Preventing and Ending Child Abuse

If you are a regular user of social networks you may be aware of something called "National Child Abuse Prevention Month" which comes every Spring. This time is upon us and is technically several weeks away as I write this blog, when April will arrive. National Child Abuse Prevention Month is like a "superbowl" of child abuse awareness. It is a month-long culmination of the efforts of businesses, nonprofits and of many individuals, to bring awareness to the widespread and tragic epidemic of child abuse in the United States and other parts of the free world. These efforts, which include fundraising, gatherings, speeches and safety fairs for children and families, show no signs of stopping child abuse. If you follow the news, you cannot avoid the regular stories of child abuse, including children who are killed by this abuse. The statistic is that, on the average, child abuse kills about three children per day! That comes to 1095 children a year who are lost to child abuse! More is needed to fight child abuse than national awareness efforts.

Statistically it is noted that 80 percent of all child abusers are parents, many crimes against children are done by others. And if we include bullying, which is peer abuse, under this umbrella, this means the need to combat abuse and crimes against children, even when peer-to-peer, is that much greater. Actually, we know that this is a year-round issue. So many of us are raised to "mind your own business," which means to refrain from getting involved in problems that are not our own. Now, it may seem like "meddling" to make phone calls to law enforcement (LE) or to a child abuse or human trafficking hotline. But to a helpless and victimized child, our involvement would change the world for him or her and may be the only way out of their nightmares. So, child abuse IS everyone's business. And believe me, I am also preaching to myself here.

Child abuse and crimes against children trouble, sadden and anger any decent person. And yet, there is no sign that these crimes or abuse of children are decreasing, but may be getting worse. That is in spite of all the time, money and resources that are constantly being poured into awareness efforts to prevent and end child abuse. There are countless businesses, nonprofits and individuals, whether high-profile or everyday people, who have dedicated their lives to raising awareness among the public, to prevent and end all forms of abuse and crime, especially against children. Yet, unless I'm missing something, I don't see that all this reducing child abuse. Three children a day are said to die from abuse; this doesn't count child or teen suicides that stem from dpression because of abuse. And if we include peer abuse in child abuse, we know the need is even greater. Already, according to one Facebook post, four children have already ended their lives, since school has begun this year, over peer abuse. We need to re-define what minding our own business means. Lives depend on it!

The list of ways to prevent and end child abuse and crimes against children is not complete. I'm sure that anyone can read this list and be able to add to or amplify each item, depending on your experience or education as survivors or advocates.

1). Screen anyone whom you allow to babysit your children, especially if you need them to do this on a regular basis or they will be doing this from your home. Sadly, people are so often not what they seem to be or claim to be. Interview your candidates. If you can afford it, run background checks on these candidates. Ask them for references and call each one, paying attention to what they say and how they say it.

2). Little things can mean a lot. If you are standing in line in anywhere and you see a mom or dad with young children behind you, allow them to go ahead of you. If you see a family with young children driving behind you, grant them the right-of-way.

3) Try to always put your child's name on the inside, not outside, of all clothing and possessions, to protect their privacy and to guard them from nosy predators. It's sad that this must be done but since those nosy predators can be hard to identify, we can never be too careful.

4). If you have very young children or children with special needs who may wander, install locks on screen doors, front and back. Yes, this may sound confining but isn't it better to be safe than sorry?

5). If you have children who use the Internet, especially if they use social networking sites (SNS), monitor what they do online. Yes, they probably will resent it but, in time, they will come to appreciate it. Do not let underage children (under age 13) set up SNS accounts on Facebook, You Tube, My Space or other SNS. If you can, encourage them to hold off using SNS until they reach age 18! And if they use SNS, set up their computers in an area where they can be easily supervised. There is too much drama and too many harmful people in cyberspace.

6). You are justly proud of your child's accomplishments and you want to "show off" your child. But bear in mind that you never know where the eyes of predators are lurking, looking for easy prey to exploit and victimize. So refrain from putting up bumper stickers that proclaim, "My Child Is An Honor Student" or "The Proud Parent of An Eagle Scout" or anything else that can identify your child to predators.

