Suicide. It seems to be seen as an answer by more and more people as the solution to life's problems. Suicide has always been with us but it seems that more and more people, of all ages, think of or actually turn to suicide as the answer to their problems. Now don't get me wrong. I'm the first to concede that life is often difficult, sad, confusing, disappointing and plain no fun. It doesn't always seem to be worth it. When we feel like that, it is easy to lose the will to live and become depressed. And by depression I don't mean just having a bad day and having "the blues." We all feel that way sometimes. And, when sad things happen, like the loss of loved ones, jobs or other losses, it is normal to feel grief and sadness. The depression I'm talking about here is when people lose interest in living and in the things they normally enjoy and their daily functioning is hindered; it is related to other mental health or mood disorders (and some personality disorders).
One day, months ago on my Facebook Newsfeed, a post directed me to a link; I visited the news story, which covers a young girl who was found to have hung herself. According to the report, there were no outward events in this girl's life that would have motivated her to end her life. She never reported ever having been bullied, to her parents or to her teachers. According to the report, she was a loner and, though asked to share what was bothering her, she never did. This makes me want to cry out, Why? Why? Why? Will her family ever find answers? I can only hope and pray that a thorough investigation will be done that will uncover what would drive another young girl to end her life in this fashion. Though her parents blame bullying, there is no evidence. But whatever actually gave her the motive to end it all, it was something that was real to her.
Depression, if left untreated or unaddressed, can lead to suicide. I know that many people think that they know how to handle depressed people and that if they can motivate such individuals to "behave their way" out of it, then their depression will "lift." They will "snap out of" it. What are some of the things often said to even deeply depressed people?
"Get over it."
"Think positive thoughts."
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Others have problems."
"What do YOU have to be depressed about?"
"Be thankful for what you have."
"Shame on you for being depressed. If you keep complaining, God will give you something to really cry about."
"Mind over matter. Tell yourself you're not depressed and good feelings will soon follow."
"Count your blessings."
"Think about others' problems. There are others who are less fortunate than you."
"Think about the starving children in Africa and your depression will vanish."
"Help others and you will forget about yourself."
"Chin up: Others don't want to hear about your problems. They have their own."
"Life sucks. Forget about it and move on."
"Oh, it isn't so bad; stop being so negative or thin-skinned."
"Stop talking like that! You know you don't mean it; I don't want to hear it."
"You think about yourself too much; get busy and you won't have time to get depressed."
"Oh, things CAN'T be THAT bad!"
"Have faith and pray. Christians in God's will do not yield to depression."
And then medication is often seen as addressing depression. In many cases, it may indeed do that. Psychiatric drugs are typically used to treat not only depression, but other mood disorders. Too often, though, I have seen that they have not helped and may even make things WORSE. As I (and my family) have learned through VERY nasty experience, drugs and drug interactions can INCREASE depression and other mental health issues! I fully sympathize with people who fully oppose ANY use of psychiatric drugs to treat depression or other mood disorders but I think they are being extreme. In many cases, good drug treatment intervention can mean the difference between being in a residential home and being fully independent, between homelessness and being employed and living a full life.
Why is it, though, that suicide is so often being seen as the solution to suffering? Many people will blame it on social networks or on the economy, that life is just harder for people today than it was ten years ago or twenty years ago. It's true that because evildoers have more tools to work with, that their power to hurt and harm people is greater. It's true that a sagging economy does drive people to do desperate things. But, with all our awareness and talk about tolerance and openness, suicides and other tragedies are not getting better and show no signs of going away. I saw a post months ago that declared that since this past school year (August or September 2012) had begun, four children have already taken their lives because of school bullying. It seems that awareness, as great as it is, does not seem to be ending suicides among people of all ages.
As I have already said, suicide has always been with us. And maybe it just SEEMS to be getting worse precisely because we are more aware of it and are hearing more and more about it when people take their lives. It has been surmised that many people, especially the young, feel that they have no where to turn, that this is even worse now because of the lack of family support. I'm sure there is a lot of truth in that. But may I suggest another factor? In past years, we had more of a fear of God and the deep-down knowledge that death is not the end, that following death we will have to stand before our Maker and give an account of every area of our lives. Many of us had it drummed into us that suicide may, indeed, be the "unpardonable sin" because there is no chance to "repent" of it following death. No, I do NOT think suicide is the "unpardonable sin" that Bible mentions, which is willfully rejecting God's forgiveness. But this fear of committing the unpardonable sin as a motivation in not ending our lives, mistaken as it was, had the fortunate effect of saving many lives! And it is forever true, that people thinking of suicide need to know: Death is not a state of nothingness and it is not the end. If we believe the Bible, upon death each of us will have to stand before our Creator and give an account of our lives. This should scare us. This is what "the fear of God" means. It is meant to drive out other fears. I don't want to sound preachy, though I know some will see it this way. It is just something to think about if we imagine that death is the end.
