? Life! Reasearch shows that, during abortions, especially late-term abortions, the unborn child will fight mightily to live. The video by Dr. Bernard Nathanson, "The Silent Scream," is sound evidence of this fact. This makes abotion not only a trauma for those left behind but a human rights abuse of the unborn child.
          What does an abused child want? To be free of abuse! The sheer helplessness and hopelessness
of their situations has reduced them to this singular yearning. Ideally, the yearning is that those who are the only ones they know, would stop the abusing. Child removal is traumatic but should a child remain with abusive parents who will not reform their ways?
          What do families with missing loved ones want? Above all things, they want to see their loved ones come home; they want answers! Even if the outcome is not what they yearn for, they yearn even more for answers. Ideally, they want to see their loved one come home safe. But the sheer uncertainty and agony of not knowing drives them to crave this one thing above all else. Even a proper burial and seeing their loved one be honored and remembered as well as knowing what has happened to them, in preferable to remaining in limbo.
          What do couples struggling with infertility and the effort to bear children, want? Children. The anguish and the emotional pain of not being able to obtain what so many others gain without any effort on their part, has reduced these couples to this one focused desire.
          What does a homeless person want? A roof over his or her head. The indignity and fear and the drive just to survive every minute, makes their hearts cry out for one thing. But it will not come to them through handouts but by the hand that provides them with life skills and job skills training as well as job opportunities and education.
          What do many aging people, especially in our free world, want? Respect. The rudeness, insensitivity and even abuse that so many are treated with in our youth-worshiping culture, has caused many of our seniors to yearn for the respect and honor that most of them deserve.
          What do many pastors want? Unity in their congregations. Gossip, inner dissension and infighting, divisions and church splits, cause pastors heartbreak. Their anguish causes so many pastors to yearn for this one thing.
          What do people with special needs of all ages and their families want? Acceptance and support from others. More than for cures, treatments or therapies, people with disabilities and their families yearn for one thing, acceptance and to be and feel welcome. The intolerance, stigma, misunderstanding and lack of accommodations most deal with make their hearts cry out just to be welcome and accepted and to be seen as people who can and do contribute to others.
          There are no doubt others who want "just one" thing" not covered here, but for the sake of space and because they are not coming to mind now, I will not cover them here. But what does God want? It would be easy to say that He wants world peace. And He does. But more than anything else, He wants us to be at peace with him through coming to know Him through His Son, Jesus. He wants us to ask Him to forgive us for our wrongs and to trust Him to save us through what Jesus has done for us in coming to Earth, being born as man, living a perfect life, dying for us and returning to life. By being at peace with God, we will be at peace with each other and this will bring about world peace.
          Have you granted God's wish?
          Have you granted another person's wish?

You can help grant the wish of families with missing loved ones to bring their loved ones home by visiting:
http://lostnmissing.com/
http://missing-and-unidentified.org/
http://www.doenetwork.org/start.html

You can grant an abused child's wish to be free from abuse and visit:
http://www.childhelp.org/

You can grant a desperately poor child's wish for a better life and visit:
http://worldvision.org/
http://www.compassion.org/

You can grant the wish of the persecuted for resources and support so they can serve their God by visiting:
http://www.persecution.com/
http://www.persecution.org/

You can grant a seriously ill child the resources and support needed for healing and recovery by visiting:
http://www.stjude.org/
You can help a cancer patient in your life increase their odds of healing and recovery by visiting this site and the referring them:
http://www.cancercenter.org/

You can show your support and care for one wrongfully convicted and imprisoned autistic young man by visiting:
http://avoiceforneli.com/

You can help show your care and give people in emotional distress hope by visiting:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

You can grant autistic people's desire for acceptance and understanding by visiting:
http://www.grasp.org/

You can grant a soldier's wish for support by visiting:
http://www.thankasoldier.net/

The TEA Party vs. The Occupy Movement

2011-12-20T16:03:00.000-08:00

          Throughout this year, there have been two, massive, grassroots movements comprised of people who have been much dissatisfied with their government and who wanted to show their displeasure and inspire change through awareness. This year has, in my opinion, been the year of profound discontent with government to such a degree that citizens have exerted pressure on politicians to make substantial changes. The coming of age of social networks, including Facebook and Twitter, have played a big part in these monumental efforts.
          What are the political dynamics that finally have gotten citizens so fed up that they joined forces with like-minded people to spend time and often money, to organize and to demand government to make changes? Well, to start out, to enter political office, elected public servants must run campaigns and these campaigns cost $$$. Many $$$! And who have the resources to fund political campaigns? It is not the overwhelming majority of middle-class and definitely not low-income citizens. No, those who are able and willing to fund the campaigns and elections of our politicians are millionaires and billionaires. And because our public servants are usually "paid off" by these super-rich, it is to they to whom they feel indebted and are most driven to please, even if pleasing their benefactors' demands go against the grain of the consciences and convicted of our public servants. And to show their gratitude to their benefators, President George W. Bush instituted tax cuts for these super-wealthy, beginning in his first term in 2001. In the current tax code, which I make no claim to understand, the more $$$ one makes, the lower one's taxes in proportion to one's income. Conservatives and liberals differ sharply on how to address the inequities in the current tax code. Conservative deeply desire to preserve the status quo and to limit the role of government in our lives, so they hold fast to the notion that the current tax code must be left alone, that politicians must not meddle with citizens,' including wealthy citizens,' private affairs. Also, conservatives reason that since the very wealthy are usually the job creators, paying higher taxes would leave these job creators with fewer $$$ to create new jobs. To me, this begs the question of our declining economy and high unemployment rate. It is also an argument of the those who lean toward the liberal view, that it is reasonable and moral to require millionaires and billionaires (NOT small business owners) to pay their fair share, that is, a higher proportion of taxes according to their incomes. This would ensure fairer and more equitable economy for middle-class and low-income citizens.
          Actually, there has always been an undercurrent of resentment toward millionaires and billionaires, especially those on Wall Street, and of their corporate greed and and their buying of our public servants through huge contribution to politicians' campaigns. Since Wall Street CEO's and other very wealthy corporations and individuals have traditionally been most able to fund poltical campaigns ans elections, and since "money talks," they, not the rest of us, have enjoyed much more influence and power with our public servants. Though I'm sure most politicians start out with the finest of motives, seeking power for the sake of helping and advocating for their citzenry, it is clear that the temptations and trappings of public office tend to make them lose their focus. Once they settle into office and encounter the temptation to cave into the pressures of the greed of their "benefactors," because they want to get re-elected, it becomes easy for our public servants to forget why they entered public office in the first place. So we see so much greedy, corrupt and even criminal behavior on the part of our public servants.
          And this is where two mass grassroots movements come in; the only thing they have in common is their profound discontent with our public servants and a deep-seated belief that they hold the solution to the country's problem. The first mass movement, the TEA (Taxed Enough Already) Party, is a fiscal movement which claims to be founded on the original Boston Tea Party in the late 1770's. Largely conservative in their worldview, the TEA Party claim the American flag and the Constitution as their their symbols. Their philosophy is that the governments is our problem and that they should have only a small role in our lives. And since those who support them and those who speak for them tend to be upper-middle-class or wealthy, their outcry not to be taxed anymore favors the affluent and the wealthy. Some Members of Congress speak for this TEA Party and are known as "the new Republicans." Earlier this year, especially, Members of this movement were real go-getters, applying all their efforts, time, skills and passions into maximizing all forms of media to organize, raise awareness and to put forth their agenda. This TEA Party movement reached deeply into many different parts of the US. Members and supporters of this movement oppose higher taxes on the wealthy, in part because many are among those wealthy, and even if they are not, they have bought into the notion that these job creators will lose $$$ needed to generate jobs, meaning that unemployment will continue or get worse for the rest of us. And they hold to the belief that spending cuts, no matter how deep, hold the key to turning the economy around. Today, Members of the TEA Party seem to have lost much influence but make no mistake, they continue to seek to influence the current, raging national budget debate and their agenda for the upcoming elections in 2012.
          Later this year, another movement, called Occupy, sprang up. It claims no official leaders, unlike the TEA Party. The core beliefs and philosophy of the Occupy movement stand in opposition to that of the TEA Party. Members of Occupy and their supporters hold that government should retain a role in our lives, because of their power and resources. This movement began in New York City, as the Occupy Wall Street movement that organized to protest the corporate greed of Wall Street and their corrupting influence on those in elected office. And soon this movement spread in many other cities all over the US as more and more people "caught the vision" and "occupy" soon become the buzzword for many other Occupy movements. And this movement also has reached outside the US and has spread to many other parts of the free world, as people all over the world watched this all unfold from their TV screens and from social networks like Facebook and Twitter. Their photos and videos demonstrate that countless people of a wide variety of different languages, ethnicities, races, and walks of life hold membership in and support the Occupy movement. This is in contrast to the TEA Party, which seems to be far more homogenized. And yes, people of various political persusions also support it, as indicated by the fact that many don't claim to support President Obama. At the heart of their agenda and far-reaching, tireless efforts on the ground and online, is the passion and determination to drive money out of politics. They want to reform the way political campaigns and elections are funded. This way politicians will be free to act out of their convictions, and to speak and vote their consciences without the fear and pressure of not wanting to lose the support of super-wealthy donors. If their elections are taxpayer-funded, they will gain the incentive to work for the overwhelming majority of their citizenry. However, unlike the TEA Party, we keep hearing about the many arrests of Occupy protestors as well as trashing them as "idiots," "thugs," and even "low-lifes," "welfare bums" and "criminals." I find so much of the hostility toward the Occupy movement hard to understand, especially since I don't see that TEA Party Members have been nearly so vilified, trashed and experience so much police brutality. Yet their influence continues, but unlike the TEA Party, I'm not aware that they are trying to get into politics to gain influence.
          In this media age of biases, propaganda and politicking, it is hard to know what to believe about anything, especially two massive grassroots movements. I have provided the websites for both of these movements and my hope is that, if you have the time to spare, you will check them out and see for yourself who you should support and stand together with. And looking at all this from the perspective of faith and specifically the Christian faith, we should thoughtfully check out both these movements and decide what values tally with what we believe. As a Christian who holds to Biblical values and who sees much in my Bible which shouts out God's heart for the poor and His sympathy for the working-class and all the vulnerable, it seems to me that the entire diverse structure of the Occupy movement and their passionate advocacy for the vulnerable and the middle-class is closer to Scriptural values than the TEA Party.
          If Christ were on Earth at this time, what movement do you think He would identify with?

Occupy Wall Street
http://occupywallst.org/. This is the website for this mass movement.

The TEA Party
http://www.teaparty.org/. This is a social networking site for anyone interested in supporting this movement.

