Forgiving My Daughter's Killer by Kate Grosmaire

This book is part memoir, part spiritual reflections. This author, Kate Grosmaire, writes about the tragic shooting death of her teenage daughter. This is a strongly Catholic book. This family settled on getting in the Catholic denomination after trying other denominations. She writes that book with Nancy French, a three times New York Times bestselling author. After her daughter was killed, Grosmaire became an educator about what has come to be known as restorative justice. The author and her husband are the co-founders of the Ann Grosmaire "Be the Change" Fund, a charitable fund to promote forgiveness and restorative justice practices. It is named after their murdered daughter. This book has 19 chapters that tell the story of this family's journey and their reflections of their journey. The book ends with a jailhouse interview with the the boyfriend who killed their daughter. The author concludes with some acknowledgments of those who made this book possible. The book ends with a few notes of sources used in this book, and finishes with bios of the author and her co-writer. Black and white photos of Ann, the daughter, are inserted in the book.

I read through this book in under a week. It was an easy read. I found it interesting and riveting until the last page. The author sets the stage by beginning with the tragedy that changed the lives of two families. This book is somehow no ssad or depressing. This is the case with most true crime books. That is because of the tone and message of this book. The title fits the message of this entire book beautifully. The author is honest about her struggles with forgiveness. She shares about how it affected her marriage. I was intrigued about the "restorative justice" concept. This is revolutionary, and as laid out in this book, I would love to see made universal. It is that good. This author stressed the great value of having a church family during this time. She details the overwhelming support that her church family blanketed her and her family with during their tragedy. They were suppounded with support afterwards. The author describes it as "floating in love." I frankly felt a touch of envy at this. Why does it always take a tragedy to pull us together? Why does it always take a tragedy to unite us? Sadly, that is so often the case! I valued how this book stressed the plight of the families of suspects and criminals. I was moved at the love and grace this family showed to the killer of their daughter. THey also cared for his family. Seldom does the media touch on the families of perpetrators. The stress is almost always on the perspective of the victims and their families. That is understandable. But the plights and experiences of perpetrators' families shouldn't be forgotten. They are also victims in another sense. I have believed that for a long time. I found in this book lessons on forgiveness, redemption, openness, compassion, and above all, hope. As this is a Catholic book, I read it in that context. I'm not a Catholic but I was moved at how this family drew on their faith. THe author affirms her prolife stance, that life is sacred from conception to natural death. In this case, it is a tragic end-of-life scenario.

I recommend this book for all people. I recommend it especially for people who like to follow true crime. It may show these true crime followers another perspective on this issue. This book should be required reading for criminology students. It should be required reading in law schools. It should be read by anyone who deals with the criminal justice system. Reading it will introduce you to the concept of restorative justice. It benefits victims and criminals, and the families on both sides. I recommend this book for everyone who needs to forgive, which I'm sure includes almost all of us. I recommend this book for crime victims who are ready to hear about forgiving their perpetrators. This book stresses that forgiveness benefits the offended as well as the offender.

I received a complimentary copy of this book through Booklook Bloggers. I was not required to give a positive review of this book.

Why They Aren't What They Appear To Be

A week ago, one of the most disturbing and heartbreaking crime cases happened at a sleepover. It involved three twelve-year-old girls, and had been carefully executed and planned over a period of months. Two of the girls invite their best friend to this party, and she was so excited. Then she found herself being lured into the woods, where the other two girls were ready to carry out their plan. One girl called the shots and the other girl, the compliant one, followed orders. Then, the two young girls proceeded to wield knives and stabbed their best friend, over and over. Driven to please an imaginary character on a website, they were resolved to finish this hideous job. Then they left their best friend for dead; miraculously, she survived and was rescued. Her two friends now face first-degree murder charges and may be charged as adults, though they are not even teenagers.

What Is Going On?

It was a website character that gave these two pre-teen girls the notion to commit their brutal crime that all accounts tell us that they fully premeditated with the intent to murder. It is well documented. What is so disturbing about this case is the young age of the perpetrators, who have not even entered their teens, are girls, and committed this act against their best friend. The controversy surrounding this case is, Should these girls be tried as adults because of the sheer brutality of their crime, even though the victims survived? Another controversy is that, since science tells us that the girls' brains are still developing at age twelve, can they be held accountable for their actions? These two girls are two years younger than my daughter. The other disturbing aspect of this is that the victim and her family had no idea that their two friends were capable of such violence. The victim was reported to have said to her two friends turned attackers: "I trusted you." Sadly, we have entered an era where we have to do due diligence on anyone who wants to enter our lives, whether in our homes, our churches, or businesses. Forever gone are those days where we could just tell a nonprofit or congregation, "I want to help" and be welcome to volunteer, no questions asked. Now interviews are likely to be conducted, background checks done, and references used. Because of eroding trust and honesty along with a spike in and awareness of crime and abuse, we have entered a new age. Gone are the days where we did not have to do our homework on every friend or partner our children want to hang out with. Now, to keep them safe from evil influences and potentially violent peers, we need to get to know their parents and ask questions.

