My Thoughts On The Aurora, Colorado Massacre and other Such Crimes

    This Friday,  if we have even been casually following the news or using social networks or surfing the Internet recently, we have seen contantly seeing and hearing nonstop coverage of the tragic shooting in Aurora, Colorado. In this shooting of dozens of people, 12 people, including 1 infant and one 6 year old child, have been murdered. And 71 people have been wounded. Sadly, this shooting has not been the only shooting, including in Colorado's recent history. Over 10 years ago, two deeply troubled boys, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, brought to their Littleton, Colorado high school, pipe bombs and guns. Their plan to "do in" their high school classmates at Colombine High School was a year in the making ; they had shot many students, killing 12 students, one teachers and then killed themselves.
     These two massacres are only examples of mass murders that were carried out by people whose pent-up frustrations and hurts reached a boiling point and spilled over into desperate acts. Rather than find a constructive means to to release and vent their frustrations and rage, they chose to take these out on innocent people. Feeling desperate, futile and hopeless, they turned on people who had nothing to do with their original pain, being willing to sacrifice innocent people and destroy many lives, including their own families and their own.
     The the needs and traumas of the victims, survivors and families are quite obvious, always and absolutely, every time something like this happens. The lives of all those affected are forever altered and they can never forget or "get over it." They have been handed life sentences of nonstop emotional pain and, in some cases, physical injury or permanent disability. In every such heinous crime, the victims were simply going about their ordinary daily lives , whether this be going to school, going to work, or anywhere else where people typically go. They happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And then they were stopped in their tracts and met with "the grim reaper" of death by unnatural, man-made means. Their lives were cut short. Their families, friends, communities and their nations were taken by surprise and traumatized. Always when something like this happens, we ask: Why? What motivates a person (s) to end the lives of innocent people who were doing nothing to them? Why?
     We have often hear certain motives cited as reasons that people commit heinous crimes like this. I'm talking about stored-up hurts and pent-up rage at the feelings of feeling not accepted, insecure, marginalized, and not belonging anywhere. The shooters could not stand it anymore. They felt that they had no other options and they wanted to strike out at someone, anyone. Maybe their very planning of their crimes (as the Columbine gunmen has planned their acts) was motivated by some twisted urge to end the boredom of their lackluster lives and gain attention as "monsters." In the minds of such people, I guess, even this kind of negative attention, even prison, is better than no attention or feedback at all.
     Yes, over and over, since this happened, I have been seeing one post after another on my Facebook page, often with candles pictured, calling for prayers for the survivors and victim's families. On TV, I have heard both Presidential Candidates and talk show hosts and guests, voice their sorrow over the tragedy and call for prayers for the families of victims and the survivors. Yes, depending on our circumstances, we should all convey our support for survivors and victims' families and help in any way we can, addressing their obvious needs. They did not in any way deserve what has happened to them. And what has happened to them, as it has rightly been pointed out, can happen to any of us. What if you were in that theater? What if I were in that theater? What if one of your loved ones had been in that theater? What if one of my loved ones had been in that theater? And, sadly, this is probably not the last massacre or heinous crime we will hear about or, God forbid, experience.