A Crisis Pregnancy

2011-12-17T16:12:00.000-08:00

          Every Christmas (or Kwanzaa or Hannukah) season, various venues and outlets flood us with the re-telling of the Scriptural original Christmas story about the birth of Christ as God made man on Earth. And we have no doubt heard many accounts from Mary's point of view, but I think they too often leave out the human element, mainly focusing on the spiritual aspects. But just as in any setting and at any time, unplanned and especially, untimely and unwanted pregnancies are very stressful for families, so Mary's pregnancy also was for her, for her fiance, Joseph, for her family and for his family.
          In those ancient times, an out-of-wedlock pregnancy, as Mary's had been, was a tremendous disgrace and a great stigma. It was punishable by execution or ostracism, as such a pregnancy signaled the direct result of illicit sex and,as would be presumed in her case, premarital sex. Tradition also tells us that Mary was a young, teenaged girl, no doubt around thirteen or fourteen when she conceived. Before she conceived and became pregnant, we read in Scripture that an angel appeared to her, sharing the news with her. How incredible was that? Because the angel encouraged her not to be afraid, as any of us no doubt would have been if a supernatural being suddenly appeared to us, she no doubt was dismayed, wondering, What is this all about! Then she heard that she was the most blessed by God of all women. Now she really must have been bewildered. Me? The most blessed of all women of all time? Then she learned that it was she, yes, she, who was going to receive the supreme honor of bearing God's Messiah, Christ the Lord.
           No wonder Mary, most puzzled, asked the angel about how all this would work! How in the world was she going to pull this one off without a man? Yes, Christ was God's Son and would have no human father but would be supernaturally conceived, by the Third Person of the Triune God, The Holy Spirit. Pregnant by God! Who in the world would ever believe THAT?
          Add to all this the fact that Mary and her culture were solidly Jewish and orthodix in every sense of the word, themselves looking forward to the promised Messiah. Every faithful Jew and non-Jew, before Christ, based his or her faith on the promised Messiah Who would one day come to save the world. In that time, the fondest hopes of the faithful rested in the promised Christ Who they believed would save them by coming to reign as an Earthy King and free them from their oppression. They did not realize that what He would come to free us from was the power and penalty of sin. But let's get back to the topic of Mary's pregnancy.
          What had to be going through this young teenage girl's mind when she learned that she was about to conceive and bear within her the promised One of all the centuries? Through a pregnancy unlike any other in all of history?
          Fear of how her fiance, Joseph, would react at learning that his beloved was to conceive and that the child would not only NOT be his but would be a supernatural child, God the Son Himself? Conceived by the unseen God? An uneartly child? Would he even believe that the Messiah was going to come at last and that she was the chosen instrument to bring Him into the world? Would her fiance think that she had betrayed him or lied? Would he hate her and have her ostracized or executed?
          Fear of what her family, especially her family, would think and at how they would react? Would they believe that she was lying? Would they see her as a disgrace and a traiter to them and her community? And her friends? How in the world would she ever explain her angelic visitation to her family or friends? Would they believe that the Messiah was about to come and through one they knew and rubbed shouldres with regularly? Mary had two options: She could could keep her unbelievable secret to herself and live a life of nondisclosure and hence, as a disgraced, shamed, unwed, pregnant girl. Or she could disclose her secret and be perceived as delusional, mentally ill and a freak! For her, this was a no-win situation!
          A holy child? The Son of God and the Messiah? She, even she, was carrying this Promised One? Many teach that Mary's conception and pregnancy as well as Mary herself, were sinless and immaculate, untouched by humanity. But this teaching is not supported by Scripture. It's true that Mary was a virgin when she supernatually conceived and remained a virgin, via a command of God to Joseph, for at least six months up till Christ's birth. As for Mary herself, we can glean from Scripture that she was devout, faithful, sensible, gracious, mature and lots of other good things. But perfect she was not, as the Scripture teaches that only Christ has ever lived a sinless life. Therefore, when Mary learned of her peerless honor as the chosen instrument to carry the Messiah, she no doubt was not only grateful for this but felt aware of her own imperfections as any of us would when honors are bestowed upon us. In any case, she was from a poor family with probably little "standing" in their community and even if her sense of self was intact, they were no doubt looked down on by some of the more affluent in their community. And when it sank in with Mary the enormity of her calling and honor, we are told that she accepted her assignment with faith, grace and obedience to her God.
           No doubt because of all this, Mary felt the urge to get away from it all and to seek support and guidance from someone who would understand. Therefore she left to visit her older cousin, who, though past menopause, was pregnant with a child who, later, would prepare people to receive the Messiah. Here Mary could unburden herself to Elizabeth, her cousin and figure out how to deal with all this as well as deal with her fiance, family and friends. For here was someone dealing with an untimely pregnancy.
          As for Joseph, this must have been the most stressful, confusing time of his entire life! Tradition has it that he was a young, responsible carpenter and he loved Mary very much and wanted nothing more than to make a home for her and her future family. Scipture reveals that when he found out about his beloved's conception, he was laying plans to sever ties with her but to do so discreetly. What must have been going though his mind? Shock and disbelief, feeling that Mary had lied to him? Anger at what, on the face of it, was a crass betrayal of him as well as her family and their God? Fear at how he would deal with this in the only way he felt he had to deal with it? So imagine his relief when the angel who visted his beloved visited him, revealing to him the truth of her impending conception and pregnancy. And no doubt he felt some fear and much challenged at learning that he was to marry Mary, but abstain from sexual relations until her holy child was born, and then to raise this child as his own! However, Joseph apparently accepted his assignment with total faith and grace and willingly complied with his marching orders the same way Mary did, in obedience to God. He is the very model for any male who is faced with an unwanted pregnancy, just as Mary is a role model for pregnant women in crisis.
          We see here that the Christmas story is about a crisis pregnancy and about how a couple dealt with it in such a way that has brought redemption to the world and the promise of ultimate peace and hope. Yes, back in Mary's and Joseph's day, abortion was illegal and unthinkable. Children were seen as God's blessing and a sign of His favor, and infertility was a curse and a terrible stigma. So how would Jesus have fared if He were conceived in our culture of abortion-on-demand? We don't know and don't need to know. All we need to know is that her story, this story of the first Christmas, underscores that, in God's eyes, we are babies and children from conception on. I'm not going to argue in this blog article about the controversies of right-to-life vs. abortion-on-demand (or a woman's right to choose, as many call it). I will provide you with verses in Scripture for your ease in reference in reading about the events as they unfolded to show you what I'm talking about here.
          What about Mary's family or Joseph's family? The Scripture says little about them so we don't know how they ultimately came to feel toward all this. But are there not lessons here for any parents or guardians of those who face crisis preganancies? Sure there are. But we can guess that what Mary and Joseph needed from their familes during this time was what anyone in their situation would need: understanding, support, time, patience and love.
          This Christmas story, ultimately, is about the pricelessness of every human life, no matter what the circumstances of conception have been as well as about God Who identifies with all of us.

Scriptures in the Gospels that contain teachings about Mary, Joseph and the birth of the Messiah:

Matthew 1:16-23
Luke 1: 26-56
Luke 2: 1-52
John 19: 25-27
Acts 1:14

Jesus and Santa Claus

2011-12-15T13:51:00.000-08:00

          It is, once again, that time of the year. Many of us celebrate Christmas but many others of us may celebrate Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan or may not observe any of these during this time of the year or around it. But if you live in the free world, you probably are affected by the onslaught of TV programming, media coverage, commercials, music, Christmas trees, Christmas lights, Christmas decorations and designs on the packaging on numerous products and much more, which cry out to all of us that this season has begun. Much of this is designed to lure us into stores to do Christmas shopping as all these things supposedly get in in the frame of mind for this. This is assuming, of course, that we have the finances for such shopping.
          I will not use this blog to deplore the commercialism of these holidays or to tell anyone how it should be observed. Voices abound that are doing one or both and I don't need to add to them. Even if we don't make a conscious effort to listen to them, voices and the actions of those around us declare the wonders, the fun, the attractiveness and the uniqueness of the features of these holidays: its rich foods that it's assumed virtually all of us will eat at this time of the year, the trimmings and decorations we will use or should use, how we'll spend much of our time or should spend it in preparing for it, and how we will our should be, with great expectation, anticipating this one day of the year and "making great preparations fot it," because, after all, it's "the most wonderful time of the year." Often we may hear or may ourselves say, "Christmas is for the children." We hear these things from the voices which hold that Santa Claus is the reason for this season.
          However, we are also flooded with images, music and special events and worship services which remind us to "Keep Christ in Christmas" and that "Jesus is the reason for the season." Many of these commendable efforts mainly focus on Christ in the form of the baby Jesus in the manger and on His mother Mary, his stepfather, Joseph, the Wise Men (there is no evidence that there were only three of them), the Shepherds and the others players of this stupendous all -time event in our human history. Christmas is actually the story of God becoming man and living, at an actual time in human history, among us in our world, living our life (but without ANY trace of sin in thought, word or deed), and willingly becoming the ultimate crime and murder victim of all time, dying our death in our place. To confirm the total all-sufficiency of His Son's life and death, God raised Him to life. Christmas is meant to focus on what we call His Incarnation, becoming human to rescue us humans from sin, making peace between us and Himself and to being peace in the world through our being at peace with each other. Thus the word peace is often used to refer to this season.
          The original historical person, who inspired the character of Santa Claus, was NOT a legend. It was an openly Christian missionary, St. Nicholas, who is behind the concept of Santa Claus. St. Nicholas, a dedicated Christian who openly shared his faith in Christ in the face of persecution, cared much about the poor and the desitute, especially children. So he reached out to those in need, especially children, giving gifts. But as Christmas became more and more commercialized, the concept of Santa Claus evolved, taken from the life of St. Nicholas according to tradition. At the end of this post, I will include an entire website devoted to the person of St. Nicholas and including many resources and much gudance and iformation to make the most of the holidays, keeping Christ in them while having fun with the festivities. The site is Catholic-owned and operated but don't let that keep the many non-Catholics among us from exploring it.
          My own experience is that when my siblings and I were growing up, we absorbed the concept of Santa Claus and that he was the reason for the season. This being so, the day after Christmas was a huge letdown. On Christmas Eve, I remember that, as children, we were required to attend the late-night Christmas Eve service, having to get all dressed up for the occasion. This, like much of my childhood, is now a blur. I do remember that, each Christmas morning, we woke up to Christmas presents under the tree, which our parents funded through their heavy use of credit cards. For our parents, like so many others, believed that Santa Claus is the reason for these holidays (this was pre-recession times). Even then, we saw the emptiness and lack of sense of buying presents which, a year from that particular day, we would pay no attention to. It was not until after my 10th birthday that my late grandmother broke the news to me that Santa Claus did not exist and that, "Chistmas is the time of giving, not receiving." Yes, I was disappointed at this news but this was by no means among the most scarring or devastating disappointments of my life!
          As for the way so many of us typically celebrate Christmas or our other forms of this holiday season, I know that there are many who do not even necessarily enjoy or may even dread this time of the year! For example, many with sensory-processing disorders or who have autism or Asperger's Syndrome, grow overwhelmed by being surrounded by lots of people, the rich food that many of us cannot tolerate, and the bright lights and trimmings. At my age, I can no longer tolerate the rich textures and tastes of most holiday foods or the lights and sounds, one reason, in all honesty, I no longer look forward to Christmas Day and have not done so for much of my adult life. But it seems to get worse every passing year. Also, many among us, including I, deal with seasonal depression and struggle with depression spells that gget much worse during the winter months. And then there are the many individuals and families, who have suffered losses of many different kinds, which may make the idea of focusing on Santa Claus and many of the festivities ring hollow and shallow.
          It is for many reasons like the ones above, which are why it was not I who have told our daughter about Santa Claus but have let her dad and her grandparents (my parents) do that. As parents, My husband and I have been hit much harder by the current recession than my parents were when I was growing up, so it was relatively easy for us to avoid any instilling of the idea that Santa is the reason for these holidays. An advantage to not putting all our expectations on one day of the year is that we do not have the "Christmas letdown" or the "post-holiday blues"!
          Actually, if we believe that the first Christmas Day was the day of Jesus" birth on Earth as a human, the God-Man, December 25 is probably not even the actual day that He was born. As I have read in a few places, His birth actually took place ealier in the year, like probably in the Fall but not in the winter. It is people who have set Christmas to December 25. But I don't think the actual date matters. What matters is why we observe the holiday season and our focus, whether we make Santa Claus a major part of the holidays or not. If we see exchanging gifts as in keeping with the spirit of focusing on the spirit of giving and to remind us about the meaning of this holiday, then it seems that this is a good thing. If we have financial resources, we have numerous opportunities for giving: Witness the numerous charities and places of worship which ask for donations to keep their missions afoot. But we can give in countless different ways without darkening the door of any store, buying gifts or wrapping them. Even the simple act of sending geeting cards that share the Good News of Christ and God's love enable us to give to people the gift of our shared faith. Then, we can always give the gift of ourselves in countless ways, including making gifts for loved ones by hand.
          Santa Claus is for children. Christ is for people of all ages.
          Santa Claus tells us not to show emotion. Christ is close to the brokenhearted.
          Santa Claus comes just once a year. Christ comes to us every day.
          Santa Claus tells us to be good or else he won't give us anything. Christs' love for us is based on Who He is, not on who we are.
          Santa Claus is a fantasy. Christ is reality.


Here is the comprehensive website about St. Nicholas; it informs us about him, how he exemplifies the spirit of Christmas, the many different ways it is celebrated in different parts of the world, and includes a section for children and many other resources and ideas for observing the holidays. It is for all of us, though it is Catholic-owned and Catholic-operated. It can be found right here:
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/who-is-st-nicholas/.

Disappointment--Who Cares?

