A Graphic Movie and a Compaign of Kindness: Solutions to Bullying?

          I'm excited about one "rubber meets the road" opportunity that we have to adress the ever-worsening epidemic of widespread bullying in our schools and our communities. It's called the "Bully" movie, which I learned about about a week ago. I found out about this movie when I visited the Causes site and learned about this cause, upon joining it as a new member. And I was hooked. I have seen only a little snippet of this movie on the news, which has been covering it. This movie, set to be released in theaters on March 30, is rated "R" because of its graphic content. In the little bit that I saw of it, I listened to the narrator refer to bullying being the motive to teen suicide in the case of one boy, among others. I can't understand the giving of a "R" rating to a movie that gives a deliberately frank portrayal of a very serious problem facing youth in their schools and communities. Isn't it a disservice to them by withholding something from them a strong message that they deliberately need to see and understand in the effort to save many of them from lifelong emotional scars or even bullycide? I know that there is a movement to lower the rating to "PG" but I fear that this would still miss even young children, as bullying begins before age of 13, in many cases.
          I have come to detest the word "bullying," as the word seems to conjure up the "rite of passage" mentality that dismisses this serious epidemic and totally minimizes it. Somehow, when abuse is by peers to peers it seems to be more tolerable to so many of us. Yes, it even seems to be seen as a "kids will be kids" thing that we have to endure. This is why so many of us applaud the making of the "Bully" movie and the effort to lower its ratings. Myself, I would have much loved to have had this kind of awareness in operation when I was growing up and experiencing much teasing, verbal abuse, hitting, punching, tripping and plain exclusion at the hands of peers. And through my growing-up years, I was not bullied not only by peers but, because of unexplained differences which I now believe to be an undiagnosed autism spectrum condition, also by adults. Not knowing any better because the autism spectrum diagnosis was not even a concept then, adults often reacted unkindly or were frustrated with me. I was blamed for my challenges and, after a hellish year of relentless bullying (more like assault and torment), I was removed from the school in question. I found myself being taken to a testing center, being "assessed for what is wrong with you" and being sent to special school settings, where I had been sent for much of my childhood. And many of my peers in these settings exhibited agressive behavior. I felt a little safer at such schools as these students were monitored closely and classes were smaller. But the emphasis was on our weaknesses and we the curriculum was much watered-down. And I did experience bullying in these settings, including the sexual harassment and "flashing" of a few peer's private parts. When I reported such behavior, I was made to feel like I brought this on by my "hypersensitivity." It's simply sickening that calling behavior "bullying" and not abuse or assault makes it seem more excusable. And, like many bully victims, past and present, I felt that I was punished for being a victim and was robbed of a childhood and an education.
          Since I last blogged about bullying, I heard  about more bullycides in the news! A week ago, I read about another child, attractive, talented, popular and with everything to live for, ending her life because she could not take any more bullying. She felt that the adults in her life would not rescue her or protect her, certainly not those at her school. These stories never fail to make me sick and frustrated that once more, the system had failed a bully victim. I understand that teachers and educators have very difficult jobs and probably feel overwhemlmed and helpless about the bullying that keeps being brought to their attention. This is all the more reason that they, too, need to have the help of such things as the "Bully" movie which could help them reach students exposed to the powerful message. We can see that bullying is not going away and will only get worse if we don't try something new and implement underused programs.
          In reading reviews about the movie, I'm reading numerous comments by parents and even grandparents. Many of the heartfelt, pasionate comments included stories about their children or grandchildren being subjected to relentless bullying. When they would try to get the schools to intervene and protect their children and hold the bullies accountable, little or nothing was done. They had to remove their children from the schools in question, just as I had to be. Over and over, it seems that schools seem to be on the side of bullies more than their victims, maybe because it is easier to dismiss the victims than it is to hold bullies accountable. Often, victims are told to "Handle it yourself." In special school settings, on two separate times, I was in restrooms with girls who had gotten out their cigarette lighters and, putting them next to my hair, flicked them. Both times, when I reported this, I received no concern but was told, "Handle it yourself." Teachers, educators, and parents need to see the "Bully" movie just as students do. Maybe then, and only then, will bullying finally be taken seriously.
          It's ironic. Even as bullying continues to receive more and more attention and media coverage, children continue to end their lives because they feel the hopelessness and helplessness of feeling that NO ONE CARES and NO ONE WILL LISTEN TO THEIR CRIES. Let me also point out that for every bullycide that we hear about, there are probably many other children who experience similar vicious bullying and suffer depression and may unsuccessfully attempt suicide. Don't think it is only the bullycide victims whose stories deserve to be told! The other children, the survivors, past and present, just never make the headlines. These many other children simply suffer silently, entering adulthood, as I did, with lifelong emotional scars of major trust issues, confustion, shame, guilt, fears, feeling excluded and more. All because of the "rite of passage" mentality.
         And while many of us hope that the rating of the "Bully" movie is lowered and that it will be shown widely in in many media outlets, there is another, positive, approach that could complement that "Bully" movie. The approach is called the campaign to start "chain reactions of kindness" in schools and in our communities. The nonprofit behind this effort is called "Rachel's Challenge" and this nonprofit uses presentations and resources in schools and communies, to spread a simple, but profound message, that the deliberate effort to perform acts of kindness can start "chain reactions" among others. This can prevent and end bullying through replacing it with its exact opposite behavior. "Rachel's Challenge" was set up by the father and stepmother of 17-year-old Rachel Scott, the first student who was murdered in the massacre at Columbine High. As portrayed by her dad and biological mom in their moving books about her, Rachel Scott, a devout Christian girl, actively reached out to fellow students who were new to her school, who had special needs, or who were bullied by their peers. In her journals, she wrote about her philosophy that she believed that if one lived a life of kindness and compassion, one can start a "chain reaction" among others who will do the same. This nonprofit is set up in honor of Rachel and her "chain reaction" philosophy of life. Rachel's dad, Darrell Scott, and the others on his team, travel to schools and communities all over North America, with resources to make presentations about the simple but profound message of using lives of kindness and caring to start "chain reactions" as a way to prevent and end bullying. I know that there are some who no doubt think this approach is too simple and unrealistic, but the website for "Rachel's Challenge" and books about this, document one story after another that this approach ACTUALLY works.
          In my humble opinion, the widepread us of the "Bully" movie in schoold and communities and schools and in many media outlets, as well as much-increased support and activity through the "Rachel's Project" kindness campaign approach, are MUSTS to FINALLY stop bullying.

