Statistically it is noted that 80 percent of all child abusers are parents, many crimes against children are done by others. And if we include bullying, which is peer abuse, under this umbrella, this means the need to combat abuse and crimes against children, even when peer-to-peer, is that much greater. Actually, we know that this is a year-round issue. So many of us are raised to "mind your own business," which means to refrain from getting involved in problems that are not our own. Now, it may seem like "meddling" to make phone calls to law enforcement (LE) or to a child abuse or human trafficking hotline. But to a helpless and victimized child, our involvement would change the world for him or her and may be the only way out of their nightmares. So, child abuse IS everyone's business. And believe me, I am also preaching to myself here.
Child abuse and crimes against children trouble, sadden and anger any decent person. And yet, there is no sign that these crimes or abuse of children are decreasing, but may be getting worse. That is in spite of all the time, money and resources that are constantly being poured into awareness efforts to prevent and end child abuse. There are countless businesses, nonprofits and individuals, whether high-profile or everyday people, who have dedicated their lives to raising awareness among the public, to prevent and end all forms of abuse and crime, especially against children. Yet, unless I'm missing something, I don't see that all this reducing child abuse. Three children a day are said to die from abuse; this doesn't count child or teen suicides that stem from dpression because of abuse. And if we include peer abuse in child abuse, we know the need is even greater. Already, according to one Facebook post, four children have already ended their lives, since school has begun this year, over peer abuse. We need to re-define what minding our own business means. Lives depend on it!
The list of ways to prevent and end child abuse and crimes against children is not complete. I'm sure that anyone can read this list and be able to add to or amplify each item, depending on your experience or education as survivors or advocates.
1). Screen anyone whom you allow to babysit your children, especially if you need them to do this on a regular basis or they will be doing this from your home. Sadly, people are so often not what they seem to be or claim to be. Interview your candidates. If you can afford it, run background checks on these candidates. Ask them for references and call each one, paying attention to what they say and how they say it.
2). Little things can mean a lot. If you are standing in line in anywhere and you see a mom or dad with young children behind you, allow them to go ahead of you. If you see a family with young children driving behind you, grant them the right-of-way.
3) Try to always put your child's name on the inside, not outside, of all clothing and possessions, to protect their privacy and to guard them from nosy predators. It's sad that this must be done but since those nosy predators can be hard to identify, we can never be too careful.
4). If you have very young children or children with special needs who may wander, install locks on screen doors, front and back. Yes, this may sound confining but isn't it better to be safe than sorry?
5). If you have children who use the Internet, especially if they use social networking sites (SNS), monitor what they do online. Yes, they probably will resent it but, in time, they will come to appreciate it. Do not let underage children (under age 13) set up SNS accounts on Facebook, You Tube, My Space or other SNS. If you can, encourage them to hold off using SNS until they reach age 18! And if they use SNS, set up their computers in an area where they can be easily supervised. There is too much drama and too many harmful people in cyberspace.
6). You are justly proud of your child's accomplishments and you want to "show off" your child. But bear in mind that you never know where the eyes of predators are lurking, looking for easy prey to exploit and victimize. So refrain from putting up bumper stickers that proclaim, "My Child Is An Honor Student" or "The Proud Parent of An Eagle Scout" or anything else that can identify your child to predators.
7). Befriend a single mother, especially if she is poor or without a strong support system. Single mothers, with all their stresses, are at-risk and becoming overwhelmed and so are most easily tempted to take out their frustrations out on their children or neglect them; this includes relying on them for companionship or expecting too much from them.
8). It's normal for your beautiful children to be the apples of your eye. But if you use social networks, never forget that predators lurk unseen in cyberspace. Therefore, minimize uploading photos and videos of your children on the Internet, including SNS. And I strongly discourage using their names if you enjoy putting up family photos and never their full birthdates. Among all the good folks on SNS, online pradators lurk and we have few ways to identify them.
9). We need to overcome our inhibitions and talk to our children about sexuality and sexual abuse. They need to know how to protect themselves from being victimized as we cannot always be around to protect them. We need to let them know that they are to ignore any orders to "keep secrets." Silence empowers predators which is the LAST thing anyone wants.
10). Do not discipline a child in anger. Cool down before taking action. So much abuse, including that which results in death to children, comes from tempers out of control.
11). If it is for you, volunteer to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) to serve as a voice in the system for abused and neglected children. If interested, visit the national CASA website at: Court Appointed Advocates For Abused Children (CASA)..
12).If you are expecting or pursuing adoption, ensure that you have a solid support system in place. My heart goes out to those of you who have no extended family nearby; in that case try to find giving, helpful people who will support you. This holds true especially if you are a single parent, have a disability or other life challenges. The support will reduce the stress of parenting and lesson the temptation to abuse or neglect your children (ren).
13). Appeal to legislators to release more funds to to anger management classes and parenting classes in public schools at the high school level, in place of all the higher match that is required of students. After all, what skills will students need to succeed at parenting and relationships, algebraic skills or people skills?
14). Try to never allow any child 17 or under, walk alone anywhere for any reason, even when it may be more convenient. We have far too often heard of the terrible things that happen to children who are left unattended!
15). If you are new and especially a young parent who is petrified of your new parenting responsibility, you do have options other than doing something desperate that you'll never forgive yourself for. You can leave your family with a responsible adult or take your baby to a church, a hospital or to any local police station. They may track you and hold you accountable, but there are many childless couples who will be overjoyed to take your baby!