2011-12-12T14:12:00.000-08:00

          For months, you have looked forward to the yearly fall festival, which comes at the same time each year. The morning of the first day of the festival, you wake up barely able to get out of bed. On top of it, you can almost feel the sensation of the pouring rain pounding on the roof. For thse two reasons, you say home but are sick and not just with the flu.
          You have spent hours preparing for your audition, careful to choose an appropriate song in your key. You practice and update your dancing as well as do background research for the musical in question. You audition with confidence, but never get a call back.
          You loyally support a nonprofit, spending endless hours getting the word out about its worthwhile work and mission. You enjoy a good rapport with its Director and she shows her appreciation, often, for your support. Then you apply for a volunteer position with the nonprofit, doing all you can to prove your character and integrity and competence. But you learn that your application is declined! You feel betrayed.
          You are excited to get together with a friend whom you have not seen in awhile. You get yourself ready, dressing up just for that friend. You go to the designated meeting spot, but this friend never shows up, even after 30 minutes. Crestfallen, you return home and later call this friend who never returns your call. You feel slapped in the face.
          It's very cold outside, but you are in no mood to fix breakfast this morning. You take down everyone's order for the local McDonald's, get your cash together and get in your car to prepare. However, despite multiple efforts to get your car started, your car won't start. Period. Disgusted, you get out and head back indoors.
          Your loved one has been missing for about six months and you are desperate for answers! One day, you hear from Law Enforcement that a promising tip has been received and it appears to be a strong lead but they say no more. Cautiously optimistic, you wait for the big phone call; you get it, for sure, but are told that it is another dead end! You are crushed.
          You are excited and living in bliss when you go to your doctor and learn that you are pregnant after about eight years of trying, and dashed hopes and negative pregnancy tests. You tell everyone this glad news and start shopping for baby clothes and other baby things as well as maternity clothes. One day, you experience a bleed that looks like a menstrual period. You are devastated beyond words to learn that you have had a miscarriage!
          You apply for a coveted job, preparing your resume, providing references, work samples, and do everything you can to convince the employer that you are trustworthy, competent and the best person for the job. You give what you believe to be a good interview. You wait and when you hear nothing back, you nervously dial the number of the company. You hear that the job has been filled by someone else! Crestfallen and depressed, your first urge is to order a chocolate milkshake, your comfort food of choice, from your local fast food outlet, and then vent to your best friend.
           You cast your vote for your favorite Presidential candidate, so sure that this person would win, based on the media coverage of poll results. However, the following morning, you hear that the candidate is about to give a concession speech, meaning your candidate didn't win. Disgusted, you wonder why you even bothered to go out and vote.
          As a child, you were told about a character called Santa Claus, who you were told got all the good boys and girls presents. You believed that this character actually came down chimneys of all families to bring all the boys and girls their presents. You leave out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. But before you reach your teens, your parent or guardian tells you, "You know, now that you are getting older, you need to know that there is no Santa Claus and that it is us your parents who give you gifts. Christmas is a time for giving, not receiving, so you need to start giving gifts, too." Crestfallen that your childhood fantasy is over, you wonder why you were told about this character in the first place. You may also wonder what else you may have been lied to about.
          What do all these scenarios, which are only examples of so many countless others, have in common? One thing: they all involve disappointment. Disappointments are cherished expectations that are not met, that are dashed or don't come to pass.On its face, most disappointments may inspire little empathy or concern. You are likely to hear something like, "Life is disappointing, deal with it and get over it!" We all endure countless disappoinments in life, many minor and some major. Most disappointments are considered a part of life. Would many typical disappointments even pass the "Who cares?" test? And why am I covering THIS subject in a blogspot?
          Actually, a book was written about disappointment many years ago, which I owned at one time but have since donated for space reasons. The point is, the author saw this topic as worthy of a book. At the writing of this blog post, it is Christmas season and a time of very high expectations, especially for many typical children and young people who expect to wake up to gifts under the tree. True, because of an ailing economy, they may not get as many gifts as in better times, but they expect to see gifts there nevertheless. Even adults may have expectations that because this is the time when we focus on giving, that people will be somehow nicer, more compassionate and more giving at this time of the year. This is why so many places of worship and nonprofits increase their requests for donations. But then, why is depression more pronounced at this time of the year and why do families tend to fight even more during times like this? Could it have something to do with all our expectations of holidays, especially Christmas (Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan or how you celebrate this time of year and what you call it).
          The truth is that we expect much out of holidays, especially Christmas or whatever we call this winter holiday. We spend weeks, maybe months preparing. We prepare special food. We travel and go to great lengths to get together with those whom we see little of during the rest of the year. We take time off from our work or from our regular business. We proclain the virtues and values of this time and have slogans for it. We hold special traditions, which are noted even in special music set aside for this time of year. We hold a host of special events, including worship services. All this is because we hold high expectations for Christmas. And when this special season is over, many of us feel let down.We hear the term "the Christmas letdown" or "the post-holiday blues" to try to explain this. It seems that, no matter what our experience of the holidays, many among us experience a letdown after they are over.
          I experienced a very recent, personally painful disappointment where I practically re-lived my past in my self-disclosure about it to those involved, in the effort to gain their understanding and to convince them of my honesty and character. All to no avail. For privacy reasons, I can't reveal any more about the nature of the experience. But it was awful. As it has occurred around this Christmas season, it feels even worse, showing that I'm a product of my free culture of high expectations for this Christmas season. Some people will declare, "The way to avoid disappointment is to expect nothing, to anticipate nothing." But who wants to live that way, to give up all ambition and aspiration to avoid having these dashed? What an empty, bleak existence this would be!
          You may have heard disappointments be referred to as "God's appointments." That is, is is possible to see God's hand in any disappointment and to know that even though one doors has be slammed shut in your face, another door, around the corner, may open up for you. But when we are enduring major disappointments when we had our hearts set in one direction and our dreams are crushed, it hurts. There are many petty disappointments and there are not-so-minor disappointments. But all of them illustrate the most uncomfortable but necessary truth that God very often says "Wait!" or even "No!" to us in life, instead of "Yes!"
          While it hurts to be disappointed, I think many would agree that it hurts even more to give up hope and pressing forward toward your dreams.

What Is A Hero?

2011-12-08T15:04:00.000-08:00

          Hero. We hear this word tossed around frequently. We may even use it ourselves. Of course, to wear this label is an honor; is's always better to wear a label to live "up to" than to wear labels to "live down" and which stigmatizes and denigrates us. But have we seriously wondered what a hero is? The US government has their own ideas whose heroism merits the Congressional Medal of Honor, which is usually awarded to veterans. As I understand it, the Congressional Medal of Honor is awarded to someone whose act(s) of heroism 1) extends far beyond the call of duty, 2) entails tremendous personal risk/and or sacrifice on the part of the heroic person, for others, and 3) is an act(s) for which the person would not be criticized if not performed; as by defintion the act is not an obligation but freely chosen without heed of repercussions to one's self.
          Today, our military troops and veterans are usually recognized as heroes, often being called "war heroes." Also hailed as heroes are law enforcement officers, firefighters, and emergency medical technicians or paramedics. And deservedly so. All these people perform acts that place their lives on the line and benefit society by securing our freedom and safety. They usually freely choose these walks of life; no one is telling them what to do. And many even donate their time to do these things, as in the case of volunteer firefighters and military troops. Would any of them be criticized for leaving their chosen walks of life? Hardly.
          I'm sure most of us TV viewers are aware of the annual "CNN Heroes" program, and there are many other media venues which bestow honors, often cash, on those whom they recognize as heroes. For example, kidnap survivor Elizabeth Smart has been honored formally, at least twice, as a hero. Once, PEOPLE magazine bestowed the honor on her by featuring her as one of the "heroes of the year" and last year, another venue recognized her as a hero, awarding Elizabeth $50,000 to fund her activist work. And many informally call her a hero. True, this young woman has survived horrific circumstances during her nine-month ordeal and has no doubt struggled much in her transition from victim to survivor. She is using her past traumas to benefit others; thus she wears the hero label. Temple Grandin, who has an IQ in the gifted range, has become hugely famous and successful and no doubt is the best-known highest-functioning autistic person who is living today and has risen above low expectations and her own personal challenges and differences. She is considered by many, in and out of the autism community, to be a hero who shows us all the odds that one can overcome to be all one can be. She has received many well-deserved honors and awards; she is using her challenges and her past in advocacy for the equal rights not only of autistic people but also of animals. Janice Smolinski, mother of missing Billy Smolinski, has, for the last seven years of her son's disappearance, been a tireless advocate for missing people and their families. She is frequently called a hero and deservedly so. Amidst her own nightmare, she has used social networking and other means to reach out to and show support to other families of missing people. She has worked endless hours to craft the proposed "Billy's Law" which is designed to put in place laws that would more effectively and efficiently find missing people and match many of them with unidentified people. There are many other high-profile examples of those who have transcended their own adversity for the help of others. But for every high-profile hero, there are many obscure, unsung heroes who are also transcending their adversity and personal odds and challenges or tragedies to help, bless, and advocate for others.
          The term "my hero" is often tossed around to refer to anyone a person admires or even likes. Today, it seems that many well-known people, including celebrities, are considered heroes or role models, as athletes and indeed anyone who appears on TV may. That is, unless a famous or successful person who performed acts considered wrong or criminal, they are often up for the hero label because they are "out there" and possess influence that others look up to. And people coming from backgounds of poverty, disability or abuse often are considered heroes and role models, and deservedly so, when they are able to become wealthy, famous and rise to positions of respect and prestige. I don't begrudge anyone who is able to "go from rages to riches" and "turn the scars into stars." This is what makes free countries like the US so unique, that anyone can come to the US and, if possessing dogged drive and determination and given the right set of opportunities and support, can transcend failure into overwhelming success by the world's definition. This is what our current President, Barak Obama, points out in a TV commercial when he was responding to accusations about his "lack of patriotism." For indeed, this is his story.
          But how accessible is heroism to the rest of us who may never be in the position to save a life by getting into a dramatic, dangerous situation, may lack the ambition, opportunities or support to achieve the worldly sucess that could inspire others or may not be qualified or be good fits for the positions considered as heroic by definition? If we want a society of courageous people, do we need to rely on people who have lived unually horrific lives, like a Jaycee Dugard or a war hero amputee, like Sen. Max Cleland? Need we rely on those whose walks of life call for dangerous feats to save lives or ensure our freedoms, for our need for a society of courageous people? Is drama required for heroism to come into play? No, I think not, and I don't think a just, fair God will judge us by the lack of opportunities to be heroes, to care enough about people to make great sacrifices for them and to transcend personal adversity through worldly success. In my Bible, I read about people whom Jesus honored but whom I doubt would ever have been considered heroes in their day--a foreign-born, "heathen" woman who prevailed with Him and whom Jesus commended for her faith, a woman who was healed of contant bleeding and whom Jesus also commended for her faith, and a blind man who wanted to see and whom Jesus praised for his faith. Jesus lavished praise on a prostitute who anointed Him with perfume and washed His feet with her tears. He praised her for her faith and love. Rahab, "the harlot" was one of those praised in the Book of Hebrews for her faith in hiding Israelite spies. I can cite many more examples of people praised in Scripture whom God honored but whose courage and faith would not have been noticed by our free culture.
          What does this mean for us? It means that, whatever choices are presented to us, we can all make choices, small and insignificant as these may seem to be in the scheme of things, where we transcend personal odds, tragedy or adversity to bless, help, advocate for and/or to inspire or encourage others. We can be involved in the saving of lives, as we seek to do our part in preventing/ending crime, abuse, suicide, bullying, poverty and other social ills. We can do many things beyond the call of duty just because we want to give back, to "pay it forward" and not because anyone is telling us to or expecting us to do these things.
          Above all, we can all trust ourselves to the greatest Hero of them all, the Son of God, Jesus Christ, Who did the most heroic thing ever performed in human history when He gave His life on a wooden cross for our sins and was raised for this being being raised to life again.

http://worldvision.org/. You can be a hero to a needy child; check this website out.

http://peace4missing.ning.com/. You can be a hero to families of missing people; join this social networking site.

http://talkaboutit.org.ning.com and https://www.facebook.com/#!/talkaboutitfoundation You can be a hero by educating yourself about the stigmatizing medical condition of epilepsy and helping to end the stigma by speaking out about it.

http://www.persecution.com/ You can be a hero to people of faith worldwide, who often suffer severe persecution for their faith; check out this website.

http://avoiceforneli.com/ You can be a hero to one wrongfully convicted, imprisoned young man with autism by checking out this website, educating yourself about him and seeing how you can help.

http://www.missingkids.com/ and http://www.lostnmissing.com/ You can be a hero to missing children and/or adults and their families; check out these websites.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/ You can be a hero to victims of bullying and even help save lives; check out this website.

http://www.childhelp.com/ You can be a hero to helpless children and help to prevent and end child abuse; check out this website.

https://www.facebook.com/800273TALK and http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/. You can be a hero to those who are in emotional distress and want to end their lives by educating yourself about suicide and through awareness and advocacy.

Do We Really Believe That Honesty is the Best Policy?