     Yet in all the outpouring of support, sympathy and prayers for all of the victims and their families, I believe that there are some things that are easy to overlook or fail to see. I'm not in any way condoning the actions of criminals such as this 24 year old young gunman who is responsible for this latest massacre. We are all responsible for our actions, regardless of our circumstances or stresses.
     When I ponder the motives for so many mass shootings and other crimes being that of feeling marginalized and unwelcome in society, abused or bullied, or not belonging anywhere or having any purpose in life, I must share something. That is, because of what I have experienced in life because of
misdiagnosed differences, bullying, emotional abuse by adults and more, and the emotional scars of it all, I can in some ways identify with these perpetrators. And I'm sure that there are many other people that, if you are honest, will have to agree. The only thing separating those of us from such offenders is that the grace of God has preserved us and enabled us to turn to constructive means to release our frustrations and heal ourselves. And I have heard some of these issues being addressed on a number of talk shows. It is called prevention, reaching out to people BEFORE they feel desperate enough to feel the need to commit such crimes.
     What would set the stage for someone becoming the sort of person who would stoop to commiting heinous crimes born of rage because of unmet needs? It is easy to write perpetrators of heinous crimes as Evil Incarnate or as "mental cases." But, at one time, all of even the worst criminals were trusting, harmless, innocent children. Do not mistake my meaning: Being a survivor of a sad childhood or of traumas as an adult, does not doom people to lives of crime or failure! But let me give you the anatomy of how it seems that a person can get so deperate as to turn to killing.
     You have always felt unloved. You have a history of failed relationships. You lose jobs. You cannot make a marriage work. No one wants to do business with you because of your lousy credit history or black marks on your record. Your parents may not have loved you as you needed to be loved. You feel misunderstood by all. You feel that you have no one to turn to to vent or share. You feel that there is no purpose for your life. So, over time, you either numb these feelings through eating disorders or substance abuse or you act out. You act out your desperation depending on your personality. If you internalize your feelings, you may turn your anger inwards and end your own life. Or you may turn your anger outwards and end the lives of others or harm them in other ways.
     And here is why I tell you why my petition on behalf of the autism community is such a passion for me. For I have experienced and to some degree, continue to experience, many of the feelings described in the above paragraph. This is so often the case, that even when people's needs for support services, understanding and acceptance go unmet, even because of ignorance, an unwelcoming society will experience consequences. That is, such people, unless they turn to addictions or end their lives, will tend to visit their anger on society in the form of crimes, even violent, heinous crimes. My petition focuses on adults with autism, because of the fact that autism is still a new field and because of my personal experience. Many people with autism (as well as others with other neurological conditions or mental health issues) are more at-risk than typical people, of becoming victims or perpretrators of crime.
     What solutions are there to tragedies like this? Love your children. Model and teach empathy and compassion. Befriend those who are lonely. Don't tolerate bullying. Welcome those whom society often marginalizes. Seek to end the stigma of mental illnesses. Break your cycles through reaching out to people, getting counseling, and/or advocacy for others who have faced your plight. Take it seriously when people say that they feel like misfits, unwelcome, or unloved. Educate yourself about hard-to-understand and stigmatizing conditions. And sign my petition at: http://tiny.cc/mrsahw. The possibilities for solutions are endless. As someone once said in my social network, "We need to love each other better."

