I'm sure that most of us who follow the news are aware of the tragic case of Rebecca Sedwick, the 12-year-old girl who ended her life after months of cyber-bullying, a few months ago. Many of us no doubt are aware of Phoebe Price, who, years ago, also ended her life after an extended period of bullying. The tragic story of Megan Meier, a young girl who killed herself over being bullied over the Internet, had first brought awareness to bullying as a social epidemic that puts children at risk. That was in the 1980s, I believe, when Ms. Meier's story brought bullying to the forefront of public awareness. Such tragic stories make news headlines occasionally, but one such story is one too many! It is sad that bullying is not taken seriously unless a death results. Before these girls and too many children like them, bullying was seen as a "rite of passage" and not a "big deal" and not something that scars children for life.
When I was growing up in St. Louis, Missouri and in the 1970's, bullying was not seen as a school problem. While I had experienced bullying in a local Lutheran school in the 7th and the 8th grades, the bullying I endured got more vicious at a local middle school the following year. I proved an easy target for bullies because I acted differently, which I believe to this day added up to undiagnosed autism that explained very poor social skills. Also, I was physically unco-ordinated and walked differently which were diagnosed as "mild cerebral palsy." My peers took note of all this. I was tormented and called names which aren't fit to be put in print. My lunch money would be stolen, I was tripped, hit, punched and chased home. That school year was a nightmare! I called the school the "nightmare school." Because of my differences and because I wasn't encouraged to enter into extracurricular activities, I had few outlets.
The bullying did not let up that year. One incident was particularly vicious. After school one day, two of my classmates grabbed the books I was walking out of school with and carrying. "We have you this time, ---------!" they taunted. "You are not getting away!" They pushed me and knocked me to the ground. My knees were badly skinned. They kept taunting me, calling me names. I hauled myself up, hoping to get away from them. I'm not sure what happened from there, but somehow I made it home, even with my badly skinned knees. My mom and late stepdad learned about this and took me to the local police station. The officer on duty took my parents' report. However, he said to them, "I discourage you from filing any charges in this case. These two girls have a mom who works as a prostitute for a living; if you only knew what the two of them go through." I was crushed; this was proof to me that bullying was "no big deal" and that my bullies, victims at home, would not be held accountable.
My bullying is just one example of how bullying should not be handled! The following year, I was dismayed to find that I was placed with behaviorally-disordered students in St. Louis County Special School District. I had been placed before in other "special" settings because school did not know what to do with me. But this particular time, when I asked my parents "Why did I get stuck in Special?", they always told me, "The school didn't know how to keep you safe. They didn't have the resources they needed. They tried. We had no other choice but Special School District." I was never satisfied with that explanation and I'm still don't buy it. Oh, my parents no doubt thought they had no options then. This was because bullying awareness didn't exist nor was there awareness of autism spectrum disorders. For the purpose of this article, though, bullying is the focus of the question to be answered: How is bullying to be stopped? How is it therefore to be handled? In my experience, I remained in "special" settings for the rest of my school year. The message sent? You were to blame for being bullied. It was your fault. You are damaged goods. See? You are with social rejects and you are a social reject yourself. Bullying is no big deal.
I entered adulthood still believing these things and, to this day, I struggle with these thoughts and feelings. Bullying is peer abuse, and being abuse, is just as scarring and damaging as any other form of abuse. Today we have much more bullying awareness but it took the suicide of a young girl to make that happen! Since her Megan Meier's tragic story of her "bullycide," more and more of such tragic stories would make the headlines on occasion. But they have happened enough to be a great cause of concern! Young people getting viciously bullied. Developing deep depression. We're believed or the bullying was mishandled. So, in hopelessness and seeing no better days ahead, they ended their lives. This continues to happen though bullying is a hot topic these days. It has taken bullying's migration to cyberspace to bring it awareness where we have several nonprofits formed to end bullying and many schools have instituted "zero tolerance" policies. Despite all this awareness, anti-bullying nonprofits and an unrated Bully movie now shown in many schools and other settings, bullying continues.
What will it to for us to prevent and end bullying? In my humble opinion, the answers are simple though far from easy. What can we parents do? First of all, we should raise our own children to be compassionate and kind. We should hold them accountable if they are found to be bullies. As for protecting children from bullying and from cyber-bullying, we should not let them have smartphones, a favorite hangout for bullies and predators. We should not let them have unlimited or unsupervised access to social networks. Teens love to hang out in cyberspace. So do bullies and predators. They should not walk alone, for children alone are easy targets for bullies and predators. Educators have been getting better about preventing and ending bullying in schools but can do better, as bullying has not stopped in schools. Educators should always believe students who report bullying and respond by protecting the victim, keeping them in their school setting and holding the bullies accountable. Way too often, children are made to feel that they are somehow to blame for "letting themselves get bullied." Other students should be encouraged to stand up for classmates whom to see being bullied and they should be rewarded. It's called peer pressure against bullying.
No, I don't want anyone reading this who has been touched by young people who have lost their lives to "bullycide," to punish themselves for what could have been. For we all make many mistakes. What matters is what we will do now, including about bullying. What will you do?
Photo Courtesy of MorgueFile.com.
Photo by Mensatic.
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