Ideas For Creating A Culture To Curb Violence

1). Abusers, predators, murderers (including serial and mass murderers, rapists, and all other kind of criminals start out as children growing up in home environments. While not all of them have grown up in bad or unhealthy homes, many have! Are you raising children? Commit to raising your children with a balance of unconditional love and reasonable limits; you'll increase the odds that they'll grow up to become empathic, compassionate and self-controlled. Give society the gift of children who will contribute to ending violence in all forms!

2). So many violent criminals of all kinds claim a history of regular viewing violent video games, watching violent movies, listening to music that glorifies or at least condones violence, and/or exposing themselves regularly to such media. Media of all kinds play a HUGE role in shaping our culture, make no mistake about it! So is it no wonder that it is contributing to our culture of violence?
Producers, stop producing the trash. Commercial advertisers, stop your endorsement of it. Parents, hard as it is, limit your children's access to such trash as long as they remain in your households. You can come up with much more that can be done about the media, no doubt!

3). I know that this discussion brings up STRONG feelings, but I cannot help but note that the easy availability of firearms is encouraging violence of all kinds. No, I'm not for any law-abiding citizen losing their gun rights! I know that it's argued that guns have protected innocent lives and while this is indeed be true, far more often people have used firearms to take innocent lives. Parents you MUST block the availability of guns so that your minor children can't access them! How many minor children have accidentally fired guns when parents have failed in this? Gun owners, if you live with someone who you know has tendencies to violence or depression, block their access to firearms! You may be saving lives.

4). How many violent offenders of all kinds have claimed mental illnesses and have been officially diagnosed with them or at least suspected of having them? Too many! Over and over, no one got them the help they needed. Why? There is a HUGE stigma to mental illness and because of this people do not reach out to get help for themselves or for others who are suspected of having mental illness. Health insurance companies, offer more generous coverage for mental health services. Parents, seek to get help for your children if they show any signs of emotional problems where they can pose a danger to themselves or others. All of us should encourage any adults in our lives, who show any signs of being a danger to self or others, to get help. We can all make a difference!

5). So many criminals, including the most heinous mass murderers, have been reported to have felt disenfranchised, rejected, marginalized, and alienated. This does not excuse any crime, but it is a good explanation for so much of it. Students, reach out and befriend those who are being bullied, who seem lost or don't fit in. Workers, reach out and befriend those co-workers whom others ignore or even sun. We all need to take people seriously when they report feeling ignored, marginalized, alienated, and listen. Don't just do this because you see them as "tragedies waiting to happen" but because it is the right thing to do, and to make a difference in THEIR lives. For society, we may be preventing tragedies!

Tired of so much violence, crime and corruption and open to change? Photo Courtesy of MorgueFile.com. "Lights leading to Cross Bible" Photo by jclk8888 This photo can be found here.

