Will You Accept Me?

          Acceptance. This is a gift where one person extends to another unconditional favor of the other who he or she is, not for what he or she is. It means valuing another, first and foremost, because he is a human being and not because of what he can do for you. It means that another person can safely disclose his or her personal or private thoughts and emotions and will not be judged or rejected. Acceptance is not to be confused with condoning the inappropriate, wrong or even criminal things another has done in the past or may be doing now, but does mean that even if you have to show "tough love" to another, that you will not reject him. This sounds like it is simple enough, so why have a blog about this? Well, if we accepted each other as people created equal, why is there racism, prejudice, discrimination, and stigma? Why are there so many suicides, divorces, job-hopping, church-hopping, friend-hopping, and why is self-disclosure of many devalued personal qualities still so risky? So maybe this blog on acceptance remains relevant.
          We all assume every child's right to be accepted by both his or her parents. This is why society has set up so many projects, organizations, resources for the purpose of preventing and ending child abuse. When children grow up without being accepted by one or both parents, it will affect him for life. Unless he or she is fortunate enough to possess unusual gifts or talents and opportunities to develop them, along with finding caring adults who take an interest in them, he or she will grow up with lots of baggage, including major trust issues, fears and anxiety and/or anger, self-hatred, even rage and bitterness. When children are not accepted by the adults in their life, we all pay for it later, when we find ourselves at risk because of bullies (of all ages), predators, pedophiles and other kind of criminals.
           It is rejection that motivates a number of shootings in schools, workplaces, the home and other settings. Don't get me wrong: I'm certainly not condoning the experience of rejections as any excuse to use killing self or others to "solve" one's problems. Rejection only provides an explanation for many crimes, violent and nonviolent. It explains lots of bullying that is done, especially in schools, workplaces and the home. It is commonly said that when people feel accepted and valued ffor who they are, they do not need to bully. The point here is that feeling rejected is a potent and demoralizing experience that fuels depression, anger, even bitterness and rage, anxiety, fear, trust issues, and more.
Feelings like these can and do motivate desperate acts that one otherwise would not do, unless one is able to find the resources and support to work through rejection and his baggage.
          I'll always recall that, when I was much younger, I saw a program about the heinous criminal, Charles Manson, that at the end of this program, his reaction to receiving his life sentence was "This is my home." Manson grew up rejected by his parents and was known as "No Name Maddox."
          Acceptance is growing toward the growing number of immigrants in our free societies, thanks in part to churches and nonprofits and other projects which have, and continue to, work hard and dedicate their efforts to re-settle these immigrants and help them assimilate into our culture. These immigrants often are able to use their educational backgrounds to set up their own businesses and achieve success. In face, the very fact of their not only acceptance but often even greater success than any "natives" causes a frequent undercurrent of resentment toward "foreigners" who are often seen as taking resources away from "our own" who are need similar help. I have seen instances where churches have funded placement for the children of immigrants into their church-based schools, a thing that they don't normally do for other children.With the economy being as it is, immigrant reform is a subject of debate. But it is possible to accept and value immigrants and anyone who is foreign-born while supporting measures that crack down on immigration for economic reasons.
After all, our God has created each and every one of us. But we need to continue to help resettle immigrants and help them fit into society.
          What often is overlooked, even in churches who claim to represent a God Who welcomes ALL people in Christ, is that there are many people "among our own" who often struggle with feelings of being strangers in a strange land because they face prejudice, stigmas, ignorance, and lack of accommodations because they have qualities not valued by society. Traditionally, people of racial minority groups, even "our own," have faced much prejudice and discrimination, but thanks to lots of political activism, legislation, courageous advocacy, and awareness, much of this has decreased. Racism is so commonly discussed that I do not feel the need to address it here, only to assure you that it remains alive and well, with an undercurrent of it apparent in how many of us treat the current US President. For he has been the object of many facial slurs, many not fit to be printed. Why have people been so quick to proceed with witch-hunts even about his birth certificate, among other things? Could part of all this be an unconscious racism and jealousy that a man of color hold the highest office in the free world? In fact, it is so bad that on Facebook there is a cause devoted to end the dishonor shown to the President.
          People with various forms of mental illnesses find that acceptance is not a thing to be taken for granted and so it is acceptance that they long for, before anything. There has been a long-time stigma surrounding mental illnesses, though the stigma of certain mental illnesses, like depression (the clinical variety and bipolar disorder) is lessening because of much advocacy and awareness about them. But because of the true crime cases where the suspects and/or the victimizers are often people with suspected or officially diagnosed mental illnesses, the stigma continues and is aggravated every time such a case makes the media headlines. There is a widepread misconception that mental illnesses make a person a threat to society, but most often, the person is a danger to himself because of suicide rather than to others. A diagnosis of most mental illnesses or a history of mental health issues, including receiving psychiatric services or pychiattric residential care, remain risky things to disclose, especially when applying for goods or services like insurance or employment or in romantic relationships. So people will go to great lengths to "remain in the closet" about their mental health issues.
          People with epilepsy and a number of other neurological or medical conditions that remain stigmas, can't take accetance for granted. Many will go to great lengths to cover up their conditions, knowing that self-disclosure of them is risky and exposes them to rejection, prejudice and discrimination. For those with epilepsy, self-disclosure is as risky as disclosing most mental illnesses and often it slams the door shut on many opportunities, including driving, employment and insurance.
When accetance is found, it is so rare that it is treasured. There is a nonprofit, The Talk About It! Foundation, that exists just to undo the stigma of this medical condition.
          People with autism spectrum disorders (ASD's) and other learning or behavioral disorders remain so stigmatized that many go to great lengths to "pass as normal" and over up their differences and challengers, since self-disclosure is risky. Yes, there are a few fortunate peope with ASD's and other, related, differences, who have achieved success, even celebrity status. But for every intance of this, there remain many, many more of these, especially with ASD's, who are unemployed or work in jobs that don't use their abilities or languish in jail or prison, because ignorance of their disabilities has led to injustice. Yes, there are now many more resources and organizations that through advocacy, bring awareness to autism and to other, related learning and behavioral issues. But much more needs to be done. So, for many of these people accetance remains a treasured gift never to be taken for granted.
          Acceptance is essential not only for emotional health but even physical survival, as without it one will have a much harder time finding employment, getting a Driver's License, housing, among other things. If the stigmatized person is fortunate enough to be able to depend on family or friends, his or her quality of life will still be much diminished. The surefire way of working toward acceptance for all is to reduce stigma and this can only be done through breaking codes of silence, as has and is being done concerning sexual crimes, addictions and other things that used to be among the "unmentionable." We need to "talk about it"!
          As for my own experience with this, I have found self-disclosure, especially recently, to be unsuccessful. Growing up with with a history of learning and behavioral issues, epilepsy, and a history of placement in stigmatizing special school and a few residential settings, I have found that disclosing these as well as my present challenges is risky and has slammed the door on opportunities to give and receive support. The words autism, epilepsy, emotional problems, and brain injury, are words that scare people and fuel their prejudices or stereotypes. But non-disclosure and "staying in the closet" will only ensure that these things will remain stigmas for future generations.
          The Bible is clear, that God is the One Who has created each and every one of us and this alone is reason enought to accept each other.