Know Those Who Want To Be With Our Vulnerable

Over these past decades, numerous disturbing cases of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and other crimes by volunteers have come out in the local and national news. Even more frequent and disturbing are reports of cases of abuse, violation, or other crimes by caring professionals or clergy against children, youth and vulnerable adults. These cases pepper the local and national news and on true crime channels like Investigation Discovery. Has all this abuse just gotten much worse or have we just become much more aware of it because of the greater access to information we have because of social media? It is unclear. But now it has reached the point that we have to be screened to do the most basic of tasks that involve contact with vulnerable populations, even handing out snacks or doing laundry services. It is saddening that we have gotten to this point but we have reached the point where we must put protecting the vulnerable above risking running some potentially good volunteers or employees away. A pediatrician was exposed for molesting many very young patients. A well-known singer was accused of incest with his now grown daughter. A popular singer was accused of molesting a young girl. Numerous priests are exposed for sexual abuse of mostly boys. More and more teachers are being exposed for physically abusing their special needs students. Years ago, I was shocked and saddened when the much-admired and heroic Director of a Christian nonprofit was exposed as molesting a ten-year-old girl; when these allegations came out, he killed himself. I can go on and on.

Know Who Wants To Enter Your Life or Your Family

In these past few decades, high-profile cases of horrific crimes by young people have shown us that we need to do due diligence on the peers or partners our children show interest in. Years ago, a book was written about the case of a then fourteen-year-old girl who was seeing a boy who was nineteen. Her parents, opposed to their relationship, threatened to turn him in to the cops for statutory rape if he did not stop seeing her. Furious, he killed both her her mom and dad. There was a case of a fifteen-year-old girl who vanished; her mom suspected that she was with her older boyfriend. Thankfully, many months later, the girl was found safe but she remained brainwashed and traumatized for a long time. Years ago, a case of four "vampire killers" formed a gang and killed one of the member's parents. Her eighteen-year-old sister had found her parents dead and called cops. And most recently, we hear of two twelve-year-old girls who almost kill their best friend. There are numerous cases of friends and dating partners who prove to be destructive forces in the lives of our children, getting them into drugs, alcohol, and crime. It's true that we should be accepting and welcoming, but when it comes to impressionable children who are easily influenced, their company has to be screened for bad influences and predators. Now I know that many young people sneak out and do things behind their parents' back, but we need to do all we can do prevent these things from happening in the first place. We can do only so much, but we need to try and we owe it to them to do that. When the recent case of the two violent twelve-year-old girls came out, many people blamed the parents of the one girl who held the sleepover, asking things like, "Was it how they were raised?" or "Did anyone know about that character they were obsessed with?" or "Why were they allowed to walk into those woods when somethings could have happened to any of them?" But we don't know much of the story.

What This Tells Us About Human Nature

These many cases tell us that all of us are far more complex than we can ever know. The Bible tells us that "The human heart is deceitful and desperately wicked: Who can know it?" This means that we cannot even fully know ourselves, much less truly know others. Many people have said of those two girls after learning of their brutal murder attempt, "They are pure evil." But before this crime, everyone saw them as normal, ordinary children. Over and over, whether talking about murderers and abusers of any age, it has often been said, "He was so nice" or "She was so pleasant." I get tired of mental illness being scapegoated when these crimes make news. The factors in these crimes are complex: Decaying morals, a lessening value for all life, the entitled mentality of many of us, the abundance of mind-altering recreational and prescription drugs, illicit sex and violence in the media, and the availability of guns and knives. All we can do is know those who want to enter our lives in any way, whether personally or professionally. We need to also embrace the truth that those we want to enter the lives of also have this same right and responsibility to check us out. The reason that even the most horrific criminals look so ordinary? It's because this same evil exists in all of us! Most of us just have, by the grace of God and favorable circumstances and (possibly) skill in not getting caught, have not been caught doing anything that would label us as criminals. But, knowing this, we don't want to get paranoid and look for red flags where they don't exist, and run good people out of our lives. Yes, it's a tightrope that we walk, right?

An Open Letter To All Who Hold the Key (s) To Solving Open Crime or Missing Person Cases

You have, twice, see a neighborhood girls who the homeowner, who comes off to you as rather "strange," claims that he is just taking care of but who is not ever sent to school or anywhere else, for that matter. You have seen these girls in the back yard but no where else. Should you read anything into this? Would this have anything to do with one of those missing child (ren) cases or Amber Alerts that you have been hearing about in the news? One day a girl screams for help and looks out. Should you open up the door, let her out, and let her use your Smartphone, so she can call cops for help? You have only seconds to decide!