7). Befriend a single mother, especially if she is poor or without a strong support system. Single mothers, with all their stresses, are at-risk and becoming overwhelmed and so are most easily tempted to take out their frustrations out on their children or neglect them; this includes relying on them for companionship or expecting too much from them.

8). It's normal for your beautiful children to be the apples of your eye. But if you use social networks, never forget that predators lurk unseen in cyberspace. Therefore, minimize uploading photos and videos of your children on the Internet, including SNS. And I strongly discourage using their names if you enjoy putting up family photos and never their full birthdates. Among all the good folks on SNS, online pradators lurk and we have few ways to identify them.

9). We need to overcome our inhibitions and talk to our children about sexuality and sexual abuse. They need to know how to protect themselves from being victimized as we cannot always be around to protect them. We need to let them know that they are to ignore any orders to "keep secrets." Silence empowers predators which is the LAST thing anyone wants.

10). Do not discipline a child in anger. Cool down before taking action. So much abuse, including that which results in death to children, comes from tempers out of control.

11). If it is for you, volunteer to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) to serve as a voice in the system for abused and neglected children. If interested, visit the national CASA website at: Court Appointed Advocates For Abused Children (CASA)..

12).If you are expecting or pursuing adoption, ensure that you have a solid support system in place. My heart goes out to those of you who have no extended family nearby; in that case try to find giving, helpful people who will support you. This holds true especially if you are a single parent, have a disability or other life challenges. The support will reduce the stress of parenting and lesson the temptation to abuse or neglect your children (ren).

13). Appeal to legislators to release more funds to to anger management classes and parenting classes in public schools at the high school level, in place of all the higher match that is required of students. After all, what skills will students need to succeed at parenting and relationships, algebraic skills or people skills?

14). Try to never allow any child 17 or under, walk alone anywhere for any reason, even when it may be more convenient. We have far too often heard of the terrible things that happen to children who are left unattended!

15). If you are new and especially a young parent who is petrified of your new parenting responsibility, you do have options other than doing something desperate that you'll never forgive yourself for. You can leave your family with a responsible adult or take your baby to a church, a hospital or to any local police station. They may track you and hold you accountable, but there are many childless couples who will be overjoyed to take your baby!

16). Child identity theft is on the rise; a child so victimized won't realize what's been done to him or her until it's time to apply for a job, an apartment, a loan, or for a host of other goods and services that most take for granted. Don't give out your child's Social Security Number or full birthdate to anyone unless they NEED to know to help your child. And if you are tempted to use your child's Social Security Number for any reason, don't! This is child abuse.

17). If it is for you, run for political office, making children's rights your political platform.

18). Children with autism or other behavioral issues are the most abused children of all, according to research and my experience. This is because frustrated and overwhelmed (and maybe uninformed) parents and other caregivers lash out in frustration by verbal, emotional and even physical or sexual abuse. Children with special needs are even more vulnerable than typical children. If you are the parent or caregiver of a child with special needs, seek resources in your area where you can get referrals to those who can grant you respite care and guidance.

19). If you have emotional baggage from a troubled past, whether you are a parent or not, try to find a trusted person (s) to work though your issues with, whether a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, pastor or other person. In this way, you will be breaking a cycle that can pass from one generation to another. We do not have to remain products of our upbringings. In this way, by empowering yourself, you will be free to meet your child (ren's) needs.

20). If you grown overwhelmed as a parent, get help. So many cases of abuse, especially child abuse, deaths have happened because frustrated parents or caregivers have resorted to abuse spinning out of control and killing children. Hard as it is, tell yourself to walk away, take deep breaths or pray. And DO call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-44530 or 9-1-1, and find alternatives to abuse.

21). If you struggle with a substance abuse addiction, especially drugs or alcohol, please get professional help! Substance abuse sets you up to neglect or abuse your children. Of course, you still love them as much as ever, but your body "needs" to "feed" your addiction even more. You will stoop to anything to sustain your addiction and are powerless to conquer it on your own. To save your family, get help!

