What is an advocate? Growing up, I got the idea that an advocate was a person who spoke before legislators and lobbied them to get laws passed on behalf of those whom they were speaking for. When that word came to mind I would think of lawyers or other trained professionals with official ties to nonprofit or for-profit organizations. But in these days of the "information age" mass media and social networking, it has become clear that making a difference in this world has become much more accessible to us and that advocacy is not just for professionals or for those with the money and time to influence the powerful.
Yes, in my younger days, years before social networking existed and before I discovered this social networking, I would write letters to legislators on behalf of those vulnerable groups of people for whom I felt laws need to be changed for. I would occasionally circulate offline, paper petitions and participate in sporadic fundraising projects. But two years ago, I discovered social networking and especially, Facebook. And I saw something of what advocacy is. At that time, I was trying to bury my past and to "put it behind me" by trying to forget, since I could make no sense of it, there was no word for many of my experiences and no community that I could identify with concerning my experiences. In other words, no sense of belonging. So, as a way of what psychologists would call "sublimation" or using one's inner conflicts by channeling them into positive action, I got interested in following true crime cases and missing person cases as I viewed a few on television. This was a way of getting my mind off my apparently unsolvable, unexplainable problems. Plus, I knew that serious crime could very well happen to my family and me and that I wanted to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem by inactivity. Plus, I knew the Scriptural principle that "If a man does not hear the cries of others in need, he cannot expect others to hear his cries in his own time of need." At the time, I was disgusted with the media for devoting hours to celebrities while they gave only minutes to missing people. I was frustrated with them for their tendency to sensationalize the few cases they did cover. So, because of these reasons, I set up a Facebook account and began "friending" those whose profiles indicated that they were advocates for the missing, exploited and the abused, or whose profiles indicates that they had missing loved ones.
All I can say is that entering the world of advocates through social networking has proved to be a lively education in itself. First, I learned, by trial and error, the right and wrong things to say that convey sensitivity and support for the families of missing loved ones or who had other needs, and what offended them or drove them away, making them see one as one of "the bad guys" even if I was just trying to help. I rarely had trouble with family members of the missing or murdered. The exception was a person who had a missing young person who was found deceased in a matter of months. Initially, I was on great terms with this person but this person became greatly angered with me one day with I posted on this person's page about a missing child who was also in this person's state. We exchanged messages that amounted to an online shouting match and the person's threat to have me reported and "stopped" because I was one of the "bad guys" and an "abuser" of families of the missing.
Advocates have shown themselves to be quite a mixture in their ability to tolerate differences. Early on, I learned, the painfully hard way, that there are quite a few advocates who have chips on their shoulders and little tolerance for differences and were quick to "give you the boot" and remove me from their networks, if they disliked my beliefs, my posts or my posts on their pages about my causes. When I was still new to Facebook, I posted on the page of a person who was a respected missing person advocate, sharing the posters of two "cold case" missing children whom I hoped that this person would circulate among those in this person's own social networks. I checked this person's page a while later, hoping that I had an effect. I did, but not the effect I wanted! The posts were removed. Upset, I sent a messagge to the person, attaching the links to my message and appealing to the person to share them. The person responded but not in a friendly way, chewing me out for imposing my cases and my agenda on this person, and so forth. Again, our messages back and forth became an online shouting match that resulted in this person blocking me, apparently for good. Lesson learned? Do not engage those who disagree with you online, as people's monds are made up and online arguments are a waste of time and almost always backfire.
I have found, in relating to advocates in my networks, that there are a number whom I count as warmly supportive and tolerant of differences and a number, like those, like the person above, who show little tolerance for differences or other beliefs or agendas. But the majority rarely, if ever, correspond with me, whether because they are "single cause" people, use social networks sporadically or for other reasons. I have found that my most awful experiences with advocates have happened when I applied for official volunteer positions with nonprofits that I learned about only online because of their online presence.