http://rachelschallenge.org/
This website is for the nonprofit that was set up in honor of a slain Columbine student who believed that kindness could start "chain reactions" that could prevent and end bullying by replacing it with its opposite behavior. This nonprofit seeks to reach into schools and communities with presentations and materials and to get students, educators and parents to accept the "Rachel's Challenge" approach to stop bullying everywhere.

http://www.thebullyproject.com/#/press
This website is about the "Bully" movie and contains an overview about this epidemic, live footage and sections for parents, educators, advocates, students and more. Excellent resource.

Bullying, Bullycide and Bully Survivors

          It is heartening that bullying is getting so much awareness and that so many resources are being poured into preventing bullying from being done to more victims, helping and supporting current victims and especially, motivating school children to, themselves, do much more to end bullying. Maybe I'm missing something, but it seems that we keep hearing about as many bullycides as ever. And it seems that even in these tragic cases, the victims were heard to say that they felt that their bullying was not taken seriously by the adults in their life. And so they felt that they had no option but to end it all. It seems that it takes bullycides such as these to revive and awaken our passion to prevent and end bullying. If bullying does not "drive" a victim to suicide, it simply is not taken seriously. This frustrates me.
          Before I continue, I cannot image the inconceivable grief (and maybe anger and guilt) of the families who have lost children to bullycides. I'm very sure that such families, especially the parents and other adults in these victims' lives, are in incredible pain. This is one more reason to do all we can to prevent and end bullying, because when it ends in bullycides, the loved ones who are left behind will experience a pain that will never end. If any family members or other have lost loved ones or friends to bullycide, my heart goes out to you. To lose a child is tragic enough but to lose a child in this way is especially heartbreaking.
          Laster year, I had written a couple of blog posts during the five-day "Bullying Awareness Week" that was held then. Since then, I have heard about a number of bullycide stories, on the average two or three a month, maybe more. Always and without fail, it seems to take such tragedies of live lost needlessly, to revive our concern and awareness about bullying. I never fail to grow sad, frustated and even angry, to see that such bullycides are needed to see bullying for the serious thing it it and that it is not a "rite of passage." I will keep harping on this whenever I discuss bullying. These bullycide victims, without exception, took their lives because they felt that their bullying was not being taken seriously! I know that this sickens most of us but still this bullying does not seem to be going away. How could these children feel so totally hopeless and despondent and alone, that they saw suicide as their only option? Was there no one that they could turn to? Or felt they could turn to? Is it because they are getting some unspoken messages from home, school and society that that life is meaningless and that if it becomes too difficult, that it is not worth it to "hang in there'? That they themselves are not worth it? Because we have become a society that no longer looks to God as our Hope and Help, and instead turn to numerous substitutes, we should not be surprised that children often get giving up is an option for them. Also, children's brains and self-concepts are still being formed and so if it is being pounded into them that they are worthless, damaged, inferior, defective, ugly, different, bad or stupid, it may take a lifetime for them to overcome these messages. I know this from experience! But children don't realize that, even if they may have to carry the scars of childhood experiences, that it can and is very often done; they can transition from victims to survivors as so many have done! No one wants to be a victim, but when one is able to "hang in there" and make the transition from victim to survivor, it is a matter of pride.
          I remain haunted by the recent case of a young boy who ended his life, allegedly because of bullying, even though his school denied that such bullying happened. After an investigation, Law Enforcement saw "no evidence" that bullying has taken place. But I wonder. Would a boy take his life for nothing? Does his tragic case indicate that even now, bullying is not being taken seriously enough, at least by some schools, adults and parents? Whatever the actual story of this boy is, the one redeeming value of bullycide victims is that they compel us all to take bullying serious enough to act to prevent and end it. But this is a source of frustration to us who also have endured bullying, vicious bullying, that has left lifelong scars but it was seen as a "rite of passage" and as a "kids will be kids" thing or as a minor inconvenience. But are the tragic stories of bullycide victims more compelling and more important than those of us who lived through vicious bullying experiences and often stemming from differences that were stressful enough in themselves? Recently, I read a nasty Facebook comment on an anti-bullying Facebook page, that was directed by one person to another who was writing about his/her bullying experiences growing up; this person was accused of "whining about the past." I have been told, "Don't share your bullying story because then people will see you as a loser." But if children do not hear such survival stoories from others who have lived through it and have emerged as survivors, how will they see that it is possible to live through their own experiences and not only survive, but go on to become a blessing to others?