2011-12-05T14:50:00.000-08:00

          "Honesty is the best policy." How often do we hear this slogan; maybe we have even repeated it ourselves. Yet, in the culture of our free world, you ponder the widespread thefts, ethics violations, many different forms of cheating, deception and lies in all settings--it's clear that many among us don't see this principle as applicable to our own lives. Do we really believe that honesty is the best policy? Dishonesty has become so widespread in much of our free world, especially in the US and no doubt in other countries, that general background checks, including criminal background checks, are becoming more and more firmly entrenched in our culture and are growing more and more thorough. And when we seek volunteer positions with nonprofit organizations or places of worship, which often have not conducted general background checks or criminal background checks, we can expect more screening and more thorough screening. Why? Because our identities and the data we provide in applications and interviews can no longer be taken at face value. Among the honest, true individuals among us, criminals hiding their pasts lurk and to identify them we all must, more and more, pay the price of giving up a measure of our privacy and a zone of our civil rights in order to keep our society safer.
          There are countless instances of this massive dishonesty. Employer and executives of nonprofit organizations complain about misrepresentation, lying and even outright fraud on applications, not only about applicants' criminal histories, but also about accomplishments and achievements in education, employment and other areas which are covered on applications. They "cry foul" about ethics violations, fraud, theft or hidden criminal pasts that surface on the job or, increasingly, through background checks. In schools, cheating is alarmingly common among both faculty and students. In the workplace, stealing is common among both management and labor. Embezzlement and other widespread ethics violations prevail in the corporate world, in both for-profit and nonprofit organizations. I don't think I need to go into the countless political scandals that involve fraud, ethics violations and even crime. Need I go into the countless intances where secrets and lies within our families and in our places of worship so often tend to foster sick atmospheres where gossip and lack of trust flourish?
          What has made dishonesty so much a part of the free world? One need not be a psychologist to to be able to offer explanations for this, so I'll give it a whirl. Much of this begins right in the home. Many of us grew up in homes where we saw family members, even our parents, bend the truth; we may have even been told: "It's okay to tell a white lie." We may have witnessed family members lie on applications for jobs, benefits, income taxes or more. And so we absorbed the idea that, at least sometimes, it's okay to neglect the truth. Or, we may have grown up in abusive environments where we felt the need to lie, cheat or steal to survive. We may have, at some point in our lives, been in tough, even desperate economic situations where we have felt driven to lie on applications for jobs, benefits, or other services. Some may even resort to identity theft (stealing another's personal information, like a Social Security Number), to obtain those services or goods. And, as I do, I'm sure you may even hear people declare, cynically, "Forget about honesty being the best policy; you have to sometimes cheat, steal or lie to get by in this dog-eat-dog world." We may hear, "That wealthy company won't miss that little bit of money or goods; why not help yourself?"
          Because of all of this, we live in a culture where we can no longer trust each other and where our rights to privacy and our civil rights are slowly being eroded. Now, when we want secure employment or even a volunteer position with a nonprofit, we can count on an employer or executive looking up our information on the Internet, doing searches on us to see what we've been up to or what's been said about us. We can count on our profiles being visited for their evaluation purposes and anything we post can be used against us. Offline, we can always assume that anything we do can be caught on surveillance video or other means. It's sad that we have gone from an honor system where we trusted each other to do the right thing because it IS that, the right thing. Instead, we have gone to a system where we can no longer take each other at face value and are guilty until we are proven innocent. Trust, the foundation of all human relationships, is being eroded by all this widespread dishonesty.
          I can share many stories from my own life about this matter. I can recall only one intance in my life, as a child, when I was involved in theft, and my motive was to gain attention because I felt ignored. I received that attention for sure, but not the kind I wanted. At age 17, when I was under the influence of inappropriate prescription drugs and another substance, I recall lying to keep my habit going. Aside from this, I created for myself a personal code of ethics where I would commit myself to the truth and never knowingly or willingly lie, cheat, steal or deceive. Being human, I know I have and will no doubt, keep erring in even this area. A trait of autism, including high-functioning autism (HFA) and Asperger's Syndrome (ASD) is the tendency to be honest to a fault because of a rules-orientation (and truth is a rule). As I'm self-diagnosed with this condition, this may explain my devotion to the truth, even as I know that it's a Scriptural principle HOW we tell this truth--always in love. But aside from this point, there are a number of time, even as an adult, when honesty and full disclosure have backfired. Three separate times I have applied for volunteer positions, fully disclosing my medical conditions. In the third cases, as I had agreed to submit to a background check, including a criminal background check, I also disclosed my concerns over possible "red flags" that may show up in this background check. All to no avail. My application was still declined. Even though I realize that this screening is essential to a safer society and success and effectiveness in business, I can't shake the feeling that my integrity and honesty has been called into question and it has also shaken my own trust in people. Very sad.
          This gets me to this issue of autism and other neurological conditions or disabilities where people, in general, are marked by lack of guile and unfiltered sincerity and honesty. This is because so many in the disability culture don't have the social skills or the verbal skills or the cognitive capacity to engage in so many forms of the dishonesty which I have been discussing. I have already discussed my own experience with honesty. In the case of my daughter, who is formally disagnosed with autism, high-functioning, mainstreamed and on now on the honor roll, she tends to be very frank. Even when she shares negative information, it's seldom said in anger and never said in malice. I don't know what studies have been done on this, but do you hear of, for instance, many workers with disabilities being accused of or caught lying, stealing or being involved in ethics violations? In my opnion, it seems that
many in this culture have not absorbed the values that fuel so much widespread dishonesty. Maybe different neurological wiring is actually an advantage in some ways; this argues that difference may not be just "as good as" but in some ways "better than"!
          Being honest can indeed be risky and can even backfire, but the risks of dishonesty are even greater!

Can Real Friendships Result From Social Networking?

2011-12-02T15:08:00.000-08:00

          Friends. It seems that we all have different ideas of what this word means, whether we are referring to people we do things with or people who we attend school, work or worship services with. We may call friends people whom we correspond with via telephone, email, or traditional mail. And then there are those we call confidants, people we can confide in or whom we can call in the middle of the night. And there are friendships where we do things for each other. And then, many of us confuse acquaintances, people who merely say "Hello" when we encounter them in hallways or on the street, with friends. And now that more and more of us are using social networks to do just that, socialize, friendship is taking on a new meaning.
          I'm aware that there are people in my network who count some whom they know only online, as real friends who are worthy of their trust and respect. I have seen this most often among people whose personal stories of loss, tragedy or survival are well-known and resonate with many people and which many identify with. Since starting social networking about a year and a half ago, I have sought to show real friendship with people online, as much as can be done in this setting, through words of encouragement, support, feedback or even advice, reposting countless posts, supporting and joining causes, signing petitions, and more. But I'm aware that forming real, enduring friendships online very difficult. As I approach the 5000 friends limit, I can see that it is impossible to be a friend in the strict sense of the word, to many of these people.
          I'm aware, also, that many of us, young people and adults alike, turn to social networks because we aren't finding connection or understanding with people offline. This is particularly true in the community of families of missing people, who turn to social networking not only to aid them in the search for their missing loved ones, but to find support, comfort and friendship especially when they want to vent. This is also true in the disability community among many who feel that the only way they can self-advocate, express themselves and connect with people is through social networks. I know that I have social networking to thank for my ability for self-expression and even venting about my concerns and issues concerning stigma, disability and abuse. But as true as all this is, can we count on these people who may support us being there over time; can they count on us being there for them in the same way?
          On social networks, especially Facebook, I have seen many expressions of affection, support, empathy and solidarity. I have noticed, however, that much of this happens among people who know each other well, outside of certain social networks, through volunteering or working for the same nonprofits, sharing common goals or agendas, working in the same cause, sharing common life experiences or through having stories or experiences that many people identify with. This is much how it works offline too, right? And just as I have seen mant cliques in real life, among adults as well as among children, cliques abound online, if you are observant and use social networks regularly. The reason is simple: People comprise social networks.
          When I relate my own experience with this, I know that I speak for myself only and no one else,
especially in light of what I (and others who know me well) believe to be a undiagnosed form of high-functioning autism. I have always, even until this day, felt unable to successfully connect with people, especially offline and in-person. Online, I feel freer to express myself and talk about my concerns than I do in any offline setting. Often, however,I find myself envying people who post material that attracts many comments, often no matter what they post, while when I post similar or comparable material, I get fewer or even no comments. I tell myself that the difference is the relationships of the people involved and their personal, close connections with each other. On my birthday, when I had learned about an online sex offender taking revenge on me for reporting him by impersonating me and stealing my online identity to "clear" himself, I wrote a note on Facebook about my experience, hoping to get support and maybe guidance about how to handle this. I received neither. I tried not to take this personally but I couldn't shake the feeling that no one really cared, as I received no comments even after I reposted my note and encountered the same nonresponse on a fan page where I posted about my situation under a status about the value of each person. And this happened on my birthday!
          In my opinion, Facebook and other social networks tend to discourage real, enduring friendships where we work through differences, through the very way most of them are set up. Take the "unfriend" button that can be found at the top of each Facebook users's profile and in other forms on other social networks as well as the "Block" and "Report" buttons (which I know needs to be used if a user IS an ACTUAL threat) that can be found on each user's profile, on Facebook and most other social network sites. It's too easy to remove a person from our networks simply by wading through our friends' lists, hitting the "x" after their names and presto! they are gone. If, for any reason, you decide that you don't want to deal with a person online, you do not, as you may in-person, have to resolve the conflict or work through the difference. You can get rid of an annoying person by hitting the "x" name (as mentioned earlier) or by pulling up their profiles to get the "Unfriend" button and to hit it. You can even block them so you don't see them (nor they you) online. Where many of us would work things through in-person, in my opinion, it's all too easy, online, to "unfriend" or block people rather than to engage them and to resolve our conflicts. Isn't this one reason for the private message option on social networks? If we would use the private message option more and the "unfriend" option less, we may move closer to forming more real, enduring friendships online.
            In my own experience, I rarely "unfriend" or block people in my network unless I'm positive that I must do so, to protect myself from cyberstalking or worse). Never do I remove people for differing with me on political or religious issues, for promoting causes that I don't share their passion for, or because I don't "like" them. These are reasons that I have lost many Facebook friendships. Sometimes word would get back to me that people didn't like to see me fill their homepages with causes or charities; this has been true especially among those among my local friends or acquaintances. A few family members have "unfriended" and even blocked me without notice, but for what I suspect are legal reasons. Petty differences, misunderstandings and jealousy issues have caused a few people in the world of missing people to remove me from their networks, even to block me. It all makes me wonder what has happened to working together for a cause we all care about and transcending our differences and embracing one another? As I read my Bible, both in the Old and New Testaments, one of the things our God hates most is disunity among His people. The night before He died for us, Jesus prayed fervently for the unity of God's people throughout future generations. Do we want to be a part of what upsets our God?
          In my current social networking experience, I have come to realize, the hard way, that even people who appear to be legitimate and are considered so by others to be so and are even highly praised, may not be what they seem. People are not what they appear to be, in countless cases. I have, because of this and many life experiences, come to feel that I can trust very, very few people. And despite my efforts to be real and honest, it seems that the feeling is mutual. This atmosphere of distrust and suspicion, based on our wide-spread, dishonesty, is another reason friendships are so difficult to form. But the scams and online bullying, online harassment, predators online (not to mention offline) make it worse online.
          I have come to see that maybe, even for the sake of raising awareness about my causes, that adding too many people, especially those unknown even to those in my network, may not be a good idea. I have since learned that this can detract from connecting with real, dedicated friends and supporters as I am finding it harder and harder to keep up with all of these people. Daily, I make it a point to leave birthday greetings on the Facebook Walls of each of my friends celebrating birthdays that day or the day before, or in private messages. There are people, mostly males, who want to chat with me just to chat and "get to know me better." I'll chat for awhile or I'll just ignore the Chat feature. I realize the soundness of the idea of "cleaning out" one's friends lists of people who don't correspond with you, whom you suspect may be fake profiles, or to who you can't be the kind of friend they want or even demand (asking for money or romance, for example). In short, it's fine to find many people who will support your cause and help you get the word about it, but awareness should not come at the cost of real friends.
          Maybe a smaller friends list consisting of real, devoted friends and supporters is much better than a large list of many "friends" who are more than numbers in your network.

Here are some fine social networking sites where, depending on how active you become there, you can make good connections and form real friendships.

http://www.talkaboutitfoundation.org This is a social networking site for people with epilepsy, their families and for people who simply want to show support.

http://www.grasp.org/ This is a social networking site for young people and adults with autism, for their families and for those who simply want to show support.

http://peace4missing.ning.com/   This is a social networking site for families and friends of the missing, for victims/survivors of crime or abuse or who simply want to show support.

http://www.porchpatrol.com/ This is a social networking site for all those who hold value family and children and who want a safer society for all.

Let's Strive to Unite Politics

2011-11-29T14:09:00.000-08:00

          Fewer and fewer of us approve of the performance of our politicians. According to polls, in the US, the approval ratings for Congress is not much more than 30 percent. I know of so many people who question the very motives and integrity of all polticians. "They're all crooks," one person has commented. Isn't there a saying, "Politicians are crooks"?
          Is corruption unavoidable when one fills a position of power? Yes, there is a saying that "power corrupts and that absolute power corrupts absolutely." Our God and Creator fills the position of absolute power and authority but He is not only infinitely holy and sovereign but He is also forever loving and merciful. Many of His people who fill positions of power and authority have modeled His image to humanity, like Mother Teresa, the Rev. Billy Graham, the lesser-known, local Rev. Larry Rice, among many otherswho have led by example and have identified with those whom they serve. Yet it seems that far more often, positions of any kind of power and authority have become closely tied to corruption, greed and even criminal behavior. But this is especially true of politics. It seems that, on a regular basis, the greed, questionable ethics, corruption or crimes of the powerful continue to surface through all media outlets. We observe how they change their positions on issues and fear taking unpopular stands. It can be easy to conclude, "They are all paid off by Big Business."
We may even hear sound bytes of certain politicians getting testy with constituents or with each other; far more frequently, we feel that they simply don't listen to us.
          It doesn't help when they debate on high-stakes issues like a national budget and engage in partisan bickering about how to cut the budget; we see how they consider making cuts to services and programs vital to out well-being, like education, law enforcement and funding for hospitals, among others. It does nothing for our confidence in them when they consider making cuts to programs that the most vulnerable use to survive, as is happening in the US and, I understand, in the UK. Seniors, those with disabilities and the poor are petrified about losing their benefits. Unemployment in the US remains high and people continue to lose their homes; if we have escaped unemployment and foreclosure, then many of us are concerned about being next. In the face of all this, it should not be any problem for our politicians to insist that millionaires and billionaires pay their fair share in the form of higher taxes (I have nothing against great weath but only against the wealthy being exempt from paying their fair share in an ailing economy). But many of them rail against the very idea!
          So much of the behavior of those in power stems from the fact that they are, in essence, bought and sold. Their poltical campaigns are largely funded by special interest groups and super-rich individuals who are able to fund their campaigns. These wealthy are able to "wine and dine" our politicians for lobbying purposes. So many of us get disgusted with it all and just stay home on election day; in thee US, we are even less motivated to vote in mid-term elections, the primaries, and local elections. I plead guilty to this.
          But we must not let our discouragement with the political process and our frustration and even disgust with those in power, cause us to give up! Too much is at stake. Whether we are aware of it or not, politicians wield power over our lives, all the way from conception (abortion vs. right-to-life) all the way to death (death taxes, wills and estates). Their decisions and their policies impact all of our lives, in our schools, our workplaces, our neighborhoods and even our homes. Deep down, we all know this and this is why we so often blame them when things go wrong in our societies and in our lives. Yet, realistically, since our politicians, like us, are human beings with differing worldviews and philosophies which guide their politics, do we tend to expect too much from them? What should we expect when our votes are based on candidates' looks, their charisma (or lack of it), and on often misleading, defamatory political ads and the rants of those who specialize in ramming their own political views down our throats?
          Yes, I know that it's easier and takes much less effort to go by appearances and by ads rather than to take the time and effort to do the needed checks on candidates and to research politicians voting records and evidence for their character and integrity. Therefore, our votes should be based on candidates' positions on issues we value, their character and integrity and above all, their willingness to stand for what they believe in and to advocate for us. And I'm the first to admit that it takes hard woork and is time-consuming to research our politicians and who they really are. For years, it took me the longest time to work out my own views on issues and to not blindly follow the views of others, or let my family, my church or others dictate what I should believe and how I should vote. For the longest time, I felt alienated from many in my life because my views tended to clash with theirs. Even today, when I share nonpartisan posts about causes or pages online for the purposes of finding common ground in politics, I tend to receive nasty or hateful comments vilifying my perceived partisanship. It's unfortunate how, so often, we can't discuss politics without losing perspective or letting our emotions get tied up in it all. When we clash on political isues and on the politicians we support, we behave as though the other person is our enemy. I have heard things like: "Democrats have no morals," "Republicans don't care about the poor," "Democrats are weak on defense," "Republicans oppose anything that helps people," "Democrats aren't religious," "Republicans are the party of big business and the wealthy." And I can go on and on. I know I have echoed some of these feelings about the major US political parties; I know I often think these things. But these stereotypes won't help us make informed decisions about electing good candidates; only unbiased research and prayer about our voting will.
          Yes, I know that in the US, we are a system of two major political parties, with a number of "minor" parties. At their root, Republicans and Democrats hold opposing philosophies about what the role of government should be in our daily lives. As a Christian, I'm offended at how those of my faith are stereotyped as "the religious right" and are expected to vote Republican; I have even heard Christans say, "God is a Republican"! I'm saddened at how Democrats are seen as less moral, less patriotic, less religious, and less family-centered, than Republicans. And I'm most frustrated when we pit "conservative" moral issues like abortion, euthanasia, and religious freedom abuses, with "liberal" issues like poverty, all forms of injustice, and human rights abuses. As I read my Bible, both the Old and New Testaments, I can see that all these issues are important to our God and He cares about all of them. Republicans, Jesus spent much of His earthy, public ministry reaching out to the poor, the sick, the dying and the down-and-out; His words about Judgement Day make it chear that we will be judged according to how we have treated the vulnerable and the needy. Democrats, God has clear standards for our behavior, which is why He sent His perfect Son to live, die and rise again to atone for the wrongs of imperfect, sinful humanity.
          Remember, the powerful are us; we vote for them and they come from among us. With some soul-searching and effort, we need to work toward finding common ground and finding unity in diversity.


