Forgiving My Daughter's Killer by Kate Grosmaire

This book is part memoir, part spiritual reflections. This author, Kate Grosmaire, writes about the tragic shooting death of her teenage daughter. This is a strongly Catholic book. This family settled on getting in the Catholic denomination after trying other denominations. She writes that book with Nancy French, a three times New York Times bestselling author. After her daughter was killed, Grosmaire became an educator about what has come to be known as restorative justice. The author and her husband are the co-founders of the Ann Grosmaire "Be the Change" Fund, a charitable fund to promote forgiveness and restorative justice practices. It is named after their murdered daughter. This book has 19 chapters that tell the story of this family's journey and their reflections of their journey. The book ends with a jailhouse interview with the the boyfriend who killed their daughter. The author concludes with some acknowledgments of those who made this book possible. The book ends with a few notes of sources used in this book, and finishes with bios of the author and her co-writer. Black and white photos of Ann, the daughter, are inserted in the book.

I read through this book in under a week. It was an easy read. I found it interesting and riveting until the last page. The author sets the stage by beginning with the tragedy that changed the lives of two families. This book is somehow no ssad or depressing. This is the case with most true crime books. That is because of the tone and message of this book. The title fits the message of this entire book beautifully. The author is honest about her struggles with forgiveness. She shares about how it affected her marriage. I was intrigued about the "restorative justice" concept. This is revolutionary, and as laid out in this book, I would love to see made universal. It is that good. This author stressed the great value of having a church family during this time. She details the overwhelming support that her church family blanketed her and her family with during their tragedy. They were suppounded with support afterwards. The author describes it as "floating in love." I frankly felt a touch of envy at this. Why does it always take a tragedy to pull us together? Why does it always take a tragedy to unite us? Sadly, that is so often the case! I valued how this book stressed the plight of the families of suspects and criminals. I was moved at the love and grace this family showed to the killer of their daughter. THey also cared for his family. Seldom does the media touch on the families of perpetrators. The stress is almost always on the perspective of the victims and their families. That is understandable. But the plights and experiences of perpetrators' families shouldn't be forgotten. They are also victims in another sense. I have believed that for a long time. I found in this book lessons on forgiveness, redemption, openness, compassion, and above all, hope. As this is a Catholic book, I read it in that context. I'm not a Catholic but I was moved at how this family drew on their faith. THe author affirms her prolife stance, that life is sacred from conception to natural death. In this case, it is a tragic end-of-life scenario.

I recommend this book for all people. I recommend it especially for people who like to follow true crime. It may show these true crime followers another perspective on this issue. This book should be required reading for criminology students. It should be required reading in law schools. It should be read by anyone who deals with the criminal justice system. Reading it will introduce you to the concept of restorative justice. It benefits victims and criminals, and the families on both sides. I recommend this book for everyone who needs to forgive, which I'm sure includes almost all of us. I recommend this book for crime victims who are ready to hear about forgiving their perpetrators. This book stresses that forgiveness benefits the offended as well as the offender.

I received a complimentary copy of this book through Booklook Bloggers. I was not required to give a positive review of this book.

The Case That Is Fascinating Us

A number of months ago, a talented and attractive woman, accused of a savage murder, was on trial for her life. Her trial has been televised for the entire US to see. In being exposed to her trial on HLN, by default I found myself becoming gradually fascinated by her case. As with other cases that have captured national headlines, this case had salacious sex and scandal attached to it. In this defendant's trial, we who have followed this case have repeatedly heard a sex tape with racy, torrid content. We have heard witnesses who have had to testify of their intimate sexual experiences with the murder victim. We have heard the accused murderess tell lie after lie after lie and actually blame her victim for all her actions. She has cheapened the words abuse, domestic violence and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) by applying them to her experience without evidence. She even accused her victim of being a pedophile! Many of us have have witnessed the dirty, dishonest and often deliberate stalling tactics by this defendant's defense team. We have seen the heartbreak of the victim's family as they have been re-victimized again and again. They have had to hear their loved one be trashed by the defense and the defendant. They have had to hear about and see the gruesome autopsy photos reminding them (as if they need reminding) of the extremely cruel was their brother and loved one died. All of us, who have our own stories and who have followed this trial, have often been angered, disgusted and outraged by all this. So many people have been so obsessed by this trial that they have travelled out of state to visit the courthouse in Arizona. Especially around verdict time. This past Wednesday, May 8, this defendant was convicted. Her sentencing has still not been determined.