22). Men, take responsibility for the children whom you father, even if you are not married to their mother! It is so unfair to get females pregnant and then desert them, leaving them alone to raise your children. Such moms are at-risk because of their stresses, of abusing and neglecting your children. Anf if you are married, don't leave all parenting to your wife. Parenting is a team effort.

23). If you know or suspect that a child is being abused, do not be silent. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1.

24). Parents, raise your children to manage their anger, teach and model empathy and resolve their conficts with words, not fists. Set the example, hard as this may be to do at times.

25). So many cases of child abuse and child abuse deaths happen because of wrongful court decisions in child custody cases and because of a broken system. There is no easy answer to this but appeals to the government may be the first step, so that the system will attract competent, dedicated people who are adequately paid for their work and where corrupt judges will be removed from office. This will enable the appointments of competent judges of compassion and integrity.

26).Spousal or partner abuse often mushrooms into child abuse. When we talk about preventing or ending child abuse we need to address other forms of abuse. In situations where spouses are being abused, will child removal fix the problem? According to many courts, it is!

27). Human trafficking isn't something that is "out there." Like it or not, it is happening, from coast to coast, even in the US and to children in stable, loving homes as it happens to those from bad homes. What happens is that children, around the age of 12, may run away from home or get caught up in other situations where someone approaches them and tels them that they will find a "better life" if they go to "work" for a "new family." Lured and then sold, they find themselves trapped and are made to do unimaginable things; there are many who never survive or escape. You can educate yourself at the website for Not for Sale, a nonprofit that fights human trafficking. Visit:
Not For Sale.
And if you even suspect that you see a person who may be a human trafficking victim, you can contact Truckers Against Trafficking at: 1-888-373-7888.

28). If you are in the position to do so, adopt a child. You may be rescuing a child (ren) from an abusive home, even saving their live (s).

29). Strongly discourage your older child (ren) to not date or get romantically involved with anyone with known violent tendencies; do as much "due diligence" as you can on them. You will be sorry to pour so much into raising a child (ren), only to see them ruin themselves in bad marriages!

30). Bullying should always be discussed when we talk about reventing and ending child abuse. Just because the abuse is done peer-to-peer does not make this form of abuse any less and the scars of those who survive this abuse are much the same as the scars of those who survive any other form of abuse. No matter what form abuse takes or who it is done by, abuse hurts. Parents, teach and model empathy, kindness and compassion. The rest of us should practice these qualities and not tolerate any peer abuse that we witness, whether in person or online.

This is no complete list but you get the concept. Abuse can be prevented. It is up to us to prevent it. We don't have to organize, spend money, raise money, form committees and create huge events to make a difference. We can make a difference right where we are. These things that I have mentioned are simple (not easy) everyday things that all of us can do that make the world a better place. There is an established anti-child abuse nonprofit that is an outlet for ways to make a difference, Childhelp.
Their website for this nonprofit is comprehensive and offers many ways to get involved. They offer the 24/7 hotline that I have mentioned twice in this post, material where you can educate yourself about child abuse, volunteer opportunities, a public school initiative to prevent child sexual abuse and even a forum for survivor stories. And if you feel so inclined, you can donate. You can visit Childhelp's website: ChildHelp..

The epidemic of child abuse is so horrific that our awareness efforts can never be enough to address it. This is 365 days a year, 24/7.

Child abuse is the business of each us of. We need to mind our own business.

Practical Ways To Prevent and End Child Abuse

If you use social networking sites regularly, especially Facebook, you probably have been seeing posts about organized, highly-funded child crimes prevention campaigns whose well-meant projects are more symbolic than anything in their execution, in my opinion. These events and groups are sponsored by businesses, nonprofit organizations, groups, and many individuals, including high-profile advocates. Yes, there is much support for all these all these massive efforts, time and financial resources and the planning. The involved masses of those passionate about preventing and ending child abuse no doubt believe that this form of awareness involvement is helping to alleviate a deep-seated, pervasive social evil that is attached to many other issues. An evil that originates in the human heart and home. But for all these massive efforts to get people fired up about preventing and ending child abuse through awareness events, comes across to me (at least) as the "Super Bowl" of child abuse awareness and I wonder if it sends a confusing message. That we need to raise funds and join "cool" movements to make a difference. These type of efforts are not unique and apply to many other causes. Our culture sends the message to us that, to be effective, we must organize, form committees, attend large-scale events and projects and raise large amounts of money. All of these are useful but only up to a point. We believe that people need all this before they will attend to the "rubber meets the road" of doing everythings to prevent and end child abuse or any crimes. Maybe we do but we should not.

