It gives me sorrow to feel the need to even write this, but I feel that I need to. Last week, I experienced digital drama that has taken the meaning and happiness out of the holiday season for me. This post is not addressed to those involved, as I don't know what the outcome may be. The incident just triggered bad memories of many past online dramas. But this post is addressed to those whom I have reason to believe, have permanently removed me from their Facebook or other networks based on evidence and usually time.
First of all, I do not direct this to those of you whose unfriendings, almost all on Facebook, come from accounts that you have de-activated, who had approached their 5000 friends limit, who had multiple profile pages and were managing your friends lists, or other benign reasons that had nothing to do with any anger or ill will toward me.
This blog is, rather, addressed to those of you will probably be unwilling to read it because you have put me out of your lives, as you have deemed me to be unworthy of your friendship for varying reasons. You are not open to what I have to say. >br />
I write this to those of you, my former fellow parishioners, who got tired of my missing person posts or other causes posts, and who removed me so you would not see the offensive posts.
I write this to those of you who took offense at my political or Christian posts and who, tired of someone whose views were insulting them, cleansed me from your friends' lists.
I write this to you users who wrongly mistook my passion for my causes as "spam" and who, sick of the "problem," got rid of the "spammer" and deleted me from your networks.
I write this to those of you whose unfriendings or blockings happened with no precipitating incident or explanation whatever; you quietly removed me and thought I would not notice.
I write this to all of you whose unfriendings or blockings were most hurtful of all, who took your actions as acts of pure anger or ill will against me because of wrongs you believe I have done to you.
As I wrote in my former post, cyberspace has changed the way we relate to each other and affects our offline relationships. I know that, until recent months, I was a heavy Facebook user and, in that sense, you can say I was "asking for trouble." Your actions against me, done with just a few mouseclicks, show that you view relationships as disposable commodities that can be dispensed with when they get "toxic." Cyberspace has changed the way that you relate with people. Now, don't get me wrong. I know that there are times when unfriending users is legitimate and is even the right thing to do. These unfriendings and certainly, blockings, should be reserved only for those whom you suspect or know to be dangerous to you and to others in your networks. These actions should be reserved for those whose criminal actions are known and who would hurt your reputation if you aligned yourselves with them. We are known by the company we keep. But most people in your networks are not convicted criminals or violent, dangerous persons. Unfriending and certainly not blocking, should not be done to users who are just annoying or offensive.
Actually, your actions would be considered "just Facebook" and "just cyberspace" and would not count as "real pain or loss." Most see digital drama and online rejection as "no big deal." I admit that, especially in the first year or so that I have joined Facebook, I did not know how things work. I was ignorant of what was accepted and what was not, especially posting on people's Facebook profile pages. You chose not to give me the benefit of the doubt and realize that I would eventually "get it." But so many of my actions were wrongfully taken personally when I was not aware that you were offended, such as your getting unwanted Causes requests from me. Spam is a stark cyberspace reality but we define that word too broadly. That's my belief. Isn't spam actually sending unwanted messages that often ask for money or your sensitive information? Your actions against me show the breadth of your definition of that word.
I'm not writing this to win your friendship back. I know that it's too late for that. I'm writing this so that other users will learn, from my experiences, that unfriending has the capacity to hurt real people. Just because those people, like you, operate from behind computer screens does not make unfriended or blocked people any less real. I'm writing this for myself. I'm writing this to let people know that the "Unfriend" and "Block" buttons, while put there for your protection, should not be used sparingly. And please, if you develop close relationships with people who are Facebook users, do not use Facebook to settle your conflicts. Pick up the phone and call the person, write them a letter, or, if geography permits, pay them a visit. As for all of you who will not read this because you cannot or will not, I think of you with sadness and not anger. You have my prayers. This is the season to be thankful and I thank God that He will right wrongs.
The first photo is courtesy of MorgueFile.com.
The first photo is by Shakira120.
The first photo can be found here.
The second photo can be found at MorgueFile.com.
The second photo is by Karpati Gabor.
The second photo can be found here.
No comments:
Post a Comment