On some days, as you look outdoors, you see a man who wanders the sidewalks aimlessly wandering around and appearing to be dazed and unaware. There is a local case of a missing man in your area. You have heard stories that this person has been thrown out by his family and you feel sorry for him, but what can you do?

You have exclusive knowledge about a conversation, online or in-person, that you know can provide a clue (s) to move a death or criminal investigation forward or help find a missing person, whether in your area or in your social networks. But you have been told, "This is between you and me. I'm not even sure that I can confirm this. I can get in trouble if this gets out." You do not want to get this person in trouble, but something is not right and you "just know."

There was a recent shooting in your workplace. Everyone is tremendously upset about it, including you.  It has made the local news and the suspect's sketch has been released. You have seen defensive wounds on a man whom you work with at around the time when your male co-worker was found tragically murdered. He looks like the suspect in the sketch. On, dear, would that man be the type to do such a thing; how can you "rat on" such a nice, outgoing guy?

You live in an ordinary neighborhood like so many other middle-class neighborhoods. You and your family have moved there because it has been said to be one of the safest neighborhoods where you can raise children. For the sake of you four children, you and your spouse move there. Children can play in the streets and there are plenty of them to play with. An ideal place for families! Yet in your neighborhood you have noticed one house where apparently only one person lives there and while he seems nice and friendly enough, he seems "strange." You cannot make sense of your misgivings. You have, on certain occasions, seen a couple children in this man's front yard. Who can they be, children that he babysits? You know of a few missing children in your region. Is there any significance here?

You have been hearing and seeing all the news coverage about girls and women being sexually assaulted, raped, and one even being found murdered. Law enforcement (LE) are focusing only on one man whom they see as being possibly involved in all these cases. The sketch of the suspect resembles your beloved son and is too much to ignore. Your son lives with you but is often evasive about his whereabouts and activities. On, dear. What should you do, brush your misgivings off?

Your get along with your husband fairly well the few times he is home. However, he often exasperates you because he gets his mail forwarded to another state and when he brings his mail home, he will not let you touch it. You also can't get your husband to "come clean" about the $$$ that vanish out of your family account and who he talks to. You are aware of a local Social Security fraud investigation where the suspect has not been caught. What should you do about it?

You have heard about the case of the "wanted" robber in your state and he has been known to be armed as he has "held" up quite a few banks, terrifying people who were in the banks at those times. You take note of the sketch of this suspect, noticing with dismay that the person in this poster greatly resembles your nephew, who has had encounters with the law already. Should you mess with this and anger your relatives? If you "rat on" your nephew, his name and yours will make the newspapers. Your extended family would retaliate and make your life and that of your own family a living hell! What should you do?

You are scrolling through your Facebook homepage and then, for some reason, decide to do a Facebook search. You notice that one of the Facebook profiles belongs to a boy who looks like and whose age is listed as identical to those of a missing boy, according to his poster information which you have seen, even shared, on social networks. Is there anything to this and should the cops be notified of this?

You are very painfully aware of a murder victim's case. You are the lone witness of the crime. You helplessly watched the person's life be brought to an untimely end. You have never forgotten the awful images and the victim's pleas for his life. You know that authorities are looking for this murderer and the case has gone cold. You know the killer, who has told you to remain silent or you would be sorry. Are you going to be this person's next victim if you tell?

You sometimes hold parties in your home. A certain man enjoys to frequent your parties, bringing his camera and several girls, one who is quite a bit older than the others. This man has always been secretive about his activities and about the identities of these girls. You observe that they seem to be very focused on pleasing the man, but that they enjoy your parties. Are you to connect this with the case of a missing girl in your area?

You are in a marriage that you deem as a loving, happy one. Everyone else agrees with you. You have three children together and count yourself as blessed. Your marriage truly must have been a match made in heaven! you think often to yourself. One day, you turn on TV and listen to local news about two teenage girls who were raped and then murdered. What is this world coming to? you wonder with dismay. Then the suspect is pictured. The sketch looks like your own spouse! You go to bed filled with misgivings and cannot face your husband. Is this a co-incidence? How can I even THINK my loving husband is remotely capable of this? Should you contact your local police? What if your suspicions are wrong? But what if there is something to them?

I can come up with many other scenarios of instances where so many of us can hold a key or even the key that would help move a death, missing/unidentified or criminal investigation forward, or even solve a case. We all know that there are countless such investigations that are going on and their numbers only increase by the minute, as new investigations begin. Many investigations go on for months, for years and there are many that have been going on for decades and show no sign of getting solved. You probably know about and may even watch, whether regularly or sporadically, shows like John Walsh's "America's Most Wanted."