http://www.rachelschallenge.org
This website is for a nonprofit that has been founded is is run by Darrell Scott, father of Rachel Scott. Rachel was one of the Columbine shooting victims and had lived a life of compassion and reaching out to others, especially to others who were new to her school, who were bullied, or who had disabilities. Darrell Scott's mission is to keep his daughter's memory alive through carrying her message and legacy of compassion and empathy everywhere he can. His team, including some of Rachel's siblings and others who were touched by the Columbine massacre, assist him in carrying his daughter's message around the US and outside the US. This website offers practical ways to prevent mass shooting through living lives of deliberate kindness.
    
    
    
    

An Open Letter To Those Who Hold the Key (s) To Any Invstigation

You may regularly see a neighborhood child (ren) who the homeowner, who comes off to you as rather "strange," claims that he is just taking care of but who is not ever sent to school or anywhere else, for that matter. You have seen this child (ren) in the back yard but no where else. Should you read anything into this? Would this have anything to do with one of those missing child (ren) cases or Amber Alerts that you have been hearing about in the news?

On some days, as you look outdoors, you see a man who wanders the sidewalks aimlessly wandering around and appearing to be dazed and unaware. You have heard stories that this person has been thrown out by his family and you feel sorry for him, but what can you do?

You have exclusive knowledge about a conversation, online or in-person, that you know can provide a clue (s) to move a death or criminal investigation forward or help find a missing person, whether in your area or in your social networks.

There was a recent shooting in your workplace. Everyone is tremendously upset about it, including you. You have seen defensive wounds on a man whom you work with at around the time when your male co-worker was found tragically murdered. On, dear, would that man be the type to do such a thing; how can you "rat on" such a nice, outgoing guy?

You have been hearing and seeing all the news coverage about girls and women being sexually assaulted, raped, and one even being found murdered. Law enforcement (LE) are focusing only on one man whom they see as being possibly involved in all these cases. The sketch of the suspect resembles your beloved son and is too much to ignore. Your son lives with you but is often evasive about his whereabouts and activities. On, dear. What should you do, brush your misgivings off?

Your get along with your husband fairly well the few times he is home. However, he often exasperates you because he gets his mail forwarded to another state and when he brings his mail home, he will not let you touch it. You also can't get your husband to "come clean" about the $$$ that vanish out of your family account and who he talks to. What should you do about it?

You have heard about the case of the "wanted" robber in your state and he has been known to be armed as he has "held" up quite a few banks, terrifying people who were in the banks at those times. You take note of the sketch of this suspect, noticing with dismay that the person in this poster greatly resembles your nephew, who has had encounters with the law already. Should you mess with this and anger your relatives?

You are scrolling through your Facebook homepage and then, for some reason, decide to do a Facebook search. You notice that one of the Facebook profiles belongs to a boy who looks like and whose age is listed as identical to those of a missing boy, according to his poster information which you have seen, even shared, on social networks.

You are very painfully aware of a murder victim's case. You are the lone witness of the crime. You helplessly watched the person's life be brought to an untimely end. You have never forgotten the awful images and the victim's pleas for his life. You know the killer, who has told you to remain silent or you would be sorry. Are you going to be this person's next victim if you tell?

You sometimes hold parties in your home. A certain man enjoys to frequent your parties, bringing his camera and several girls, one who is quite a bit older than the others. This man has always been secretive about his activities and about the identities of these girls. You observe that they seem to be very focused on pleasing the man, but that they enjoy your parties. Are you to connect this with the case of a missing girl in your area?

I can come up with many other scenarios of instances where so many of us can hold a key or even the key that would help move a death, missing/unidentified or criminal investigation forward, or even solve a case. We all know that there are countless such investigations that are going on and their numbers only increase by the minute, as new investigations begin. Many investigations go on for months, for years and there are many that have been going on for decades and show no sign of getting solved. You probably know about and may even watch, whether regularly or sporadically, shows like John Walsh's "America's Most Wanted."

Behind every investigation, whether it be to find a missing person, to identify a crime victim, to determine why a deceased person has died, or to seek justice for a murdered person, are people who are hurting, devastated, and who want and need answers and peace. Families, friends and communities are forced to live without answers as to why a loved one is dead, who is responsible, to see the person be brought to justice, or see a missing loved one be brought home, whether safe and alive or identified as deceased so they can have a proper burial. When such questions linger, unanswered, it is pretty well impossible to focus on anything else or move forward with life.

If you follow the news, whether on television or online, or use social networks, you may have seen many appeals by families or their appointed spokespersons, who have make appeals to the public for answers. You may no doubt have seen the contact information for tips and information that are to be used for submitted tips for specific investigations. You may have heard the anguish in the voices of family members, the tears in their eyes, who have pled for anyone with any information, even suspected information, to come forward, to contact the shared tipline, and to know that you will remain anonymous as you do so.

You may be a frequent viewer of talk shows and even cable TV channels whose focus is true crime cases and investigations. If that is the case, you have likely seen anguished interviews with tearful family members or friends of missing or murdered people or crime victims/survivors, who are seeking for justice. In this case, you have heard the appeals: "We would do anything to have our loved one home again. We are missing our loved one. PLEASE, if you know anything at all or you suspect that something is not right, please call in with your tip. No piece of information is too small to help solve a case."

