Early last week, I learned of a case that tore at my heart.
I watched this mom speak to the TV Psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw on TV, both on Monday but mostly on Tuesday. I could see only parts of this interview on Monday because my daughter was in the room and the show could be disturbing to her. Yes, the situation around the world is grim, but this sad story of this mom and her daughter reminded me that grim situations continue right here at home and must continue to be addressed even as we address the dire ISIS situation.
Even here in the West, we all pay the price when people's major needs are unmet, as this mom's story proves.
The young mom I'm talking about is Kelli Stapleton. Early last week, Dr. Phil interviewed her in a two-part interview. Obviously broken and remorseful, she recounted how she utterly despaired of life. Isabel, nicknamed "Issy," presenting with severe and nonverbal autism, was also violent. Her autistic "meltdowns" took an extreme, violent expression. In reading this post, please keep in mind that few autistic people, even nonverbal, classic autistic persons, are violent near to the degree that this mom reports that her daughter, Issy, has been.
As Dr.Phil interviewed Kelli, I was wanting to get into the story but we had to cut it off, as my daughter came home from school. The next day, I was able to hear the rest of the interview. Kelli was tearfully and remorsefully recounting how she drove herself and her daughter, Issy, in her van on the way to Elberta, Michigan. She told how she attempted to kill her daughter and herself. "Why?" she was asked. Kelli detailed how Issy had, during meltdowns, two separate times attacked her so badly that she had to be treated in the hospital emergency room. Also, Issy also attacked her sister; Kelli feared for their lives. Their dad, her husband, had divorced her, leaving her alone to deal with all this stress. While I in no way support Kelli's actions in this instance, I can see clearly how she had "snapped" because she saw no other options and had no support to draw upon. "Why not place her in a residential setting?" she was asked. She stated that because she lacked proper insurance, the residential home she placed Issy in would not keep the girl. Also, they saw it as their mission to "re-integrate Issy back into family life."
This mom was arrested, charged with attempted murder and now sits in jail awaiting trial. I was glad that Dr. Phil offered to help this entire family. I was sad and rather angry, however, that almost right away, many in the autism community used Kelli's and Issy's stories as a springboard to protest "autism caregiver murderer" and is calling on Dr. Phil to withdraw all efforts to show any support for Kelli's defense. Autism advocates wasted no time setting up a Facebook "event" for this purpose, as well as to "support all victims and call for justice for them." "Justice for Issy! Justice for Issy!" and "Lock her murderer up for life!" and "Bring this killer mom to justice!" were rallying cries.
Frankly, when I learned that Issy, her sister and Issy's dad are now making their lives together and "and are happy" according to the father, I frankly was annoyed though glad that Issy and her sister seem to be doing better. Tempted to judge this dad for leaving his family to cope alone prior to Kelli's desperate act, I'm a bit angry. Why do men and fathers get off responsibility?
I get it. I get it, autism community. To a point I can see why you are so mad at Kelli and want to see her pay in full. Many of these autism advocates see Kelli's desperate act as an insult to autism and that those with autism "are unfit to live." As many autistic adults, who are involved in this community, have "theory of mind" issues that make it hard for them to have empathy for this mom in pain, they are unable to see the situation from her perspective and to grasp how she could grow so desperate. . They see this case solely from Issy's perspective. But the self-righteousness of typical parents of autistic children is more difficult to understand. Maybe these parents have access to services that enable them to cope with their stresses of raising their autistic children? Am I missing something here?
Even if you do not feel a shred of compassion for Kelli, surely you should agree that all families with autistic loved ones need to have autism services accessible, regardless of their ability to pay.
Please sign this autism petition at SignOn.org.
Please sign this autism petition at Change.org.
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