Behind every investigation, whether it be to find a missing person, to identify a crime victim, to determine why a deceased person has died, or to seek justice for a murdered person, are people who are hurting, devastated, and who want and need answers and peace. Families, friends and communities are forced to live without answers as to why a loved one is dead, who is responsible, to see the person be brought to justice, or see a missing loved one be brought home, whether safe and alive or identified as deceased so they can have a proper burial. When such questions linger, unanswered, it is pretty well impossible to focus on anything else or move forward with life.

If you follow the news, whether on television or online, or use social networks, you may have seen many appeals by families or their appointed spokespersons, who have make appeals to the public for answers. You may no doubt have seen the contact information for tips and information that are to be used for submitted tips for specific investigations. You may have heard the anguish in the voices of family members, the tears in their eyes, who have pled for anyone with any information, even suspected information, to come forward, to contact the shared tipline, and to know that you will remain anonymous as you do so.

You may be a frequent viewer of talk shows and even cable TV channels whose focus is true crime cases and investigations. If that is the case, you have likely seen anguished interviews with tearful family members or friends of missing or murdered people or crime victims/survivors, who are seeking for justice. In this case, you have heard the appeals: "We would do anything to have our loved one home again. We are missing our loved one. PLEASE, if you know anything at all or you suspect that something is not right, please call in with your tip. No piece of information is too small to help solve a case."

You may even be carrying a dark secret and you may be the only one who knows about it. You may know details of a crime that only the perpetrator (s) of a crime or an accomplice (s) can know. You say nothing because you don't want to lose your freedom. You may even have "skipped town," taking on an alias and starting life in another state or even in another country. If you told, you know what could happen. You could be put away in prison, even for life.

Why should you come forward and tell? For one thing, you would feel relief and gain a clear conscience. A clear conscience is priceless. You also can solve an investigation, bring a missing person home, identify a crime victim, end a family's nightmare, even save someone's life. Yes, doing the right thing often has consequences, but the consequences cannot compare to the consequennces of not doing what you know is right.

So why wait? You know what to do. Pick up your phone and dial 9-1-1 or the tipline in question or submit your tip in written form, on designated websites like John Walsh's "America's Most Wanted" or other related websites. Depending on any role you had in the case in question, you may face consequences. But you will be doing the right thing.

I realize this post is an appeal to anyone who has ANY information on cases that are open and currently under investigation by Law Enforcement (LE) or higher authorities. This post does not address the many more of us who have information on cases that have NOT been opened and on crimes where the criminals have not been caught. This kind of appeal would take another blog, actually a whole book. I plan a post, appealing to those of us who have information on cases that have yet to be opened.

https://tips.fbi.gov/

This is the webpage where you can submit online tips to the National FBI website for open and active cases that are under investigation. This site is also linked to state FBI offices, which you can contact for tips on cases in said state. The FBI investigates a BROAD range of crimes.

http://www.amw.com/report/tip/

This is the webpage to the site for John Walsh's America's Most Wanted. If you have tips or information on any fugitive or missing person, you can submit your tip online.

http://oig.ssa.gov/report-fraud-waste-abuse/

This is the webpage where you can report any witnessed or suspected form of Social Security fraud or abuse (including Medicare, SSI and other benefit types).  This is the official site for the Social Security Administration.

1-800-CRIME-TV

(1-800-274-6388)

You can also call this phone line with your tips or info.

1-800-THE-LOST

(1-800-843-5678)

You can call this phone line to report any tip or info that may lead to a missing child).

1-800-4-A-CHILD

(1-800-422-4453)

This is the hotline where you can call to get your questions answered about known or suspected child abuse.





Photo Courtesy of MorgueFile.com. Photo by deegolden This photo can be found here.

An Open Letter to Those Who Hold the Key (s) to Investigations

You may regularly see a neighborhood child (ren) who the homeowner, who comes off to you as rather "strange," claims that he is just taking care of but who is not ever sent to school or anywhere else, for that matter. You have seen this child (ren) in the back yard but no where else. Should you read anything into this? Would this have anything to do with one of those missing child (ren) cases or Amber Alerts that you have been hearing about in the news?

On some days, as you look outdoors, you see a man who wanders the sidewalks aimlessly wandering around and appearing to be dazed and unaware. You have heard stories that this person has been thrown out by his family and you feel sorry for him, but what can you do?

You have exclusive knowledge about a conversation, online or in-person, that you know can provide a clue (s) to move a death or criminal investigation forward or help find a missing person, whether in your area or in your social networks.

There was a recent shooting in your workplace. Everyone is tremendously upset about it, including you. You have seen defensive wounds on a man whom you work with at around the time when your male co-worker was found tragically murdered. On, dear, would that man be the type to do such a thing; how can you "rat on" such a nice, outgoing guy?

