If you use social networking sites regularly, I'm sure that you have been reading much about organized, elaborate campaigns that are meant to culminate in one-time child abuse prevention projects. These events and those involved in them, are sponsored by corporations, nonprofit organizations, groups, and many, many individuals which include high-profile child abuse advocates. To me, all this time, money which is being poured into these massive efforts, are usually very well-meant as they involve much planning, financial investment and fervent support. The involved masses no doubt believe that their involvement will help alleviate the terrible evil of child abuse and save children. Yet this is an evil that originates in the human heart of those who in the home environment. I see all these massive efforts to get people all fired up about child abuse through massive events as a kind of "Super Bowl" of child abuse prevention. It seems to send a confusing message. You have to get connected to massive movements to make a difference. To be effective, you ought to organize, form committees, raise funds for awareness materials like angel pins, green awareness ribbons and so forth. You ought to attend large-scale events (even if it means travel) and get into massive projects. So many well-meaning advocates believe that all of this is needed in order to motivate people to do the "rubber meets the road" of everyday things that we all can do, even now, to prevent and end child abuse right where we are. But do we need all of this?
Whether we need these large-scale events or not, in this blog I will simply give you those "rubber meets the road" things that all of us can do to prevent and end child abuse in our own communities. I'm just giving you a variety of examples and I'm sure you can add to my list.
1) Screen anyone whom you have babysit your children, especially if this is intended to be long-term. Interview your candidates and, if you can afford it, run background checks on them. Ask them for references, and call these references!
2) If you are standing in a line anywhere, especially a long one, and you see a young mom with young children behind you, allow them to go before you.
3) Always put your child's name on the inside, not the outside, of his or her clothing, school supplies and other possessions. This protects their privacy and blocks the ability of predators to access your child's information.
4) If you have very young children or a child (ren) with special needs and who may wander, install a lock on screen doors and especially on the front and back doors. This should prevent wandering and intruders.
5) If you have children who use the Internet for social networking, monitor what they do online. Do not let underage children (under 13) set up accounts with Facebook, YouTube, MySpace, or any other social networks for older children and adults. If you can, encourage your child to delay using social networks until they reach 18! And if they use social networks, set your child's computer in a high-traffic area like the family living room, where you can supervise easily. There is just too much online drama and too many harmful online people!
6) You are justly proud of your child's accomplishments and you want to "show off" your child. But the eyes of predators are looking for easy prey. Therefore, refrain from puuting up bumper stickers on your car windshields that proclaim, "My Child is An Honor Student," "Proud Parent of An Eagle Scout," or anything else that can give out identifying information about your child to predators.
7) Befriend a single mother, especially if she is poor or has a weak support system. Single mothers, with all their stresses, are at-risk for becoming overwhelmed, tempted to take out their frustrations on their children, rely on them for companionship or expect too much from them.
8) Your beautiful child is the apple of your eye. But if you use social networks, never forget that predators lurk unseen in cyberspace. Therefore, minimize uploading photos and videos of your children online and set them to "Friends Only." And I strongly discourage giving out their names if you like to put up family photos. Among all the good folks on social networks, bad ones lurk and we usually can't identify them. Better be safe than sorry!
9) We need to overcome our inhibitions and talk to our children about sexuality and sexual abuse and how to protect themselves from it. Child sexual abuse is a big part of child abuse. We need to make clear that our children need not keep any "secrets" from us that they may be told to keep and that their bodies are THEIRS. And it is okay to say no to unwanted touches and then report the "bad people" to their trusted adults. Silence empowers PREDATORS and we don't want that.
10) Do not discipline a child in anger. Cool down first and then take the needed action to deal with a child's bad behavior.
11) If it is for you, volunteer to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) to be a voice for abused and neglected children in the system. Visit the national CASA website at:
http://casaforchildren.org/
12) If you are expecting or are pursuing adoption, ensure that you have a good support system in place, especially if you are a single parent, have a disability or other challenges that make parention extra stressful. The support will reduce the stress of parenting and lessen the temptation to abuse or neglect your children.
13) Appeal to legislators to apply funds for anger management classes and parenting classes in public high schools. Ask them to reduce the funds that are being spent on required higher math, especially algebra. After all, what is more important for students to have when they leave high school: interpersonal skills or algebraic skills?
14) Try never to allow any child 17 and younger, walk alone and to or from school, friends' houses, on errands, or for any other purpose. We have far too often heard of the terrible things that happen to children who are left unattended!