Common Cause--Holding Power Accountable; this is a nonpartisan organization that advocates for citizens in many different ways.
http://www.commoncause.org/site/pp.asp?c=dkLNK1MQ

The Center for Public Integrity--This is a nonpartisan association of investigative journalists who hold those in power accountable.
http://www.publicintegrity.org/20 years/

Project Vote Smart--This is a nonpartisan, unbiased, informative resource website, which empowers citizens in making informed choices about political candidates.
http://www.projectvotesmart.org/

          .

Safety & Accountability vs. Civil Rights & Privacy

2011-11-26T18:38:00.000-08:00

          Politicians' unethical, immoral, or even illegal behaviors become exposed through potical scandals. Trusted, well-respected people in postions of trust, even doctors, teachers, or sports coaches, often shock us when we learn about their acts of abuse or exploitation of those whom they are supposed to protect and serve. Employees, over and over, are discovering that their lies, thefts, and other nonviolent and violent crimes continually surface through background checks or through being caught in the act on the job. Corruption and ethics violations abound among those in higher-level postions of prestige and power, including among CEO's. Corporate greed has become so institutionalized for so long that many people, fed up with it, have formed "Occupy" movements to voice their displeasure and disgust with it all. Volunteers, over and over, find themselves being caught in acts of abuse, exploitation, ethics violations, or other crimes, often through background checks. And, thanks to all forms of media where we can get our news, we continue to hear, constantly, about murders, rapes, abuse, expoitation, greed, and about a host of other nonviolent and violent crimes. Today, those of us raising or caring for minor children must be hypervigilant in protecting them, not only from bullies who run rampant and do their dirty work not only in schools and communities, but also on social networks. We cannot relax our guard in keeping our minor children safe from predators not only in-person but also online. Thanks to all of this, we can count on security cameras and other devices monitoring our every move, as all forms of evil and crime get worse and worse and become more exposed via media outlets.
          What does all of this add up to? Because we live in a so-called "post September 11 era," thanks to our heightened concern and awareness about terrorism, and because media outlets and technology enable crimes of all kinds to become exposed, we are all being watched more carefully. This is true whether we are aware of it or not. Because of this, we are a little safer as there is much more awareness and advocacy about terrorism, nonviolent and violent crime and all forms of abuse. People in positions of power and prestige are being held accountable for their actions. Criminals are finding it harder and harder to hide.
          I remember even before Sept. 11, that I was doing a school assignment for a class and interviewing someone in a local pregnancy help center which helped girls and women facing crisis pregnancies. As I was talking to the woman I was assigned to and we walked by the room that held maternity clothes and other items for clients, I could not miss how she guarded the front of the maternity room from me as though she was certain that I would enter it and help myself to some of the items for myself. I was offended and hurt at being treated like a potential thief, guilty until proven innocent. But in a culture where stealing abounded and where this woman, not knowing me or my character, was worried about these donated goods and acted on her feelings.
          This is one example of how all of the heightened monitoring and surveillance can border on being intrusive, heavy-handed and intimidationg. Since so much of our lives is now documented and on online records, our past mistakes can come back to haunt us if we look for a apply for employment, a loan, entrance to higher education, an apartment, to buy a home or to seek to volunteer our services to nonprofits. Today, anyone who runs for elected office in politics or who has celebrity status can count on one thing: Most things of a questionable nature in their pasts are probably going to come out for exposure at some point. For better or worse, people are being emboldened to "come forward" with allegations of crime or abuse by  the famous or the powerful, and I realize that many of these accusations are legitimate and are coming from true victims/survivors. But too many people have brought false accusations, also. Also, we have become a very litigious society, suing even our own family members; so many today file frivolous lawsuits having nothing to do with loss of life, health, or substantial financial or other serious losses. Because of all this and more, we live in an atmosphere of suspicion and distrust. Much of it is justified but it just means that, in essence, we are guilty until proven innocent. This saddens me.
          Because of all this and because of our heightened safety and security awareness, when we want to rent an apartment, secure a loan, apply to college or graduate school, find a job, buy a home, or serve as a volunteer through a nonprofit, we can count on getting background checks and screenings and on those checks and screenings becoming more and more thorough. Because dishonesty is so commonplace, our identities and what we say on applications and at interviews are no longer taken at face value. I realize the immense value of background checks and screening in safeguarding the best interests for-profit companies and nonprofit organizations, their own personnel, their clients and the general public. Background checks and screening serve as deterrents to predators and other harmful people; therefore we can count on them becoming more and more a part of our culture in our free world.
          As for social networking, because online bullies, scams, and other online evils and crimes are so commonplace, to survive and keep our families and ourselves safe, we cannot take anyone's identity or word at face value anymre but must verify these if we can. If you and I are in the same social network, for example, but we do not know each other outside the context of social network sites, it is hard for either of us to prove to the other that we are the honest, true people that we know ourselves to be and which those we know face-to-face know us to be. For many predators and criminals have a way of mixing in with all the good, true people online and can be very tough to identify the bad, harmful people. Accountability is catching up with the Internet.
          We should be thankful for for our ever-increasing accountability, though few of us want this "gift," as through it we all become safer. But many of us are concerned that accountability not be taken too far, intrude too much on privacy rights or restrict our civil liberties too much. As more and more crimes and scandals surface, and more and more legislation tends to be proposed. Maybe what may be needed is to improve existing legislation. We do not want to become a police state where government does not trust us to handle our daily affairs.
           It is called trust but verify.

Thank you, God

2011-11-24T06:58:00.000-08:00

Thank you, my God, that because of the many ways that You have blessed each and every one of us, whatever troubles we endure or needs we have, every day can be thanksgiving;

Thank you, my God, for without You and Your goodness we could not observe even one official Thanksgiving Day;

Thank you, my God, that You were there long before I was conceived in my 15-old young mother;

Thank you that You were there when the news of my conception was met, not with joy, but with heartbreak and anger;

Thank you for Your goodness and Your wisdom in planning me, though I was unplanned; thank you that You love and bless every person regardless of the circumstances of our conception;

Thank you for being You, good, holy and loving;

Thank you for being there during my childhood years when my cluster of neurobiological problems caused others in my life to often react to me with frustration, confusion, and even anger; thank You that You are not limited by our pasts to bless us so we can bless others;

Thank You that You were there when my devoted, well-meaning but overwhelmed and uneducated young mother was not given the resources and support she needed to understand me and teach me as I needed;

Thank You for You for the current scientific discoveries and for the minds You have given to those who have made them, so now I'm able to make sense of the senseless;

Thank You for being You, good, holy and loving;

Thank You that You were there when I was led to believe that attending worship services was more a matter of looking good and avoiding any appearance of difference, rather than attending and participating out of a deep sense of need for You and love for You;

Thank You that You were there when much ignorance flourished when it came to addressing the special needs of the many children in my generation; thank You for all the discoveries, awareness and advocacy of those who have done so much to undo this ignorance;;

Thank You that because of this, the children of this generation, and future generations, will benefit from what we have been learning;

Thank you for being You, good, holy and loving;

Thank You that You were there when my differences in thinking, behavior and learning causes the bullies in my school and neighborhood to do their thing with me, repeatedly;

Thank You that You were there when my bullying experiences were met with adult ignorance, insensitivity and indifference; thank you for my parents who did try, all to no avail, to get help;

Thank You that You possess the grace and the power to redeem any experience, at any time in our lives, so that we can serve You and bless others;

Thank You for being You, good, holy and loving;

Thank You that You were there when I tried to connect with You and to understand Your ways but did not have any understanding of Your grace;

Thank You for Your tireless efforts to reach me through the devout adults You placed in my life, especially my wonderful, loving, late grandmother;

Thank You that long before I ever sought You, You were seeking me; thank You that long before any of us ever reach out to You, it is only because You have been seeking us first;

Thank You for being You, good, holy and loving;

Thank You that You were there when I was internalizing my life experiences and believing that I was basically bad, lacking, and without options or hope;

Thank You that You were there when my emotional baggage kept me from understanding Your grace, Your wisdom and Your ways and from reaching out to others;

Thank You for Your peerless grace to me and to each one of us;

Thank you for being You, good, holy and loving;

Thank You that You were there, even when I reached the breaking point in coping and I reacted defensively;

Thank You for Your grace and Your forgiveness even when inappropriate drug therapy and my other addictions caused me to act out in ways which to this day make me cringe;

Thank You for graciously putting in my life a few people who modeled Your grace and Your love;

Thank You for being You, good, holy and loving;

Thank You that You were there through my early adult years as I entered the world of typical people, most unprepared to relate to them and to understand a world I did not feel a part of;

Thank You that You were there as I was trying to "pass as normal," and to find my place in a world where for those of us who were differently-wired there was no place;

Thank You that You have a place and a plan for each and every one of us no matter who we are or where we have been;

Thank You for being You, good, holy and loving;

Thank You for meeting me as as I came to realize Your grace to me in that in Your Son Jesus You have made me right with you, as is Your way with all of us who come to believe in and love You;

Thank You that because of what You did in Christ through giving Your life on a cross and returning back to life, You can treat me as though I had lived Your life and You, mine;

Thank You offer Your grace and Your salvation to every person;

Thank You for being You, good, holy and loving;

Thank You that You are with me today today even as stress, interpersonal conflict and perceived or real hurts cause me to easily withdraw;

Thank You for Your grace to me even when past experience causes me to distrust people, even Your people, this very day;

Thank You for what You are making of me and will make of me;

Thank You for being You, good, holy and loving.