You have been hearing and seeing all the news coverage about girls and women being sexually assaulted, raped, and one even being found murdered. Law enforcement (LE) are focusing only on one man whom they see as being possibly involved in all these cases. The sketch of the suspect resembles your beloved son and is too much to ignore. Your son lives with you but is often evasive about his whereabouts and activities. On, dear. What should you do, brush your misgivings off?

Your get along with your husband fairly well the few times he is home. However, he often exasperates you because he gets his mail forwarded to another state and when he brings his mail home, he will not let you touch it. You also can't get your husband to "come clean" about the $$$ that vanish out of your family account and who he talks to. What should you do about it?

You have heard about the case of the "wanted" robber in your state and he has been known to be armed as he has "held" up quite a few banks, terrifying people who were in the banks at those times. You take note of the sketch of this suspect, noticing with dismay that the person in this poster greatly resembles your nephew, who has had encounters with the law already. Should you mess with this and anger your relatives?

You are scrolling through your Facebook homepage and then, for some reason, decide to do a Facebook search. You notice that one of the Facebook profiles belongs to a boy who looks like and whose age is listed as identical to those of a missing boy, according to his poster information which you have seen, even shared, on social networks.

You are very painfully aware of a murder victim's case. You are the lone witness of the crime. You helplessly watched the person's life be brought to an untimely end. You have never forgotten the awful images and the victim's pleas for his life. You know the killer, who has told you to remain silent or you would be sorry. Are you going to be this person's next victim if you tell?

You sometimes hold parties in your home. A certain man enjoys to frequent your parties, bringing his camera and several girls, one who is quite a bit older than the others. This man has always been secretive about his activities and about the identities of these girls. You observe that they seem to be very focused on pleasing the man, but that they enjoy your parties. Are you to connect this with the case of a missing girl in your area?

I can come up with many other scenarios of instances where so many of us can hold a key or even the key that would help move a death, missing/unidentified or criminal investigation forward, or even solve a case. We all know that there are countless such investigations that are going on and their numbers only increase by the minute, as new investigations begin. Many investigations go on for months, for years and there are many that have been going on for decades and show no sign of getting solved. You probably know about and may even watch, whether regularly or sporadically, shows like John Walsh's "America's Most Wanted."

Behind every investigation, whether it be to find a missing person, to identify a crime victim, to determine why a deceased person has died, or to seek justice for a murdered person, are people who are hurting, devastated, and who want and need answers and peace. Families, friends and communities are forced to live without answers as to why a loved one is dead, who is responsible, to see the person be brought to justice, or see a missing loved one be brought home, whether safe and alive or identified as deceased so they can have a proper burial. When such questions linger, unanswered, it is pretty well impossible to focus on anything else or move forward with life.

If you follow the news, whether on television or online, or use social networks, you may have seen many appeals by families or their appointed spokespersons, who have make appeals to the public for answers. You may no doubt have seen the contact information for tips and information that are to be used for submitted tips for specific investigations. You may have heard the anguish in the voices of family members, the tears in their eyes, who have pled for anyone with any information, even suspected information, to come forward, to contact the shared tipline, and to know that you will remain anonymous as you do so.

You may be a frequent viewer of talk shows and even cable TV channels whose focus is true crime cases and investigations. If that is the case, you have likely seen anguished interviews with tearful family members or friends of missing or murdered people or crime victims/survivors, who are seeking for justice. In this case, you have heard the appeals: "We would do anything to have our loved one home again. We are missing our loved one. PLEASE, if you know anything at all or you suspect that something is not right, please call in with your tip. No piece of information is too small to help solve a case."

You may even be carrying a dark secret and you may be the only one who knows about it. You may know details of a crime that only the perpretrator (s) of a crime or an accomplice (s) can know. You say nothing because you don't want to lose your freedom. You may even have "skipped town," taking on an alias and starting life in another state or even in another country. If you told, you know what could happen. You could be put away in prison, even for life.

Why should you come forward and tell? For one thing, you would feel relief and gain a clear conscience. A clear conscience is priceless. You also can solve an investigation, bring a missing person home, identify a crime victim, end a family's nightmare, even save someone's life. Yes, doing the right thing often has consequences, but the consequences cannot compare to the consequennces of not doing what you know is right.

So why wait? You know what to do. Pick up your phone and dial 9-1-1 or the tipline in question or submit your tip in written form, on designated websites like John Walsh's "America's Most Wanted" or other related websites. Depending on any role you had in the case in question, you may face consequences. But you will be doing the right thing.

National Child Abuse Prevention Month: What is That?