Why are we so fascinated, even obsessed, by this one case? Why are so many of us living through it and following every detail of this particular case? I'm sure most people know that I'm talking about the death penalty murder case of the State of Arizona vs. Jodie Arias. I'm sure that for many it is because of the extremely brutal way that the victim, Travis Alexander, died. He was stabbed 29 times and in places that were documented as "incompatible with survival." He was slit in the throat from ear to ear. He was shot in the head. Killed three ways. Either of these ways would have killed him. He SUFFERED when he was murdered, which was documented by the prosecution medical expert witness. Travis did not "go fast" and his murder did not happen quickly, like a mere shot in the head that would have of itself have killed him. His murder has deeply affected many of us. Many have been interested in this trial because they can identify with Travis's family through losing loved ones to murder or maybe they themselves survived attacks that had some features to Travis's murder. For all of you I'm certain this trial has been very triggering. Many people, in the US and worldwide, have been fascinated by this trial because, frankly, they have lived through it and found it a distraction from painful realities in their own lives. I have seen how so many of us are familiar with all the key players in this trial. Juan Martinez. I have seen one Facebook post or comment after another by "fans" of Juan who have proclaimed their near-worship of him. I have even seen posts by some asking about Juan's marital status! And Juan "fans" have been calling for Juan to become a State Governor or Judge! I'm seeing on Facebook and hearing in real life curses and slurs for the defense team, including Jennifer Wilmot and Curt Nurmi, as well as the defense witnesses. Not to mention death threats.

Yes, I know that there was equal and maybe even more intense obsession with the Casey Anthony case. I will never forget the national outrage, petitions, Facebook pages, Facebook "events" and countless storm of protests that erupted when Casey was acquitted of any involvement in the death of her small daughter, Caylee. What we do not realize, or forget, is that every day, there are countless other crime cases, including murder cases that happen all over the US or anywhere outside the US. Yet we have never heard of them; if we have, we do not take much interest in them. Why do certain cases grip our national and even worldwide attention? Why do so many of us live through them? Even taking off our jobs and spending time and money to travel to a courthouse? Even though we do not know the people involved in the fascinating case? To top it off, Miss Arias, AFTER her conviction, actually gave an interview on TV! A day later, we learn that she is placed in a psychiatric ward and is declared "incompetent." It seems that even as so many of us are outraged at not only the savage crime of Jodie, but also are equally outraged at her spiteful, deceitful and manipulative conduct afterward and up to present. Yes, our response to this type of conduct by a now convicted murderess is natural. But I wonder if many of us absorb ourselves in high-profile cases and live through them because it is so much more comfortable and safer than to face realities in our own lives that so many of us do not wish to face? It is so much easier, even more fun, to get made at and to disparage Miss Arias for her crime of murder and other misdeeds than to face our own "demons" in our own lives. Every murder and every heinous crime springs from thoughts that, if fed enough, become attitudes that we act on.