Stigma

2011-11-21T10:06:00.000-08:00

          There are some things we just don't talk about, sometimes not even with our own families. When these things are mentioned, we tend to get uncomfortable, cringe, sidestep these issues by calling them other names or changing the subject or skirting these issues altogether. It is called stigma and is defined as as possessing a personal trait that society doesn't value, discredits or even despises. Stigma results in codes of silence that allow secrets to fester and that allow many of out social problems to continue. It results in the stigmatized individuals often keeping silent out of shame and fear and believing lies.
          In the past, cancer used to be stigmatized and was not talked about, but thanks to courageous celebrities and others who began talking about their own battles with various cancers, we talk about it openly and this has opened the door to reaching out to cancer victims/survivors and fundraising and other efforts to prevent/end cancer. Today, we feel free to say the word cancer and to talk about our own experiences with it. Teen pregnany used to carry a horrible stigma, and teen mothers were forced to go into hiding and secretly make adoption plans for their unborn children. Or if they chose to parent their children, as my mother did (she was 16 when she gave birth to me), they faced many hardships and their children often grew up fighting differences in learning, behavior, and other differences and often were tracked into lives of lasting disadvantage. But thanks to efforts to set up pregnancy services to those facing unplanned pregnancies and through laws making adoption more attractive to such people as well as to prospective adoptive parents, such a stigma has much decreased. And the outcomes of people with unplanned pregnancies and their children today are much better than they were for my mom and for me in the 1960s!
          The stigma remains against HIV AIDS, though through awareness and advocacy, society has come to realize the origins of this condition and that it can happen to anyone. But much more needs to be done in this area and with reduced stigma and contined advocacy and awareness, we have much more of a chance to prevent/end HIV AIDS. And much more needs to be done for HIV AIDS prevention worldwide and for many children who have so tragically lost their parents to AIDS. And the stigma contines for epilepsy, even though it has lessoned a little. However, because of the continued stigma and the code of silence in talking about it, advocacy and fundraising efforts are being hindered as well as the attitudes of the public. Efforts continue and advances and scientific discoveries continue to be made. In an earlier blog post, I discussed my experience with epilepsy and stigma; I know many others can tell similar stories. If you want to include obesity (being over 20 perecent overweight) as a medical condition under this discussion, we all know there is definitely a stigma against anyone who is obese in many different ways and in society's attitudes toward the obese person. (No, I do advocate that if people have it in their power to prevent/end obesity, they need to do so, for the sake of their own health, as obesity carries many health risks.) Often people do "eat themselves" into this condition, but many others are obese for complex reasons, including medication side effects, glandular conditions, especially of the thyroid, certain medical conditions and more. As people come to see that the causes of obesity are often complex, the stigma of obesity should keep decreasing.
          Mental illness definiely carries stigma; its stigma may not be quite as bad as in the past, thanks to the fundraising efforts and advocacy of brave individuals who have come forward to talk about their experiences with different forms of mental illness. But the stigma remains. The "insanity defense" and the high-profile true crime cases which have involved criminals with suspected (or actual) mental illness, have worsened this stigma. Though I realize the need to expose such crime cases and others to society to keep us safe, the media need to present these cases in such a way so as not to prepetuate the myth that most people with mental illnesses are dangers to society. Actually, most people with mental illness are more dangerous to themselves than they are to society; most of them are harmless. It's true that when people with certain mental illnesses don't take their medications or are not diagnosed properly, they as individuals may become dangers to others. But in most cases, most need to be protected from themselves rather than need society protected from them. In my first blog post, I mention my experience with misdiagnosis and being ""treated" with psychiatric medications which actually resulted in my becoming psychotic. I entered the world of those with mental illness for months; it was awful and traumatic!
          Abuse or crime, especially domestic violence in any form and sexual abuse, carry stigma even though many brave survivors and advocates have come out with their stories and this has lessoned the stigma somewhat. Witness how difficult it is for us to bring up the topic of sexual abuse with our children, while we know that we must do this to empower them to protect themselves. There is a wealth of resources for victims/survivors of various forms of abuse or crime; however, more needs to be done and I predict it will keep being done as we see victims/survivors of abuse or crime keep sharing their stories, and advocating. The same holds true for various addictions from substance abuse to eating disorders to harding to other addictions; as people keep coming forward to share their stories, we can talk about these things and people will be empowered to, over time, overcome their addictions.
          There is a stigma attached to neurological conditions like autism, Asperger's Syndrome (and to a lesser degree, to general learning disorders, ADD, ADHD, Tourette's Syndrome, among others). In one of my first blog posts, called "What is Autism?" I have told about my own lifetime experience with this and with being wrongly diagnosed, given treatments I did not need and often being sent to schools that added to my stigma. And I discuss much of the anguish I have suffered, how it has affected my quality of life and its effects on me to this day. I'm thankful that special education and education, in general, as well as scientific discoveries, have much improved since my childhood, teen years and young adulthood. But there remains a hidden, "lost generation" of people with undiagnosed conditions who today languish in jails or prisons, remain unemployed, or exists on the fringes of society, including among the homeless. Some fortunate individuals have been able to get diagnosed properly as adults and have carved out niches for themselves (ex., Liane Willey-Holliday and Stephen Shores) but most are not so blessed. Much more needs to be done to bring healing and hope this this "lost generation" through advocacy and research.
          The stigma of suicide is well-known. Sadly, I have known of pastors who have stated that they would not conduct funerals of families of loved ones who have ended their lives or who will not grant families assurance abut the eternal fates of their loved ones. My position is that God, while He is indeed infinitely holy, is also infinitely loving and merciful and that He does not see things the way that humans do. And the stigma affects families of troops or veterans in the US who have ended their lives, as for many years, they have not even received letters of condolence from the US government.
(Thankfully, the government is addressing this). Thanks survivors telling their own stories and to the advocacy of groups and organizations, the stigma of suicide is decreasing. But it is still there and more needs to be done.
          The stigma of being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transsexual is well-known. Whatever our own fellings about sexual orientation and what religious convictions we have that affect how we see homosexuality, those with different sexual orientations from the norms are human beings with the same rights as any of the rest of us. Even those with religious convictions about God's plan for our sexuality must see that He, in His infinite holiness, sees sins of jugmentalism, self-righteousness, hate, prejudice, bigotry, and other "respectable" sins with the same sadness and displeasue as He does sexual sins, which are well-known and do not need mentioning here. Sin is sin and when we see that God treats us all the same, stigmatizing because of sexual orientation is just as evil as stigmatizing for any other reason. Another reason we must end this stigma is because of the many people who silently struggle with same-sex thoughts even in churches, even against their convictions. The last things such people need is to be lectured or judged! They need safety and support and this will never happen as long as this stigma remains. This issue needs to keep being talked about.
          I can go on and on about stigma, but it is the reason so many of our social problems which we deplore, continue. It is because people "don't talk about these things" in the hope that by ignoring these issues, they soomehow will go away on their own. But there are many wounds that no amount of time will heal. We must talk about them and we must deal with them.

And I Have Been A Bystander

2011-11-18T18:25:00.000-08:00

          As I have been, like so many others who follow the news, been hearing about the tragic stories of the alleged rapes of young boys and the refusal of people to intervene in the behalf of these alleged victims, I, like many others, have been sickened. And this has gotten me thinking about the "bystander effect" where many of of do not, whether because of fear, ignorance or plain indifference, do not intervene when involvement is called for. This applies to any situation where people are being abused, bullied, exploited, harmed or simply ignored and we are able to do something about it.
          This is an unpleasant post for me to write, as I do not like to dwell on my past failures in this regard. But as we cannot change the past, in realizing this, I can only hope and pray that I have learned about the effect of the "bystander effect" on me. And I hope that sharing my past failures in this regard will make this applicable to us all.
          My first example of my failure in this regard is when I attended an all-day camp. We worked on making various crafts, including homemade soap. At one point, some girls kept harrassing one of the girls who was sitting quietly and passively at the front table, pointing at her and saying things like, "It's your fault!" and "Stop it!" I didn't see that the girl herself was causing any trouble; it seemed that these girls just disliked this girl and wanted to trash her for some reason. The camp counselor at the table where this girl was, asked her, "And what about it? What do you have to to say about this?" She said nothing. The other girls, gloating, cried something like, "That's what you get!" I didn't know this girl's side of the story, but it seemed like she was being unfairly targeted. Responding to my well-meaning parents' training to "mind my own business" at all costs (and I do not fault them), I said nothing but felt guilty at my inaction.
          My second example is not just being a bystander but "trying to fit" in by going along with the my offending peers. Aged 13, I attended Cadette Girl Scouts. In the troop was another girl who shared some of my same challenges. As this was at the church-based school I attended for two years, I experienced my share of bullying from especially the girls. In this case it was one afternoon when some girls decided to engage in bad teasing and disability slurs toward this other girl. Wanting, I guess, to avoid being bullied by these girls and wanting to be "cool" and to "fit in," I participated in their bad teasing, even though I actually liked the other girl. I composed a poem which derided this girl and though I threw it in the trash and don't recall that she saw it, I still cringe today at my one memory of being a part of bullying and part of the problem.
          Another example was in my early adulthood, in a large singles group. The man in question was not actually ever bullied but was merely ignored (in some ways worse than being bullied). He was nonverbal and never spoke a word. I felt sorry for this man as, after all, I identified with him. Yet I didn't speak to him, either. In this case, I think it was because we didn't know how to approach this man nor could we predict how he would react, but also our motive may have been that we took it for granted that someone else would do it--reach out to this man. Sadly, this did not happen.
           One more example was when I was, again, a young adult and was walking around the lake of our local park. I loved this activity and did much walking outdoors during my earlier adult years, before the awareness of the presence of predators and kidnappers. On this one afternoon, I was striding along on the walking trail when two young children approached the lake, unattended. Where were their parents? I didn't see them. When I didn't see the parents, I merely kept an eye on these children and was relieved when an adult collected them. I don't really remember this incident, but once I told mom; no doubt recalling how she had raised me to "mind my own business" at all costs, she told me, "You should have gone to the community center and called 911."
          This "bystander effect" does obvious damage to those on whose behalf we fail to act, from increasing their victimization to making them feel that they are not worth anyone's involvement to even worse, risking their safety. But it also damages us in that every time we fail to act, it gets easier and easier to succumb to the "bystander effect" the next time. In my case, I hope and pray that I have learned my lesson and that I'm redeeming these instances of my succumbing to the "bystander effect" by reaching out to those in the community when others often will not. I don't want in any way to resemble those people in the recent news who had allegedly witnessed child molestation and failed to seek the help of authorities.
           Abuse and bullying are everyone's business.

This Week (Nov.14-18) is Anti-Bullying Week

2011-11-15T15:26:00.000-08:00

          In honor of the focus of this week being on bullying awareness, this is my current topic. I think that most of us agree that bullying should be prevented and ended. Yet it has, sadly, been high-profile cases of young people who have ended their lives because of cyberbullying (Megen Meier and Phoebe Prince) and extreme bullying violence (Michael Brewer and Josie Ratley), which has brought awareness to this issue. Sadly, I doubt it if computers had not come of age and bullying had not gone high-tech and entered cyberspace, we would be taking it seriously or be talking about it, much less be covering it in the media or proposing legislation to address it. This makes me wonder, why does it so often take tragedies to propel us to outrage, advocacy and action?
           This is my bullying experience: As a child and teen, I was a magnet for bullies because of my differences; I walked, acted and thought differently. Yet, at that time, there were no proper scientific discoveries or autism spectrum diagnostic screenings; the concept of autism spectrum disorders did not exist then; my differences of behavior were assumed to be purely that--behavioral. Thus, adults often got angry and frustrated and they would react to me by verbally abusing me with hurtul remarks such as: "You just don't want to learn," "You do it on purpose," "You are spoiled," and "You are lazy" and "You will not make it in life." Adults would tell mom things like, "You have the worst-behaved child I ever saw," "What an animal you have raised," "You need to get control of your problem child," and "She needs a good whipping." These remarks would be spoken in my presence or float back to me, and I heard these things so often that I convinced myself that they were true and always would be.
          My peers? Many of them took note of my differences and saw a great target. Yes, I know that when I was growing up, cyberbullying was not yet an issue, as it widespread computer use didn't yet exist. For this I'm certainly grateful, as many of us should be. Yet, the lack of awareness and adult intervention and the silent message that the victim was to blame, brought stress and trauma of their own plus lifelong emotional scars. This has been the case with me and I know it has been also for many others of my generation. In my case, I got the message that I was not only fundamentally bad because of my widespread bullying, but that I wasn't worth adult intervention and involvement. My peers, especially during my middle-school years, bullied me mentally, emotionally, and physically. They called me "Retard," Ugly," "Four-eyes," "Crippled," "Stupid," "Slow," and other labels not fit to be printed. In the 9th grade, I spent the school year suffering bullying on a daily basis. My parents, at one point, brought two of my bullies to the attention of a local law enforcement officer. They were told that, because of these girls' bad home life, he would not hold them accountable or do anything, as he felt sorry for them. Message? I was not worth adult investment. It was my fault. Bullies had all the rights, especially when they had problems of their own.
          The following year, I found myself back in special classes (which I attended often during my childhood), where I remained for the rest of my school years. There, we were taught a watered-down curriculum, and the focus was on reforming our behaviors. I was withdrawn, while most of my peers were aggressive. Message? It was all my fault! My former school, rather than holding my bullies accountable and securing help for them to deal with their anger and other issues, got rid of me, their victim. Therefore, I grew up feeling deprived of much of my childhood or an education. I entered adulthood with feelings of fear, anxiety, shame, low self-worth, petty jealousies, many trust issues and hypersensitivity to any hint of rejection. To some degree, this emotional baggage follows me to this very hour; when I experience depression, relational conflict or encounter drama, this emotional baggage resurfaces.
          And so I can testify from my own experience that bullying, any form of bullying, if sustained and frequent, leaves lifelong emotional scars. Now, I'm aware that teasing and bullying are often described in the same sentence. I know that there is good teasing, done by children or people of any age, that is done because we like each other and feel comfortable with each other. I know there is bad teasing that is done because differences are not tolerated. Good teasing is not bullying. No, I'm talking about any form of behavior that is done out of hate, jealousy or because differences are not tolerated; this IS bullying.
          Cyberbullying? At the risk of being politically incorrect, I see a simple (if not easy) way to prevent and end much cyberbullying: Stay off social networking sites where bullying occurs. Keep children off these networks as long as possible! Of course, I know that many people must use computers for their schoolwork or their jobs or for business reasons. I'm talking about recreational social networking.
          I'm thankful for the awareness, advocacy, and efforts to prevent and end bullying, all forms of bullying. For the sake today's youth and future generations, I can only hope and pray that we will make this happen. And we can do many things to prevent and end bullying. Perform acts of kindness. Be good parents to our children. Teach them to be kind to others. Reach out to bullies and help them deal with their anger and other issues. Embrace and celebrate differences. Speak out against bullying when we see it. You can probably add many other ideas.
          Practice and teach respect for ALL life and for ALL people; this would address what I see as the root cause of bullying.


http://www.stopbullying.gov/ This is a government-sponsored website full of resources, support and information for how to prevent and end all forms of bullying.

http://bullyinglte.wordpress.com/ This is an anti-bullying blog and forum where readers can submit bullying stories and read about others' experiences.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/In-Loving-Memory-Of-Bullycide-Victims-Everywhere-RIP/168893976491110/ This is a Facebook page set up to show how bullying can kill through keeping alive the memories of those who have taken their lives because of the bullying they had endured, and to give a forum to victims/survivors.