          I'm sure that if you have spent any amount of time on social networks, you have hear about a movement called the Army of Angels and about the campaign, National Child Abuse Prevention Month (NCAPM), which is not much over a week away. This movement and this campaign have been going on for several years, though I'm new to this. You may have been urged to become part of this movement and to become an "Angel in Action." You may have heard about the founder and leader of this movement, Kathleen de Spain Moore and may have "friended" her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter or have "liked" her popular Facebook page. You yourself may serve as one of those "Angels in Action." And if you do, you may be able to add to what I am about to write and share your experiences. Whatever the case is and your relationship with this movement, there are a number of things I would like you to consider.
         If you are unfamilar with NCAPM or the Army of Angels, you probably, understandably, wonder what the fuss is all about. NCAPM is actually a series of organized events that are designed to bring awareness to child abuse and to facilitate ways to prevent and end it in the communites all over the US. High-profile people whom most of you probably know, will be involved, such as Marc Klaas, father of murdered Polly Klaas, and Mark Lunsford, father of murdered Jessica Lunsford and other well-known people. These two fathers any many others "everyday people," are planning to travel, cross-country, on motorcycles. They plan to travel and make stops at designated areas. There are organized events, and they will include things such as fellowship, music, food (specifically barbeque), games, presentations and much media involvement, specifically on the part of the HLN network and its prime-time talk show hosts.
         Many of you may be justifiably wondering, as I tend to, just how will these events and all the festivities and media blitz ACTUALLY help combat the terribly HUGE problem of child abuse? After all, child abuse (and other forms of abuse) most often take place inside the walls of homes, schools, and inside other settings. How will NCAPM reach into these settings to where people are hurting? How will their awareness efforts work? What is going to be done to reach the families that are identified to be "at-risk" and who face the stressful circumstances that so often cause adults to snap and to commit acts of abuse or violence against children? What is going to be done to reach out to families which live in tough, crime-infested neighborhoods, where shootings, sad to say, are a regular event? In these awareness events, other than the one safety fair in California, what is going to be done to empower parents and other adults, parents, grandparents, other guardians, teachers, and others who deal most with children, to keep children safe in their homes, in their communities, and online? These are the people who are most in need of NCAPM's message. Will they, of all people, have access to these events?
          According to the Army of Angels website at http://armyofangels/biz/, funds raised for NCAPM will be going to two nonprofits, Klaas Kids Foundation and to Wyn Spring Family Resource Center. Good enough. I know about Klaas Kids and I understand that they do wonderful things for children, through awareness and outreach. I don't know about Wyn Spring and so I can't comment on that nonprofit.
          I don't mean to come across as saying anything negative about these well-meant events and the campaign or all the festivities that are associated with it all. My concern is that the Army of Angels cause is obviously seen as a cool, fun, glamorous cause to join and be associated with. I have had more success, on both my Facebook accounts, in recruiting people to this Army of Angels cause on the Causes site, than I have for any other cause I have recently tried to get people to join. I have had much more success in recruiting people to the Army of Angels cause on the Causes site than I have recently had in recruiting people to another child abuse cause on that site, "For the Love of A Child," which is for Childhelp, a nonprofit that gives comprehensive services in child abuse prevention and services. These services include a hotline. Childhelp does REAL things for children! Therefore, my observation of  heavy Army of Angels involvement, judging from this support for their cause vs. other child abuse causes, and posts and comments I see often, can actually encourage one to lose sight of what it is supposed to be all about: to prevent and end child abuse. Child abuse prevention comes about not by awareness but by action which is taken based on what we already know. We need to get to awareness but get past it to ACTION that takes place all year long, for child abuse takes place all year long. Out efforts to prevent and end child abuse, whether done through Army of Angels or through some other means, ought to take place after April ends and the events are long over. All the blitzing about Army of Angels and all the camaraderie among those involved in it, should not make us lose sight of those whom all these efforts are supposed to help: the children.
          Last night, on a prime time talk show, Marc Klaas was weighing in on the current disppearance of a 15-year-old girl; I hear him say that, in the US alone, there are half a million registered sex offenders. This does not count all those who have not been caught, and we can be sure that they are many. Violence against children happens everywhere, in the home, in schools, in the community, and online. And child abuse is intertwined with other forms of violence, as abusers have often been abused themselves and are motivated by other forms of abuse, such as partner abuse, for example. And many youthful criminals who have done heinous things, have also cited bullying, which is another word for peer abuse, as their motive. How many school shooters have been motivated by bullying and by abuse in their homes? Recently, I wrote a blog about this very topic, about how bullying has been the motive for many brutal crimes; these crimes are on the rise. Children, themselves, are getting more and more violent. In a child-centered society like ours where it is politically correct to put one's child even before one's spouse, we have startlingly many severely troubled, unhappy, angry, frustrated, empty children. When we talk about preventing and ending child abuse, we ought to talk about other forms of violence that feed into and motivate child abuse. We also can be sure that the predators and violent offenders that we detest and vilify as evil incarnate, were often abused children themselves or suffered some or other stress or trauma in their childhoods. Not always, but often.
          Much abuse happens because of our broken system itself which places children in bad foster homes where they are subjected to even more abuse than was experienced in their original homes or are kept in homes where they should be removed from. Another form of child abuse happens where children are removed from good homes because of false accusations against the parents, because of the system's prejudice against parents who have disabilities, who live in the "wrong" neighborhood, or for another inapropriate reason, and most often because of custody issues between two fit parents who cannot or will not, resolve their differences. How will NCAPM these issues? Any talk about preventing and ending child abuse ought to include a discussion about how to make changes in a broken system which fails children over and over again.
          Another way of preventing and ending child abuse is sharing what experience of abuse we may have suffered in childhood, for the purpose of helping others (and I include bullying, which is peer abuse). Sharing your story puts a human face on abuse, brings it home to people on how abuse feels, how it leaves emotional scars that last a lifetime, and gives others the courage to share their own stories. It demystifies abuse, including child abuse. In connection with this, the other way to prevent and end child abuse is to break the cycle of abuse in your own life, often with professional help, as so much abuse happens because the abusers have been abused.
          In the meantime, what is the most obvious way to combat child abuse? Call the hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD if you suspect or know a child is being abused.
  
