"Tis the Season

The holidays are upon us in the free world and in less than three days, the USA will observe Thanksgiving as an official holiday. And this holiday is known as "Turkey Day" to many people just as Christmas is known as "Xmas" to many others. I know that whether we are talking about Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa or any other holiday during this season, many may indeed see these times as seasons of celebration. These holidays also are full of expectation that they be somehow prefect or issue some sort of "miracle" in our relationships simply because it is "that time of year again." It is around this time of year that appeals from both churches and nonprofits for donations of money and time are highest because it is the "season of giving." People seem to be more in what is often called "the Christmas spirit" which is the same things as happiness, a positive spirit, a passion to give, and caring for others. Thanksgiving, which is coming up in only days in the USA, is the time when we are expected to focus on our blessings and thanking God for them.

I recall a time growing up when I was riding the bus to a special class and I was not happy with this arrangement of being sent to special classes, always feeling that I was blamed for my extensive bullying at middle school and sent to special classes as my "solution." One afternoon, at one point, I do not know if I was complaining or simply looked unhappy. Or perhaps she was directing this question to all the kids on the bus. But the bus driver, I recall, told us,, "Where is your Christmas spirit?" In other words, no matter how we feel at all other times of the year, we somehow are expected to set all that aside and adopt a spirit of enthusiasm, happiness, and positive thinking simply because 'tis the season to have a certain spirit.

Growing up, I have noticed that all the expectations surrounding the holidays seemed to so stress our mom and my stepdad so that they argued even more than they did during the rest of the year. I'm sure that, unless I'm missing something, that the expectations of the familiy on holidays drives many families to argue even more on holidays. You take into consideration the fact that families are hit hard by ads screaming for their business and so they feel that to "give their loved ones a holiday worth remembering," they have to spend, spend, spend and even if they must run up debt. Our materialistic culture gives us the notion that if we "really love" our loved ones, we will spend a large amount of money on them, even if we must run up extensive credit card debt to do this! These cultural pressures weigh most heavily on middle-class and low-income families, who are pressured to
"give their kids a memorable Christamas" with money they often do not have and to take on even major debt through charging up their credit cards.

It is not only the materialistic aspect that weights so heavily, and this one affects virtually everyone. I'm talking about relationships and how it seems that around this season, we are all expected, no matter what our issues the rest of the year, to set all these aside and somehow to "get along with everyone." Single people find this time of year especially lonely, as do those who have lost loved ones and especially in the first year of the loss. People who suffer from infertility also suffer especially around the holidays which is considered a "family time." There are many other people who do not find the holidays a time to exactly celebrate. People who are not on speaking terms with first-degree relatives like moms, dads, sisters, brothers, sons or daughters suffer during this time of the year. So the "holiday spirit" is very difficult for many people to comeby. Research tells us that the suicide rate goes up around the holidays, especially on Christmas Eve. I'm sure many of us are aware of and may have even viewed a Chrismas Eve movie called "Silent Night, Lonely Night." The title is self-explanatory. (A recent article refutes this, however, claiming the suicide rates do not spike at this time of the year but rather in the summer months; however, the article does not deny that many people have a hard time during the holidays. This article can be found at: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2012/12/05/holiday-suicide-myth-persists-research-says

I have never been a friend of tradition. I know that many, maybe most, people are. Tradition tells us that, on Thanksgiving in the USA, we are to cook and eat turkey, gravy, dressing, and all the side dishes. Growing up, We as a family went to my maternal grandmother's to eat and  was stressful not only for her, but for the rest of us. We all had to be at her home on time and her home was filled with people from her extended family. We would hear Nana sigh to herself, "This is all very hard." Yes, there was the turkey, dressing and the other tradional food. I wondered then and I especially wonder now, why do we use one day, supposedly to focus on giving thanks for our blessings, to gorge on rich food while over half the world does not have enough to even live? How does "pigging out" on rich, calories-laden food do anything to show our gratitude to God for providing for our needs and many of our wants? Would it not be a superior show of giving thanks to share this abundance with those who do not have enough to eat?

And I know that I myself am not immune to the increased expectations of the holidays. For I have an active petition campaign call for funding to cover all people with autism, including those children of families with low incomes or minority families, and underserved adults. I am beginning to, guess what? I'm using the holidays as a platform to motivate people to not only sign the petition but also to join me in circulation it. When I post my petition, in my header text, I have been including this: "All I want for Christmas is to see new signatures on and shares of this petition." Like most others in my culture, I'm making the most of "the Christmas spirit" that I see in many people, to get support for my petition in the form of new signatures and increased "shares" of it. In my family, the deaths of many relatives and the estrangement of some, means that holidays are not an unmixed celebration. Holidays give me an awareness, not always pleasant, of the passage of time. When I was seeking to conceive a second child for many years, I especially did not enjoy seeing so many families with two or more children.

There is another thing about holidays, the pressure and the expectation to not only have but to enjoy social get-togethers and often with people we don't see the rest of the year. For those of us who are touched by autism or related conditions, holidays can be especially difficult. The tastes and textures of the kinds of food we eat on holidays differs from most of the food we eat during the reast of the year. The social or family get-togethers and often the preparations, involved lots of noise and confusion. And we are expected to participate in all this, to make eye contact, to converse, and to not only tolerate but to enjoy tastes and textures of food that we don't usually eat the rest of the year. All thse things pose a challenge for many people who have any form of autism or related differences. This affects many families who have children or loved ones with any of these challenges as well as many individuals themselves. At best, many may find this time of year plain confusing and overwhelming.

From the standpoint of all of those who struggle with weight and food, holidays are tough. Research tells us that the average weight gain around this time of year is from four to seven pounds. Too many of us have fallen for the notion that it is somehow rude or ungrateful to say "no" to food, even if we know that we do not need its calories or should not eat it. I have heard it said that the average amount of calories in a given holiday meal are more than we should consume in any given day. The fact that Thanksgiving is often called "Turkey Day" betrays that fact that many see these holidays as an excuse to stuff ourselves and forget the nutrition rules that we are expected to observe the rest of the year. And then, after the holidays, ads hit us with their call to purchase weight-loss products and to make weight loss our "New Year's Resolution."

Thanksgiving is coming up within hours and is purpose is obvious. But are we to give thanks only on this one day of the year? We know better, I think. I have been seeing numerous posts on this holiday about what people are thankful for, such as loved ones and treasured friends, and other valuables. I have seen many posts expressing gratitude to the military and to veterans. This holiday's purpose is praiseworthy. I'm not trying to bad-mouth food, fun, and togetherness, only all the expectations that they stress many people with that are unrealistic and the abuses of materialism, hedonism and gluttony that get worse around the holidays. The reason that holidays so often do not live up to our cultural expectations is that, the rest of the year, the things these holidays represent tend not to be a reality in our lives. It is, I think, understanding that so many people do not find the holidays "the most wonderful time of the year" and caring for them, that we are remembering the caring, love, sharing and giving that are meant to symbolize this time of the year.