Well over a year ago, I applied to a nonprofit that was hugely praised by many in my social networks. Craving a community to belong to and wanting to make a difference on a different level, I applied to the nonprofit, where I was asked, among other things, a disability-related question. I disclosed my epilepsy (noting that it was under control) and my Marfan's Syndrome and, in the phone interview, my undiagnosed autism spectrum condition. I was very elated and thrilled when I was told that I was accepted. I set up a new, official page for the nonprofit and its staff and volunteers "friended" me there. Almost right away, the account was hacked and those in my network received links to suspicious, "cheesy" material in my name. Soon, I grew crushed and depressed when I was abruptly told that I was "not the right fit" for the nonprofit and that I was dismissed as a volunteer. I was told that the nonprofit had issues with the dynamics of my family situation as they believed it would affect my ability to "be an asset to our organization." To make matters worse, I was told that everyone linked to this nonprofit was ordered to "unfriend" me on both my accounts. I was heartbroken to see that I was also blocked by a number of them. As this had happened during the Christmas eason, I entered into a depression that saddened my holiday. To me, this was a case of cyberbullying that was made worse by the fact that I could not prove a thing!
A number of months ago, I applied to a second nonprofit, also one that I knew about solely from is online presence. I had corresponded with a few people who had official ties with this nonprofit and I admired their work on behalf of their chosen cause. So when they placed an online appeal for volunteers, I applied, striving for honesty and transparency in my application, though I saw the screening process as intrusive and excessive for someone who, in my case, was asking for the opportuntity to do online activites for the nonprofit. I also included a heartfelt piece that I hoped would explain my answers to the disability-related question on the application and any "red flags" that the nonprofit may find in my background. I hoped that I could receive empathy and understanding and a volunteer opportunity. After weeks of waiting, I got a curt phone call where I was told, unequivocally, that the nonprofit had no interest in my volunteer services. As this experience also happened around the holidays, I was left deeply distressed, disillusioned and turned off to the very idea of ever offering my volunteer services to another nonprofit. To this day, those in my network who have official ties to this nonprofit or who are its staunchest supporters, have stopped any form of communication with me. To this day, I remain leery of nonprofits that I learn about only online.
It's because of my experiences with these two nonprofits that I remain a "self-directed" volunteer or advocate who works on my own, with no official ties to any nonprofit. I'm often mage aware that those who have official ties to nonprofits (and my network is full of them!) enjoy friendships, social connections, a sense of belonging and appreciation and recognition for their efforts, that you have a harder time finding without official ties to any nonprofit. But I'm not about to risk the prospect of identity theft to find these things.
Why do advocates do what they do? From my observation, there are those advocates who get into their work because of their educational backgrounds, training and skills, who do their work professionally. Many in my social network present themselves as CEO's of nonprofits. While I admire these folks to their single-minded dedication to their chosen professions, I usually don't identify with them. Then there are the many, many advocates in my network who present themselves as "survivors" whose past traumatic experiences have compelled them into advocacy. This makes sense, as a big way of finding healing and redemption from one's past lies in using it to strive to make a difference in the lives of others. This illustrates the Scriptural principle that God allows suffering in our lives so we can comfort others who suffer. And finally, there are those in my networks who are "everyday people" who share little about themselves except that they simply want to help. They are often the best advocates who are agenda-free and are often the most likely to support me back.
As I continued social networking and got in touch with my past, I began taking on multiple causes that I identified with, such as poverty, disabilities and injustice. I still supported the cause of missing people and crime victims but it no longer is it my exclusive focus. Many in my social network are "single cause" people who focus mainly on their own passion and whom I know I can't expect to show support for my multiple causes, unless any of these "meet with" their single passion. "One cause" advocacy is understandable in many cases, even though these are not people that I consider to be friends, as any positive experience with them is based on my support of their singular causes.
Social networking with many "locals" in my area, including family and friends, has had a way of revealing the "true colors" of so many of them. For in the course of posting about my causes, from early on, I have seen that many of them would quietly and without dislosure, remove me from their social networks. Incredibly, these online deletions came from "church members," including a pastor's wife, youth workers and several family members and others whom I believed were my "friends"! This has taught me that Facebook and other social networks do not of themselves ruin relationships. Social networking only unmasks people who already know each other personally, or think they do.
I have found out that there are many people who want no part of social involvement or causes, whether because they don't think they have the time, don't identify with any cause, don't think they can make a difference, or just don't care. And many "church members" tend to focus exclusively on their own relationships with god, family and their congregational life, forbgetting that Jesus tells us that we will be judged by our willingness to help the less fortunate and who combined His ministry with social involvement with all kinds of needy people.
This has been a most interesting two years.
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