You no doubt have been aware of a super-size family with 19 children. You may have watched their reality TV shows. You may even be fans of this unique family.
They have been widely looked up to as the model of how family life ought to be.
Now this widely admired family finds themselves in the middle of a scandal, something we never expected would be named among them.
This post is not really about them but about what this recent scandal says about us.
I'm talking about the Duggars, who, though widely admired for their appearance of wholesome, flawless morality and show of a happy family life, have a son who has admitted to having molested several young girls when he was in his teens.
Promptly, my Facebook Timeline blew up with all the rumors swirling around this family, once so widely lauded as the very model of parenthood for all of us. Now the Duggars are being castigated as hypocrites who condemned one widely accepted lifestyle while covering up their son's actions.
Who Are the Duggars?
Though I have long been familiar with this super-size family, I know that many people may not know who the Duggars are. This is a family who consider themselves "conservative Christians" who believe in almost literal separation from the world. They do not believe in artificial birth control devices, have borne 19 children, and are open to bearing more children. They homeschool their children and make ends meet by being in a long-running TLC (The Learning Channel) reality show "Nineteen Kids and Counting." Jim Bob and Michelle are the parents and they believe in a solidly patriarchal model where the man rules his household and the wife is submissive to him. The Duggar children have always been reared in a strict environment. I have long admired them, though I was sensed that there was more to them than they projected publicly and, certainly, on their reality TV show. While I admired their devotion to their principles, I knew that, like all of us, they were not perfect. While I thought their lifestyle was over the top, I believed that as long as they lived responsibly and raised law-abiding children, we had no basis to complain because their lifestyle deviated from the average family. Recently, they took heat because the parents publicly denounced homosexuality as a lifestyle and were trashed as intolerant, judgmental and bigoted.
The Present Problem
It was only a few days ago that I saw an article with the headline about Josh Duggar, now 27 and married and with a growing family of his own. The headline told about his molestation of four or five girls when he was in his teens. I did not read the article; I was doing other things at the time. But, later, I did a search under "Duggar" and it brought up numerous articles about Josh's molestation, which he admitted to in a statement. It appears that Jim Bob, the father, knew about his son's crimes for a year and then turned his son in to authorities. I understand that his parents got him counseling and he had to do hard labor. The victims? Little is known about them, and they no doubt did not want this ever to become public. They all were female. I'm not sure of their ages. If the Duggars were criticized before, they are the subject of intense criticism now! They are being accused of hypocrisy at their opposition to LGBT lifestyles, calling these lifestyles predatory, while they had a child in their home who was himself a predator. A prominent politician, Mike Huckabee, is being lambasted for supporting them. The blogosphere has been exploding with articles about this. I learned about this "Train Up A Child" nonprofit for homeshooling parents that it appears the Duggars had connections with. It advocates a very strict model for raising children, taking the Bible literally and advocating practices that encourage a shame-based view of sexuality, male dominance, passivity in children and submission in wives, and strict discipline. While some of these are taught in the Bible, these are taken out of context and encourage child abuse. All of this tells us that, like us, the Duggars are not perfect and have feet of clay. Child advocates are understandably expressing outrage, declaring that the victims are the ones being hurt by all this, and that they are being forgotten in all this discussion. This is true; these girls will have to live with this for the rest of their lives, and so will their families. Now TLC has pulled the Duggars' reality show off the air until a decision is made about it. Another scandal?
What Does This Say About the Rest of Us?
There is a whole lot of ranting and raving about the Duggars, especially about what so many see as their hypocrisy in condemning certain lifestyles while one of their own children turns out to be guilty. And, yes, much is expected from those to whom much has been given. The Duggars have been given a public platform and are public figures with much influence. They therefore have great responsibility. So, understandably, people are livid about how they handled this whole thing. But have we not seen one scandal after another from politicians, entertainers, sports figures, priests, pastors, and Christian leaders? Have we not seen many more of such scandals from less well-known people in all walks of life? What should this tell us? I think we should get the message. Are we not seeing a pattern here? The Bible tells us God's standards for acceptance with Him, and for getting into Heaven and being accepted with Him. Guess what this standard is? It is absolute, sinless perfection. By these standards, we have all missed it. I have, and I know You have also. It is called S-I-N. That dirty three letter word that they do not like to mention even in worship services. It is "too negative," they say. We sin because we are sinners, not the other way around. This is why we have things like scandals, all different kinds of crimes, missing persons, child abuse, human rights abuses, poverty, prisons, lawyers, and all our social ills. Josh did what he did because, in my opinion, his upbringing was too strict and unrealistic (from what I understand of how the Duggars raise their children). But, ultimately, he did what he did because, like all of us, he is a sinner. But if God demands perfection before He will accept us, where does that leave us? Maybe we should not be surprised that these things happen though we should be angry and upset. But does not all this show us that all of us need a perfect Savior to save us from our sins and their consequences?
How We Should Respond to This
Should we think less of this one family because we know that they, like us all, have feet of clay? No, this just shows that we are all in the same boat, all sinners in need of a Savior. What are the lessons to be learned from this? I can see several. First, no one is perfect and when we put people on pedestals, they will let us down every time. Second, child molestation ruins the lives of families, including the victims' families and offenders' families. Third, victims have to live with their abuse for the rest of their lives and can never forget. Fourth, while offenses can be forgiven, this does not mean they do not have consequences (even legal consequences). Fifth, that our trust should be in a perfect Jesus, Who will never disappoint us, not in imperfect mortals. Christians, including the Duggars, are far from perfect, but those of us who trust Jesus to save us from sin and its consequences are seeking to grow in the likeness of our perfect God. Sixth, that following these stories for the purpose of entertainment says more about us than it does about the players. Seventh, that we need to know that these things will keep happening until the Second Coming of Christ, and that we should focus on getting ourselves ready for it by getting right with God.
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