Just two weekends ago, a bitter, rage-filled young man went on a shooting rampage, killing six people, injuring thirteen others and then completing suicide. In his chilling video, he details his perception of himself as a victim and lays out "my day of retribution." Before this, no one had any idea that this young man felt this rage at the world. Even his parents did not know this, until they found his tape and contacted police. Some twelve years ago, two boys took pipe bombs and guns to their school; they focused their killing spree on their school. They killed twelve students and one coach. Then they took their own lives. Reports cited their stored-up angers and rage at being bully victims. Their school was reportedly one with a clear pecking order and a social stratification system. They were outcasts and wanted others to feel their pain. Many young people have ended their lives because they could not take being bullied one more minute. Suicide and suicide-homicide. See a link between childhood bullying and later severe emotional disturbances?
What Is Bullying?
We need to be responsible in the use of the word "bullying." First of all, bullying is not a mere nasty remark. It is not good-natured teasing. It is not words of disagreement or debate or critique. Bullying a a pattern of behaviors, physical, verbal, or sexual, that are abusive of one's peers. A Facebook friend of mine is making it her mission to get it officially titled "peer abuse" so it will be taken as seriously as any other form of abuse. Though awareness of bullying has much increased over the past few decades, many reports indicate that still too little is done by some schools and the victims are blamed and treated as the problem. There was a high-profile incident where it was debated whether one news anchor was actually bullied or not. It involved a single incident, not a pattern of behaviors against her. Some opined, "She was not bullied; she just experienced one bad incident. We need to stop overusing the word bullying." I would say it also depends on the severity of a one-time incident. Some may prefer to talk about specific "bullying behaviors." There is some debate in how inclusive we should make the word "bullying." But there ought to be no disagreement on how bullying, especially severe childhood bullying, affects the victim!
Why Is Bullying Set Apart from All Other Abuse?
In the past several decades, much awareness has been brought to all form of abuse. This includes domestic violence and child abuse. We know that many victims of childhood abuse at home suffer from emotional disturbances and some end up as products of their environments. They end up abusing their children and partners or spouses. Even when we became aware of childhood bullying, we still officially classified it as "bullying" and not as a form of abuse. A person in my network is devoted to changing this and to make the term "peer abuse" the term, rather than bullying. The idea is that in classifying bullying as abuse of peers by peers, that it will be taken more seriously. This is much needed. It is clear that the emotional effects of severe childhood bullying are identical to the effects of serious abuse at home. Victims of any type of abuse, no matter what form it is in, often live with the same feelings of insecurity, shame-based identity, depression, anxiety, anger, confusion, fear, even rage. I know that many will argue that childhood bullying should be placed in a different category from all other forms of abuse because the offenders are minors. Still, what is the difference between bullying and all other forms of abuse?
What Causes Suicide?
We have become aware of bullying only with the advent of technology and the cyber-bullying-motivated suicides of some young people. Online bullying added another dimension to bullying, giving bullies more to work with. Before that, bullying was almost a "necessary evil" or a "rite of passage" that most children had to go through on the way to maturity. In these decades, suicides have greatly increased in another segment of the population: Veterans. When I was discussing this with my mom and her boyfriend recently, her boyfriend (a veteran of Korea and Vietnam wars) said: "It is because they are being raised differently today." Suicides are said to be rising among the middle-aged. Can it be that life has become cheaper, including our own lives? Can this make it harder to preserve the will to live when life falls apart? Can this decreasing value of life make it easier to turn to killing "to solve our problems" or give way to sheer jealousy, greed, or revenge? So, with ever-rising rates of suicide among other segments of the population, can we say that bullying itself causes suicide? If that is so, many more of our youth would be ending their lives! Studies show that it is not really the bullying itself that is the trigger, but how it is handled by family and educators. If that is the case, then we can make a difference!
My Experience
Growing up in the 1960's and 1970's, I experienced more than my share of bullying. That was due to the differences in my behavior, co-ordination and how I dressed. I experienced bullying in elementary and middle-school (back then called "junior high", but this bullying intensified when I entered a 9th grade. It was my first year at one local public school. Apparently, my peers picked up on my differences almost right away. My year there was a blur of one incident after another, where my peers cursed me, calling me names that aren't fit to print here. They hit me, beat me, spit on me, tripped me, stole my money, destroyed my school books, and put lighters to my head. This was done on the sly. My parents had tried to get the Law Enforcement involved once, but they saw my bullies' home life as too much of a factor justifying why they shouldn't get involved. Apparently it was brought to the school's attention. In response, who was removed from this school and sent to public special schools for the rest of her school career? Who had to wear the label "behaviorally-disorder"? I did! During the summer, I had to take testing for special school district placement and the following year, I found myself in a public special school. And my aggressive peers there were much like the students I was separated from. I was in smaller classes, but watered-down curriculum and stigma made the rest of my school career (and life) as miserable as that year at the "regular school." I was treated as the problem, and I felt that I was blamed as the victim! Because of not only the bullying but how it was handled, I entered adulthood with the emotional baggage of much social anxiety, obsessive-compulsiveness, depression, petty jealousies, and a shame-based, insecure identity. I was well-known for being "hyper-sensitive" and "touchy."
Simple Ways to Prevent Future "Bullycides" and Mass Shootings
Following all the news about bullying victims, how bullying is a reported motive behind so many suicides and some homicides, we can conclude some things. First, when children are not treated well, we as a society pay for it. Many families are left wounded because of "bullycides" of their children. Many families are left wounded by the mass murders of some people who have externalized their hurts and have taken revenge on society. Their lives will never, never be the same. The same principle is just the same as with other forms of abuse: The victim is at higher risk than others to become products of their environments, without proper counseling and healing. We all need to be kind and compassionate toward everyone, even toward those who are "odd" or "different." We parents need to teach our children to be kind and compassionate, through word and example. These simple steps can prevent future "bully-cides" and mass shootings through removal of any motive for people to do those things. How simple can that be?
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