Another Tragedy, Hate, Autism and Stigma

          It is Friday, a week after the the tragic school shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School. This shooting took the lives of 20 innocent children and 6 brave educators who died trying to save their students. Then Adam Lanza killed himself. Before all this he had killed his own mother and this brought the victim count up to 27. This tragedy so shook us up that many politicians and their supporters have re-thought their postition on the loaded issue of guns and the role that guns should play in protecting us and our children. But I'm not going to discuss guns here. It is like this shooting just happened. This shooting broke the hearts of the USA and the world in a way no other shooting seems to have, no doubt because so many children lost their lives as well as so many brave educators. We all continue to offer all the grieving families our most profound empathy, our prayers, our support and out commitment to make sure that this never happens again.
          However, this tragedy seems to have claimed even more victims than the victims of Sandy Hook Elementary School and those in Newtown, Connecticut. This was through the irresponsible coverage of the media and the equally irresponsible actions of Adam Lanza's brother. Almost as soon as reports came out last week about the tragedy, it was brought to my attention that Ryan Lanza, Adam's brother, said that his brother had a develpomental disability. Later in the afternoon, it was brought to my attention that Adam may have Asperger's Syndrome. And as I scrolled through Facebook, I saw news articles and heard on TV that afternoon, speculation that Adam, the shooter, had Asperger's Syndrome. Autism Advocacy groups and nonprofits put together statements doing "damage control" in their fervent effort to combat the new backlash of meeting hate with scapegoating a group of people, spreading ignorance, fear and more hate. My thoughts and the thoughts of many others in the autism community, who are relatives or loved ones with autism or who are on the spectrum of autism ourselves, was: Here we go again! Getting painted with a broad brush! Being made a whipping post! Making our stigma even worse!
          Earlier this year, in the aftermath of another shooting, a talk show host had surmised that the shooter "had to be on the autism spectrum." Immediately, this generated wrath in the autism community. A petition was promptly set up, demanding that the talk show host apologize to the autism community and it took off overnight, soaring well past mine in signatures even though it calls for autism services. Now this backlash has occurred again and as tshe did in the aftermath of that shooting, one person in my social networks has put up as her profile photo the banner, "Autism Does Not Cause Murder!" Currently, a Facebook page is up and is called, "Cure Asperger's--Stop Child Psychokillers." I posted, asking others to report it and I reported the page myself. It is still up.
          I know that it is human nature to try to make sense of the senseless by looking for scapegoats to blame. The tossing the words autism and Asperger's Syndrome and linking them to mental health issues was also irresponsible. To be fair, many in the media have tried to correct the mistakes that they should never have made in the first place, stating that "There is no link between Asperger's Syndrome and violence." But it seems that much of this is irreparable, simply because many people are uninformed in the first place and media is powerful in shaping public opinion. Also, the Facebook page that I reported has not been taken down by Facebook--yet.
          Why are so many quick to scapegoat autism and Asperger's Syndrome? I think is is because so many people are uninformed and think that autism is a mental health condition because it affects how a person relates to other people. Then there is the widespread misconception that people with autism lack empathy. The facts are that autism and Asperger's Syndrome are neurological conditions that affects the way that individuals relate to the world, themselves and process information. Study after study show that people with autism are much more likely to become crime victims than its perpetrators. And there is something else that very few in the media have brought out. Guess what? Two of the children who were killed at Sandy Hook were diagnosed with autism! One of the little victims is a girl whose parents have just shared with the public that their daughter had autism as well as other conditions. The other little victim was a boy who died in the arms of his aide, who bravely died trying to save him and other children. This tells me and I'm sure others, that autism is still seen in a negative light and still carries a big stigma, so that most are not mentioning that two of the 20 children murdered in this shooting were touched by autism. I find this unfortunate and sad.