          Yes, much of the bullying being done today is done to all sorts of children, not only to those who are seen as "different," "inferior," or "damaged." When I was growing up, I did not see bullying being done to my peers who were popular, talented, athletic or who "fit in" and were "cool." I experienced such bullying, however, because I was indeed seen as different. This bullying seemed even worse because the concept of the autism spectrum did not exist and so I had no explanation for why I was being singled out as "different." Adults saw me merely as a "broken" normal young person who was a "problem child," and has a "nervous" or "emotional" problem. And so I spent my school years in and out, but mostly in, special classes and special schools and a couple of residential settings. However, my peers did not need an official diagnosis to single me out for bullying because they identified me as "different." When I went to middle school, the bullying that was done to me was bad enough to get me placed in special education for the rest of my school years; since no resources existed then for bully victims, no one knew how to handle my bullying and so I had to go to special education, which back then, was more stigmatizing and disempowering than anything.
          Today, much bullying is done not just becaue of intolerance but because children are jealous of each other. Therefore, children who would not have been bullied during my growing-up years, are vulnerable to bullying today, including those who are talented, popular, athletic or attractive. Yes, children are still bullied for being different, as is proved by the media coverage of those who are bullied because of homosexuality. Whatever our view of homesexuality, we should condemn bullying or abuse done to people because of sexual orientation, as we should do when bullying or abuse is done for any other difference. People who show or endorse hatred for homosexuals, are dragging God's Name and the reputation of His true followers, through the mud. They are totally missing or misunderstanding God's love and His grace as His message that ALL of us are sinners--heterosexual or homosexual. Bullying or abuse to anyone, online or in-person, is also a sin!
          And we should not see bullying as just a "kid thing" or a "school problem," either. For bullying is also done in the home and in the workplace, and cyberbullying is experienced not just by children but by adults, too. In the case of adults, it is just called by a different name--harassment. But it is the same thing. The only difference between bullying and abuse is that abuse is done by those in power but bullying is done by peers; therefore, bullying is often not taken seriously. But in the case of abuse and bullying, it seems that it takes death, whether by murder or suicide, for either to be taken seriously. It seems that it takes tragedy to compel us to take any issue seriously. Rape was never taken seriously until rapists were exposed as murdering their victims and were not content with "just raping" them and letting them live! Domestic violence was also not taken seriously until we heard about parents, spouses and partners killing their victims. Maybe ours is just an age of awareness and resources are compared to when I was growing up. As much as we deplore how bullying and other crimes have entered the digital age, it is because of these same computers and other technology that we have so many more resources and so much more awareness. It is a mixed blessing.
          One good thing about all of this is this: We talk about it and talk should lead to action. Below I will provide links to resources that empower us to help prevent and end bullying as well as sites for those who carry scars from bullying from the past.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/
  This is the official government-sponsored website that provides a wealth of information and guidance about how to prevent and end bullying.

http://www.stompoutbullying.org/
This website is for a nonprofit that provides comprehensive services, including  a hotline, for bully victims. The website is interactive and seeks to involve young people in the fight against bullying, as they are the ones who ultimately hold the key to preventing and ending bullying. As I survey this site and read about its services, I always think, I could have used this as I was growing up!

http://peerabuse.net
This is one website that provides support and a forum for those who, as adults, carry the scars from past bullying. It is for anyone who has lived through bullying. I encourage you to check it out and share it.

http://bullyinglte.wordpress.com/
This website is a forum for anyone who wants to share their bullying stories; there are many stories on this site.