Social Networking: Does It Breed Narcissism?

     One day, I was scrolling through my Facebook homepage where a user posted something like this: "Really, Facebook should be called Fakebook as all you're going to see of its users are their best photos. All we see of people on here is what they are at their best. It's an illusion." I posted in the "Comments" section about how much I agreed with this person on this matter.
     I have observed that users on social networks are focused on doing everything they can to place themselves in the best light. We talk about wearing our "Sunday best" when we attend worship services and while I'm NOT comparing using social networking with attending worship services, it seems that we have a "social networking best" as well. And so many users seem to be bent on impressing other users wth their accomplishements, credentials and just who they are. Now I understand that when people are trying to grow their for-profit or nonprofit organizations or are trying to market their causes, that much of this is essential to get business or supporters. After, as is said so often, we have "only one chance to make a good first impression."
     I see so many users who post photos and posts about their babies and I understand the urge to "show off" one's darling offspring to the world. But so many people, including those who do not have children or who cannot produce offspring, might be hurt or at least annoyed by such posts, depending on their own situations. If you are a user who is struggling with infertility and are unable to conceive, the last thing you probably want to see is others posting photos of their cute babies. It screams out: "Look at what I have!" It's like you are expected to be an infertile person celebrating other's children; this is the message these posts can send to such people or to others unable to become parents for other reasons. Users who have lost babies may also be hurt or retraumatized by seeing these photos, especially if their loss is recent.  And aside from that, for parents who post these baby photos, there is the safety and privacy issue to consider, as online predators lurk, unseen and unknown, behind their computer screens and who can guarantee that they cannot see the cute photos? Such posts have sometimes annoyed me as well as have saddened me, as often, when I see them, I'm reminded that babies and young children will not be in my future.
     Many months ago, a user posted about her machanical talents. In a transparent effort to show off her prowess in this area, this user posted about her washing machine, how it broke down and how she was able to fix it on her own. Gleefully and most childlike, this user posted: "I have fixed my broken washing machine by myself and now it is fixed! Yes, I am boasting!" Amused by this status update, , I saw it as no big deal except that users who lack such talent and have to hire machanics to do repairs for them, may be annoyed by such a post and especially if their budgets are tight.
     Many users, in their "About Me" or "Info" sections of profiles or pages, list such a list of accomplishments or places they travel, that I feel that my own life is lackluster as compared to theirs and that I have done nothing with it. Some users post such extensive lists of accomplishments and places they travel, and their life experiences, that frankly, I find it hard to believe these claims that many make about themselves. Maybe this is just me but I think so much of it is the way social networks make it so easy for people to present themselves any way they please online. And when I see these claims and believe them, I admit to experience feelings of jealousy toward these users for being able to "soar as advocates," with social connections, financial resources and opportunities that I can only dream of, and which would certainly help in my current petition campaign!
     One Facebook user posted a thinly-veiled reference to her financially rewarding career. No doubt this user was happy at this time and wanted to share this happiness with all. "I must admit," this person boasted, " that I enjoy the financial rewards that I get every week!" Another time, this user declared, "Wow! I'm seeing a big windfall coming!" I felt both amused and a wee bit jealous.
     At one time, a user in my Facebook network changed her profile photo. When I saw this photo, I was rather startled and wondered if what I saw was genuine or "doctored." This user had put up a photo where she graced the covers of Forbes magazine. What kind of statement was this user trying to make? And how was she able to make the cover of this magazine, if in fact that really happened?
     Earlier this year, I was most annoyed by one Facebook user and this person's transparent show of narcissism as shown on this user's profile and Facebook page. This user ostensibly was spearheading a movement whose stated mission was noble. However, this person's profile and page, even if casually checked, told a different story of what this user seemed to be about. For both this person's profile and her page showed many "glamor shots" of her and I could not understand what this had to do with this user's stated mission. If this user made it her practice to put up all these "glamor shots" in order to generate support and donations, she most certainly succeeded! This person's page added many thousands of "fans" within days! And on her profile, this user got countless posts of support and affection from adoring supporters. I experienced feelings of jeaousy o this person even as I could see these transparent gestures of self-promotion on her part. I believed in this user's cause and while I certainly am not judging her heart or her motives, behavior such as she has shown says a lot! This user reflects this shallow culture and our often phony values. While I know that packaging is part of marketing one's cause and mission, when it is taken too far as I believe happened in this user's case, credibility is lost.
