I'm excited about one "rubber meets the road" opportunity that we have to adress the ever-worsening epidemic of widespread bullying in our schools and our communities. It's called the "Bully" movie, which I learned about about a week ago. I found out about this movie when I visited the Causes site and learned about this cause, upon joining it as a new member. And I was hooked. I have seen only a little snippet of this movie on the news, which has been covering it. This movie, set to be released in theaters on March 30, is rated "R" because of its graphic content. In the little bit that I saw of it, I listened to the narrator refer to bullying being the motive to teen suicide in the case of one boy, among others. I can't understand the giving of a "R" rating to a movie that gives a deliberately frank portrayal of a very serious problem facing youth in their schools and communities. Isn't it a disservice to them by withholding something from them a strong message that they deliberately need to see and understand in the effort to save many of them from lifelong emotional scars or even bullycide? I know that there is a movement to lower the rating to "PG" but I fear that this would still miss even young children, as bullying begins before age of 13, in many cases.
I have come to detest the word "bullying," as the word seems to conjure up the "rite of passage" mentality that dismisses this serious epidemic and totally minimizes it. Somehow, when abuse is by peers to peers it seems to be more tolerable to so many of us. Yes, it even seems to be seen as a "kids will be kids" thing that we have to endure. This is why so many of us applaud the making of the "Bully" movie and the effort to lower its ratings. Myself, I would have much loved to have had this kind of awareness in operation when I was growing up and experiencing much teasing, verbal abuse, hitting, punching, tripping and plain exclusion at the hands of peers. And through my growing-up years, I was not bullied not only by peers but, because of unexplained differences which I now believe to be an undiagnosed autism spectrum condition, also by adults. Not knowing any better because the autism spectrum diagnosis was not even a concept then, adults often reacted unkindly or were frustrated with me. I was blamed for my challenges and, after a hellish year of relentless bullying (more like assault and torment), I was removed from the school in question. I found myself being taken to a testing center, being "assessed for what is wrong with you" and being sent to special school settings, where I had been sent for much of my childhood. And many of my peers in these settings exhibited agressive behavior. I felt a little safer at such schools as these students were monitored closely and classes were smaller. But the emphasis was on our weaknesses and we the curriculum was much watered-down. And I did experience bullying in these settings, including the sexual harassment and "flashing" of a few peer's private parts. When I reported such behavior, I was made to feel like I brought this on by my "hypersensitivity." It's simply sickening that calling behavior "bullying" and not abuse or assault makes it seem more excusable. And, like many bully victims, past and present, I felt that I was punished for being a victim and was robbed of a childhood and an education.
Since I last blogged about bullying, I heard about more bullycides in the news! A week ago, I read about another child, attractive, talented, popular and with everything to live for, ending her life because she could not take any more bullying. She felt that the adults in her life would not rescue her or protect her, certainly not those at her school. These stories never fail to make me sick and frustrated that once more, the system had failed a bully victim. I understand that teachers and educators have very difficult jobs and probably feel overwhemlmed and helpless about the bullying that keeps being brought to their attention. This is all the more reason that they, too, need to have the help of such things as the "Bully" movie which could help them reach students exposed to the powerful message. We can see that bullying is not going away and will only get worse if we don't try something new and implement underused programs.
In reading reviews about the movie, I'm reading numerous comments by parents and even grandparents. Many of the heartfelt, pasionate comments included stories about their children or grandchildren being subjected to relentless bullying. When they would try to get the schools to intervene and protect their children and hold the bullies accountable, little or nothing was done. They had to remove their children from the schools in question, just as I had to be. Over and over, it seems that schools seem to be on the side of bullies more than their victims, maybe because it is easier to dismiss the victims than it is to hold bullies accountable. Often, victims are told to "Handle it yourself." In special school settings, on two separate times, I was in restrooms with girls who had gotten out their cigarette lighters and, putting them next to my hair, flicked them. Both times, when I reported this, I received no concern but was told, "Handle it yourself." Teachers, educators, and parents need to see the "Bully" movie just as students do. Maybe then, and only then, will bullying finally be taken seriously.
It's ironic. Even as bullying continues to receive more and more attention and media coverage, children continue to end their lives because they feel the hopelessness and helplessness of feeling that NO ONE CARES and NO ONE WILL LISTEN TO THEIR CRIES. Let me also point out that for every bullycide that we hear about, there are probably many other children who experience similar vicious bullying and suffer depression and may unsuccessfully attempt suicide. Don't think it is only the bullycide victims whose stories deserve to be told! The other children, the survivors, past and present, just never make the headlines. These many other children simply suffer silently, entering adulthood, as I did, with lifelong emotional scars of major trust issues, confustion, shame, guilt, fears, feeling excluded and more. All because of the "rite of passage" mentality.
And while many of us hope that the rating of the "Bully" movie is lowered and that it will be shown widely in in many media outlets, there is another, positive, approach that could complement that "Bully" movie. The approach is called the campaign to start "chain reactions of kindness" in schools and in our communities. The nonprofit behind this effort is called "Rachel's Challenge" and this nonprofit uses presentations and resources in schools and communies, to spread a simple, but profound message, that the deliberate effort to perform acts of kindness can start "chain reactions" among others. This can prevent and end bullying through replacing it with its exact opposite behavior. "Rachel's Challenge" was set up by the father and stepmother of 17-year-old Rachel Scott, the first student who was murdered in the massacre at Columbine High. As portrayed by her dad and biological mom in their moving books about her, Rachel Scott, a devout Christian girl, actively reached out to fellow students who were new to her school, who had special needs, or who were bullied by their peers. In her journals, she wrote about her philosophy that she believed that if one lived a life of kindness and compassion, one can start a "chain reaction" among others who will do the same. This nonprofit is set up in honor of Rachel and her "chain reaction" philosophy of life. Rachel's dad, Darrell Scott, and the others on his team, travel to schools and communities all over North America, with resources to make presentations about the simple but profound message of using lives of kindness and caring to start "chain reactions" as a way to prevent and end bullying. I know that there are some who no doubt think this approach is too simple and unrealistic, but the website for "Rachel's Challenge" and books about this, document one story after another that this approach ACTUALLY works.
In my humble opinion, the widepread us of the "Bully" movie in schoold and communities and schools and in many media outlets, as well as much-increased support and activity through the "Rachel's Project" kindness campaign approach, are MUSTS to FINALLY stop bullying.
http://rachelschallenge.org/
This website is for the nonprofit that was set up in honor of a slain Columbine student who believed that kindness could start "chain reactions" that could prevent and end bullying by replacing it with its opposite behavior. This nonprofit seeks to reach into schools and communities with presentations and materials and to get students, educators and parents to accept the "Rachel's Challenge" approach to stop bullying everywhere.
http://www.thebullyproject.com/#/press
This website is about the "Bully" movie and contains an overview about this epidemic, live footage and sections for parents, educators, advocates, students and more. Excellent resource.
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