Bullying, Bullycide and Bully Survivors

          It is heartening that bullying is getting so much awareness and that so many resources are being poured into preventing bullying from being done to more victims, helping and supporting current victims and especially, motivating school children to, themselves, do much more to end bullying. Maybe I'm missing something, but it seems that we keep hearing about as many bullycides as ever. And it seems that even in these tragic cases, the victims were heard to say that they felt that their bullying was not taken seriously by the adults in their life. And so they felt that they had no option but to end it all. It seems that it takes bullycides such as these to revive and awaken our passion to prevent and end bullying. If bullying does not "drive" a victim to suicide, it simply is not taken seriously. This frustrates me.
          Before I continue, I cannot image the inconceivable grief (and maybe anger and guilt) of the families who have lost children to bullycides. I'm very sure that such families, especially the parents and other adults in these victims' lives, are in incredible pain. This is one more reason to do all we can to prevent and end bullying, because when it ends in bullycides, the loved ones who are left behind will experience a pain that will never end. If any family members or other have lost loved ones or friends to bullycide, my heart goes out to you. To lose a child is tragic enough but to lose a child in this way is especially heartbreaking.
          Laster year, I had written a couple of blog posts during the five-day "Bullying Awareness Week" that was held then. Since then, I have heard about a number of bullycide stories, on the average two or three a month, maybe more. Always and without fail, it seems to take such tragedies of live lost needlessly, to revive our concern and awareness about bullying. I never fail to grow sad, frustated and even angry, to see that such bullycides are needed to see bullying for the serious thing it it and that it is not a "rite of passage." I will keep harping on this whenever I discuss bullying. These bullycide victims, without exception, took their lives because they felt that their bullying was not being taken seriously! I know that this sickens most of us but still this bullying does not seem to be going away. How could these children feel so totally hopeless and despondent and alone, that they saw suicide as their only option? Was there no one that they could turn to? Or felt they could turn to? Is it because they are getting some unspoken messages from home, school and society that that life is meaningless and that if it becomes too difficult, that it is not worth it to "hang in there'? That they themselves are not worth it? Because we have become a society that no longer looks to God as our Hope and Help, and instead turn to numerous substitutes, we should not be surprised that children often get giving up is an option for them. Also, children's brains and self-concepts are still being formed and so if it is being pounded into them that they are worthless, damaged, inferior, defective, ugly, different, bad or stupid, it may take a lifetime for them to overcome these messages. I know this from experience! But children don't realize that, even if they may have to carry the scars of childhood experiences, that it can and is very often done; they can transition from victims to survivors as so many have done! No one wants to be a victim, but when one is able to "hang in there" and make the transition from victim to survivor, it is a matter of pride.
          I remain haunted by the recent case of a young boy who ended his life, allegedly because of bullying, even though his school denied that such bullying happened. After an investigation, Law Enforcement saw "no evidence" that bullying has taken place. But I wonder. Would a boy take his life for nothing? Does his tragic case indicate that even now, bullying is not being taken seriously enough, at least by some schools, adults and parents? Whatever the actual story of this boy is, the one redeeming value of bullycide victims is that they compel us all to take bullying serious enough to act to prevent and end it. But this is a source of frustration to us who also have endured bullying, vicious bullying, that has left lifelong scars but it was seen as a "rite of passage" and as a "kids will be kids" thing or as a minor inconvenience. But are the tragic stories of bullycide victims more compelling and more important than those of us who lived through vicious bullying experiences and often stemming from differences that were stressful enough in themselves? Recently, I read a nasty Facebook comment on an anti-bullying Facebook page, that was directed by one person to another who was writing about his/her bullying experiences growing up; this person was accused of "whining about the past." I have been told, "Don't share your bullying story because then people will see you as a loser." But if children do not hear such survival stoories from others who have lived through it and have emerged as survivors, how will they see that it is possible to live through their own experiences and not only survive, but go on to become a blessing to others?
          Yes, much of the bullying being done today is done to all sorts of children, not only to those who are seen as "different," "inferior," or "damaged." When I was growing up, I did not see bullying being done to my peers who were popular, talented, athletic or who "fit in" and were "cool." I experienced such bullying, however, because I was indeed seen as different. This bullying seemed even worse because the concept of the autism spectrum did not exist and so I had no explanation for why I was being singled out as "different." Adults saw me merely as a "broken" normal young person who was a "problem child," and has a "nervous" or "emotional" problem. And so I spent my school years in and out, but mostly in, special classes and special schools and a couple of residential settings. However, my peers did not need an official diagnosis to single me out for bullying because they identified me as "different." When I went to middle school, the bullying that was done to me was bad enough to get me placed in special education for the rest of my school years; since no resources existed then for bully victims, no one knew how to handle my bullying and so I had to go to special education, which back then, was more stigmatizing and disempowering than anything.
          Today, much bullying is done not just becaue of intolerance but because children are jealous of each other. Therefore, children who would not have been bullied during my growing-up years, are vulnerable to bullying today, including those who are talented, popular, athletic or attractive. Yes, children are still bullied for being different, as is proved by the media coverage of those who are bullied because of homosexuality. Whatever our view of homesexuality, we should condemn bullying or abuse done to people because of sexual orientation, as we should do when bullying or abuse is done for any other difference. People who show or endorse hatred for homosexuals, are dragging God's Name and the reputation of His true followers, through the mud. They are totally missing or misunderstanding God's love and His grace as His message that ALL of us are sinners--heterosexual or homosexual. Bullying or abuse to anyone, online or in-person, is also a sin!
          And we should not see bullying as just a "kid thing" or a "school problem," either. For bullying is also done in the home and in the workplace, and cyberbullying is experienced not just by children but by adults, too. In the case of adults, it is just called by a different name--harassment. But it is the same thing. The only difference between bullying and abuse is that abuse is done by those in power but bullying is done by peers; therefore, bullying is often not taken seriously. But in the case of abuse and bullying, it seems that it takes death, whether by murder or suicide, for either to be taken seriously. It seems that it takes tragedy to compel us to take any issue seriously. Rape was never taken seriously until rapists were exposed as murdering their victims and were not content with "just raping" them and letting them live! Domestic violence was also not taken seriously until we heard about parents, spouses and partners killing their victims. Maybe ours is just an age of awareness and resources are compared to when I was growing up. As much as we deplore how bullying and other crimes have entered the digital age, it is because of these same computers and other technology that we have so many more resources and so much more awareness. It is a mixed blessing.
          One good thing about all of this is this: We talk about it and talk should lead to action. Below I will provide links to resources that empower us to help prevent and end bullying as well as sites for those who carry scars from bullying from the past.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/
  This is the official government-sponsored website that provides a wealth of information and guidance about how to prevent and end bullying.

http://www.stompoutbullying.org/
This website is for a nonprofit that provides comprehensive services, including  a hotline, for bully victims. The website is interactive and seeks to involve young people in the fight against bullying, as they are the ones who ultimately hold the key to preventing and ending bullying. As I survey this site and read about its services, I always think, I could have used this as I was growing up!

http://peerabuse.net
This is one website that provides support and a forum for those who, as adults, carry the scars from past bullying. It is for anyone who has lived through bullying. I encourage you to check it out and share it.

http://bullyinglte.wordpress.com/
This website is a forum for anyone who wants to share their bullying stories; there are many stories on this site.