15) If you are a new parent and especially a teen whose is petrified of your new parental responsibilities, you have alternatives to eliminating your child! You can leave your baby with a responsible adult, or take your baby to a local police station or a local church. Many infertile or childless couples or singles would love to adopt your baby!
16) Child identity theft is on the rise; a child won't realize what has been done until he or she is older and applies for a job, a loan, an apartment for rent or for other goods and services. Do not give out your child's Social Security Number or full birthdate to anyone unless you trust them and they NEED to know these. And if you are tempted to use your child's Social Security Number for any reason, don't! Identity theft ruins reputations and lives.
17) If it is for you, run for political office, making children's rights your political platform.
18) If you have emotional baggage from a troubled past, whether you are a parent or not, try to work out your issues with a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a social worker, a pastor or another caring professional. In this way you will be empowering yourself for healing; you'll be freer to to meet your child's emotional needs without depending on him or her to meet yours. And, if you have a chance to do so, reach out to others and help them break cycles from their troubled pasts.
19) If you grow overwhelmed as a parent, please get help. So many cases of child abuse deaths have happened because frustrated parents or other caregivers resort to abuse or neglect and it spins out of control and ends in a child's death. And these child abuse deaths are continuing! Keep the Childhelp 24/7 hotline number handy, by your phone and refrigerator where you can see it. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1 and find alternatives to abuse.
20) If you struggle with a substance abuse addiction, especially drugs or alcohol, please get professional help! Substance abuse sets people up to become abusers of anyone close to you. You still love your family, of course, but your addiction is overpowering and, to sustain it, you can't help but resort to anything, even abuse or crime, to feed it. Need I say more?
21) If you are raising minor children, teach them to manage their anger, develop empathy and to resolve their conflicts peacefully. And don't treat bullying as a "rite of passage," as has been done for generations! Bullying should not be part of any child's growing up! It leaves emotional scars that resemble any other form of abuse and has been the motive for many suicides and crimes! Do not allow your children to become bullies. Childhood bullies are likely to become adults criminals. If you have concerns in this area, visit: http://www.stompoutbullying.org/.
22) Men, take responsibility for the children you father, even if you are not married to their mother. It is so unfair to get females pregnant and then abandon them to raise your children! You put the mother of your children at risk of becoming abusers of your children. And if you are married, don't leave all parenting to your wife. Parenting is a team effort.
23) If you know or suspect that a child is being abused, do not be silent. Please call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1.
24) So many cases of child abuse and child abuse deaths happen because of wrongful court decisions in child custody cases and because of a broken system. There is no easy answer to this but we can appeal to those in power to implement laws and funds to much better protect children in the system.
25) Spousal or partner abuse often mushrooms into child abuse. When we talk about preventing and ending child abuse, we need to talk about ending all forms of abuse and work to prevent abuse of anyone at anyone at any age. Bullying should be called peer abuse and treated like any other form of abuse and not like a "phase" that all children have to go through or a "kid thing" that will not affect them in later life!
26) If you are in the position to do so, consider adopting a child. You may be rescuing a child from a home of abuse or neglect.
27) If you have a teen, strongly discourage him or her to not date or get romantically involved with anyone with known violent tendencies. If you can afford it, run a background check on the person and insist that they meet your family. Observe how they act in different settings.
This is no complete list but you should have the concept. These are simple (not easy) actions we all can take, right where we are, to prevent and end child abuse. And, yes, in addition to implementing these things into our lives to protect children, you can feel free to connect with others who also yearn to protect children and keep this issue in front of people by participating in awareness events. One such massive movement is called the Army of Angels, which is a co-alition of corporations, nonprofit organizations, groups and many individuals. While its culmination of events is in April each year, Army of Angels has events and projects all year-long. You can find out more at: http://armyofangels.biz/.
Childhelp is the oldest and most comprehensive child abuse prevention nonprofit organization that I know of. It offers many services and ways that you can get involved, such as its 24/7 hotine, much material where you can learn about child abuse prevention, volunteer opportunities, a public school initiative to prevent and end child sexual abuse in public schools, forums for survivors to share stories about overcoming cycles of abuse in their lives to inspire others and heal themselves, and much more. And if you feel moved to share your financial resources, you can donate to this work. Visit:
http://www.childhelp.org/.
The epidemic of child abuse is so old and so big that our work to prevent and end it will never stop. This is a 24/7 and 365 days-a-year effort. Child abuse is everyone's business.
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