One week, months ago, I had seen more suicidal posts in my Facebook Newsfeed, more talk about ending it all. It is often not easy to know how to respond to people who talk about wanting to die, especially if repeated attempts to help them seem to not to improve their outlook on life or get them to change their minds and see that life may be worth living, after all. I have seen a few posts by one such person the other day and, gathering sufficient information on this Facebook user, I brought this to the attention of the Facebook Team. However, when I logged into Facebook the following morning, I saw a couple more of such posts by this same person and followed the same steps to bring the posts to the attention of the Facebook Team. I know that others have also been reaching out to this same person and my hope is that the person will get badly needed help. In the course of time, this person had continued to post one dark post after another and, fortunately, a loyal number of Facebook users showed support, care and concern for the person. In time, the person's dark posts became less and less though she still has continued to struggle. Complicating factors included where the person lives and the laws surrounding this person's situation affecting her ability to access treatment. We are not asked the change the world or effect results beyond our control, only to do what we can and to maybe make the world better for a few people around us.
More recently, a suicidal post streamed in my Facebook Newsfeed and it was a repost by the administrator of the said page. The post got many comments as it seemed to be a post where the person was planning to end his life. I could not find enough information on the person, including his last name or profile information. So when I brought him to Facebook's attention, I do not know what happened. I only know that the suicidal post had been removed. Recently, I have read articles or just headlines, telling of young people who have ended their lives because of bullying. Always I wonder, Will this ever end? A Facebook Ad declares, "Bullying Makes Headlines Far Too Often These Days." Why? One explanation is that life has become so cheap that too many of us see killing as a "solution to our problems." Have an unwanted pregnancy? There's abortion. Have an inconvenient relative who is impossible to live with or who cannot stand to suffer any more? There's death with dignity. So we find it easier to progress down a slippery slope. Can't stand to live with a spouse or a parent one more minute? Have them eliminated! Finally, what if I find life too much to bear? Why not just end it all? Death is more attractive than life.
I remember, once, hearing that the people group who are least likely to experience depression are the Amish. The Amish people, as most of us know, shun much of modern life as a matter of their religious faith. They, generally speaking, subscribe to old-fashioned values of following God and putting Him first in their lives, are peace-loving and "rough it," rejecting many modern conveniences. Now, I don't advocate that we adopt the Amish way of life to deal with our depression and prevent suicide. But we can learn from the Amish people, in many ways. It's true that they aren't perfect, as is indicated by a memoir by a former Amish person who has written about things done "behind closed doors" by some Amish people. In spite of their imperfections, we can learn from them, to simply life and to put first things first, God and family and to not make an idol out of technology.
Do social networks make us more depressed or do they just bring out what is already there? I have always maintained that they are neutral and that because social networks are the people that are behind them, that they bring things out in us. There is indeed such a thing as "Facebook depression" and the main reason we experience it is not the social network itself, but the people who are behind it. I know that there is a popular banner that says: "If you have a problem, face it. Don't Facebook it." Another banner says: "Upset? Use your tissues, not your status update." What's the message? People on social networks are generally online to have fun and not to deal with others' problems. And then there is a sarcastic post, rather lengthy, with the message: "Breaking news: Get over it. Deal with it. Everyone has problems. Stop whining. Get over yourself." Yes, there is truth in sayings like these, but when people are truly depressed, that is not the time to say things like this. To tell people, who are hurting from the past or present traumas, to "Get over it," is simply callous and shows ignorance of the human heart. Truth be told, we don't really "get over" the past. It makes us what we are today, depending on how we work through it.
So what should you do whether, in-person or online, a person indicates that he or she wants to end it all? I have often been confronted with such persons, both in-person and online and I know that this week will not be my last time. In my church, on the front table, are little cards bearing the classic banner and number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It is always upsetting and scary to be confronted with someone who talks about ending it all. It make us responsible and the person's life is, in a sense, in our hands. In times like this, the ordinary rules of privacy give way to doing what is needed to get the person out of harm's way, even if it means calling local authorities at 9-1-1 or contacting a suicide hotline. And what if you yourself are the one having suicidal thoughts? As one who is encountering and hearing about suicidal people, more and more, I have to provide resources for you, for this means that you are possibly dealing with more of it also.
Suicide, like other human problems, is everyone's business.
The Suicide Prevention LifeLine This is the comprehensive website for a nonprofit that is dedicated to the awareness of and prevention of suicide among people of all ages and from all walks of life. Upon visiting the site, a suicidal person will find a live chat feature that has daytime hours. There are helpful links to other resources, all over the USA and other parts of the world, where people can turn to for suicide prevention and crisis counseling. There are links to resources where suicidal content seen on popular social networking sites can be brought to the attention of authorities, or those in charge of these social networking sites. They have a hotline that is available 24/7, with trained crisis counselors:
1-800-273-TALK (8255).
http://facebook.com/help/?faq=103883219702654
This is Facebook's comprehensive list of resources, inside and outside the USA, that deal with suicide awareness and prevention and provide practical help for persons in crisis in their local areas.
http://www.facebook.com/facebook.com/help/contact/?id=305410456169423&refid=22
This is the form where we bring to the Facebook Team information about suicidal content that we see posted on Facebook.
Photo courtesy of The Suicide Prevention LifeLine
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