       
http://armyofangels.biz/
This is the website for NCAPM and, in concise terms, provides information about this movement and the campaign. It also provides Kathleen de Spain Moore's contact information, where you can contact her if you are interested in providing help with last-minute details.

http://www.childhelp.org/
This is the website for Childhelp, which provides comprehensive services for child abuse prevention, including the hotline I provided above. Accorging to Charity Navigator, this nonprofit is in debt financially and is having trouble paying its bills. So, if you are looking to give to a child abuse nonprofit that needs your $$$ and that is doing REAL things for children, I recommend giving to this one.

Motives for Killing and Bullying

          A few days ago in the US and in Cleveland, Ohio, a student brought a gun and shot a number of other students. His act injured a couple of students enought to cause them to be hospitalized. And three other students lost their lives, one succumbing to his injuries and being declared "brain dead" when he reached the hospital. The suspect, a thin, sad-looking young man, did not seem to anyone who knew him, to be "the type of person who would do a thing like that." People who knew this young man described him as a "quiet guy," a "loner who kept to himself" and that he "always had a sad look in his eyes." He had been attending an "alternative school" for "at-risk" youth. He had been living with his grandparents. What is the suggested motive for this suspect's murder? It was suggested that he was a bullied outcast who had "snapped" and let his pent-up anger and hurt at his past boil over, spilling over onto innocent students who had nothing to do with his original pain.
          This sound like another, even more far-reaching mass murder that took place in April 1999, at Littleton, Colorado at Columbine High School. Two deeply troubled youth brought guns and pipe bombs into their school, to carry out a crime that they had planned a year in advance. They had intended to kill many students; however, one teacher and 12 students actually lost their lives. Then the two gunmen ended their own lives. What was the motive for this horrific murder-suicide? The two deeply troubled young men had been outcasts who had been bullied by classmates and theit pent-up hurts and anger spilled over and causes them to "snap" and "more than level the playing field" by becoming the bullies who also "checked out." Sadly, this is not the only such story. Months ago, I pulled up a link on Facebook and read a sad article about a boy who was on trial for the crime of raping his younger sister. What was the motive for this crime? Again, the defense was that this boy had been bullied at school and he finally "snapped" by taking out his anger and hurts on his younger sister, raping her. And weeks ago, I viewed a few episodes in a series that was designed to raise awareness about stalking. In the episode in question, the stalker was a young man and his victim was a girl who befriended him because she felt sorry for the way that other students bullied him. Their friendship started as a true friendship but something happenened one day that ended this all abruptly. He had tried to get this girl's attention that day or something; when he could not get that attention, he demanded, "So you think you are too good to speak to me now?" Then he began to stalk her and threaten her; fearing for her life, the girl avoided him. He grew worse until she reported him to authorities where he was arrested, tried and imprisoned. The motive for this young man's crime was clearly rage over an unresolved past of anger and hurt over years of being excluded and bullied by his peers. He was "getting even" by becoming the bully, the stalker. There have been quite a few other crimes that have been committed, especially in schools and in workplaces, that have had as their stated motive unresolved hurt and anger over pasts of being excluded and bullied.
          I'm not condoning these young people's crimes or excusing them for what they did. Being bullied and excluded, even repeatedly and without adult involvement, no more justifies crime any more than any other adversity would. The point? Over and over, we should by now see, by the bullycides and bullying-motivated homicides, that bullying affects young people and affects their emotional development more than we have realized. And yet bullying shows no signs of going away, whether in schools or in the community, among children or among adults. We can be thankful for all the resources and awareness that are being poured into the prevention and ending of bullying. Because of all this advocacy, bullying is no longer seen as a "rite of passage" and victims are seen and treated with empathy rather than blame. And yet bullying is getting worse as well as how young people react to it so often, by bullycide or by bullying-motivated crimes. What explains this? It's the fact that respect for life, from conception to death, has declined dramatically, as the young are often not learning good morals, empathy or self-control. It's harder to pass traditional values of morality, empathy, self-control, compassion, conviction and respect for life to the next generation.
