Why Do We talk That Way?

I Won't Go There

We rely on this expression when, I suspect, we really may want to say something or discuss a certain topic, but may feel uncomfortable bringing up the topic because we suspect or know that the other person (s) would be offended. Or we think the topic is plain taboo or would add nothing to the discussion in question. Recently, I was in a group setting where the subject of Hell came up. The person who initiated this discussing cut off the discussion abruptly, declaring sheepishly, "We (his parents) will not go there...." Another time, on TV, when the case of a young Black murder victim was as yet awaiting a court hearing and the grieving mom was bringing up the topic of the idea of adding a racial spin on her son's case: "I do not want to even go there." Years ago, when I was upset over what I saw as a betrayal of myself by a certain person, the other person I was venting to believed the issue was my need to not hold ill will against the person. ""We do not want to go there," I was told.

Don't Get Me Started on This.....

I suspect this phrase may actually mean the opposite of what the speaker may want to say. It may not. Recently, I was reading a book, which I had reviewed on this blogspot. The author was discussing achievements we should make for God's service. Then he began a paragraph with, "Do not get me started on my wife," and he proceeded, in the book, to give a litany of all the things that his wife has done in her service. All that he listed was overwhelming; not only did he get started, but I got the impression that he wanted to go on and on! But once, when I was in a group setting, the topic of education in local schools had come up. One person declared, "I have plenty to say about education in our local schools but do not get me started on it...." This person, as I remember, ended that discussion.

No Comment

This one is a loaded phrase, where we really want to make a comment but know that it may not be well-received. This is what I have observed. One time, years ago, I posted a comment on a person's Facebook profile page, when she posted a status about a politician that I have never liked: "No comment from me on this person." Actually, there was plenty I wanted to say, but I knew that the poster of the status would not want to hear my opinion. Years ago, a talk show host was covering a then high-profile missing child case. The child's biological mom was a rather controversial person. Certain comments were being tossed around about her, and the talk show host declared, "No comment from me." Actually, I got the impression that this talk show host wanted to say much more, but knew she should stop. Maybe it was because she agreed with them and felt she could add nothing to their remarks? This phrase is really a form of double-speak that we use when we really want to offer our opinion but know that it is not welcome, so we fall on this cop-out phrase. Hmmmm?

We Have To Talk

This phrase has always creeped me out! Years ago, a person took me aside after an event and said to me, "We need to talk." Immediately, my anxiety kicked in. I was told, "Don't be scared. This scared me all the more! I got an email where the person re-iterated, "I want to talk to you about things." Even though reading nonverbal cues was never my strong suit, I knew that I was in for news I did not want to hear. And I was right! Days later, the person delivered the bad news to me. A few years ago, I had applied as a volunteer for a nonprofit that does much of its work online. After over a month of waiting anxiously to hear if I had been accepted as a volunteer, the executive director of this nonprofit emailed me and simply set up a time where she would call me, saying, "We need to talk." That made a nervous, and with good reason. After the executive director's scheduled phone call, I wished I had not picked up the phone and answered it! It has been advised that in marriage, communication should never be prefaced with the words, "We need to talk." Good advice!

I Should Not Say This, But....

Many, many years ago, I was a student and I was listening to a conversation between two teachers, one of them my teacher and another teacher. They were discussing personalities, and the other teacher began a sentence with, I probably should not say this, but...." Once, I was busy on my computer and I overheard a phone conversation by a family member, where it was clear that much talk about personalities was being done. The family member said, "I know I should not say this, but...." and I heard more about the subjects than I wanted to hear. Once, a couple of years ago, I was chatting with a person on Facebook, and I asked a question, where the person stated, "I know I should not share this with you, but I have no choice now, so...." I think we use this phrase to save face (to ourselves) as we know full well that what we are about to say violates our consciences, if we are about to betray someone's confidence or engage in gossip.

You Cannot Do That

I'm not talking about this saying as used as a factual saying. I'm talking about when this is used to declare what we find unacceptable or taboo. I so often hear it declared, "You cannot do that!" when talking about socially unacceptable things, such as looking unclean or unkempt, being smelly or dirty, wearing clothes not fitting to the season, giving one's opinion on certain topics, and other unmentionables. Yes, we can physically do all these things, but we will not be able to do them and be accepted, maybe not even tolerated, in polite society. I often hear, "You cannot do that," in reference to speaking of matters considered "too shameful" to mention openly, but only in hushed tones of voice. This often includes "You can't talk about that" concerning autism, epilepsy, mental illness, abuse (especially sexual abuse), politic sand politicians, and religion. Yes, we certainly can open our mouths and talk about any of these things, but I'm sure most of us have had it pounded into our heads to keep silent on these matters. That holds true even when talking about them would actually help people, or would even be the right thing to do. When the hot-button topic of abortion comes up in our household, it is said that, "Women want this choice; you cannot keep it from them without them trying to do their own abortions." Yes, it is possible to not make abortion available to women, and convince them that there are other and better (not easy) alternatives to abortion. "You cannot do that," I was told after I had posted something on Facebook, years ago, that angered another Facebook user. What was meant that I could, and did do this thing, but had incurred the anger of another user.

I Cannot Complain

Yes, I know that this one is often used in casual greetings, especially in relationships that are marked mostly by social small talk. I used to think this was a literal and factual expression, that the speaker was saying that he or she had no complaints. However, one day, I heard such a greeting exchanged. "How are you doing?" the conversation began." "I cannot complain," was the response. "Well, that is good," declared the person who started this conversation. "Actually," the other person clarified, "I can complain, but I do not think you would want to hear it." In regard to getting a singing role, I once spoke to a person. "Would you be interested in a solo?" I asked him. "Well, it is possible that I can sing a solo, " he said. "On the other hand, I'm not sure you would want to hear it." Hmmmm.

I make No Apologies for Saying This....

This one is used as a preface when preparing to say things that we know will offend but which we want to say or think we have to say. Many years ago, I was an avid listener of rock music. I read a Christian book on this subject. The author's book was a case against rock music and why he believed it was offensive to God. He stated near the end of his book, "I make no apologies for saying this, but I believe that no Christ-honoring, God-fearing Christian can, with a clear conscience, listen regularly to hard rock music." Much more recently, I have encountered this phrasing when I began using Facebook. I had "friended" a person who is honest to the point of bluntness and tended to begin statements with, "I make no apologies for saying this but...." Not long ago, I was scrolling through A Facebook page, owned by a person (s) who made it clear that he was unafraid of offending people or hurting their feelings. This Facebook page was created to jolt people out of spiritual lukewarmness in the professing Christian Church. He made a hard-hitting post full of his frequent warnings about God's judgment, holiness and sin, declaring, "I make no apologies for saying this...." and he launched into one of his long-winded, hard-hitting posts.

I'm sure we use these kind of phrases, even as double-speak, unconsciously and not aware that we are saying them or why we are saying them. But as a follower of Jesus, I wonder if His admonition, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no; anything more than this comes from the Evil One" covers these sort of double-speak phrases.