16). Child identity theft is on the rise; a child so victimized won't realize what's been done to him or her until it's time to apply for a job, an apartment, a loan, or for a host of other goods and services that most take for granted. Don't give out your child's Social Security Number or full birthdate to anyone unless they NEED to know to help your child. And if you are tempted to use your child's Social Security Number for any reason, don't! This is child abuse.
17). If it is for you, run for political office, making children's rights your political platform.
18). Children with autism or other behavioral issues are the most abused children of all, according to research and my experience. This is because frustrated and overwhelmed (and maybe uninformed) parents and other caregivers lash out in frustration by verbal, emotional and even physical or sexual abuse. Children with special needs are even more vulnerable than typical children. If you are the parent or caregiver of a child with special needs, seek resources in your area where you can get referrals to those who can grant you respite care and guidance.
19). If you have emotional baggage from a troubled past, whether you are a parent or not, try to find a trusted person (s) to work though your issues with, whether a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, pastor or other person. In this way, you will be breaking a cycle that can pass from one generation to another. We do not have to remain products of our upbringings. In this way, by empowering yourself, you will be free to meet your child (ren's) needs.
20). If you grown overwhelmed as a parent, get help. So many cases of abuse, especially child abuse, deaths have happened because frustrated parents or caregivers have resorted to abuse spinning out of control and killing children. Hard as it is, tell yourself to walk away, take deep breaths or pray. And DO call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-44530 or 9-1-1, and find alternatives to abuse.
21). If you struggle with a substance abuse addiction, especially drugs or alcohol, please get professional help! Substance abuse sets you up to neglect or abuse your children. Of course, you still love them as much as ever, but your body "needs" to "feed" your addiction even more. You will stoop to anything to sustain your addiction and are powerless to conquer it on your own. To save your family, get help!
22). Men, take responsibility for the children whom you father, even if you are not married to their mother! It is so unfair to get females pregnant and then desert them, leaving them alone to raise your children. Such moms are at-risk because of their stresses, of abusing and neglecting your children. Anf if you are married, don't leave all parenting to your wife. Parenting is a team effort.
23). If you know or suspect that a child is being abused, do not be silent. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1.
24). Parents, raise your children to manage their anger, teach and model empathy and resolve their conficts with words, not fists. Set the example, hard as this may be to do at times.
25). So many cases of child abuse and child abuse deaths happen because of wrongful court decisions in child custody cases and because of a broken system. There is no easy answer to this but appeals to the government may be the first step, so that the system will attract competent, dedicated people who are adequately paid for their work and where corrupt judges will be removed from office. This will enable the appointments of competent judges of compassion and integrity.
26).Spousal or partner abuse often mushrooms into child abuse. When we talk about preventing or ending child abuse we need to address other forms of abuse. In situations where spouses are being abused, will child removal fix the problem? According to many courts, it is!
27). Human trafficking isn't something that is "out there." Like it or not, it is happening, from coast to coast, even in the US and to children in stable, loving homes as it happens to those from bad homes. What happens is that children, around the age of 12, may run away from home or get caught up in other situations where someone approaches them and tels them that they will find a "better life" if they go to "work" for a "new family." Lured and then sold, they find themselves trapped and are made to do unimaginable things; there are many who never survive or escape. You can educate yourself at the website for Not for Sale, a nonprofit that fights human trafficking. Visit:
Not For Sale.
And if you even suspect that you see a person who may be a human trafficking victim, you can contact Truckers Against Trafficking at: 1-888-373-7888.
28). If you are in the position to do so, adopt a child. You may be rescuing a child (ren) from an abusive home, even saving their live (s).
29). Strongly discourage your older child (ren) to not date or get romantically involved with anyone with known violent tendencies; do as much "due diligence" as you can on them. You will be sorry to pour so much into raising a child (ren), only to see them ruin themselves in bad marriages!
30). Bullying should always be discussed when we talk about reventing and ending child abuse. Just because the abuse is done peer-to-peer does not make this form of abuse any less and the scars of those who survive this abuse are much the same as the scars of those who survive any other form of abuse. No matter what form abuse takes or who it is done by, abuse hurts. Parents, teach and model empathy, kindness and compassion. The rest of us should practice these qualities and not tolerate any peer abuse that we witness, whether in person or online.
This is no complete list but you get the concept. Abuse can be prevented. It is up to us to prevent it. We don't have to organize, spend money, raise money, form committees and create huge events to make a difference. We can make a difference right where we are. These things that I have mentioned are simple (not easy) everyday things that all of us can do that make the world a better place. There is an established anti-child abuse nonprofit that is an outlet for ways to make a difference, Childhelp.
Their website for this nonprofit is comprehensive and offers many ways to get involved. They offer the 24/7 hotline that I have mentioned twice in this post, material where you can educate yourself about child abuse, volunteer opportunities, a public school initiative to prevent child sexual abuse and even a forum for survivor stories. And if you feel so inclined, you can donate. You can visit Childhelp's website: ChildHelp..
The epidemic of child abuse is so horrific that our awareness efforts can never be enough to address it. This is 365 days a year, 24/7.
Child abuse is the business of each us of. We need to mind our own business.
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