          When I was growing up, I indeed endure much bullying and terrible teasing and the focus was on what I was doing to "bring on the bullying" and I did not see that my bullies experienced consequences or that I was taken seriously. Much of this bullying was done to me because of my differences that I'm certain would have gotten me an autism spectrum diagnosis via today's current DSM-5, had I grown up during these times. It was awful and scarring and the effects of growing up with unexplained differences and then being bullied by peers and widely misunderstood by adults, remains with me to this day. Yet because respect for life, moral values, empathy and self-control had been instilled in me and just a couple of years in a church-based school where God was central in the curriculum, had a big effect on me, ultimately. Faith-based values give hope in bad times; today, our culture does not help us instill such values in the young that would give them what they need to survive and so we keep hearing about more and more crimes being committed by young people, and more youth suicide. We can blame much of that on the fact that God has been driven out of so many of or schools and out of the public square. I have observed in so many of these bullying-motivated crimes and bullycides that the young people in question seemed to have little spiritual foundation. Or if they did, it was not passed on to them, as the values of love, compassion, empathy, self-control, hope and faith in God start first in the home.
          These bullying-motivated crimes seem to be the saddest of all as they could have been prevented in the first place. Was the prior bullying that motivated these young people's crimes taken seriously? I doubt it. I know that educators, especially teachers, have hard jobs and that it is probably easier to ignore bullying or not take it seriously. We parents find it easier to ignore bullying, not only denying that our young are being bullied but that they can be the bullies. As for bad parents who neglect or abuse they young, they are not only hurting their children but they are also hurting society by inflicting on the rest of us young people who will likely bully our children and, if not helped, will "graduate to adult lives of crime. This is just one more reason to prevent and end child abuse.
          Now there is one young person who, because he "snapped" because of a painful past, which also included a bad home life, will probably spend the rest of his life in prison and will be hated and feared by society. The lives of those three families who have to bury beloved children, the students who are injured and their loved ones, will never be the same. And the lives of the suspect's family will never be the same. They are no doubt devastated and shocked and had no idea that their loved one would do such a thing. The boy who raped his younger sister will also probably spend the rest of his life in prison and likewise be hated by society; his family are no doubt in incredible emotional pain. I don't need to go into all the lives that were destroyed as a result of the mass murder-suicide at Columbine High School or other school or workplace shootings. Shouldn't all these cimes, so often motivated by pasts of bullying and exclusion, not to mention all the bullycides of young people, convince us that bullying can kill or scar one for life?
          And where do these young people gain access to guns or other weapons of destruction? This is almost never talked about but it should be, as these weapons are used in the act of murder. Don't adults in the home have a responsibility to deny youth all access to guns or other weapons that can kill? Does anyone but me see the obvious, that these school shootings and other crimes by teens and children, would have been prevented if they had had no access to the weapons that they managed to access? This inceasing availability of guns and other killing weapons may be just an aggravating factor in these crime, but it is an important one.
          We can conduct all the bullying awareness projects and campaigns we want, but unless hearts are changed and values are instilled in the young that will result in empathy, respect for all life, compassion, faith in God, self-control, and conviction, these efforts will have limited impact. I would like to see less focus in schools on the "higher math" and other subjects that students will probably never use; I would like to see these repaced by classes in anger management and classes teaching kindness, social skills and assertiveness. We parents need to both model and teach the next generation the values of respect for all life, integrity, empathy, compassion and faith in God.


http://www.stopbullying.gov/
This is a government-sponsored website to educate the public about how to prevent and end bullying.

http://www.stompoutbullying.org/
This website is for a nonprofit organization that provides comprehensive services to prevent and end bullying, including a hotline for bully victims. Whenever I visit this site, I think: How I could have used such services growing up!

http://peerabuse.net/
This is one website that is devoted to those among us whose bullying was bad enough to leave lifelong scars.

http://bullyinglte.wordpress.com/
This website is a forum for those who want to share their bullying stories to prevent and end bullying and to heal themselves and "let go."