          Growing up, I was given labels that cause any sane person to link such labels with violence and have traditionally carried worse stigmas that either autism or Asperger's. And these labels have never explained my mix of differences growing up till present. My behavior was not even explainable by these labels. Now the diagnosis I am seeking is being linked with violence too? But because there is nothing more devastating that not feeling that you belong anywhere, even with this backlash against autism, nothing can dim my resolve to access this diagnosis. People who do not think a sense of belonging is a big deal do so because they have always know this advantage and do not know what it is like not to know it. Also, I have a daughter who had the diagnosis of autism and like so many other parents, I have some measure of concern with how this all will affect how people will see her and treat her. The current backlash against autism is being perpetrated by people who are uninformed, ignorant and focused on meeting hate with hate. They are creating more victims of this terrible tragedy and causing so many of us to not only deal with the profound heartbreaking impact of  the massacre, but with the backlash against us.
          It is true that aggressive behavior is common in many with different forms of autism and that "autistic meltdowns" are very common. But these are VERY unlike the kind of predatory, planned and premeditated violence that Adam did last Friday. Autistic anger and rage is impulsive and usually a response to sensory overload or is a build-up of anger at an unwelcoming world that is so often uninformed. When autistic people have committed crimes, it is not because of their autism but because of other undiagnosed or diagnosed mental health conditions. Many people with Asperger's or autism are caring, empathic, nonviolent and have a wery well-developed sense of ethics. It is usually nondisabled and nonautistic people who have been known to commit heinous crimes against other people. People with autism or with other disabilities are much more at-risk of becoming victims of all kinds of crimes than of committing crimes.
          Yes, I know that the focus of all of us should be on this tragedy in Newtown and on supporting,  caring and praying for all the families and survivors of this massacre. Their lives are changed forever and none of it had to happen. Every crime, every murder, and every mass murder is 100 percent preventable. But to meet hate with hate and to scapegoat an entire people group which faces enough obstacles as it is, is totally wrong. Every such mass shooting and every heinous criime is caused by multiple factors. I know that the national discussion is calling for tighter gun laws. Others are calling for prayer to be "put back into our public schools." Many are calling for improved mental health care and much better access to mental health services. Some are calling for arming teachers and educators. Many of us are calling for our society to become more caring and to reach out to those who are struggling with severe issues as Adam Lanza seems to had been doing, or to take an interest in those who are "at-risk" because of their life circumstances.
          I am sure that most of you know that I have an active petition calling for autism services which is still open and active. This petition speaks for all people with autism and at all levels of function. The services would help decrease ignorance, fear and hate and ultimately benefit society through many more contributions and taxpayers. Yet I fear that the backlash against autism will hinder people, uninformed to begin with, from supporting this petition if they have absorbed any of these rumors and believe them to any degree. There is not any evidence that Adam had Asperger's and because of HIPPA laws, his doctors are unable to legally confirm this to the public. This is beside the point; even if Adam had autism, this neurological condition would not have made any contribution to what caused him to enter that school and murder 27 people, two of who were little children (out of 20) who themselves had autism! The media neglect to point out that according to much research, people with autism are far more often the victims of crime than perpetrators. My holiday wish is that you will sign my petition and once having done that, will share it widely with this short and easily remembered link: http://tiny.cc/mrsahw.
          The ultimate cause of this massacre, of all crime and all wrongdoing is an old-fashioned word called SIN and hate in people's hearts. We are all, given the right circumstances, capable of such acts. This is why we all need a Savior. Christmas is all about celebrating and focusing on the wonder that such a Savior came and became one of us, a human, many years ago. God is our ultimate hope and the answer to all the problems in human hearts.
         