Whether we need these large-scale campaigns or not, this blog will focus on those "rubber meets the road," everyday things that really prevent and end child abuse and other forms of crime and violence. These are things that any of us, depending on our situations, can do right where we are if we are really serious about making a difference. I'm just giving you a wide variety of examples and I'm sure you can add to my list.

1). Parents, screen anyone whom you allow to babysit your child, especially if you need this person on a regular basis. Interview your candidates and, if you can afford it, run background checks on them. Ask them for references, and call these individuals.

2). If you are standing in line in any situation and you see a parent with young children, allow them to go ahead of you. If you are driving and you see a parent with young children, give them the right of way.

3). Parents, always put your child's name on the inside, not outside of his or her clothing, to protect their privacy and to block predators from seeing their information.

4). If  you have a child (ren) with special needs or autism and who may wander because of this, install a lock on screen doors and especially on the front door; this should prevent wandering and discourage intruders.

5). If you have a child (ren) who uses the Internet for social networking, monitor what they do online. Do not let underage children (under 13) set up accounts with Facebook, You Tube, My Space or other social networking sites. If you can, discourage them from using social networks until they reach age 18! And if they use social networks, set up their computers in an area where you can easily supervise  them. There is too much drama and too many harmful people in cyberspace!

6). Parents, you are justly proud of your child's accomplishments and you want to "show off" your children. But the eyes of predators are looking for easy prey. Therefore, refrain from putting bumper stickers on your cars' windshields that proclaim, "My Child Is an Honor Student," "The Proud Parent of An Eagle Scout," or any other such material that can help identify your child (ren) to predators.

7). Befriend a single mother, especially if she is poor or without a strong support system. Single mothers, with all their stresses, are at-risk for becoming overwhelmed and so are tempted to take their frustrations out on their child (ren), or depend on them heavily for help around the house or emotional companionship.

8). Parents, your beautiful children are the apples of your eye. But if you use social networks, never forget the predators lurk unseen in cyberspace. Therefore, minimize uploading photos or videos of you children online. And I strongly discourage giving their names if you enjoy putting up family photos and never give their full birthdates. Among all the good folks on social networks, online predators lurk and we have few ways to identify them.

9). We all need to overcome our inhibitions and talk to out chil (ren), in an age-appropriate way, about sexuality, sexual abuse, good touches and bad touches. We need to teach them how to protect themselves from it and to assure them that they do not have to keep any "grown-up secrets." No, it is not easy to talk about and I know this! But silence empowers predators and is an acceptance of sexual abuse.

10). Do not discipline a child (ren) in anger. Wait until the emotion passes before acting.

11). If it is for you, volunteer to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) to be a voice for abused children. Visit the national CASA website at: http://casaforchildren.org/.

12). If you are pregnant or are pursuing adoption, make sure that you have a solid support system in place, especially if you are a single parent, a teenager, have a disability (ies) or other special needs. The support will reduce the stresses of parenting and lessen the increased temptation to abuse or neglect your child (ren). Getting help is much better than abusing a child (ren)!

13). Appeal to legislators to put in many more dollars on anger management classes and parenting classes in public schools at the high-school level. As them to reduce the funds spent on higher math like algebra. After all, what skills do students need to fuction in their familes and in life most, interpersonal skills or algebraic skills?  It is a matter of priorities.

14). Try to never let any child, 17 and under, walk alone anywhere for any purpose. Far too often, we have heard (maybe seen!) the terrible things that have (and continue to) happen to children who are left unattended! Yes, it is hard to make that work sometimes, especially when they are older, but we need to try.

15). If you are a new parent, especially a young one, who is petrified of the thought of parenting, you have options other than ending your baby's life. You can leave your baby with any responsible adult, take your baby to a local police station, a hospital or a church. Many childless couples or single adults would love to take your baby and give him or her a home.