     Last year, one the eve of this user's birthday, she kept checking her birthday greeting as I kept getting Facebook notifications that this user has posted a "Thank you!" on one birthday greeting after another, as received. And the following day, this continued. This user kept checking in and responding to her greetings with "thank you's" and affectionate symbols. Sounding much like school days when we compted to see who would get the most Valentine Day's greetings? This user was only one example of many who made it a point to check it around and on their birthdays as their birthday greetings poured in from users in their social networks. Yes, I understand that seeing hundreds of posts wishing a user happy birthday would be, at the very least, a temporary boost to one's self-esteem. I can't blame any user for this childlike behavior. Social networks are a place where many users seek support, friendship and affirmation that they may not find in their offline lives.
     While I know that Facebook always gives page owners full control over who can post on their pages, I have been put off by how controlling some page owners can be and how little interaction they permit their "fans." Yes, I know that page owners that trun pages for business or nonprofits need to keep their pages focus on their products or missions. But I have seen some page ownners who I think take this too far and who are running personal or "community" pages. Social interaction on such pages are limited only to sharing their content or expressions of support for them or their material. I was not only annoyed but angry when I tried to email one such page owner via her contact information on her page. I emailed her twice, requesting that she post a petition that bore a good measure of relevance to the purpose of her page as it involved the people she is advocating for. I didn't get any response. So, after about a month, I posted a link to this petition, twice, in the "Comments" area on this person's posts (as I could not post on her page). The following day, I was aghast to see that she posted a status update, politely but firmly saying that external links were not allowed on her page and that she would consider such links by email and post them IF they fit in with her mission. Apparently, the petition did not fit her criteria. Angered by what I saw as self-promotion, I deleted myself from her page, on both my accounts. More recently, I sought this user's support with my own petition, which also is to benefit those she advocates for. To make a long story short, my attempts failed completely and the person not only refused to support my petition campaign, but has banned me from her page on my first account and has told me, "I don't ever want to hear from you again!"  Right or wrong in my attempts to garner this user's support, her response shows that many users use social networks solely for very specific agendas with little room for those with other agendas.
     Most recently, some users have been uploading and posting photos of their certificates and honors which they have won, or their children have won,  and which I'm sure they have worked hard for and deserve. I know that many users have made it a point to proudly display their awards or honors or accolades won by their children. And I know that this is the time of graduations from different levels of education. And I'm sure these users who display their honors or those of their children, assume that everyone will share in their happiness. While I certainly understand wanting to share one's happiness with the world, not everyone is able to do those things signified by these honors. Many people will never be able to graduate from college because of lack of funds or learning differences or for other reasons. Struggling advocates and small nonprofits lack the funds and resources that can empower their missions to soar and put them in the position to do the things that awards like these signify. "Oh, people who begrudge those who win awards or honors like these are just jealous, resentful or childish!" some may object. "Get a life!" There may be some truth to this, but why incite others to such things? And as many awards and honors come with generous financial stipends, sharing about these, in my opinion, is especially insensitive to small nonprofits and advocates with limited resources and who are struggling to "make their voices bigger."
     Showing support for each other's causes on Facebook, in personal networks, should go both ways. In my current petition campaign, I have set up a "My Birthday Wish" online "event" on the "event" page of Facebook in order to promote my petition. I created the page in the hope of reaching as many people in my networks as possible. Even after all my efforts to stress that this "event" was merely an online effort to promote my petition, that it was NOT a fundraiser, and that people had control over the privacy of their signatures, I saw many more "Declines" to my "event" than those who marked "Joined." Granted, some who marked "Declined" DID sign my petition and not all who marked "Joined" actually signed the petition. Yes, I could understand why those outside the US have not been supporting my petition, even though I stressed that even they could still help by sharing the petition by finding it on my Facebook page (giving them the link). But others in the US? "I don't do petitions," one user said. Well, there was nothing I could do about a user like that; months ago, another user had told me, "You causes are lovely, but I can't support them." And yet, a good number of these "nonsupporters" have been enlisting my support for their own causes, petitions and are sending me invitations to games and other applications. It makes me wonder: Does the give-and-take of relations not apply, at least to some extent, to online relationships?