You may even be carrying a dark secret and you may be the only one who knows about it. You may know details of a crime that only the perpretrator (s) of a crime or an accomplice (s) can know. You say nothing because you don't want to lose your freedom. You may even have "skipped town," taking on an alias and starting life in another state or even in another country. If you told, you know what could happen. You could be put away in prison, even for life.

Why should you come forward and tell? For one thing, you would feel relief and gain a clear conscience. A clear conscience is priceless. You also can solve an investigation, bring a missing person home, identify a crime victim, end a family's nightmare, even save someone's life. Yes, doing the right thing often has consequences, but the consequences cannot compare to the consequennces of not doing what you know is right.

So why wait? You know what to do. Pick up your phone and dial 9-1-1 or the tipline in question or submit your tip in written form, on designated websites like John Walsh's "America's Most Wanted" or other related websites. Depending on any role you had in the case in question, you may face consequences. But you will be doing the right thing.

How Long?

     Many single people ask this as they wait for that desired someone special to share their lives with, often seeing no one in sight who seems to be "right" for them. Meanwhile, the passage of time continues.
     Many would-be adoptive parents ask this as they put in their applications to adoption agencies and then are often made to wait for months, even years, for an opportunity to adopt a baby or child who is a "good match" for their particular home lives.
     Many people, unable to be employed for some reason or another, ask this as they go through the long process of being approved for Disability benefits, even having to use attorneys to help them get the benefits need for them to just survive.
     Many families with missing or murdered loved ones ask this as they wait for months, often years or even decades, until their loved one comes home, they find out what has happened to that loved one, or they see justice done for that loved one.
     Many people waiting for organ transplants ask this as they wait for often long periods of time, until they find someone able or willing to donate the organ they need that will be the match for them, just so they can live.
     Many millions of people of faith, worldwide, ask this as they suffer through the pain and traumas of severe religious persecution, with seemingly no end in sight. Often, no options for them exist except to stop boldly practicing and sharing their faith, which most refuse to do.
     Many families with nonverbal children, because of severe autism or other related disabilies, ask this as they wait to hear their children say their first word and reach other milestones where everyone else takes for granted.
     Many patients with long, lingering illness ask this as they suffer through pain and agony, often in spite of medical treatment, wondering when their suffering will ever end.
     Many infertile couples ask it as they seek the taken-for-granted but (for them) elusive state called pregnancy, or undergo (if blessed with $$$ or good insurance) treatments designed to help them "make a baby."
     Many couples and individuals, unable to afford decent housing unassisted, ask this as they go on often long waiting lists, for months, years or even decades, waiting until word of a housing opportunity for them.
     Many people ask this as they wait, often for months, to see in-demand specialists who are essential to taking care of their particular needs.
     Many families and individuals dealing with special needs, especially those which are stigmatized and misunderstood, ask this as they wait for society to educate themselves, to understand that God has made all people equally precious, and to be more accepting and welcoming.
     And I continue to ask this as I keep being made to wait and wait until I can contact a qualified, affordable person who can give me a professional opinion as to a past (and often present) that can lay to rest many unanswered questions.
     It is called waiting and I'm sure that there are others who are waiting for many other things to happen that I have and will not be mentioning here. Waiting is not something that any one of us enjoys doing. I know that I dislike waiting, often outright hate it, depending on what I'm being made to wait for. Waiting means that we don't receive what we want on our own timetables. It means putting off, benefiting, and getting to enjoy something that we often need or yearn for, often intensely. But waiting is really a "survival virtue." We are always waiting, waiting, and waiting.
     All of life is waiting or a "waiting game" as it has been called. Unless we live in some cave somewhere, we are often being made to wait in lines, wherever we go or what we do. We wait for traffic, we wait in lines in stores, we wait for appointments with our doctors or others. And this kind of waiting continues to be required of us even in this day of fast food, microwave ovens, text messaging, instant messaging and social networking. Our culture des not encourage patience. Another word for patience is "longsuffering," according to the King James Version of the Scriptures. And what is the only way to be patient or "longsuffering'? It is simply this, to suffer long, to undergo the often agonizing process that we call waiting!