16). Child identity theft is on the rise; a child won't realize what's been done to him or her until the time comes to apply for a job, rent an apartment, get a loan, or seek other goods and services. Do not give out your child's Social Security Number or full birthdate for any reason unless they NEED to know. And if you are tempted to use your child's Social Security Number for any reason, don't! This is child abuse!

17). If it is for you, run for political office, making children's rights your political platform.

18). If you carry emotional scars from a troubled past, whether you are a parent or not, try to work the issues through with a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, pastor, or another caring and dedicated person. In this way you will be breaking the cycle of your past and are empowered to meet your child's needs without needing him or her to meet yours.

19). If you get overwhelmed as a parent, please get help. So many cases of abuse, epecially child abuse deaths have happened because frustrated people resort to abuse or neglect and the abuse gets out of control, ending in death for the unfortunate victim. Wal away. Pray. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1 and so find alternatives to abuse!

20). If you struggle with a substance abuse addiction, especially drugs or alcohol, please get professional help! Substance abuse sets you up to abuse and neglect your family, including your children. You still love them as much as ever, but your addiction "has" you and you "have to feed" it. And you can't help but stoop to anything to sustain your habit, even if it means abuse. You are powerless to control your life and the first step is to admit this!

21). Raise your children to manage their anger, to develop empathy and to resolve their conflicts with words, not fists.

22). Men, take responsiblity for the children whom you have fathered, even if you are not going to marry their mom! It is so wrong and unfair, to both the mom and your babies, to desert her and to leave her to raise your child (ren) alone! This has given countless moms and children, including my mom and myself, lives of lasting disadvantage. Such moms are at-risk for abusing and neglecting their children. And, if you are married, don't leave all parenting to your wife. Parenting is a team effort and you are half of that team.

23). If you know or suspect that a child is being abused, don't be silent. Please call the 24/7 hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or 9-1-1.

24). So many cases of child abuse and child abuse deaths happen because of wrongful court decisions in child custody cases and because of a broken system. There is no easy answer to this but we need to appeal to those in power to protect children who who are forced to rely on the system through funding and better laws.

25). Spousal or partner abuse often mushrooms into child abuse. When we talk about parenting and stopping child abuse, we need to talk about ending all other forms of abuse of any people group. This includes bullying, which is nothing but peer abuse and, if severe enough, causes the same emotional damage that any other form of abuse does. I know this from experience!

26). If you are in the position to do so, consider adopting a child or becoming a foster parent. You may be rescuing a child from an abuse or abandonment.

27). Strongly discourage your older child (ren) to not date or get romantically involved with anyone with known violent tendencies and check them out as much as you can; if you can afford it, have a background check run on them.

28). Children with autism or other special needs are more often abused than other children because they require more patience and endurance. I can tell you this from experience and research. If you are the parent or caregiver of such a child, please seek resources in your area where you can get guidance and help; verbal, emotional and even physical abuse do lasting harm!

This is no complete list but you get the idea. These are all simple but NOT easy ways to prevent and end abuse, including especially child abuse. And yes, in addition to doing these everyday things to protect children and especially those who are near us, you can feel free to connect with others who also yearn to to protect children and to put this issue ever in front of the public lest we forget. Child abuse awareness events, unfortunately, will remain a need until people simply do the everyday things that are vital to protect children. Aren't you sick and tired of hearing about one child abuse or abduction, and about those that end in murder of precious children? How many more memorial websites and other materials for missing or murdered children have to be put up? How many more laws and true crime books bearing the names of murdered children will be put up?  Let us get more excited about preventing these things from happening to one more child!

The website for Childhelp, a nonprofit organization, provides many ways you can get involved, including their 24/7 hotline, much material where you can educate yourself about child abuse, volunteer opportunties, a public school initiative to prevent child sexual abuse, and a survivors forum to share a story you may have about overcoming abuse, and more. And if you feel moved to, you can donate money to their work. visit: http://www.childhelp.org/.

Yes, we need to mind our own business. Child abuse is everyone's business.