On Surface Relationships vs. Caring Relationships

2011-11-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

          This is a sample of a typical conversation, wther in schools, in the workplace, in places of worship and even (dare I say it?) in some families, indeed, in any setting:
         "Hi," you say to the other person you are encountering, "How are you doing?"
         "Oh, I'm just fine, can't complain," the other person says. "And you?"
         "Oh," you say, "I'm doing just fine also, can't complain here, either."

         Typical conversation? I wonder how many times we all say, "Oh, I'm doing just fine," or hear the same thing from others, when this is very far from the truth. Right? I wonder what would happen if, when we are asked how we are doing, we would be more open and more candid. Would we dare say, "How am I doing? I'm petrified because I have just been diagnosed with cancer or heart disease (or some other serious condition). I'm fearful about losing my job. I have lost my job. I'm petrified of losing my home. My home is going into foreclosure. I"m a victim of abuse or crime. I'm having lots of pain. I have lost a loved one. I need your help." You get the point.
         And when we ask a typical person during the day, "How are you doing?" do we really want to know how that person is actually doing? I think this is what strikes us about Jesus in the Gospels. According to an account, when He was exhausted and saw that huge crowds of people wanted to see Him, it is recorded, "and he had pity on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd, and he taught them many things that they needed to know." (Mark 6:34 TLB).
          Don't get me wrong. I know that it is not wise or appropriate to reveal our personal emotions or problems with every person we encounter in a day. It is not even realistic. We would get nothing done if we entered into a messy conversations with everyone we encounter in a day. There are many relationships where we are wise to keep our exchanges confined to light exchanges and to social small talk. There are many people with whom we can never be friends. My problem with all this superficiality is that we often maintain superficial relationships where we can and should go deeper.
         Take relationships in our places of worship, where, because of the nature of our relationships, potential exists for much caring. Yet in so many of our places of worship, particularly in more affluent and larger ones, our exchanges tend to be marked by light exchanges and social small talk rather than than by trust, openness, and authentic caring and sharing. This is very unfortunate. Why is this?
In my opinion, so much of this is because in our free world, our places of worship are seen as "museums for the worthy and the respectable and the beautiful people" rather than as "hospitals for those who are sick with moral maladies, emotional baggage or who have been pummeled by life." Right?
         In my own experience, I recall that as a child, my grandmother took me to worship services (later, I was simply dropped off). Always, my siblings and I would be forced to submit to my grandmother's inspection of how we were dressed. Now don't get me wrong. Bless my late grandmother's heart, she loved God and her church but she focused too much on keeping up with appearances. As a child, when I entered my place of worship, I had to "look perfect" and "act perfect." There was less emphasis on attendance out of our deep sense of our need for God in this world and our love for Him and His people. And later, when I entered adulthood full of emotional baggage from a troubled childhood and youth, when I interacted with people in my places of worship, I felt the burden to "pass as one of them" and to avoid stigmatizing myself by revealing my past or my present challenges. And I wonder how many others were doing these exact same things and still do, in so many places of worship. Especially larger, more affluent ones.
         Even in families, we tend the skirt the real, pressing, festering issues that plague so many of us. So many of us have topics that are simply "off-limits" and which we know we had better keep secret or else we will suffer repercussions. This causes a sick atmosphere where secrets, suspicions and lies pile up--often for decades and even being passed from one generation to another.
         In person and online, I have noticed that, over and over again, caring relationships and authentic sharing take place when people suffer losses and tragedies. I wonder if this is one answer to the age-old question, "Why does God allow us to suffer?" Could one reason be that sorrow, loss and tragedy draw us to each other to care for each other?
         Isn't this just about what we call "keeping it real"?

An Open Letter to All Veterans

2011-11-10T17:27:00.000-08:00

          Whether you served in the reserves or on active duty (or both);
          Whether you served on one "tour", on multiple "tours," or as a career military person;
          Whether you were drafted or served on a volunteer basis;
          Whether you served as an enlisted person, in a supervisory position or as a military general;
          Whether you served in World War 11, in Korea, in Vietnam, in the Persian Gulf War, in Iraq, in Afghanistan or in anywhere else;
          Whether your service took place in the air, on our shores, on the ground or anywhere else;
          Whether you are currently wearing the uniform, serving  in the reserves or on active duty;
          Whether, if you are no longer alive, your death is due to being killed in active duty, because of suicide, because of natural causes or any other reason;

           For our freedom to say freely what we believe and to disagree with one another (within the guidelines of respect for others and for the truth), we thank you for your service;
           For our freedom to to select our religious beliefs and adhere to our own convictions (within the guidelines of allowing every other person this same freedom), we thank you for your service;
           For religious freedom without fear of government interference in church affairs, or the fear of fines, imprisonment, or worse, we thank you for your service;
           For our freedom to participate in our democracy, to vote and to choose our own political convictions, we thank you for your service;
           For the freedom to speak about our political beliefs and even to disagree with those in power and to disagree with each other's political convictions (within the guidelines of respect for others and for the truth), we thank you for your service;
           For our freedom to own private property and to pursue our own destines (given the proper support and opportunities), we thank you for your service;
           For our freedom to live quiet lives and to mind our own business without fear of government interference, we thank you for your service;
           For our freedom to make our own choices in our personal lives, we thank you for your service;
           For risking your own freedoms, we thank you for your service;
           For risking your lives, we thank you for your service;
           For enduring separation from your own families, we thank you for your service;

           We can never thank you enough; thank you to all veterans everywhere.

           http://www.va.gov/. This is the official, government-sponsored website for veteran's affairs.

           http://thankasoldier.net/ This is a site where citizens can pay tribute to troops.

           http://www.kidsthankavet.com/ This is a site for children to express gratitude to veterans.

           https://www.facebook.com/pages/Thank-a-Veteran/116200178444473 This is a Facebook page set up for citizens to express gratitude to veterans.

November is National Epilepsy Awareness Month

2011-11-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

          Lupus. Cancer. Multiple Sclerosis. Heart disease. Hyperglycemia. Hypoglycemia. Diabetes. Migraine Headaches. We talk openly about these conditions (and many others) and their symptoms and we should. And yet when it comes to epilepsy, this is different. How easy is it to use the words "epilepsy" and seizures"? But this condition affects millions of people and many families. And yet there is a definite stigma attached to it, so that many people with epilepsy will not disclose their condition when applying for higher education or jobs or when entering relationships especially with the opposite sex. The stigma actually goes back to the days of the Bible when the concept of neurological conditions like epilepsy did not exist; seizures were considered demon possession (yes, I do believe in actual demon possession with signs that mimick seizures but that is a separate topic). Though we know better now, the stigma still exists; institututionalized and social stigma continue. This is because when people experience seizures, especially the grand mal kind, their bodies are out of control, their minds in states of altered consciousness.
          Yes, many seizures are not due to epilepsy. Take febrile seizures, for example, where children especially, experience these because their immature systems can't handle the infections that their bodies use fevers to fight. My daughter experienced these until the age of six which is said to be the normal age for outgrowing these sort of seizures.
           Epilepsy exists on a spectrum, from those whose seizures occur daily to those whose seizures occur a few times a month or a year to those with full control. And seizures also are on a spectrum, from minor seizures to complex-partial or temporal lobe seizure to grand mal seizures. Epilepsy can be acquired at any age and can happen to anyone, especially if experiencing traumatic brain injury or an automobile accident or another such misfortune. There are a number of treatments to manage epilepsy especially medications.
           As a child, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. The seizures I experienced, over the years, have been sporadic for the most part. They are the grand mal kind. Thank God, I have been seizure-free for about 15 or 16 years. However, I have paid a high price to remain seizure-free. And I know many others with seizues have testified to suffering side effects. In my case, it was my long-term use of anti-convulsants that, in my opinion, caused me to deal with losses of both long term and especially short-term memory. I also have experienced slowed mental processing and reaction time. Because of these things I was strongly discouraged from getting a Driver's License. These kind of side effects have been more disabling to me than the seizure themselves, traumatic as they have been at the time. In the case of others, many also testify to experiencing side effects from cognitive losses to hair falling out to swollen gums. There are other side effects which I won't go into for the sake of space and length.
          As for social stigma, this like the side effects of medication, has affected me more than than seizures themselves. Once, I applied for a volunteer position for a local pregnancy resource center for those dealing with crisis pregnancies. Sometime after my interview with the Director, I disclosed to her "And there is another thing; I have epilepsy." "I'm glad you told me that," she said. What? All I know was that a month or so later, I was dismissed as a volunteer. I noticed that when I was told about this, a small tape recorder was used without my consent. "We do not feel you are a good fit for working here and because of your living circumstances," was all I was told. Yet I wonder if my self-disclosure of epilepsy had anything to do with it.
           Another example of stigma is when I returned to college as an adult; in the course of time I took a class in German. One day, in that class, I experienced a seizure, one of three I experienced that day. Afterward, I was encourages to drop this class. And, for the remainder of the class, I noticed that the manner of my classmates changes toward me (I never felt liked by that class instructor in the first place but this is beside the point) changes and they would ignore me forever thereafter. My neurologist, whom I like very much, has told me once, "I tell all my patients who have seizures not to have children."
          Chances are, if you don't know anyone with epilepsy, it may be that, because of its stigma, they have not disclosed it to you. This month, therefore, has been designated National Epilepsy Awareness Month with the focus to undo its stigma through education and awareness. There are some excellent links below where you can learn much more, because epilepsy, like cancer or heart disease, can happen to any of us or a loved one.

http://epilepsyfoundation.org/ This is the National Epilepsy Foundation website.

http://talkaboutit.org.ning.com/ This is the blogspot for The Talk About It Foundation, for epilepsy awareness.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/talkaboutitfoundation/ This is the Facebook page for the Talk About It Foundation, for epilepsy awareness.

PEACE4 THE MISSING

2011-11-04T12:29:00.000-07:00

          You have a loved one in your family who is missing, whether for one day, one month, one year, or for many years. You are suffering the emotional, mental and even spiritual anguish of not knowing where your loved one is. You know that the well-meaning people in your life want to help and support you but they don't have a clue as to what you are going through. You are frustrated with the professionals who are being paid to help you and how it is taking so long to get the answers needed to provide resolution for your family and you. You know you are expected to be strong but there are times that you want to scream and you sometimes wonder if you can go on, if this nightmare will ever end. Yet you are firmly resolved to keep fighting until that loved one is back home;
         You are enduring, or are a survivor of, abuse, any of the many forms that abuse can take, whether physical, mental, emotional and/or financial abuse. You often wrestle with fear, anger, depression, shame, and desperately need to talk about what you are or have suffered and yet you wonder if anyone will ever understand or even believe you;
         You are a victim of a crime or have a loved one who is; for you or that loved one, there may still be no answers, no arrests, no justice and no peace or resolution because your case remains unsolved, whether this crime is of a violent or "nonviolent" nature. You live with the ongoing mental, emotional and even spiritual torment of knowing that you have suffered horrifically but the person (s) responsible for the nightmare you and your family are enduring is not being held accountable for it. You, too, want to scream and sometimes wonder if you can go on but you are bound and determined to keeping fighting for your answers;
          You simply want to help out of your concern and compassion for those in pain and gratitude for how you have been helped in your time of need and you want to give back with no selfish agenda;

