In honor of the focus of this week being on bullying awareness, this is my current topic. I think that most of us agree that bullying should be prevented and ended. Yet it has, sadly, been high-profile cases of young people who have ended their lives because of cyberbullying (Megen Meier and Phoebe Prince) and extreme bullying violence (Michael Brewer and Josie Ratley), which has brought awareness to this issue. Sadly, I doubt it if computers had not come of age and bullying had not gone high-tech and entered cyberspace, we would be taking it seriously or be talking about it, much less be covering it in the media or proposing legislation to address it. This makes me wonder, why does it so often take tragedies to propel us to outrage, advocacy and action?
This is my bullying experience: As a child and teen, I was a magnet for bullies because of my differences; I walked, acted and thought differently. Yet, at that time, there were no proper scientific discoveries or autism spectrum diagnostic screenings; the concept of autism spectrum disorders did not exist then; my differences of behavior were assumed to be purely that--behavioral. Thus, adults often got angry and frustrated and they would react to me by verbally abusing me with hurtul remarks such as: "You just don't want to learn," "You do it on purpose," "You are spoiled," and "You are lazy" and "You will not make it in life." Adults would tell mom things like, "You have the worst-behaved child I ever saw," "What an animal you have raised," "You need to get control of your problem child," and "She needs a good whipping." These remarks would be spoken in my presence or float back to me, and I heard these things so often that I convinced myself that they were true and always would be.
My peers? Many of them took note of my differences and saw a great target. Yes, I know that when I was growing up, cyberbullying was not yet an issue, as it widespread computer use didn't yet exist. For this I'm certainly grateful, as many of us should be. Yet, the lack of awareness and adult intervention and the silent message that the victim was to blame, brought stress and trauma of their own plus lifelong emotional scars. This has been the case with me and I know it has been also for many others of my generation. In my case, I got the message that I was not only fundamentally bad because of my widespread bullying, but that I wasn't worth adult intervention and involvement. My peers, especially during my middle-school years, bullied me mentally, emotionally, and physically. They called me "Retard," Ugly," "Four-eyes," "Crippled," "Stupid," "Slow," and other labels not fit to be printed. In the 9th grade, I spent the school year suffering bullying on a daily basis. My parents, at one point, brought two of my bullies to the attention of a local law enforcement officer. They were told that, because of these girls' bad home life, he would not hold them accountable or do anything, as he felt sorry for them. Message? I was not worth adult investment. It was my fault. Bullies had all the rights, especially when they had problems of their own.
The following year, I found myself back in special classes (which I attended often during my childhood), where I remained for the rest of my school years. There, we were taught a watered-down curriculum, and the focus was on reforming our behaviors. I was withdrawn, while most of my peers were aggressive. Message? It was all my fault! My former school, rather than holding my bullies accountable and securing help for them to deal with their anger and other issues, got rid of me, their victim. Therefore, I grew up feeling deprived of much of my childhood or an education. I entered adulthood with feelings of fear, anxiety, shame, low self-worth, petty jealousies, many trust issues and hypersensitivity to any hint of rejection. To some degree, this emotional baggage follows me to this very hour; when I experience depression, relational conflict or encounter drama, this emotional baggage resurfaces.
And so I can testify from my own experience that bullying, any form of bullying, if sustained and frequent, leaves lifelong emotional scars. Now, I'm aware that teasing and bullying are often described in the same sentence. I know that there is good teasing, done by children or people of any age, that is done because we like each other and feel comfortable with each other. I know there is bad teasing that is done because differences are not tolerated. Good teasing is not bullying. No, I'm talking about any form of behavior that is done out of hate, jealousy or because differences are not tolerated; this IS bullying.
Cyberbullying? At the risk of being politically incorrect, I see a simple (if not easy) way to prevent and end much cyberbullying: Stay off social networking sites where bullying occurs. Keep children off these networks as long as possible! Of course, I know that many people must use computers for their schoolwork or their jobs or for business reasons. I'm talking about recreational social networking.
I'm thankful for the awareness, advocacy, and efforts to prevent and end bullying, all forms of bullying. For the sake today's youth and future generations, I can only hope and pray that we will make this happen. And we can do many things to prevent and end bullying. Perform acts of kindness. Be good parents to our children. Teach them to be kind to others. Reach out to bullies and help them deal with their anger and other issues. Embrace and celebrate differences. Speak out against bullying when we see it. You can probably add many other ideas.
Practice and teach respect for ALL life and for ALL people; this would address what I see as the root cause of bullying.
http://www.stopbullying.gov/ This is a government-sponsored website full of resources, support and information for how to prevent and end all forms of bullying.
http://bullyinglte.wordpress.com/ This is an anti-bullying blog and forum where readers can submit bullying stories and read about others' experiences.
https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/In-Loving-Memory-Of-Bullycide-Victims-Everywhere-RIP/168893976491110/ This is a Facebook page set up to show how bullying can kill through keeping alive the memories of those who have taken their lives because of the bullying they had endured, and to give a forum to victims/survivors.
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