What separates murderers from victims? From non-murderers? If we have been following this case, we know that Travis, himself, and his siblings, we know that they endured early childhoods of neglect and deprivation. This was until their parents passed away and their Grandmother took them all in and raised them. Statistics tell us that many people who have endured childhood abuse or deprivation often become abusers or criminals themselves, or become involved in crimes. This clearly did not happen in the case of Travis or his siblings. Travis himself became a murder victim. Yes, people can be both victims and end up being criminals or parties to crimes. This happens in the cases of many abused wives, girlfriends or children who kill their abusers when they feel that they are trapped and that there is no other way out. This happens in cases where people, in their criminal activity, use more vulnerable people as accomplices or accessories (especially in cover ups or co-signings). Was Jodie abused or a victim? From all the evidence that was presented, I do not think so, but instead fits the profile of an abuser long before she murdered Travis. My Christian beliefs, according to the Bible, make it clear that in the eyes of God we are all criminal and capable of the worst of crimes, including murder. Jesus put anger on an equal footing with murder. Who among us has not been unreasonable angry? I know that I'm not immune to unjust anger and I do not believe anyone else is. Why are so many crimes, including murder, committed? We know people kill out of rage, jealousy, and greed. Truth be told, each of us will at some point or other struggle with one or more of these demons (I have!). It is the feeding of these impulses, as Jodie has done, that results in murder or other violent crimes. This same principle runs true in acting, or not acting on, impulses that could result in criminal activity, whether we are talking about murder or other violent crimes or other felonies like fraud, identity theft, embezzlement, larceny and the like. It all starts in the mind and depends on what we feed our minds on and what we expose ourselves to. It depends on what drives us, our impulses and our drives or our minds and hearts.


The trial of Jodie Arias is not over and the family of Travis still need public support and care as they suffer being re-victimized and make great personal sacrifices to travel back and forth from California where they live to Arizona where the trial for their loved one's murderess is being held.

http://www.travisalexanderjustice.com

A new memorial website has been set up for Travis, complete with photos from every stage of his life. There is a Guestbook where you can sign and leave messages of support for the Alexander family.

Tanisha Sorenson
ALS
700 E. Redlands Blvd. STE U304
Redlands, CA

This is the address that has been set up where you can mail the family letters, cards, even donations or other tokens of support. I encourage you to do what you can.

Travis Alexander Legacy Fund
2036 N. Gilbert Rd.
Suite 2-621
Mesa, AZ 85203

This is an another address where you can send cards, letters or donations, or other tokens of support to the family of Travis Alexander.

Banner Courtesy of Barb McNally

An Open Letter To Those Who Hold the Key (s) To Any Invstigation

You may regularly see a neighborhood child (ren) who the homeowner, who comes off to you as rather "strange," claims that he is just taking care of but who is not ever sent to school or anywhere else, for that matter. You have seen this child (ren) in the back yard but no where else. Should you read anything into this? Would this have anything to do with one of those missing child (ren) cases or Amber Alerts that you have been hearing about in the news?

On some days, as you look outdoors, you see a man who wanders the sidewalks aimlessly wandering around and appearing to be dazed and unaware. You have heard stories that this person has been thrown out by his family and you feel sorry for him, but what can you do?

You have exclusive knowledge about a conversation, online or in-person, that you know can provide a clue (s) to move a death or criminal investigation forward or help find a missing person, whether in your area or in your social networks.

There was a recent shooting in your workplace. Everyone is tremendously upset about it, including you. You have seen defensive wounds on a man whom you work with at around the time when your male co-worker was found tragically murdered. On, dear, would that man be the type to do such a thing; how can you "rat on" such a nice, outgoing guy?

You have been hearing and seeing all the news coverage about girls and women being sexually assaulted, raped, and one even being found murdered. Law enforcement (LE) are focusing only on one man whom they see as being possibly involved in all these cases. The sketch of the suspect resembles your beloved son and is too much to ignore. Your son lives with you but is often evasive about his whereabouts and activities. On, dear. What should you do, brush your misgivings off?

Your get along with your husband fairly well the few times he is home. However, he often exasperates you because he gets his mail forwarded to another state and when he brings his mail home, he will not let you touch it. You also can't get your husband to "come clean" about the $$$ that vanish out of your family account and who he talks to. What should you do about it?