     And in my petition campaign, I guard against coming across as a self-promoter and like those who call for support for their own causes but who won't reciprocate when others seek support from them. For I have always gone out of my way to show support for others' causes and petitions, though I know that a few users have deleted me because they felt "snubbed" by me. Actually, in these cases I have not seen or noticed these user's causes.
     Actually, social networks are neither good or bad; the users behind these networks are what make them what they are. For social networks are people.

Social Networking: Does it Encourage Narcissism?

          Yesterday, I logged in to Facebook and saw a post that prefaced the user's status with the remark that Facebook should really be called "fakebook" because its users so often put up their best photos and use the social network to showcase their accomplishments. Wholly agreeing with this, I posted a comment saying how right this person was. Ironically, however, the user posted a photo that was obviously designed to get the attention of other users and to generate comments, which it did. Like the user, I have to plead guilty to posting things that are at least partially motivated to gain attention, even though, for privacy and safety reasons, I keep off social networks photos of myself and my family or most of my sensitive information. And yes, when my posts fail to generate comments and I feel ignored I feel disenchanted with social networking.
          As an example of annoying personal posting, take that of posts abourt babies or children. Now I fully understand how and why parents, especially new ones, are proud of their babies and children and want to show them off to the world. Aside from the privacy and safety issue of wrong, predatory eyes seeing these precious cuties, posts of them are insnsitive to those users who have lost a baby, especially recently. Also, such posts can be hurtful to those who are unable to conceive children or carry to term. I have seen lots of posts on my homepage. Though they can be annoying, I have "liked" a number of these posts. Yet such posts also serve as a reminder that holding and enjoying a baby or small child will never be mine again. Posts where parents, justifiably proud of their children's accomplishments in school or extracurricular activities can be hurtful to those who are raising children who are developmentally disabled and can't do these things. Even in the autism community, there is a sometimes bitter division between those high-functioning adults with autism and parents with high-functioning autistic children, who are justly proud of their accomplishments and like to share them, and families of those with severe, classic autism. However, one day a mom, who has a severely autistic child, vented about this and posted something like this: "What about severe, classic autism? Does anyone find THIS kind of autism inspiring?"
           Facebook is a haven for people who like to showcase their accomplishments, major or minor. One day, I logged in and I saw one person post this: "My washing machine was broken but I was able to fix it all by myself. Yes, I am boasting!" I was amused and am still amused. But posts that really annoy me are those where people proudly post about the places where they have just traveled. For example, when one person in my networking was traveling accross the country, those of us in this person's network got updated on each state the person had just traveled to. What do such posts do for users whose life circumstances don't allow them to travel even out of their home state's for one weekend?
           In their "About Me" and Info" sections on their profiles or pages, a good number of people showcase their accomplishments as resumes for the world to see. They list so many accomplishements that I feel that, next to them, I have done nothing with my life in comparison. For example, on one person's Facebook page, this person spends many paragraphs walking the person's "fans" through the person's numerous accomplishments. The list was so extensive and long that I still have a tough time believing that this list is totally authentic and not embellished. I admit to feeling terrible jealousy of this person for being fortunate to have these opportunities, the social connections to access them in the first place and the financial rewards that had to have resulted from these achievements.
           Some online boasts are more amusing and childlike than anything and to this day, make me smile. Months ago, one person posted this: "Wow! I'm feeling a big windfall coming!" A few weeks or so later, this person apparently couldn't resist sharing: "I must admit that I love the financial rewards that I receive every week!" Of course, such posts do little for those with low-paying jobs or who are on fixed incomes but provoke possible jealousy of this person posting.
          People on my page often seem to have social connections and love to share these with their networks. Recently, one person in my network changed her profile photo. I was rather surprised when I saw it. She had put up a photo of herself gracing the covers of Forbes magazine. Mildly annoyed, I wondered if this was for real or a "doctored" photo.