     Many of us who are not affluent or wealthy, and who live from paycheck to paycheck or who live on fixed incomes, know very well the frustration and sometimes the agony of having to wait to make much-yearned-for, even needed purchases, or to take advantage of much-desired opportunties until we get paid again. We are not able to spend money when we want to and often when it is convenient or best. For poor people, waiting is a way of life.
     In my opinion, summer is an exercise in patience if you don't have the resources to spend on traveling for recreation, camping, swimming, or other summer activities. Summer is an exercise in patience of you are a parent with active children who are home from school for the summer, especially if you cannot send them to camp or afford other summer opportunities for them. And summer is an exercise in patience if people whom you have been counting on for some reason, limit their summer availability because they are able to and "take off" for the summer. "I'm ready for Fall to be here already!" a couple of people in my family have recently said. "I can't wait for summer to be over!" one had posted on Facebook. In my comment, I had heartily agreed, adding, "It gets tiring when people take off for the summer and become unavailable." And then there are children from many poor families who wait for the school year to begin so so they will, again, have access to sometimes the only nourishing food they eat, through their school's free lunch programs. And summer is an exercise in patience for many charities and congregations as they wait for Fall to arrive, when people typically give more and are less likely to pour money into vacations and other summer activities.
     It is often said that the most common answer that God gives to prayer is not "Yes" or "No" but "Wait." Circumastaces reveal how true this is! I'm sure that almost all of us who pray can tell stories about how it has taken many years, even decades, before we have seen answers to many of our prayers. This certainly holds true for long-term, complex needs and desires. And even in these days of communication and technology, we still have to have patience with these devises when they malfunction and are "down" for some reason or other. And on social networks, we still have to have patience with people who, even online, limit their availability. It can be feel awful to wait for things when the need is urgent or the desire is powerful.
     I know that even in my petition campaign, I find it a test of patience as I wait for many more people, both online and offline, to show more openness to educate themselves about autism so they can and will support my efforts. I wait to gain the attention of celebrities and others of influence, who can add their voices to this campaign and transform it into a movement (and it is movements which gain the attention of those in power). And I find my patience tested as I wait for the person (s) who can assist me with the marketing which can make it all happen. In my personal life, I continue to wait and endure my feelings of not fitting in anywhere and of not being validated and "not knowing," as I wait until I can contact a qualified, affordable person who can grant me a professional autism spectrum disorder (ASD) workup. This is something that I have been waiting for for decades. In my family, we are waiting for the settling of pending legal matters as well as complex, entrenched, personal issues to be resolved among relatives.
     Most children don't start out life patient, grasping the idea of delaying gratification. It is something that must be learned with growing up and many people never learn this quality. And if we don't, we can lose friends, spouses, jobs and other opportunties. When I write on this topic, I'm talking to myself as much as I am to anyone else. I don't like waiting for needed or desired things any more than anyone else does. Waiting does not have to be passive; there is such a things as "active waiting." In my situation, I can still keep circulating my petition in every venue that seems appropriate. And I can still keep raising autism awareness as I wait for others to "see the light" and for my own ASD workup. And whatever we are waiting for, whether it is to lose extra pounds, find a marital partner, settle a court case, see a missing loved one be brought home or find justice for them, resolve marital or relationship issues, or whatever, we all can do things as we wait. These things can make the waiting more bearable. Reaching out and connecting with others in similar situations is something that really helps and which I have seen over and over, in real life and online.
     How long, by the way, before I see that many more of you are taking the time to read my posts and even comment on them?