You have heard about the case of the "wanted" robber in your state and he has been known to be armed as he has "held" up quite a few banks, terrifying people who were in the banks at those times. You take note of the sketch of this suspect, noticing with dismay that the person in this poster greatly resembles your nephew, who has had encounters with the law already. Should you mess with this and anger your relatives?

You are scrolling through your Facebook homepage and then, for some reason, decide to do a Facebook search. You notice that one of the Facebook profiles belongs to a boy who looks like and whose age is listed as identical to those of a missing boy, according to his poster information which you have seen, even shared, on social networks.

You are very painfully aware of a murder victim's case. You are the lone witness of the crime. You helplessly watched the person's life be brought to an untimely end. You have never forgotten the awful images and the victim's pleas for his life. You know the killer, who has told you to remain silent or you would be sorry. Are you going to be this person's next victim if you tell?

You sometimes hold parties in your home. A certain man enjoys to frequent your parties, bringing his camera and several girls, one who is quite a bit older than the others. This man has always been secretive about his activities and about the identities of these girls. You observe that they seem to be very focused on pleasing the man, but that they enjoy your parties. Are you to connect this with the case of a missing girl in your area?

I can come up with many other scenarios of instances where so many of us can hold a key or even the key that would help move a death, missing/unidentified or criminal investigation forward, or even solve a case. We all know that there are countless such investigations that are going on and their numbers only increase by the minute, as new investigations begin. Many investigations go on for months, for years and there are many that have been going on for decades and show no sign of getting solved. You probably know about and may even watch, whether regularly or sporadically, shows like John Walsh's "America's Most Wanted."

Behind every investigation, whether it be to find a missing person, to identify a crime victim, to determine why a deceased person has died, or to seek justice for a murdered person, are people who are hurting, devastated, and who want and need answers and peace. Families, friends and communities are forced to live without answers as to why a loved one is dead, who is responsible, to see the person be brought to justice, or see a missing loved one be brought home, whether safe and alive or identified as deceased so they can have a proper burial. When such questions linger, unanswered, it is pretty well impossible to focus on anything else or move forward with life.

If you follow the news, whether on television or online, or use social networks, you may have seen many appeals by families or their appointed spokespersons, who have make appeals to the public for answers. You may no doubt have seen the contact information for tips and information that are to be used for submitted tips for specific investigations. You may have heard the anguish in the voices of family members, the tears in their eyes, who have pled for anyone with any information, even suspected information, to come forward, to contact the shared tipline, and to know that you will remain anonymous as you do so.

You may be a frequent viewer of talk shows and even cable TV channels whose focus is true crime cases and investigations. If that is the case, you have likely seen anguished interviews with tearful family members or friends of missing or murdered people or crime victims/survivors, who are seeking for justice. In this case, you have heard the appeals: "We would do anything to have our loved one home again. We are missing our loved one. PLEASE, if you know anything at all or you suspect that something is not right, please call in with your tip. No piece of information is too small to help solve a case."

You may even be carrying a dark secret and you may be the only one who knows about it. You may know details of a crime that only the perpretrator (s) of a crime or an accomplice (s) can know. You say nothing because you don't want to lose your freedom. You may even have "skipped town," taking on an alias and starting life in another state or even in another country. If you told, you know what could happen. You could be put away in prison, even for life.

Why should you come forward and tell? For one thing, you would feel relief and gain a clear conscience. A clear conscience is priceless. You also can solve an investigation, bring a missing person home, identify a crime victim, end a family's nightmare, even save someone's life. Yes, doing the right thing often has consequences, but the consequences cannot compare to the consequennces of not doing what you know is right.

So why wait? You know what to do. Pick up your phone and dial 9-1-1 or the tipline in question or submit your tip in written form, on designated websites like John Walsh's "America's Most Wanted" or other related websites. Depending on any role you had in the case in question, you may face consequences. But you will be doing the right thing.