          I have been most annoyed by a person who claims "Founder" status for a movement with a noble mission and many loyal, passionate supporters. This person has, however, used the  page and the person's profile to put up glamorous photos of  this person. And the person's business page has been named after the person and not the mission. While I believed in the genuinessness and worth of the movement and all that it stands for, I had issues with this person's self-presentation. But if this person used self-promotion to generate donations and supporters for a worthy cause, this was hugely successful. However, I felt terrible jealousy of this person and what came off as narcissism. Now I can't see the person's heart but I can observe the person's behavior. When I posted about my concerns about the cost-effectiveness of the events surrounding this movement being used for actual programs, the person in question abruptly severed all ties with me without disclosure. It's so sad that, in our image-conscious, celebrity culture, it takes slick packaging to generate support for the noblest of causes and that there are consequences for anyone who challenges this.
          Birthday wishes and how many a user gets, can be a popularity contest. Last year, one user in my network, a popular person, started getting greetings well before her special day. This person would post periodic status updates about feeling happy about getting so many greetings. On this person's birthday, the person apparently checked the person's page for greetings and would keep posting statuses and comments of thanks. There have been a number of other users who would approach their birthdays greetings much this way. I understanding that gettings hundreds of birthday greetings can mae one feel better about one's self, so I can understand some user's childlike excitement about being flooded with birthday greetings on their special day.
          While I know that Facebook gives its users full control over who can post or comment on their pages or profiles, it seems that many users take it too far and are heavy-handed in their approach. I understand that business owners and nonprofits must keep their pages clear and focused and are not using social networks to socialize; I appreciate it when such parties just lock up their pages so no one can write on them. But nothing annoys me like people who give lip service to social interaction, set their pages so you can post but remove posts without disclosure. My annoyance gets aroused when I post positive and helpful links or comments or share my blog or page, only to return to these pages and see that my posts are removed. I quickly "unlike" such pages where I'm not permitted to interact or share my blogspot or my page. A few months ago, I emailed a person, sending the person a link for a petition that I thought was important to the person and her fans. I waited for a response for weeks. As the person's page is locked so no one can post there, I posted the link to that petition there, twice, in comment threads. A day later, the person posted a nice but firm status update, saying no more links on "off-topic" items and that the person didn't "have time" to respond personally to emails, and so forth. Put off by the person's non-response to my concern, I instantly hit the "unlike" option on both my accounts. And another thing that I don't like is when people call me a spammer and tell me not to post anything on their pages. This has been happening more and more. I want to retort: "Why in the world did you add me if you are going to restrict my ability to socialize with you?"
          Social networking can so easily become a popularity contest with the emphasis being on image and numbers. It is like a return to middle school and can bring out insecurities from the past; I know this from experience. In my first year on Facebook, I paid too much attention to my friend list count. Now that I have a blogspot and a page, I'm tempted to pay too much attetion to my "follower" and "fan" count. But I have found out, the hard way, that such parties can abandon you without disclosure
or explanation. A high friend, follower or fan count does not mean having many real friends. In fact, it seems the higher the count the fewer real friends one may have.
          A sad fact about social networks is that is that authenticity, openness, honesty and moral courage are not rewarded. When exhibited, it seems that other users are quick to hit the "Unfriend," "Block" or even "Report" options. Social networks reward those with name recognition, who know how to package themselves, and who showcase their accomplishments and put "their best feet forward" and who have money to put up sponsored ads. These parties are the ones who get the most "likes" and comments on their statuses and who get the most "fans" for their pages and "followers" for their blogspots. Just today, when I opened my email inbox, Facebook sent me an email with the title, "Your Page Needs More Fans!" It was a sales pitch to me to pay them to promote my page.
          In stark contrast to the narcissism of, slickness, self-seeking and phony values so often seen not only online but offline, stand the values of the Person Whose last days many people of faith focus on during Holy Week. The Son of God's values and life on Earth, according to the four Gospels in the Bible, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, consist of these: He was always devoted to and obedient to God His Father, showed compassion for all in need, hung out with outcasts and people that others rejected and looked down on, refused to show off His greatness and power and showed fearlessness and moral courage and standing up to evil and injustice. Eventually, His moral courage and unconventional ways earned Him death on a cross, but God His Father rewarded Him by bringing Him back to life in a historical resurrection and then calling Him Lord and King. I don't know if, had He come today to live on Earth, Jesus would use social networks or how He would do it, but I know that since His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways, that while many others are put off by honesty, truth, free speech and reality, He is not.
          Thank You, Jesus.