         

National Child Abuse Prevention Month: What is That?

          I'm sure that if you have spent any amount of time on social networks, you have hear about a movement called the Army of Angels and about the campaign, National Child Abuse Prevention Month (NCAPM), which is not much over a week away. This movement and this campaign have been going on for several years, though I'm new to this. You may have been urged to become part of this movement and to become an "Angel in Action." You may have heard about the founder and leader of this movement, Kathleen de Spain Moore and may have "friended" her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter or have "liked" her popular Facebook page. You yourself may serve as one of those "Angels in Action." And if you do, you may be able to add to what I am about to write and share your experiences. Whatever the case is and your relationship with this movement, there are a number of things I would like you to consider.
         If you are unfamilar with NCAPM or the Army of Angels, you probably, understandably, wonder what the fuss is all about. NCAPM is actually a series of organized events that are designed to bring awareness to child abuse and to facilitate ways to prevent and end it in the communites all over the US. High-profile people whom most of you probably know, will be involved, such as Marc Klaas, father of murdered Polly Klaas, and Mark Lunsford, father of murdered Jessica Lunsford and other well-known people. These two fathers any many others "everyday people," are planning to travel, cross-country, on motorcycles. They plan to travel and make stops at designated areas. There are organized events, and they will include things such as fellowship, music, food (specifically barbeque), games, presentations and much media involvement, specifically on the part of the HLN network and its prime-time talk show hosts.
         Many of you may be justifiably wondering, as I tend to, just how will these events and all the festivities and media blitz ACTUALLY help combat the terribly HUGE problem of child abuse? After all, child abuse (and other forms of abuse) most often take place inside the walls of homes, schools, and inside other settings. How will NCAPM reach into these settings to where people are hurting? How will their awareness efforts work? What is going to be done to reach the families that are identified to be "at-risk" and who face the stressful circumstances that so often cause adults to snap and to commit acts of abuse or violence against children? What is going to be done to reach out to families which live in tough, crime-infested neighborhoods, where shootings, sad to say, are a regular event? In these awareness events, other than the one safety fair in California, what is going to be done to empower parents and other adults, parents, grandparents, other guardians, teachers, and others who deal most with children, to keep children safe in their homes, in their communities, and online? These are the people who are most in need of NCAPM's message. Will they, of all people, have access to these events?
          According to the Army of Angels website at http://armyofangels/biz/, funds raised for NCAPM will be going to two nonprofits, Klaas Kids Foundation and to Wyn Spring Family Resource Center. Good enough. I know about Klaas Kids and I understand that they do wonderful things for children, through awareness and outreach. I don't know about Wyn Spring and so I can't comment on that nonprofit.
          I don't mean to come across as saying anything negative about these well-meant events and the campaign or all the festivities that are associated with it all. My concern is that the Army of Angels cause is obviously seen as a cool, fun, glamorous cause to join and be associated with. I have had more success, on both my Facebook accounts, in recruiting people to this Army of Angels cause on the Causes site, than I have for any other cause I have recently tried to get people to join. I have had much more success in recruiting people to the Army of Angels cause on the Causes site than I have recently had in recruiting people to another child abuse cause on that site, "For the Love of A Child," which is for Childhelp, a nonprofit that gives comprehensive services in child abuse prevention and services. These services include a hotline. Childhelp does REAL things for children! Therefore, my observation of  heavy Army of Angels involvement, judging from this support for their cause vs. other child abuse causes, and posts and comments I see often, can actually encourage one to lose sight of what it is supposed to be all about: to prevent and end child abuse. Child abuse prevention comes about not by awareness but by action which is taken based on what we already know. We need to get to awareness but get past it to ACTION that takes place all year long, for child abuse takes place all year long. Out efforts to prevent and end child abuse, whether done through Army of Angels or through some other means, ought to take place after April ends and the events are long over. All the blitzing about Army of Angels and all the camaraderie among those involved in it, should not make us lose sight of those whom all these efforts are supposed to help: the children.
          Last night, on a prime time talk show, Marc Klaas was weighing in on the current disppearance of a 15-year-old girl; I hear him say that, in the US alone, there are half a million registered sex offenders. This does not count all those who have not been caught, and we can be sure that they are many. Violence against children happens everywhere, in the home, in schools, in the community, and online. And child abuse is intertwined with other forms of violence, as abusers have often been abused themselves and are motivated by other forms of abuse, such as partner abuse, for example. And many youthful criminals who have done heinous things, have also cited bullying, which is another word for peer abuse, as their motive. How many school shooters have been motivated by bullying and by abuse in their homes? Recently, I wrote a blog about this very topic, about how bullying has been the motive for many brutal crimes; these crimes are on the rise. Children, themselves, are getting more and more violent. In a child-centered society like ours where it is politically correct to put one's child even before one's spouse, we have startlingly many severely troubled, unhappy, angry, frustrated, empty children. When we talk about preventing and ending child abuse, we ought to talk about other forms of violence that feed into and motivate child abuse. We also can be sure that the predators and violent offenders that we detest and vilify as evil incarnate, were often abused children themselves or suffered some or other stress or trauma in their childhoods. Not always, but often.
          Much abuse happens because of our broken system itself which places children in bad foster homes where they are subjected to even more abuse than was experienced in their original homes or are kept in homes where they should be removed from. Another form of child abuse happens where children are removed from good homes because of false accusations against the parents, because of the system's prejudice against parents who have disabilities, who live in the "wrong" neighborhood, or for another inapropriate reason, and most often because of custody issues between two fit parents who cannot or will not, resolve their differences. How will NCAPM these issues? Any talk about preventing and ending child abuse ought to include a discussion about how to make changes in a broken system which fails children over and over again.
          Another way of preventing and ending child abuse is sharing what experience of abuse we may have suffered in childhood, for the purpose of helping others (and I include bullying, which is peer abuse). Sharing your story puts a human face on abuse, brings it home to people on how abuse feels, how it leaves emotional scars that last a lifetime, and gives others the courage to share their own stories. It demystifies abuse, including child abuse. In connection with this, the other way to prevent and end child abuse is to break the cycle of abuse in your own life, often with professional help, as so much abuse happens because the abusers have been abused.
          In the meantime, what is the most obvious way to combat child abuse? Call the hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD if you suspect or know a child is being abused.
  
       
http://armyofangels.biz/
This is the website for NCAPM and, in concise terms, provides information about this movement and the campaign. It also provides Kathleen de Spain Moore's contact information, where you can contact her if you are interested in providing help with last-minute details.

http://www.childhelp.org/
This is the website for Childhelp, which provides comprehensive services for child abuse prevention, including the hotline I provided above. Accorging to Charity Navigator, this nonprofit is in debt financially and is having trouble paying its bills. So, if you are looking to give to a child abuse nonprofit that needs your $$$ and that is doing REAL things for children, I recommend giving to this one.