          There is an ideal place that wonderfully fulfills that needs or desires of those of the many of us who fit into one or more of these categories. You can find this resource at a social networking site called PEACE4 THE MISSING. It is easy to sign-up and become a member, even though some screening will be done to protect existing Members from anyone with a selfish or harmful agenda. Even for nonmembers, this site is easy to search and navigate and if you are a Member, it will prove an uplifting experience. If you have a missing loved one and are seeking support, a forum to raise awareness for your loved one, a place to vent and to be yourself with no fear of being judged, this is the best place that I know of for you when you want support and connections with others who are also living your nightmare. You can connect with other familes as well as with survivors and advocates who are pre-screened. This is the one place where families rule and are made the center of everything that is done online and offline by PEACE4 Members. You can be as active as you want and share as much as you want but if you are shy or are reluctant to talk because of an ongoing investigation, there is no pressure on you to participate or share.
          If you yourself are a missing person because you have been abducted or trafficked earlier in life or have run away or for any other reason and you are looking for your family, this site is for you. You will find Members in your situation and be able to connect with them. There are a number of living, unidentified people who, for various reasons, live without their names and are seeking their families. Many of the Members are survivors and advocates who want to redeem their experiences by helping others and "pay it forward" by giving back, knowing how they themselves have been helped. Many are still being victimized and are seeking support as they work though their situations.
          The proposed legislation called "Billy's Law," created by Janice Smolinski, whose son Billy has been missing for seven years, is the heart and soul of this site. It is related to the site called NAMUS (National Missing and Unidentified Person's System) which is a govenment-sponsored database. PEACE4 provides all the information, resources and helpful links needed for families to make the best use of these means in their searches for their missing loved ones. Many PEACE4 Members are activists seeking to make Billy's Law mandatory in all 50 states. PEACE4 educates the public thoroughly about missing people, the issues surrounding them and about the how and why of people turning up missing or unidentified. PEACE4 educates the public about NAMUS and Billy's Law and empowers the public about how to raise awareness about these resources to bring missing/unidentified people home and to solve crimes.
          The Members of this site care deeply about ALL Missing persons and their families.  However, because of the inadequate resources available to families with adult missing loved ones or whose loved ones are among the "cold case missing" of ANY age, many families who are Members have adult missing loved ones. PEACE4 Members will post verified AMBER ALERTS and missing children cases for Member families who have missing children. PEACE4 realizes that families of missing children have more resources than families of missing adults, including The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and therefore more public awareness. Yet ANY family with a missing loved one is warmly welcomed into this community of people who care about each other and where drama and bullying don't exist.
          Thank God, I do not have a missing loved one but if this ever happened to my family and me, this would be the best place for us to be. You can check out the site, get the feel for how it works and sign up to join:

http://peace4missing.ning.com/ PEACE4 THE MISSING site

http://namus.gov/ NAMUS database website

http://helpfindthemissingact.blogspot.com/   blogspot for Billy's Law

Keeping Safe Online

2011-11-01T15:59:00.000-07:00

      Your profile on Facebook or Twitter gets hacked.
      You get a suspicious friend request from a perfect stranger; the next day you get a Facebook warning about your "abusive, highly offensive behavior";
      You keep getting hateful, vicious comments from other users, in response to your posts or photos, maybe even threats;
      You have an online conflict and notice, later, that other users connected with the user you had the conflict with, are suddenly deleting you from their pages, even blocking you;
      Users of the opposite sex keep appearing on Chat, pumping you for personal information, even your home address to inquiring about your sex life;
      You get messages on Chat telling you that you have been tagges in a video and, providing links, ask you to view it;
       You see a notice that seems to be from Facebook asking you to verify your account for you are about to be deactivated, with a link for you to click;
       You wake up one morning to learn, to your dismay, that your computer appears to be on and later, you discover that someone has accessed your bank account!

      You get the picture. We use social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and others, to connect with people and to satisfy our varying agendas for using these networks. Yet we are likely to encounter hackers, scammers, spammers, bullies, and even criminals, or users who are merely unfriendly or unstable.
      Let me share a few of my online experiences, which I'm sure are similar to things others experience online, unfortunately. Many months ago, I had a major conflict with an online user over a certain issue. Days later, I found that a number of other users with connections to this user, were removing me from their friends lists, even blocking me. This hurt tremendously, as it was all based on a misunderstanding and I had no way of knowing what was going on, only circumstantial evidence. And it reinforced in me a feeling of who could I trust? For months, I lived in fear of my online reputation being destroyed and became paranoid of others in my network. I did NOT see this is "just Facebook stuff"! Lesson: Do not trust anyone you don't know outside of social networks until you spend lots of time building trust and are reasonably sure of these users and their characters.
      This past summer, on the eve of my birthday, June 29, I had logged into Facebook and was checking out my homepage. Suddenly, I saw a very offensive profile, bearing a pornographic profile picture; the user called himself a screenname that is not fit to put in print. Upon the urgent request of the person who shared the offending user's profile, I pulled up this user's profile, checked it out, hitting the "Report" button to submit my report to Facebook concerning this user's profile and photos. Minutes later, I received a friend request. I checked it out and took note of who sent it: the user I had just reported! I let this request sit on my profile, unanswered: I had no intention of ever accepting such a friend request.
      The following morning, my birthday, I woke up and after awhile, I logged into Facebook. I posted on some group and fan pages, intending to leave my wall clear for birthday greetings. To my dismay, I visited my homepage and saw a warning sitting on top of my page. To paraphrase, I was told: "You have uploaded offensive or pornographic material that is offensive to other users or is abusive. If you do not remove this material, your account will be deactivated."
      I remembered the suspicious friend request I received the night before and knew exactly who was behind this, and why! The user whose profile I had reported, no doubt to get even with me for my report, had gotten hold of my online identity and Facebook now had me down as a sex offender! I was distraught and upset and did not know how to fix this. I composed a note about my situation, which received only one comment, which had nothing to do with my actual post. What a "birthday gift"!
      Eventually, the warning on my homepage concerning the false accusations against me, disappeared on its own, but I continued to feel quite disillusioned and fearful about my online reputation because of my stolen online identity. Worse, could this end up on my criminal records under my Social Security Number? Lesson: When you receive a suspicious friend request, you need to do something about it. The options for this are marking these requests as spam or even blocking the sender so he or she cannot see you to do anything to you.
      In strict terms, cyberbullying is a term reserved for children and teenagers. Cyberharassment is the counterpart term used for adults. In any case, it is up to us as adults to protect our minor children online, while we must take total responsibility for our own online safety.
      Numerous resources abound that show us how to keep ourselves and our families safe. Here are just a few:

https://www.facebook.com/#!/security NEW WARNING: This page appears, itself, to be a hacker site! Facebook users, including I, have been receiving scam messages via this page.
https://www.facebook.com/#!/Facecrooks
http://www.staysafeonline.org

What Is Autism?

2011-10-30T13:21:00.000-07:00

       You may have heard about (or even know) of people such as these:
       The stereotyped person who cannot talk, but maybe can communicate through sign laguage or something known as facilitated communication and possesses savant skills with numbers;
        A child who learns to speak normally at the typical age but who, for reasons unknown, loses most or all speech;
        An analytical person, gifted in math and decoding words, who can't make sense of metaphors or higher-order concepts;
        A person who is unable to tolerate loud sounds, bright, flashing or flickering lights, light touch, but who is brilliant at reading and is fascinated with horses and is eager to share that knowledge;
        A child who teaches himself to read at age three and yet, as he grows, remains unable to "get" people and is totally lost in social situations;
        A person who insists on daily adhering to the same routine and eating the same foods, who withdraws from people because of the inability to "get" them and yet who is at home with ideas and concepts;
        These people and many more, are illustrations of autism. And every person's autism is unique; no autistic person resembles another. Autism is, put simply, the inability of the brain to make correct connections because of faulty wiring. This results in impaired social understanding and communication and often, challanges with language and daily functioning, sensory processing issuesand how one makes sense of the world. And autism occurs along a spectrum, from the brilliant person with Asperger's Syndrome without social skills, all the way to a profoundly affected person who is unable to communicate in any meaningful way or care for self or achieve any independence. On this blog, I will be using the term "autistic" rather than person with autism," because this condition is profoundly woven into one's identity; there is no way you can separate an autistic person from his autism the way you can separate cancer from a person who lives with it.

       Why is this subject so important to me? I speak from personal experience, for I believe that I grew up with undiagnosed autism. Many years ago (need I say how long?), I was conceived and my mother, then, was 16 years old. When my her boyfriend, my dad, learned about her pregnancy with me, he was livid. Thinking he was going to "eliminate" this "problem," he kicked mom, hard, in the stomach. As a possible result of this and her traumatic labor and delivery nine months later, I was born with an assotment of problems that set me apart from the beginning but that the "experts" could not make any sense of, because the autism spectrum diagnosis was did not exist back in the 1960s and 1970s when I was growing up. I was diagnosed as obssessive-compulsive, emotionally disturbed, socially and emotionally immature, withdrawn, behaviorally-disordered, mild cerebral palsy, epileptic, schizoid personality, learning-diabled, and more.
       As a child, I would be told, "You are just plain spoiled; you just don't want to try or do the work," "You will not amount to anything," "We don't know what to do with you," and more. I remember constantly receiving scoldings and spankings from the adults in my life. My peers often bullied me; they took note of how differently I walked, behaved, and though and they reacted to this by calling me names like retard, cripple, four-eyes, stupid, ugly, and things not fit to be put in print. And yes, the bullying did get physical, especially during my middle-school years. I don't recall that my bullies were ever were disciplined or suspended from school. The following year, I ended up in special classes; I felt that the school was trying to "get rid" of me. The fact is that they had no way of knowing how to help students with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorders, as the only time autism was diagnosed was when it occured in its severe, classic form.
       As it was, educators and my family did not know what to do with me. So I spent much of my childhood and youth in and out of special classes for my peers who behaved and learned differently, and a few times, I spent time in residential placement. Always, I remember what one of my teachers of one special class said. She said one day, "I taught a class of boys and each one of them ended up in jail. I felt like a failure." To this day, I wonder how many people in jail, in prison, and on the streets, have undiagnosed autism and who never received the proper interventions that could have empowered them to learn, conform to society, become independent and achieve productive lives full of friendship, purpose, and personal fulfillment.
       As an adult, I lived with pervasive feelings of worthlessness, frustration, confusion, anxiety, a shame-based identity, and I did my utmost to "pass as normal" and stay "in the closet," concealing my past and my challenges. I know I was not entirely successful, judging from feedback I would get and questioning glances and remarks that got back to me, where people would wonder "What is up with her?" Then, after years, I gave birth to my beautiful, precious daughter, who exhibited the same delayed speech and distance in human relationships that I showed at her age. One day, before she reached age three, she was oficially diagnosed with Pervasive Development Disorder--Not Otherwise Specified,"(PDD--NOS), a form of high-functioning autism (HFA). The doctor told us "This ia a variant of autism, which we now know occurs on a spectrum."
        Wow. Now we knew what was up with our daughter and knew how we could help her. Soon I hear that relatives were suggesting (but not to me) that I may have been autistic all along. Could this provide answers to my lifetime of challenges that had the "experts stumped about me?
        To this day, I have not found anyone in my area who evaluates adults over 25 for autism. I know I may never be able to get that formal diagnosis that could provide the closure I crave for my life. But I am forever thankful that my daughter and a whole generation, and future generations, can be spared much of the pain and hardship and anguish so many of us had had to suffer because no one knew any better. And maybe, this can help alleviate other social ills surrounding undiagnosed conditions.
        By no means do my daughter nor I represent all autistic people and this one blog can't possibly do justice to this most complext topic. So I will provide a few links to sources where you can educate yourself about autism.

http://autism.about.com/

http://www.autismandempathy.com/ a blog

http://grasp.org/Asperger's/Autism organization

1-800-273-TALK (8255) And My Thoughts on Suicide and Life

2011-10-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

           Suicide. It is not a topic we like to talk about, like so many other crucial topics. It is all too easy, when people make suicidal remarks, to ignore these remarks or to tell them, "Oh, you should not even think about doing that." On Facebook, months ago, it was brought to my attention that an individual in my network had posted a status update that contained thinly-veiled suicidal references and mentioned about being "in Heaven" or something to that effect. I had not seen that post until another person mentioned that "We need to love each other better" and mentioned how this person did not get enough comments on his suicidal post (thank God, the person seems to be doing okay and occasionally posts on Facebook). But it causes me to think how we need to show each other that we care, listen to each others' concerns and not wait for a tragedy to happen. By then it can be too late!
        In the world of pop music, there are songs that casually allude to suicide. There is the "Don't Fear the Reaper" song with lyrics that make suicide appear to be an option to dealing with life when it gets to hard. In the world of so-called medicine, the late Dr. Jack Kavorkian lived to promote his particular brand of physician-assisted suicide. And over and over again, the media bring to us the heart-wrenching stories of children and young people who take their own lives as a result of the vicious bullying they experience. And suicide contributes to the epidemic of missing and unidentified people.
        In my own life, I was midiagnosed with "anxiety disorder" because the autism spectrum disorder" diagnosis (another topic) did not exist. Aside from having to take medications for to control epileptic seizures, when I was in my teens, psychiatrists placed me on a number of "anti-anxiety" drugs that produced in me deep depression, bizarre physical symptoms and, ultimately, erased inhibitions that resulted in behavior that, to this day, I cringe to even think about. And I entered the mental health system, and had suicidal thoughts because of these medication side effects, the way I responded to these meds and the way people responded to me. Because of my misdiagnosis and the inappropriate interventions I was subjected to for almost all my youth, I am much sensitized to the stigma of things like mental illness and other related disorders.
       Yes, I know that there are many other issues that surround suicide, like bullying (another topic I want to cover later), addictions, eating disorders, crime, domestic violence, human trafficking, and more, including, as already mentioned, mental illness and missing/unidentified people. Oh, and I should mention homelessness. I'm sure you can add others I have not thought of.
       There is a fine organization that exists to prevent and end suicide through education, intervention and a 24-hour hotline. The organization is called National Suicide Prevention Hotline "1-800-273-TALK (8255)." This hotline is available 24 hours a day and, according to posts I have seen on their Facebook page, you may not be able to reach anyone right away, due to the number of other callers. But you should ultimately be able to get through. This service is available to the public.
      You can get to their Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/800273TALK
      Now let's get more positive here. I don't want to end this on such a gloomy, doomy note. For no matter how grim, discouraging, or even hopeless things may look, know that you have a Creator and He loves you and has a plan for you. You may not be able to see it now. Whatever you believe about God, killing, including killing one's self, is no answer to solving any problem. I feel for the families and friends of those who have lost loved ones to suicide and, months ago, I actively advocated for the families of soldiers who have lost their lives to suicide, that they should receive condolence letters from the US government, same as all the other families of troops who have given their lives for our freedoms. Like the person in my network posted earlier this year, we need to love each other better so that people will not take their lives because they don't feel cared for.
      Life is precious.